| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:41:42 PM | | There are many shades of separation, Some people separate, and never bother with a divorce until one of them wants to re-marry, Some are still married, and only just "emotionally" separated. I think a lot of women's biggest fear is that the guy will reconcile with the Ex-to-be and get back together with them. And for others, married is married even if the only thing left between them is a judge's signature. It is how it is. deal with it. With all the potential problems, I can't blame most women for passing on guys who are "separated". | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:37:12 PM | | for me, it's not at all about worrying if the man is going to reconcile with his ex. it's only about his emotional state at that point and shortly after a divorce also. meaning, that he needs to find himself again and realize what he likes and wants, or dislikes and doesn't want. on the other hand, i've known a woman who was separated from her husband for several years due to financial reasons. in that case, it wouldn't be where he/she is emotionally, but i still wouldn't want to deal with someone who has to go through the motions of divorce if there is a new interest. sure, it is always a financial struggle when there are kids involved, but i needed to move on and get settled so i'd expect the same from anyone i would want to date. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:43:42 PM | | i have no problem dating separated men as long as they are truly sep..most of the time they are not as they say they are and are still married..that I have a prob with..if they lie about that? what else will they lie about?? | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:07:48 PM | | My divorce will be final in about 6 wks. I moved out of the house with in 2 wks of her asking for a divorce. I already did the rebound hook-up=disaster! After 17 years of marraige, I will need an unknown amount of time before I am truly ready to date again. I guess it depends on the individual, but I would avoid dating a separated person because they are too emotionally damaged. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:35:26 AM | I was the "rebound relationship" once and that will NEVER ever happen again!
BUT...I do have to admit..."separated" can mean many things.
Every situation is different.
When my ex and I separated, we were amicable, we hung out, and we simply decided to not pay for a divorce until one or both was involved in a relationship. We divorced 3 or so years down the road after living separately, and neither of us was "rebounding".
And insurance IS a very valid reason for many to stay "married" ...especially these days!
I know a few couples who live separately but will not divorce because one has such great insurance.
As a single, self-employed person I can totally agree with that!  | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:51:48 AM | I suppose threads like this can help encourage men not to marry! To begin with, you have less than a 50% chance a marriage will succeed, you risk your financial well-being in divorce, AND if it takes too long to finalize your divorce you will have a tough time finding anyone to date! Life is rough!  | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:41:55 AM | Okay, grammar.
Jebus, that was difficult to read.
Think of it this way:
Separated woman comes with baggage of not-yet-divorced husband.
Separated man comes with baggage of not-yet-divorced wife.
If separated woman and separated man get involved, that's FOUR PEOPLE involved in that relationship... and no matter how much you deny it, I've seen it first hand. The ex always gets involved.
If Separated woman with not-yet-divorced husband gets involved with Single Guy, then there's only 3 people involved in that relationship.
The less people involved, the easier it is to find success. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/11/2007 1:43:31 PM | | NP if both are in the same situation. The thread was about single women - separated men initaily I believe. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/11/2007 1:58:44 PM | | I know I don't date men who are separated because there is still that chance of going back to the ex. More of a chance if you are separated rather than divorced. I personally won't because I am looking for that serious relationship, most people, men or women who are separated or newly divorced are not in that frame of mind. They just got out of a relationship, whether it be bad or not and the last thing most of them want to do is jump right into a serious relationship. | |
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braken
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Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 136 | |
| Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:01:08 PM | At last someone who has noticed the glaringly obvious, these are only bits of paper after all,(marriage/divorce papers ). Well done dub08 nail on head etc. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:39:13 PM | Wow, trying to read your original post is almost impossible, but I think I have your question figured out.
As far as not dating men who are separated, to me they are still legally married and Not truly available. I've seen quite a few men say they are separated when they are in fact not. It usually doesn't turn up in the beginning, but waits until either one or both parties are attached...
There are some pretty great guys out there, but to me, if they are married, no matter what the situation is, they are still just that... Married. I feel if they would cheat on their wife they have now, what's stopping them from doing it to me?
I have a friend who is married, and apparently his marriage is going no where, but he won't do anything about changing his situation. He says that he'd get a divorce if he found something better out there, and to me, that is still wrong. Not only is he cheating on his wife, but hes also cheating himself...
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:35:10 PM | I personally know some one who was ill or a number of years. It ended in a divorce but in the mean time her husband had a thing going in that he would tell women that he was separated , but could not get a divorce cause of illness on his wife's part.
and it woud not be right under the circumstances..
oh did he get lots of use out of this.....
and never had to worry about any ties..... and they all seemed so loyal... the thing is that they never knew he was cheating on them too....
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 9:56:07 AM | | Because you are probably paying both child and spousal support. In PA a woman can drag a divorce on for years. You can't force a woman to sign papers. You chicks need to be more forgiving to the separated guys. I work with 150 guys 70% are divorced. A lot of exwives call for quickies years later. Guys do too. A guy that says he's separated is being honest and that's a good start. Think about it. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:06:01 AM |
I already did the rebound hook-up=disaster! After 17 years of marraige, I will need an unknown amount of time before I am truly ready to date again.
I respect that some people will have double standards. I don't like it, but I cannot change it, so I accept the reality of it. However, I agree with this poster. I wasn't even married to the last guy but I still took time to recover, review, and learn what my part was and what I need to do next time to have a better relationship than the last one .. to heal and learn.
If a person lacks the smarts to take some alone time to heal and learn, I am not interested.
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:09:21 AM | I will be honest here...as I was seperated once too...waiting for my divorce.
Unless you have the papers to prove you are divorcing? Most people are not interested in taking chances with someone else's spouse OR their own hearts, if they are like ME.
