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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:42:17 PM | I don't know about this one Myrtel, My take on it is, he's at least told you up front , but if he seems to be bragging about it well 1) I would think he's trying to come off as a stud and he can remain friends after the sex ended 2) he's compensating in his mind of things hes lacking in or in other words he's full of shit.
Im always wary of people that brags about sexual adventures which in most cases could be fiction. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:53:19 PM | Ahhh, possibly Smart-Blonde~...but at least I don't add to the OPie's precise words to enflame opinion. Sexual adventures...like..."Wow...one time we were out on a sailboat...and with the rocking of the boat and..." Is that graphic? I think not. Is it erotic? Possibly. Is it making her aware of his openess and libido potential? Yes. How do you know the detail of stories he told? H3ll, stories can be anything from B&W porno shoots to Red Shoe Diaries in quality.
Women are far more sensual and sexual than men...MANY seemed to have developed ways to stifle that. People who suddenly inflate "...with many of them..." to suddently be 30 or 50 are simply fanning flames based on their perception. Read for comprehension, not competition.
I have got a clue. I read what the OPie wrote. If she chooses to add more info later, fine. And I perfectly understand the guy could be a stylizing pig...but that isn't what the OPie said. If she says more along that line later...I'd be the first to call him on it.
I am on here mainly for forums (d@mn things are rather addictive, aren't they). But quite frankly, I get tired of seeing one woman make a small cluck and the rest of the Hen patrol runs to her side to insure the man-bashing is done properly.
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 10:01:12 PM | And re: Msg 25, I'll stand by that. Entering into any relationship with someone who is not entering it openly, willingly and with positive expectations is TYPICALLY a recipe for disaster. Wanna know a couple of scary stats?
In the U.S., almost 50% of first marriages fail.
Almost 60% of the second marriages fail.
And the numbers are slightly higher for the third.
Mayhaps people are hanging onto a few too many prejudices and preconceptions and not willing to openly discuss their feelings and views on the subject. Heck, my biggest question I didn't even bother to ask...WTF is she asking this important life question to a bunch of strangers that don't know him or her when all she has to do is discuss it with him?
ARggggggghhhh........must.......refrain.......from.......smart........blonde......jokes......
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 10:37:57 PM | | Maybe he was just particularly good at it :) They all seem to still want to be friends with him too, so he must have something in his favor. Seriously though, I think it's a bit odd that he has told you about all his sexual adventures anyway, maybe he's having a hard time letting go of his freedom. I think with most men they will know when the time has come to cut away from their past relationships, and concentrate on making things work with the new one. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:35:26 PM | I am so glad ever ready makes heavy duty batteries............another candidate for an axe to grind with the penis fairy.. the little winged angel runs around and lops of willie winkers till the guys are old enuff to hang onto their dover rovers themselves... lose this three footed baggage and do it today or keep er goin and tell us later about how much of a player he is ... oh yah ... .....this guy is a player...
I am amazed at home many people on this site have no clue about boundaries... and lack logic ... come on this guy never played tiddly winks with these women .................HE HAD SEX ... and these gals if they had any brains at all would lose the friendship fast but they are likely sitting around jumping up and down in the mirror saying "pick me " only they need to take away a consonant and add a "d".
Sexual attraction and feelings are there .. they don't go away which is why you are smart and already know that when meat is bad you throw it out with the bath water...
This guy stinks of pulling plums out of the piggy pudding ..so if I was you gal I would take my jingle jangles and look for a new fah la la la la .. before the festive season... dump the load of bs before you got enuff to fill the barnyard...... and have an std from****a clause..... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:16:00 AM | In my experience discussing sexual experiences is all part of the fun of getting to know each other and exploring/learning about each other. Some people don’t like to hear the details but others do. Some like to know who and how many, other’s don’t.
Now, you might think it’s okay if buddy is friends with so-and-so, but if you later find out that buddy and so-and-so had once had a sexual experience and buddy never told you, you might end up feeling betrayed and then the trouble starts…
I think the underlying question of this discussion is, can a man remain friends with someone after he’s had sex with them and the sexual aspect has ended? Of course he can. What kind of person would he be if he couldn’t.
