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| | Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...Page 3 of 19 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19) | I don't think that anyone has the right to try and persuade someone into getting an abortion. I'm thinking that perhaps your friend and his family are happy about the baby and they resent the fact you thought it was just tissue that should be vacuumed out.
My 20 year old daughter has a 19 month old baby girl and when she first became pregnant and decided to go through with the pregnancy she had several people make cracks to her regarding abortion. She found it to be very hurtful because this was her BABY she was carrying. Sure the timing wasn't right, but no child is a mistake.
The other day I was at my daughter's cosmetology class and 2 girls next to me were discussing 2 separate girls that were pregnant. They said that they thought the one was going to "keep it", the other was trying to find an abortion clinic that wouldn't try to talk her out of it. I sat there wanting to cry... thinking about my precious grandbaby that lights up my world and how she would never been allowed to enter this world had my daughter felt like those girls. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/13/2007 9:42:48 PM |
And here the poor boy probably thought he had his cake and could eat it too....
Well Yankette, if he'd only just stuck to eating he wouldn't be in this predicament! lol..
Sorry about the bad joke... it just popped into my head... | |
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/13/2007 10:07:26 PM |
a girl I knew told me that birth control pills are almost 100% effective, unless the mother is ill, even slightly ill, like a cold, in which case it's almost useless. lol! And you believed that? Or maybe this is your/her misunderstanding after being told that some medications reduce the pill's effectiveness.
Anyway, I still maintain that it's irrelevant at this point. The child is coming: the relevant question is not "who takes the blame?" but "what best can be done to support this child?". | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:02:15 AM | Wow! does this bring back memories. Most of the guys I know when we were younger all got trapped the same way. They all got their dates and girlfriends in that way because the girls
1. was on the pill and decided that it was against their religion later down the road, after they got pregnant especially when abortion was brought into the scenario.
2. that 98-99% thing really is true! Congratulations your a daddy, but I swear I took my pill! I've heard all the excuses women use and I dont side with too many women (girls) out there when Betty Boop puts her finger to her cheek! I say run like hell!
It happens to the best of them! He's a daddy if he likes it or not!
I guess his family really likes her, wow!
Chela
good post and its real talk, i made a post like this in the single parent forum; some women want to get pregnant and accidently forget to take the pill or forget to mention they aren't on the pill, an then get pregnant get "upset" cause they don't want the kid which they did nothing to prevent. Part of it is the guy, he should have taken precautions; but she was just dishonest.
noone is taking away his responsibility in all this, he took a risk as we all do when we have sex; but when u feel that someone is covering the bases and then u find that person is not doing so at all...well u feel betrayed. Cause the person lied to you.. no matter how its slived or how irresponsible he is, she lied and that is a horrible way to start off a relationship or even attempt one.
an he might be better of taking a step back and just paying, cus its very possible he is gonna have some neg feelings regarding her being prg and him feeling duped. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:28:23 AM |
How commonplace is this?
Does anyone think that a relationship based on mistrust has any chance of working?
Professionally and personally speaking, I've seen women "pull the goalie" quite a bit. The not so dirty little secret from my observation is there is a direct relationship between the males earning power and how often a woman with a ticking biological clock tries to pull the goalie on him.
Here's the funny thing. This woman might think "Ha Ha, I won!" Except she just passed on the genetics of a guy who was easy to dupe onto her kid. There's nothing like Baby Batter Sans Common Sense to start the morning off. No offense to your friend, but her victory dance might be short lived when that kid grows up.
Will a relationship work? Maybe. Doubtful though, since most relationships, even ones without deceit, don't last anyway.
You did your due diligence, now just let it go and don't worry about it. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:45:05 AM |
I don't think you're the bad guy really. But it does take two people to make a baby, and if they were having a sex only relationship he shoulf have been using condoms.
Those, as well as birth control, aren't fool proof.
The guy screwed up. One can't really sleep with anyone of the opposite sex without risking a pregnancy under normal circumstances. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:56:03 AM |
I got this far into the thread and thought for Gods sake, hes 26 years old, if he doesnt know to wrap it before he plays then he deserves exactly what hes getting.
This is the kind of ignorant attitudes that makes me sick to my stomach! He trusted her and got hoodwinked!! Since when did anybody deserve to be lied to? If im taking your ill conceived rational and applied it to women then it would go something like this: "If a woman let herself go then she deserves to be cheated on!". | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:35:07 PM | aSydneyMale:  Personally Id rather envision something else in my head, but you have a go! lol | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:15:34 PM | Maybe it's just me, but it seems that very little is being made of the fact that she LIED to him and DECEIVED him into getting her pregnant, a pregnancy which she is apparently planning to carry full-term. It's like, it's no big deal to lie to a guy in order to have a baby.
Selective ethics, anyone?
