| Why admit something which is not so?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:38:01 PM | | I agree..........One of my best friends was almost the total opposite of me........the secret was that we always respected each other's choice of how to live their lives. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:09:22 PM | When you say "I don't need anyone. I am independent", you (the plural you here, as in "everybody") are really only convincing one person - yourself. Because if you ever give in to the idea that you do actually need another person in your life to feel happy and fullfilled then the loneliness that presently surrounds you will cause you to sink into a pit of self-pity.
It becomes far easier to assert independence than to attempt to get out of that sink hole.
I need one particular man. I need to connect with him daily. I need to know that he thinks of me as often as I do him. Freely admitting that need brings joy and contentment to my life. Much nicer emotions than self-pity. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:34:49 PM | Oooohhhhh I have a Headache, and now I'm dizzy too.
Of course some would say I have always been Dizzy!!!!!   | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:36:55 PM |
Freely admitting that need brings joy and contentment to my life.
Firstly, not all people feel the need but if you are a person who does, I agree with the above............and I would have to add that admitting it leaves me open to having that need met.........and it stabilizes me .......... even if the need is never met, I at least feel grounded in my self............and what matters to me... | |
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| Why admit something which is not so?
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:51:55 PM | "The important thing is for each person to come clean with themselves and figure out what they honestly need..........what works for them. And then just communicate it as honestly as you can to others...... "
I keep trying to do that, and no one seems to believe my honest answer.
I learned years ago to take a self inventory, and to keep rechecking it.
If folks don't want to believe me when I come clean with them there is nothing I can do. | |
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| Why admit something which is not so?
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:54:01 PM | Hey, I do a self inventory thing, too..........I also do a gratitude list every morning. That and two cups of coffee turn me from grumpy into dopey.......... | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:43:43 PM | friendlyldy...
I too have a best friend that is opposite of me. She calls me her tether. She's EXTREMELY flighty and is working toward her 6th life altering relationship..her 3rd marriage..none of which lasted more than 2 years. I sat back and watched her make the same mistakes over and over (since she won't heed warnings..and..never seems to learn from her own mistakes) and think..thank you..I've learned NOT to ever do that one. She is obviously one of those that NEED a man in her life..always..but..at ANY expense! NEEDY!
Laughingblueyes...
I'm not fooling myself..nor do I find not needing a man a matter of independence. I am not completely independent of ALL human relations. If I said I DID need a man in my life for a meaningful relationship..that would be fooling myself. If I said I never needed people in my life to help me..as in a mechanic..or to care for..as in my children..then I'd be fooling myself. Self-pity is no where in the equation..anymore than depression..for me. Maybe that's what it would be for YOU. If you or anyone else NEEDS a man in their life..to make YOU feel whole..make YOU happy..make YOU feel less lonely (maybe try finding some volunteer work(?)).. AMEN..I don't. I don't require a relationship with a man..or feel obliged to have one. I want it..I desire it..I long for a meaningful relationship with a man. Do I need a relationship with a man to feel whole? NO! I am whole with the people who are already in my life..right down to the local mechanic. Do I need a man to make me feel less lonely? NO! Their aren't enough hours in a day..or..places to hide where people aren't around or surrounding me for that. I keep busy..and people keep me busy. Do I need a man to make me happy? NO! To me happiness comes from within. I don't need a man to MAKE me happy or unhappy. I can do either of those whether I'm in a relationship with a man or not. I'm not fooling myself..and I have NO self-pity..then again..I don't claim independence as my reason. I can answer allll these questions without a pang of guilt..regret..or self-pity.
*I like broccoli.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:01:06 PM | | I'll pose a little question maybe someone can answer, if no one here needs someone for companionship why are there so many people using online dating sites? Is it that some people are afraid of being ridiculed by some of their so called friends. And lets not go down that I'm here for the forums bull either, why if your life is so full and you have so many friends that love you would you spend so much time here or on any dating site forum pushing your points across that you Don't Need the other sex? | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:07:12 PM | | The don't need a man, as in NEEDING him, or a relationship. They can be happy as single people, socializing as they please, having sex as they please, free from the typical romantic union that fell apart last time. If enough people spend enough time repeating a lie, it becomes the truth. These forums are the process of repeating the lie. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:39:06 PM | Well Tom Kat..now we differ...
As do I with steveracer..the questions you pose are in the answer I've already given. Please read the posts..all of them..all the way through..
What is so hard to understand? Needing someone in a relationship is something you both obviously have in common. I don't. I don't feel "required" to have someone..and I don't feel "obligated" to have someone. I want someone to have a relationship with. I want to "date"..that's why I'm on a "dating" site. I don't need to be on one..I want to. I don't/didn't see where there is/was a requirement that you have to NEED someone in order to date. I spend time between here and my obligations. I will spend as much time wherever and however long I decide to..and I will NOT have you steveracer telling me otherwise. THAT is exactly what makes all women more than a little upset (drives us crazy) with the opposite sex. Telling us what to do..when to do something..or..how to feel. I also have NO problem finding dates..I have 2 this weekend.
Go figure!!!! | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:50:51 PM | I think most people are on these forums because they are OPEN to wanting a relationship...........they may see it as a want or they may see it as a need........they may be happy on their own but know that they would still like a relationship if the right person came along because they've experienced that in the past with someone. The key is that in spite of the differences, they are all open to wanting a relationship.