As for the OP, I would say that if you don’t want your partner to tell you about his past exploits or partners then just tell him. maybe he just thinks he’s bring honest, maybe he’s bragging – who knows? I’d look more towards what he’s doing then what he’s saying – actions being oh-so much louder then words…. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:22:59 AM |
Sexual adventures...like..."Wow...one time we were out on a sailboat...and with the rocking of the boat and..." Is that graphic? I think not. Is it erotic? Possibly. Is it making her aware of his openess and libido potential? Yes. How do you know the detail of stories he told? H3ll, stories can be anything from B&W porno shoots to Red Shoe Diaries in quality
It's maybe erotic for you, cos you're the one with the memory of it, but why on earth would some poor sucker want to listen to you droning on about your past sexual experiences? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:42:22 AM | | I got news for you AKwith or without a smile ... the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour... guys you are so so philosophical and when you get to what your inner penis is telling you .,.. give us all a shout will yah,.. blow it out both ears... and any guy that is still "buddies" with his ex girlfriends and goes and visits them is an accident waiting to happen..................ask any long term couple if this is "okay " ............I am talking about one on one sexual long term compatibility ... as in true love .... where the couple literally adore each other and I guarantee hubby ain't visiting the ex f'friends ..... if you don't have any boundaries you might as well put the penis and vagina soup to a pay as you go menu.....least then the ah what do they call it ..oh yah "SEX" means something...... lemme tell yah this guy gets a payoff from visiting ex-vaginas .... and these gals are too stupid to move on and get a life outside of conk-you-bind hill...... Paris Hilton is not the only ere head female on the planet... get your compass out and point due south girl as you are needing some new mapped directions..... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:52:38 AM | I have a family and plenty friends, but the 'new' people I get to know the best, are the women I date. I choose quality human beings to date to begin with, and after interacting, and nurturing the friendship part, it doesn't make sense to me to throw it all away. Yes, once a romantic relationship is over, there needs to be a cooling off period, especially for the dumped, since she (or I) didn't know it was coming.
It's only when I feel I was treated poorly or fairly while IN the relationship that I don't feel like being friends after. I will say though I spend very little face time with Ex's, usually demands don't allow much time for that, especially while in a new relationship. If I had a GF spending a lot of in-person time with an Ex, that might skeeve me out a bit.
If the OP's guy is like me and a lot of men, the women he most wants to have sex with are those he hasn't had sex with yet. Don't worry about what's in his rearview mirror. Just because they've said 'Yes' before, and might even still say 'Yes', doesn't mean that's where he wants to be. | |
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kkate1
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Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 40 | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:11:17 AM | Ok as someone who has stayed friends with people I have had sex with also... I don't think there is anything wrong with it! Just shows how adult you can be about a situation.
Yes there are also those people that I have no desire to be friends with too!
Personal preference maybe. Maybe how good of a friend the person was before you had sex with them.
I have one really really great friend that we had sex the whole relationship thing between us never worked out but we continued to be friends and he is probably one of my best friends! Guys that I "date" don't seem to have a problem with it. And yeah the girls that he "dates" really seem to get upset about it!
I guess it all has to do with how much you trust a person! | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:26:53 AM | Let me get this straight: Why does he have to tell you STORIES about them, and not just leave it as saying they were involved? Also, doesn't that mean they're exes and not just "friends"? Doesn't he have ANY female friends he hasn't had sex with?
Sorry, but I see MAJOR RED FLAGS:
1) He has a few female friends, but none he hasn't slept with.
2) He brags about them to the woman he is dating, by telling her stories about them. You don't brag about things you don't want to repeat.
3) He never describes them as exes, or that he was involved with any of them, but that they were sexual "adventures", as if they were just actresses in a play, and he was the star.
These imply 3 things to me:
1) He doesn't see himself having anything to do with women unless sex is involved. I wouldn't trust him to get to know any of your friends.
2) He is proud of his conquests, so he is interested in having as many adventures as possible, and how do you know you aren't another?
3) He never describes any of these women in a way that says he was romantically involved with them.
This guy is a great guy for Sex, as he managed to stay in touch with them afterwards, so these women obviously feel good about the experience.
I would remain very dubious about if it gets to be more than that with you & him.
I guess I get a bit defensive about this because I am friends with several of the women I've slept with. I believe it is the sign of a healthy relationship and positive attitude and an honest and clean (albeit painful) breakup. eazk, I am sure you would never tell your current partner "stories" about your friends. I am also sure that you have plenty of female friends who you haven't slept with. I dont' think you are in the same boat at all as this man. It sounds like he's bragging about it, and about the fact that they are sexual "adventures", and not sexual "relationships". BIG difference. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:51:44 AM | Yah right, And if you STOP being friends with a woman just because the SEX STOPS, you get accused of having been in it ONLY for the sex.
Aside from 2 male friendships I've kept with me since grade 6, I just happen to connect better with women on a friendship level. 95% of my friends are women. They are highly valuable friendships to me and I will be keeping them. Once or twice only, the line got crossed and we explored a deeper intimacy which included sex.
But when I meet someone whose blend of energy with mine carries more of a relationship-feel it becomes a huge sweat over how to proceed. I'm not dumping ANY of my friends because someone happens to feel insecure over my past. If I tell a woman she is getting relationship-exclusivity from me, then she IS. I am 100% faithful and loyal.
If she chooses to get all tangled up in something from my past then it's a deal-breaker for me. That road becomes all about her fighting with ghosts, not trusting, and choosing to be a control-freak. Possessiveness, jealousy and lack of trust have nothing to offer the kind of relationships I want any part of.
