| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:50:05 AM | | Crazy things happen to people all of the time. It's not just internet dating. When I moved into my apartment there was a woman, her boyfriend/common law husband and a teenage daughter living across the hall from me. Probably about 14 months after I moved in, the man across the hall got a job out west. He went to work and find a place to live, -- the woman and daughter were to move out there to be with him when the daughter was finished school at the end of June. During the 7 months they were living apart, the man came back twice to visit. The woman gave up her apartment (3 months notice), gave notice at her job, and prepared to move. Two weeks before the move, he called and told her not to come, he had met someone else. Similar things have happened to 2 of my girlfriends. I think it is hard to find someone to trust period. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:58:32 AM | I don't know why people continue to kick against the goads. Intercourse is for when you're married otherwise after 15 years you'll be doing it on the first date and it will carry no more meaning than a handshake and then what will you have to offer the real Mr. Right when he comes along? I've tried it both ways. When I was single I had about
three new girls per year and after 15 years I had 45 lovers. I got married and became a Christian about 5 years later. I've done some things I'm not proud of so I'm not judging you but I have not had intercourse with anyone but my wife since the 1980s.
and really doubt that she's been unfaithful either. We don't worry about disease and
our sex life is still 3-4 times per week. Talk to your friends who have been married that long and ask them how often they do it and how good it is. Another thing to stay away from is porn. A friend of mine is married to a "Christian" husband who is addicted to it and it has destroyed their sex live and her self-esteem. She's a nice looking woman in her early 30s who has been reduced to him him blow jobs while he looks at porn magazine. Her self-esteem is shot and he treats her like crap. Last night
she called me in tears saying she had no ability to turn him on and it got to the point where he was so angry he was pulling her hair. He's been violent with her before and left bruises on her. His brother's wife divorced her husband over the same anger issues but she is trying to be a good Christian wife and is trying not to. It breaks my heart to see some people struggle trying so hard to do the right thing and others being so cavalier about doing the wrong thing. It will all come out in the wash but I still believe in a just, all-seeing and all-powerful God. The wheels of justice grind slowly but they grind exceedingly fine and just as a man who jumps off a building may think
for awhile that he has freed himself from the constraints of gravity so do people who cast off God's more laws and think there are no consequences. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:00:23 AM | | Unless a man fears an all-seeing and righteous God there's no external controls that will effect long term righteousness | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:08:46 AM | 45 year old men ~ don't have ED as a rule Kitten ~
I think you need to become a fisherman
It's all skill and patience ~ relax ~ visit with others
continue your life ~ the wondering why~ will affect
your edge. ~ dar | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:15:06 AM | | I know life is hard but I always try not to judge people until they do me wrong. And than sometime I try to see where they are coming from and try to understand. People are going to who they choose to be and we can't change them. Thank you for all of you guys and gal input. I do appreciate all of them . It nice to get info from all different perpective | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:16:17 AM | Your excuse for your age is a true testament to your character you are a liar plain and simple...and to try and justify it makes you sound even worse...good luck ...you attract what you are, so you met another liar,,have fun... | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:37:31 AM |
A man doesnt fly u out twice & introduce u to the family if he doesnt like you
It's what she represented that he liked. A "hot babe". A man doesn't fly a woman out unless he's desirous, but that's not to be mistaken with having desire for her. It was about the thrill of it all. The fantasy. The dream. That's what he desires.
Introducing her to family so fast doesn't mean he was moving forward with her. He wasn't privately dating her, taking his time one on one to evaluate her as a long term partner and slowly fall in love and build a relationship with her, and then, when it gets serious, take her to a family function to meet the folks. Nope, he just took her as arm candy, more about making him look good.
