| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:20:43 AM | Because you need to be divorced, get that business done, and be ready to move on with your life...if you're separated you can't. As for the argument that the other partner wanted the divorce so they'll have to pay their part...yeah...that's a really good way of handling it.
Dated a separated man a few months ago and he said he was ready for a relationship but he didn't want to be alone...guess who moved back to his old city to be close to his son (and ex)?
That's why the profile says separated=married--no thanks!!! | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:20:52 AM | Because they have unfinished business..
Separated can mean so many things:
1) In the middle of a divorce = drama
2) I can't divorce her, she needs my benefits = stay married to your wife and find a FWB and stop bothering ladies who are looking for a LTR
3) I will divorce her when the kids finish high school = refer to #2
4) If I divorce her, I'll lose half of my money - refer to #2
5) I'm not paying for the divorce because the bi**tch cheated = This is the "grieve & heal" part everyone is going on about - look into it and don't bother ladies looking for a LTR
6) We live in separate parts of the house, really = whatever | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:07:14 AM |
Why women wont date seperated men? afashionlady:
Because you need to be divorced, get that business done, and be ready to move on with your life...if you're separated you can't.
And why the hell can't a seperated man (or woman) move on with their lives? WTF?
*shakes head in disbelief*
The seperation process in itself already proves that they are willing and able (and have taken steps) to move on with their lives. I've personally dated a seperated man for the past four months who (taa-daa!!) has now been divorced for a week.
Whether a person is ready or not to move on is not a question of (finished or unfinished) paperwork, but it is a matter of mindset and emotions. If the person is ready to move on it shouldn't matter whether the paperwork is complete. If a person is not ready to move on, though, the finished paperwork won't help either. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:03:16 PM | | I won't date separated or newly divorced man. I have had personal experiences with both, and both were on the rebound and had not taken care of emotional baggage over the ordeal. Both hurt me deeply. I am sure there are separated and newly divorced men who are ready to move on and are past the hurts of the past; however, I don't plan on spending any of my time trying to figure that out. It's just easier to find a totally single, not newly divorced man to date. If a man or woman is separated or newly divorced, I feel they should seek out the same in a date. But to each his/her own. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:47:51 PM | | Perrrrrrfect!~ & to the point. You have said it all, as to why dating a "seperated" man is NEVER a good idea. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:27:06 PM |
Perrrrrrfect!~ & to the point. You have said it all, as to why dating a "seperated" man is NEVER a good idea.
Well, I disagree. And I would appreciate your staying away from that kind of stooopid generalization. Every case and every person is different, and someone who only recently got the paperwok done might have moved on emotionally years ago while someone who might have gotten the paperwork done years ago might still be hung up on their ex.
In my case dating a seperated man was probably the best idea I've ever had, and at this time into our relationship we're have reached an amazing comfort level and we'Re ridiculously happy with each other. Passing on this most wonderful man just because his divorce papers weren't signed yet would have been as stooopid as some of the statements I've read in this thread ...
Also, I strongly disagree with the "it's much easier to find a single blah blah blah" crap - if it was sooo easy to find someone who's able to strike the right cords in you that is single - then why are you all on PoF?? I think it's about the person first. Whether that person is single or recently divorced or seperated and in the middle of a divorce or has been divorced for ten+ years doesn't matter. At least it doesn't to me. I don't live in the past nor do I live in my partner's past. A relationship is about moving forward, so it's important whether there's a future for the two of you. It's not important what you did or felt in the past, IMO. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:56:46 PM | | Maybe because the last time I went out with an "it's all over but signing the final decree" man, I got a call from his WIFE wanting to know why my cell phone number was in HIS phone? | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:01:38 PM | Owwwww, my frikkin brain! Oh, no, its not the subject.....i got a heckuva brain freeze from this dang popscicle. I can't spell popscicle. I dunno, if the seperation was for a legit worthy reason, maybe. If it's just for a little irresponsible shag on the side, faghettaboutit. I only had this happen one time to me before on here, we chatted online, warmed up to all the hooey, and just when I thought it was gonna go to the next level, she recociled. It really didn't bug me, though it shocked the hell outta me that someone actually did the right thing.....respected their vows.
One.....is the lonliest numbaaaaaaaa
Heh.
-Kev | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:17:10 AM | Well, blueeyedgirl42, there are liars out there, no doubt about that. But (a) that's true for single men (or women) as much as it is for seperated men (or women) or married men (or women). Also, maybe his maybe future-ex was the one with the issues and the one that was the liar and tried to sabotage his new life. And if he was indeed still "very married" then chances are that you had not done your homework properly. Otherwise you should and would have known that he was still living with her (or how did she get access to his phone?).