There are two great female friends I have now, who I once-upon-a-time explored a deeper relationship with. They have both moved on to new relationships, and the sexuality we once tried out is long gone.
The sex we once had is irrelevant. I only talk about it because I am honest, when asked. When asked, it usually is the first step down that road to doom. I hear Jack Nicholson's voice booming in my head: "You Can't Handle the Truth!" I say it anyway because I like to keep my walks along the road to doom very short and brisk.
Some things are better left unasked. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:12:54 PM | Op asked, “Does anyone think it is the [sic] usual for a guy to be friends with women that he has had sex with?”
it isn’t the fact that they had sex that is the determining factor, but the nature of the ‘friendship.’ Are we talking about a committed relationship, a one night stand, a drunken mistake, friend with benefits, etc? and why did they stop having sex?
Probably the ‘right’ answer to this question is, yes, sometimes a guy can remain friends with past sexual partners.
Howbigisyourlove – “the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour” yes, I agree with you on that. But, in this specific matter we don’t really know anything about this guy’s past behavior except that he remains friends with women he’s had sex with in the past (one of them a year and a half ago) and we don’t know much about his current behavior, except that maybe he’s given out a little more information than his partner cares to hear about. I suppose he could lie and keep the past nature of these friendships a secret.
Should this guy keep up his friendships with these women? I don’t know, I can’t speak for them. I think that this is something that op should be discussing with her man.
Scorpiomover – “sexual "adventures", and not sexual "relationships". BIG difference.”
Exactly. It’s easier to remain friends with someone you’ve merely had a sexual adventure with then it is to remain friends with someone you’ve had a sexual relationship with. so, is the op’s guy talking adventures or relationships? Makes a difference. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:15:17 PM | OK...Let's see...I read everyones words...EAKS message 7 was very well written and totally made sense to me...My first thought was, you are a gentleman and worthy of keeping your female ex lovers because of the friendship and RESPECT I will presume you shared...(sorry, you lost some of my high regard with your later bantering...) OP, YOUR GUY SHOWS NO RESPECT TO YOU NOR HIS PAST PARTNERS !!! Soooo, may I say that there are two types of men who remain friends with their x-sex "friends"....1) Those who have morals and respect...Yes, if you get into a new relationship and still see the old ones from TIME to TIME ...not all the time...The new g/f knows about the past...NOT IN FULL DETAILS...but enough that she is comfortable that at least you have been HONEST with her...and you respect her enough that if you are meeting the old flame, she is more than welcome to be there too...NOTHING TO HIDE 2) The guy that is being described in th OP's words...THE KING...Talks about personal sexual experiences (I wonder if his female friends know), remains "friends" with them, even if it makes his current girlfriend a tad insecure...and by the sounds of it, has limited to no male friends ? SOMETHING is up with this guy !
I am blessed to have many friends of both sexes...I have not had sex with any of them, if one of my guy friends had a new relationship and his girl was uncomfortable with him and I, I would back off and wait until she got to know me as a new friend to her...Call me old fashioned but I RESPECT EVERYONE'S FEELINGS regardless if it is an unfounded insecurity or not...Are we not on this planet to LOVE ??? Why would I jeapordize any of my friends, male or female, new relationships ??? If they are true friends, they would totally understand...my guy pals have and yes, they backed off seeing me when my ex and I first started dating...When my ex realized the genuine friendships I have with these guys then he joined in and enriched my circle of friends...OP, I wish you well, my gut feeling is GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING...If you are questioning us...you have questioned yourself for good reason !!! LLL | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:28:35 PM | Stories get told when asked...they are never volunteered.
However, I'm curious as to how many people went and read the OPie's profile. I see areas in there that indicates she may "be an asker". Comments such as:
I am at that age in my life that I am game to try new things. Honesty is turning out to be one of my most important requests. I'm pretty good at seeing if you are playing me (and with others at the same time).
There is so much to do in the world, it is just too much to list. Use your imagination, I might try it.
...might provide some guys with the avenue to begin these discussions with her.
No judgement, just an observation.
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:49:28 PM | Point #1 : I never listen to anything anyone tells me about their sex life. It's invariably boring and I don't care.
Point #2 : I don't care what anyone ever did with anyone else, I only care about what they do with me.
Point #3: If you aren't having sex with your friends, who are you having sex with ? Your enemies ? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:05:28 PM | I used to have boyfriend who was telling me about his sexual past w/ his exs. I find this was pretty hurting especially if you love this person, anyway even we lasted for more than 4 years, I have never trusted him and I was not happy my feeling is like "love and hate" towards the relationships even from the beginning, I was so stupid to last these years.
I guess all I can sum up is that he is still insecured . So my advised is never tell your past sex life to your new GF, you never know if she's a jealous type and will resent you . Build up a new positive and healthy relationship, move forward and shut up about your exs!!! | |
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