Then it loses its thrill when reality pokes its head sooner or later. He can't deal with reality. He drinks to avoid it. His life is really just about his work, that's all he can talk about. He's on the internet chatting up women FOUR states away. A guy like that is actively avoiding reality. He can't sustain a real relationship. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:22:46 PM | [He wasn't privately dating her, taking his time one on one to evaluate her as a long term partner and slowly fall in love and build a relationship with her, and then, when it gets serious, take her to a family function to meet the folks. Nope, he just took her as arm candy, more about making him look good.]
Oh my gosh, you sume it up so true. Thank you, I am glad to see from a man point a view that you see what I see. My guy friend tell me the same thing. I guest I just wanted to be for sure. By the way, he came to pick me up from the airport the second time drunk and was two hours late. He said that he got lost. Than he wanted to go to bars to meet up with some friends. Never could find the club so we went to 3 other one to have a drink at each. He didn't even remember where we went the next day. I have always thought that he was using me as his show off piece. I didn't see it at first but after he didn't want to see me anymore you tent to look back and see what you were missing all the sign. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:44:53 PM | | When he ask me to come for Labor day weeken to the family gathering. I thought that he really like me and was ready to move to the next level. Who wouldn't think that? I , or most people wouldn't introduce anyone to my or their parents unless they are ready for a relationship with that person. He is a grown man, he doesn't care what his family think about his dating habit. They will love him no matter what.You are right, It was the fun thrill for him to chase me. Once I show interest he lost his desire for me. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:52:43 PM | Mrs. January...........what year?
You have not been played.....you have been had (bought).
A brief review of your profile seems you present yourself as a "party girl". And that is what you provided for him.
The guy became interested in you from that angle. Flew you to him for his temporary needs. He got what he wanted that you seem to have so willingly provided and by now has moved on to the next conquest.
It's the old addage; "Why buy a cow when the milk is free?"
Bottom line is you didn't listen to him. You didn't communicate with him. You are left wondering in the dark as to what happened because of that. Listening and learning about someone means dropping your expectations and looking honestly at yourself and the person you are developining a relationship with.
Chalk it up to experience. Better luck next time, I hope. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:01:52 PM | | I'm sorry sweetheart, but this guy is typical of some men. It's the old "I'll play with you until I think I've found something better". Don't feel too bad though, there are more than a few on every site. Believe me, you will probably hear from him if his latest squeeze dumps him. Don't waste your time, and find a guy that will really appreciate you. Oh, and there are women on here that do the same thing, believe me. I've met a few. Good luck young lady. | |
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eddy02
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Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:06:32 PM | | My last girlfriend did the same to me as this guy did to you. She told me I was the love of her life, her soulmate. Only thing is she lived three hours away. Yep, it hurts, but be glad you found out now instead of getting more involved w/him. You are super cute, so I say it is his loss. I declare you the winner. I don't do long distance relationships anymore just because this is the kind of stuff that happens. I wouldn't let it get you down. Are you sure he wasn't married? Or maybe just separated??? | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:13:10 PM | Well, my friends say that maybe he has a girlfriend in Mississisppi where he works. He never call me late at night before bed. always during the day or when he is on the road.
Just wondering what is in my profile suggesting that I am a party girl? | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:50:20 PM | | Face it OP, you just got dumped, sometimes there isn't a reason, maybe he didn't want to fly you across 4 states on his dime anymore, maybe he didn't like the fact you lied regarding your age, when did he find out you were 43 instead of 38? Maybe Elvis told whispered in his ear? | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:52:17 PM | | The thing is he is not a player but something either him or his family did not like you on your second visit. I doubt it is his insecuirity cause anyone putting up the cash to fly out some one twice is definatly feeling some sort of chemestry. Maybe you could have paid to fly out to him, or pay to have him fly out to you, or treat him the way he was treating you. You may no longer be with him because you couldnt meet him half way. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:54:42 PM | RE: post #57 creativguy
Im sorry I totally disagree with u and refer back to my original post at #41 believing it was the family's influence on him.
I didnt go into my reasons why at the time because I didnt feel it was necessary to say anything to offend the OP.