In my case, I did my homework, my s/o and his ex had lived apart for almost a year when I met him, and they were indeed seperated and working on the final draft of the divorce papers. And I would have been a fool to miss out on the best thing that's ever happened to me in the romantic field just because of some unfinished paperwork of his. But that's just me. If a sheet of paper is more important to you than the man in question then we obviously employ very different ways to set our priorities. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:52:32 AM | | I'm separated. I chose to say I'm single. Why? Been separated for over a year. She lives in WA state and I in FL. Logistics make finalizing the divorce difficult to say the least. A chance I'd reconcile with her? No chance in hell. I can't even stand to hear the sound of her voice when I call to speak to my son. Don't be so quick to judge folks, if you don't know everyone's situation. Have a great day!! | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:57:32 AM | Ok, let's get these pieces of paper out and study them:
marriage: a pierce of paper stating you are married: committment for long term (or until you are done)
divorce: a piece of paper stating you are divorced. Done:
Now i see some on here that have had long term relationships with children, but no marriage certificate. Which means they committed to each other, long term, without a piece paper.
Now, divorce: NOW WHAT, YOU MUST HAVE A PIECE OF PAPER?????.
It is about committment, not a piece of paper. You are either committed or you are not. Getting the paper, may take awhile, so unfair to those separated. I was separated almost 3 years before final, but I filed quick on. I met my new self in the 1st year and was good with me, BUT, according to some was still married. Well, NOT in my books! I was no longer committed to that partner, period!
Yes, I can see where that might backfire, but you MUST take some risks to be happy in your life, you never know who is around the corner or waiting | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:02:34 PM | It is hard to tell the separated guys apart.
Separated - it is over but the formal paperwork which can drag on for a long time.
Separated - she moved out but my heart is following two paces behind her.
Separated - my wife is in the other room. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:31:48 PM | | because its wrong; take care of your business first; the other side of the bed isnt' cold yet before you are trying to fill it. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:58:08 PM | | I don't speak for all women on here but I know when I see "seperated" as a relationship status it means to me that the man is STILL legally married which means he still has a relationship "pending" divorce . I know I won't get involved with a man who is married or seperated; single and/or divorced are the words I'm looking for. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:38:14 PM |
Poor writing skills aside (which is tough for me, but I'm willing to give it a go),
LOL...when I read this part of your post I said to myself....I bet she's a Virgo. Sure enough, I peeked at your profile and there it was. :) My ex gf was a Virgo and spelling was one of her biggest pet peeves. LOL
BTW. I agree with your post.  | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:48:59 PM | I do not date seperated men because I feel they are looking for some one other then there wife in order to see if they would want to get divorced. You may always correct me if you think I am wrong. 
Like a bunny in a wild field  | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:05:08 PM | "because its wrong; take care of your business first; the other side of the bed isnt' cold yet before you are trying to fill it."
Exactly....
JMO, but a man/woman getting into a relationship before they're even divorced, shows insecurity. I think you need time to figure out what you want. | |
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| Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:15:26 PM | | raychass: I agree with you in the fact they are still married to someone, and with that most times there is always the drama that goes with it. I've yet to see a couple being separated that don't have issues over an impending divorce. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 1:01:29 PM | without baggage? Really???? Hon, I'm guessing we are in our early 40's to Mid 50's here. If you don't have some kind of baggage you haven't been alive. You don't get through 40+ years of life without something happening that you carry with you to your grave.
As for not dating a guy who is seperated I can only speak for myself and for me it's a moral issue. I believe if the marriage has not be dissolved, at least legally, it's adultry. Quite black and white isn't it.? | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 2:45:44 PM | You can't truly "move on" emotionally with someone new, if you're not divorced from the ex, but only separated. Being separated, means you're still in a bit of "limbo". This goes for both separated men and women.
For some separated men/women, they have no intention of getting a final divorce, but want to just "play around" and see what's out there until they make up their mind about the marriage.
Also, I see posts on here sometimes by folks who have been separated for years. Why? I realize divorce is a long process, but years? Come on. That's just ridiculous.
You simply can't commit to someone new, 100%, if you're only separated, and not divorced. There are still too many unresolved issues from that relationship, that haven't been finalized yet. Divorce, helps to finally bring closure. Not just financially, but also emotionally.
I won't date someone who's separated because I know they are not truly ready for another relationship yet. They need to get divorced, and then date for a while to see what's out there, especially if they had been married a long time. It just doesn't work well for most of us, if the other party is only separated, and not divorced yet. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:00:08 PM | | Irony is that here it is 2 1/2 years later and your profile still states separated. Why would anyone want to get involved with someone that can't finish their past marriage? Not to mention too many liars out there that haven't even filed for a divorce. Too much drama, too much baggage, too many lies, tooo tooo tooo | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:13:07 PM | I think most of the ladies have said it... so will add my 50p's worth
If you are seperated you are not single...no matter how one dresses that up.
If you want a divorce you will find away... If you have reason not to get divorced then why are you on a site looking for a relationship. Woman prefer a man to be a one woman man. Which will never happen if you are seperated.Which gets back to the question.There must be a reason for not getting divorced in the first place which means all kinds of things involved which means a load of baggage as well.
What woman would want a guy that is not single and has a load of unresolved problems inconnection with not being divorced.
A guy with a womans best interest at heart, would never put that on someone they care about in the first place. | |
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| Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:48:39 PM | | because noone is emotionally ready for anyone when they are still in a marriage, even if they are living separate, its very different than actually being divorced. So why waste anyones time | |
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