!Les | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:37:13 PM | Arlo Troutman you hit the nail on the head she is controlling the whole dam thing and it makes me angry to know there are women out there that think it is ok to lie and cheat to get what they want it makes me wonder what kind of parent she will be.
So now she gets what she wants at what cost the guy is dam if he does and dammed if he doesn't but she brings a child into a world where she had to deceive it father it is hard enough when children are wanted but when you use deception to get your way and back someone in a corner how fair is that this child is going to have a tough road ahead I have seen it to many times. Mel | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:46:41 PM | | I dont belive in abortion i think its worst crime made today. she should have the baby and he should pay child suport but sure as hell not marry her as we all konw it wont last for the lieing she did. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:51:10 PM |
it makes me wonder what kind of parent she will be.
The answer is, a very poor one.
So now she gets what she wants at what cost the guy is dam if he does and dammed if he doesn't but she brings a child into a world where she had to deceive it father it is hard enough when children are wanted but when you use deception to get your way and back someone in a corner how fair is that this child is going to have a tough road ahead I have seen it to many times. Mel
There were a LOT of, "Damn, how could you be so STUPID?!?" moments in this whole sorry affair; his failure to treat his "sex-only" relationship as a "sex-only" relationship was one of them. However, this in no way excuses the malicious intent of purposefully lying and deceiving in order to get pregnant.
!Les | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:52:30 PM | I agree with the majority of posts on here that this is none of your buisness and i dont say that to you in a nasty way.
you tried to warn him but now its happened HE has to deal with it.
Its his deal not yours and you have a life to lead.
We cant live other peoples lives.
I totally agree that it seems he was duped into it and that there is no trust in their relationship but it hasnt happened to you.
By not returning your calls and his family all stickin by the situations seems they are all dealin with it which is power to him he did take part in creatin this whole situation by moving in and takin part in the sexual act that brought him here and yes your influence could be a bad thing cos u just wanna talk bout the dupin of him and it too late for that now.
He does have a responsibility.
You have to let this go.
You have to let him live and learn and hope that he does the right thing now by a child that is his. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:54:14 PM | | Why should he have to pay child support if he made it clear that he didn't want a child and she assured him she would not have one and then SHE decided without his input that was what she wanted. If she wanted a child so badly then she needs to assume the support for it. Our court system is screwed up he will have to pay for the next 18 yrs for a something that was not his choice and I am sure he will but it isn't fair. Mel | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:56:06 PM |
^^^^^^So you telling me a man can't put a puncture into a condom as easily as a woman can?
Not at all. But, it wasn't HIM that lied, deceived and sabotaged contraception, but HER, if the OP has accurately told the story. He's guilty of having been foolish; she's guilty of lying and manipulating. Foolishness tends to fall by the wayside as the person grows and matures; manipulativeness, not so much.
!Les | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:59:04 PM | Hello! See here now - it's only this OP's opinion that this gal has tricked his bud into playing daddy. OP has a history of posts like this - every woman is just out to bag a man.
And all we have to go on is the OP's own personal history of grievance that this female lied and deceived the guy in the first place.
Ya know what? I don't think it's as cut and dried as he (OP) states. If this 26 yr old MAN chose to move in with his 32 year old FWB, that sounds a little fishy to me. Can it happen? Sure. Did it happen the way OP's painting it? I highly doubt it.
You don't move in with your FWB. It just isn't done, for oh so many reasons!
And yes - I do agree though that once this kid has stated he wants absolutely NOTHING to do with this child EVER, that he should be able to sign a legal document that makes him completely untouchable as far as child support of any kind goes - but he cannot change his mind 7 or 10 yrs down the road and expect a welcoming party. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:01:04 PM | | Nevermind.... the post that I'm agreeing with isn't where I thought it was.... | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:05:43 PM | ^^^^^^So you telling me a man can't put a puncture into a condom as easily as a woman can?
What man in there RIGHT mind would sabatage himself ??? I know of very few guys that would willingly make a baby it is almost always the women who gets that ball rolling and yes in a loving relationship this is done with TWO consenting adults but this is not a loving relationship it was for sex only yes he could have used a condom but she did assure him that she was not intrested in a baby I do know both involved and she did totally manipulate the situation and I beleive she would have satabaged the condoms to get what she wanted she was reckless in her actions and now there is a child that will pay for her reckless ways as well as a very inmature 26 yr old who is a father before he is ready. Mel | |
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Li2CO3
| | Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 70 | |
| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:20:21 PM |
he sought my opinion about moving in with a girl that he was seeing for a sex only relationship.