OP...Im gonna say a coupla things and I want you to understand I am not implying in any way, shape or form that u are representative of what I believe his family were thinking.
Firstly...the guy clearly has an alcohol problem & is probably a workaholic...no doubt creativguy's call on this..."A guy like that is actively avoiding reality. He can't sustain a real relationship"....would be fair IMO
He wouldnt have a girlfriend bcos he wouldnt have dared to bring u along to a family function knowing full well that everyone would be horrified & it would get back to her.
If he wanted arm candy...he's got the cash to hire an escort or frankly get anyone local.
I'll tell you why I think it was the guys family....
If my rich, workaholic, drunk of a eg. brother, son, cousin (whatever)...rocked up to a Family function with some Asian girl he'd met off the internet one time only (especially if she wasnt dressed ultra conservatively)....
My absolute first thoughts would be....Asian gold-digging internet ho.
And you can bet thats what his family thought too & u can bet they got stuck into him after she left.
My apologies OP for articulating that (coulda been Russian or any other race of which incidentally I am both) | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:02:04 PM |
Is he a player playing me all along? I met this guy through a dating sight.He is 45 and I am 43.
your profile says 38.
not that 5 years + or - counts that much, but from that on, I just didn't read your thread
so, please clarify, of you wish to get a feedback regarding your case | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:25:31 PM | | maybe the more he learned the less he liked, maybe he did a spell check, maybe he got realistic, who knows? At any rate i doubt he is a player, maybe he just changed his mind...at any rate try and have your talk with him - not us - and get your closure. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:44:32 PM |
I'll tell you why I think it was the guys family....
If my rich drunk of a eg. brother, son, cousin (whatever)...rocked up to a Family function with some Asian girl he'd met off the internet one time only (especially if she wasnt dressed ultra conservatively)....
My absolute first thoughts would be....Asian gold-digging internet ho.
And you can bet thats what his family thought too & u can bet they got stuck into him after she left.
And I can tell you why it probably wasn't that.
"If he wanted arm candy...he's got the cash to hire an escort or frankly got anyone local."
Not every guy will go ahead and hire an escort. But you're right about that he could've found someone local, a non-pro, a regular date.
And that's what's so very key about this story.
Instead of seeking someone to date locally, he spends his time and efforts - two months worth - on someone four states away. Not someone an hour away, five hours away, not even two states or three states away, but four states away.
It can't be that he just can't find someone within a three state radius to date.
So he's not looking for someone he can build a relationship with; he's looking for someone with a built-in excuse not to become permanent with. What's better for that than a woman who lives a thousand miles away? A woman that, if you wish to bail, you just say, "sorry honey, it's not going to work out what with you being so far away".
This was purposefully never going to develop into anything from the get-go. It didn't have anything to do with the family.
His family could think whatever about whomever he brings: any hot miniskirted babe regardless if she was from down the block or four states away. And they may have been doing that and always do that but... He doesn't care what his family thinks. That's why he had no qualms bringing her to the function, as he would if he knew his family were opinionated that way. In fact when families object to a potential partner, typically the response is to desire the potential partner even more so.
It wasn't until Mrs.January expressed her interest in him that he got that dose of reality I wrote about and then suddenly he saw permanency knocking on his door and he bolted. In other words, it got serious and real. Or in yet more other words:
He exhibits classic Commitment-Phobic behavior. Enters into relationships that have built-in exits. Comes on real strong, will do extreme things to woo and win her affections, such as flying her across the country and engaging in a whirlwind romance, proclaiming his great love for her for all to hear - and then it ends just as fast whenever permanency knocks. Furthermore, this guy avoids his life by escaping via workaholism and alcohol, which also confirms his anxiety issues. Can't say it's the family's influence on this one, that's mere conjecture. The actual facts support his issues as the probable cause. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:02:09 PM |
It wasn't until Mrs.January expressed her interest in him that he got that dose of reality I wrote about and then suddenly he saw permanency knocking on his door and he bolted
She didnt bring up reality...HE did when he invited her the second time.