I have had men admit to me that they are seperated, but unsure of divorce yet. I don't see how you can be angry about it, as each person is entitled to his/her choice, right?!
In ways, if you're truly just looking for friendship? Trust those good "buddies" of yours...its safer til you heal a bit emotionally from the divorce anyway! I have a counseling background though, so I know that many rebound relationships can happen during sep. or soon after, and many times? 1 or both people CAN get hurt as even subconsciously they are very vulnerable even though they may not feel they are at the time.
I've heard many men, women share some experiences such as what I mentioned, at a great class I attended.
IF any of you are interested in a NEW, FUN experience, where you will not only be able to listen, share with others who are seperated, divorcing, divorced....??
Go to www.divorcecare.org Its an awesome group that was started in CA...they have 12 topics to discuss...and share professional/personal advice, experiences! Some of the topics, are LONELINESS, GRIEF, ANGER, DATING...and I had so much fun just connecting with others in my area who were becoming or became single like I have!
Enough sad, good luck, and remember...respect others feelings too even if you want just a "friend"...and they say "not interested" yet! | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:09:54 AM |
In PA a woman can drag a divorce on for years.
If one of the parties is dragging things on for years I can gaurantee you I don't need to be drawn into their drama. Pitying the person who is stuck in this kind of drama is a lousy basis for a relationship ... so is rescuing them from it. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 10:15:11 AM | | Pst #138, agree. many people (consciously or unconsciously) are using being "separated" ( i.e nether here nor there) as a potential "shield" from commiting to someone else, if the things get too close. They can always sigh and say "yah, but you know my divorce isn't complete.. blah blah blah". As you put it, never worry about any ties. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:47:59 AM | | i actually just changed my profile from "seperated" to "divorce" because i got tired of answering questions i wasnt ready to answer.ooops,just let the cat outta the bag i guess!most newly seperated people dont know what they want yet and our first relationship after the "breakup" is more or less a rebound anyways.theyre just getting their feet wet in the dating pool.i have been legally seperated since july 2006 and there is no chance of reconciliation.i file single on my taxes.our finances our seperate.i moved out of state away from him with my children and it has been a lengthy and expensive court battle thus far.not willing to share more than that.im just not finalizing until i get what is owed to me,if it takes 15 years so be it.so just because we're not technically divorced doesnt mean we're UNDATEABLE!!!! | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:53:02 AM |
so just because we're not technically divorced doesnt mean we're UNDATEABLE!!!!
It's achoice. If it's acceptable for someone to CHHOSE to date a separated person, that up to them. However, they may have to be your sounding board for the drama of your legal battles, etc etc. If that's what they are OK with (and maybe they are "separated" themselves too), then all the luck to you.
I *personally* don't want to even go near someone who's still "separated" for whatever reason, as well as just freshly divorced (under a year) if they didn't live separately from their ex- a long time prior to the divorce. Just my CHOICE (been there done that before, and leaned tha hard way) and life time and again confirmed the wisdom of it. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:13:17 PM | | youd be hard pressed in this day and age to find anyone over the age of 20 that doesnt have past "issues".anyone whos ever had a live in lover,a serious relationship,a child with someone,etc.,whether married or not is going to come along with some baggage...you dont have to be married to have emotional wounds or loose ends that need tied up or "baby mama/daddy drama".my childrens father is an insignificant part of their life to say the least,i dont use others as a sounding board for my "lengthy court battles",and i took the time for myself to be able to invest emotionally in new people im dating.all in all i'd say im a well rounded individual with my head on straight,and my priorities right...except for signing the dotted line on those pesky divorce papers | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:37:38 PM | | Thanks Bridge317 and Atitudeman! My divorce isn't final and I WILL NOT end up back with the ex> However, I can't say that someone you meet on a dating sight wont end up dating someone else. If you're looking for long term guarantees, you shouldn't be on here or even randomly dating for that matter. We don't live in a black and white world and sometimes there are other reasons why someone isn't divorced other than that they are still romantically linked to their ex! Some people need to box themselves into some traditional by-the-book relationship, and that's fine for them. Others of us realize that we are all unique and special and sometimes amazing relationships can form out of some rather odd circumstances. No, not condoning someone cheating on their spouse. If both parties know it's over, then it's not cheating in my book. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:51:57 PM | Let me get this straight.. If I want an LTR, I should not be on a dating site?
On the prev. post.. maybe they are not *romantically* liked to their ex, but legally they are, with all the drama that ensued in *most* cases. My *choice* is to have NO part of that. Others aare *free* to choose differently. But the original thread question was why women won't date separated men - and that's what I was answering from *my* prespective. The previous posters seem to be answerings why it's it *OK* to date separated people or why it's OK to be separated for years and years. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/28/2007 1:16:53 PM | | No offense I think this forum isnt very bright. Its about everybody giving there opinions on a subject that nobody is gonna change there minds about. If you want opinions well then here it goes. I have found the love of my life. She was newly divorced when I met her. I thought there might be drama that comes with it but if you have an attraction to somebody you have to give it a chance no matter what. Just give it time to work itself out. Dont put your full heart into right away give it some time as friends to see how she is acting about it before you decide to take the step to date. You cant get hurt if you are only friends and if after awhile she is showing that she cares about you then make that step. There is never a problem with giving anything a try. If I didnt give my love a try what would I be without. Dont be scared. People can back to there ex's even if they werent I went back to my ex (which ended again quick) and I have never been married. Sometimes people need to date again to realize how they truly feel either way! So give them a chance and 90% percent of the time they wouldnt be on this site if they didnt want to date somebody or wanted there ex back. I guess just give it a thought before you say no. I had doubts with mine but look now were both in love and I met her on a dating site! | |
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