Sorry, this guy can’t be friends w U. He took you for granted to be there serving him, and then dumped you when he couldn’t comfortably suck anything else from you. Nobody else is responsible for his decision. He was the one who decided to cut off w U, no other. BTW, he is an idiot. Do not bother anymore, get yourself together and leave the dumb ass behind U. You don’t need him, but probably in very near future he will be back crying for advice again. Be sure to not make the same mistake in giving a chance, severe nicely the false friendship ties. It is a pattern in need of some TLC change. Happiness will be your best revenge. Look forward for the best out of you’ve got and move on.
I wish you the best luck.
 | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:36:45 PM |
Anyway, I still maintain that it's irrelevant at this point. The child is coming: the relevant question is not "who takes the blame?" but "what best can be done to support this child?". Given that the child will not doubt put undue pressure on the relationship, I think it would be prudent if they decide what to do NOW, if they ever split up, and do that, RIGHT NOW. Then, they can treat the relationship the same way as before. That way, the baby is covered either way, whether it works or not. However, if the mother wants a change in the relationship outside of that, then it needs to be treated as a NEW relationship. The only practical way to do that, is to split, have him move out on his own for a bit, still fulfilling the parental duties that they both agreed to, in all ways, and THEN go out on a first date, as if they never met each other. If he would not be happy with that, then he will never pursue the new relationship. If he would be happy with that, he will be only too happy to do that. However, if they do that NOW, then she will have to face the consequences of getting involved with a man who is younger than her, and only wanted sex from the relationship, and then getting pregnant. Most women seem keener to a pretty lie, than an ugly truth. But the truth is, that lies are always ugly and truth is always beautiful. Lies are just packaged better, till you get them out of the box. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:42:54 PM | "How commonplace is this? "
I don't how commonplace this is. I do know a guy that moves in with a woman has more than just a "sex relationship" with the her unless he is so good at sex he is exchanging it for rent and utilities. Her getting pregnant could have been a plot or may have been an accident, either way if its his child he needs to support it. You seem to know this woman better than he does since you thought she would do this to him and he thought she never would. There could be a few reasons for this I guess, none of which are good.
"Does anyone think that a relationship based on mistrust has any chance of working?"
Are you seriously asking this when over half the marriages end in divorce? Your friend may be immature but IMO anyone who asks this question shouldn't be mentoring anyone about relationships. Sorry to be harsh but this is how I see it. Be a friend and let him get his advise elsewhere. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:55:25 PM | Edit: Autologin got me here. Jonnymac1963 wrote this while logged in as his G/F Mellow Mel. Sorry for the confusion.
Lie to me,
If you have issue with me then bring it on or maybe start a new thread outlining how you believe men like me make stuff up just so you can accuse us of being liars....
For the record, I have known my friend for a couple of years. I was his boss for about 6 months before I moved on to new oppertunities. I taught him the "trade" of facilities maintenance and became a life mentor for him.
He spent his evenings power drinking and his hang overs were looking to me like he was doing real dammage to his internal organs. Together we were able to start with a month off the booze and his DTs were the worst I had ever seen. When he shared what the DTs felt like with his father he was told that that was the sigh that he needed another drink. (what a pos). His dad used to beat the crap out of him when he was drunk and later make up. His last g/f was looking for the same type of abuse that his father had done with him. I was able to set him straight that abuse was not the way to express your feelings and to simply put it on the line. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Unfortunantly when he followed my advise and managed to build his relationship with this new women he thought that when he said he needed to learn how to make a true emotional attachment and that at this point he was only capible of sex only he said what he meant and thought she did as well. We talked then and before he moved in with her. He did what he thought was best and kept an open mind. When he told me about the pregnancy he knew I would be there for him, (as I will always be). I'm sure that once he settles down we will be in touch again. The ball is in his court though as I can't chase him down when he isn't receptive to my conversation.
As for Lie to me: Kiss my a$$
J Mac | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:55:56 PM | How commonplace is this?
Does anyone think that a relationship based on mistrust has any chance of working?
Sounds like you were there to listen, and gave the advice a friend would give. If he chose to end the friendship with you, it could be because others are telling him crap about you, or because he thinks talking to you will keep him from committing to fatherhood.
Obviously (if what you stated is accurate), the girlfriend is not a good person. The relationship has huge odds working against it. But, your friend is a grown man and has to deal with that. I would say you should be done with this situation, but if he ever needs your help (in a legal way, of course)--keep an open mind for the sake of the past friendship. | |
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| Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 6:32:56 PM | "Why should he have to pay child support if he made it clear that he didn't want a child"
Because that is the law. The woman can reject the pregnancy (abort), but the man does not have the right to reject it. If she doesn't, than he has to pay child support if he doesn't prove that the child is not his. Even if the child isn't his he still has to pay if he doesn't take the steps to prove it isn't.
Yes, it is a biased law. But, ladies, if the man gets the right to reject, he will also go for the right to keep even if she doesn't want - to cause her to have to carry so he can have the child, if he wants it and she doesn't.
Keep your sex life responsible.
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