Commitment phobics dont purposefully get involved with people that have already got "outs"
They manufacture "outs"
Can't say it's the family's influence on this one, that's mere conjecture. The actual facts support his issues as the probable cause.
Facts are, he flew her out twice and the second time to meet his family and then dumped her.
Two things changed, they had sex & she met the family. Thats the facts.
Since the sex wasnt forthcoming in her latter posts...it was the family.
We'll just have to agree to disagree. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:50:52 PM | | First of all, I am not a typical Asian girl that you might think of me. I don't dress like a slut. Would you call a T shirt and a pair of short slutty for a cook out? I don't even have fake boobs to be showing anything of. I dress nice and classy and always carry myself as a lady. Thank you for everyone input. I have enjoy reading every input. I have to say the profile "Creativguy" wrote is awesome. I feel the same way he explain it. Even my friend say it too but I guest I wanted an outsider opinion since they are my friend , they might take my side. When he didn't call be back the first time until after 2 weeks I should have left it alone. The sign was all there. I feel alot better now, that I know what he is all about. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:53:55 PM |
Commitment phobics dont purposefully get involved with people that have already got "outs"
Oh, but they do. Consider the examples given in the book "Men Who Can't Love" by Carter and Sokol. Carter and Sokol are pretty much recognized for coining the laymen term "commitment phobe". They cite examples where guys purposefully, and perhaps unconsciously, look for set ups that are good for not committing, and they specifically mention long distance relationships.
They're also liable to turn around and claim reasons to break up that existed all along, Usually unchangeable circumstances that they were aware of even before getting involved, such as, "You have children", "You're not the right religion", "You're too short". They enter into these relationships knowing they have these outs. It serves therefore as a mental safety net. It leaves the woman saying, "What the...???" because they're dumbfounded that the guy would use a pre-existing condition that up to now seemed acceptable to them as the reason to terminate the relationship.
The only time CPs "manufacture" outs is when their backs are against the wall. Then they may start arguments so they can walk out, become abusive, have affairs, all in attempts to get their partner to end the relationship, or even simply dissapear.
Since we don't know what the family said, if they said anything at all, or who in the family may have said what, and whether said family member(s) have any influence or not on that guy... we can agree to disagree especially about these conjured up imaginary scenarios.
Two things changed, they had sex & she met the family. Thats the facts.
Since the sex wasnt forthcoming in her latter posts...it was the family.
If his family was biased against her, you don't think this successful businessman would rendezvous with her on the sly if he really wanted to? He knows very well how to arrange for plane tickets.
Conversely, you don't think he could've given his family as the excuse for not seeing her anymore since he doesn't wish to see her? That would've been so easy for him to do ("Oh honey I love you, but it's my family... they're putting pressure on me, there's nothing I can do..."), but instead the OP wrote in message #59 that "Once I show interest he lost his desire for me." She showed interest - and however that "interest" was manifested to him was the turning point as she witnessed it. That's likely the point where the feeling of permanency triggered his anxieties. | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:07:51 PM | Are you still going on about this?
WHERE did it become absolute that this guy is commitment phobic?
We'll just have to agree to disagree.
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:38:03 PM | GREAT DAY we got a "Mrs" January in here bragging about runnin off to some state 4 rows over to sleep with some drunken fool who couldn't get a hard on most of the time but the sex was great and chemistry was awesome, wanted to impress what he thought was a WAY younger woman, and your on here whinning and belly aching because he dumped you.. I'd be counting my lucky stars he did'nt cut your throat n rape you.. GET A CLUE...... is all I can say and pray your not prego.
and THEN we have Mark - Alan the former stud and now reformed christian preaching in the forums about his 45 lovers before he was born again. No wonder I stay away. Some of the people on here are seriously NUTS.  GIV ER | |
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| Need a man point of view
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:00:35 PM | | He got what he wanted when you slept with him sorry you were taken for a sweet ride. | |
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