Now this includes even people who just want a sexual relationship. Some people are on here just because they want to have that kind of relationship. Some people don't want a sexual relationship without some measure of emotional relationship. Some people want relationships that would lead to committments. Some want relationships with no committments.........
The common thread is they are all open to a relationship if what they want comes along.
Now I'm one of the ones who feel that I have a need to bond......I won't die without it. I still laugh and enjoy the life I have with other people I bond with like friends ......But I know that I am happier when my life includes a loving relationship with a man. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:57:25 PM | Someone help me out here, where did I say anything about forcing anyone too do something they did not want to do? Don't see how you could take what I asked as telling anyone how to live their life or telling anyone they Must do anything. Maybe all these other guys have a point and I just missed it until now.  | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:04:20 PM | On my planet, just being open is a sorry excuse for what should be enthusiasm. I would not go mountain climbing with someone who said: "You know, if we happen to get near a mountain and we find the summit is an easy jaunt downhill, I may allow the Sherpas to carry me, depending on what else there is to do that day."
If someone comes along who is just what I want, and they chase after me long enough, and make me feel special enough, and don't expect anything from me, and I can keep my life as it is, and back out any time for any reason, and not become attached to the point it obligates me to strain myself in any way, then yes, I might give love a try again, if it comes with free parking and I can keep my options open. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:39:36 PM | If I wanna keep my options open Tom Kat..then that's what I'll do.....
Nobodies saying you have to do a thing. Sooooo..what planet are you on btw...Mars?
friendlyldy..
Yep..snowball fight~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:43:11 PM | If you want a real snowball fight, Red, I was breathing fire on the other post about "fat"...............
Our snowball fights are fun! | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:50:44 PM | Friendlyldy, you make some good points, but I'm still dizzy and can't tell up from down in here most of the time. I still would like too know why so many people here think its terrible to say they Need, or Want, or Greatly desire someone in their life to love, what the hell is so bad about that? Why is it people take something that should be a good thing and make it look so bad. You can quote what the Dictionary says Need, or Want or any of the other words you can think of mean, but to ME they all pretty much say the same thing, I want too Love someone and be Loved by someone, this should not be as hard as everyone wants to make it out too be. And hey if you like being alone all the time good for you, I'm happy for ya, just don't make it look like the majority of people like it that way. Or maybe it's just the people on the over 45 forum? And hey I love ya all, it's like going to the Shrink, but not having too pay.
And don't anyone get all mad and stuff it's just my opinion after all, and what's that worth. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:07:04 PM | | A very wise counselor who has also authored at least two books once told me, "It's not that hard to love someone if that's what you want to do.........." | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:12:23 PM | Makes me very sad so many people evidently don't want that these days. Or at least thats what they seem to be saying.
Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and mine alone, if you take them out of context that's your fault not mine. I cannot be held responsible for your misunderstanding. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:14:20 PM | "Greatly desire someone in their life to love, what the hell is so bad about that? Why is it people take something that should be a good thing and make it look so bad."
Who said it is bad?
If that is what you want, and you think it is logically that against the odds you will find it (talking to folks in general), I hope you do.
Please give me the same respect, and allow me to enjoy what I want, and make up my own opinion as to whether at my age my interests should be the same as yours. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:16:38 PM |
still would like too know why so many people here think its terrible to say they Need, or Want, or Greatly desire someone in their life to love, what the hell is so bad about that?
Nothing is bad about any one of those things; however those three things do not always go hand in hand and I think what's bothering some of us on here, is that while we're okay with people saying they need someone in their life, those same people are not affording the same level of respect or understanding to those of us saying we do not. We're all separate people and no one can tell anyone else what they do and don't need to make their life full.
Need, want and greatly desire can be three very different matters. For some of us, they are very separate things.
Need, I would say depends on the person's own perception. Some people need the companionship in their life that only a significant other can provide. Family is wonderful, friends are wonderful but they also need a relationship. The extent to which someone needs a significant other I suppose, is where the line becomes blurred.
I have a wonderful life and I would love to have a woman IN it with me, but I don't need one there. That's really all I'm saying. I'm not distant or cold, casual or apathetic towards relationships. I value them as greatly as anyone does. For me, I'm just taking the viewpoint that I'm at a great place in my life and if a woman comes along that makes this place, that much more wonderful? I'm 200% for it. I just don't need for it to happen.
You and I are different people. The entire world is made up of different people who want, need and greatly desire different things. If I can respect where you're coming from, I would only ask the same in return. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:18:54 PM | "Makes me very sad so many people evidently don't want that these days."
Why would anyone be sad that people are doing what they want?" Doesn't it make more sense to use energy to deal with your own life?"
Like I have said before I used to think it was sad too. That was before I came to feel the same way. My feelings aren't brought on by heart break or a broken relationship(s). They have be brought on by years of not finding what I want, and years of enjoying my life alone. It only makes sense for "ME" (not you!) to not bother going on any more dates, and use that time to do things I want to do far more. | |
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| Why is it so hard to admit. . . .
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:23:41 PM | "It's not that hard to love someone if that's what you want to do.........."
I believe in a positive attitude. However, I no longer want to be bothered going through the dating ritual
Please those who do, I hope you get those butterflies in your tummy, and stars in your eyes, and I hope the other person does too.
(You have to love people from down south threatening a snowball fight with folks from the great white north.............suggest you throw bananas or oranges.............hey lets have a food fight.) | |
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