| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:24:35 PM | | I think there's a boundary issue here with this guy. Go with your gut. Out of respect for my guy, I don't maintain friendships with men I've had a sexual history with. Same goes for him. It's like this: We both know when to TURN THE PAGE. It's a no-brainer. Like you, many years ago I had a boyfriend who was into maintaining "platonic" relationships with women he'd slept with. I voiced my problem with it, and like many people on here, he labelled me "insecure". I did my best to put up with it, and pretend it didn't bother me but all it did was to make me turn my anger inward. Do yourself a favor - Get out now. A man or woman who insists on this type of behavoir spells NARCISSIST. Don't let him weaken your resolve, by slapping the "insecure" label on you. I'm with you - It's not my personality either and if it's somehow wrong to feel that way, then I don't want to be right! | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:27:15 PM | Ok I just read through most of these, and I agree with almoat every thing eaxk has said so far.
Why is it not ok to stay friends with someone you once dated?
You started seeing them in the first place so there must have been something you liked about them, just because you didn't work as a couple does not mean you can not be friends still.
If a person is going to cheat they are going to do so no matter what the situation is, they don't need to have someone around that they once were with to do it.
As far as the telling about his past adventures, did you ask questions or did he just decide to tell you one day?
There are those people that get off on that kind of thing though too I guess. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:27:31 PM |
Does anyone think it is the usual for a guy to be friends with women that he has had sex with? I am seeing a guy who has all women "friends". He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them. These adventures have supposedly not happened for a long time. I know one was a year and a half ago. I don't know how long ago the rest were. He still talks, visits, emails MANY of them. He says they have just stayed friends. I guess that is just not my personality. If I am no longer seeing someone, I am more the kind that never wants to see them again. What do you think? Just curious.
Well..women introduce men to their "friends" (i.e. men they've had sex with in the past) all the time...
They just have enough class to leave out the details...
This guy is jerk...
He's probably still tapping at least one of them...
Dump him...before he dumps YOU..
And tell somebody else how YOU were...LOL | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:39:48 PM | Personally, I won't date or have sex with someone I don't think I could be friends with. For me, friendship has to come first and foremost in any kind of relationship, otherwise it's not worth having to me. I'm still in touch with almost all of my X's - they were important parts of my life & I dated them because I liked them as people. The idea of casting someone aside when you're done with them (unless of course they seriously f***ed you around) seems very cold to me & it's something I can't really relate to, though I know it's not uncommon.
The way I see it is this: If he's still friends with his past partners, then it's a good sign that he's looking at YOU as more than just a piece of meat, or some entertainment to be cast aside when he gets bored of you. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:47:39 PM | Reading through the above comments made me want to clarify what I wrote... It IS totally insensitive of him to tell you all about his history with these other women... not only because it could hurt you, but because he could be telling you things which his friends would prefer were kept secret. If you expressed an interest, that's another story, but to just bring it up out of the blue seems tacky, unclassy & rude.
Also, just because I think it's OK to be friends with your X's, it doesn't mean I think you should put up with it if it makes you uncomfortable. It's your choice to make. I was just saying that I don't think it's inherrently bad to keep in touch with your X's. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:53:43 PM | | I cannot believe all the crap on this post ..............come on everyone here is yattering on and miss the beat to exactly why you don't continue close friendships with past sex partners..........................FEELINGS.................SEXUAL FEELINGS .. Marvin Gay sang it best ... when you have had sexuality involved and some developed chemistry I think you play with fire being involved with past partners ... everyone saying it is adult ...... NOPE only kids run around saying "but we are still friends" ... if he or she was such a damn good friend what in hell did you break it off .. pun intended for ... ?????It is adult to HAVE sexual feelings which is why you do not create friendships with past sex partners.... convenient stop and hop for some... and if you did not have sexual feelings grow up before you use your premature tools to try out the soul mating on a bootie call.... the naivity of most of the people ... scarily sexually active on this thread writing about it being A-P and V OKAY to continue these friendships are way off base as it only adds confusion and cloudiness to be in the present to have a healthy sexually ADULT relationship with a potential life partner ... and these gals are wasting their time as no guy worth his short and curlies would put up and IN some gal who has alot of ex f'friends who still visit her .... they lessen their chances of meeting a decent guy.. it is total immaturity to continue these past sex friends and this guy has no honor ... NO BOUNDARIES AND impulse one celled amoeba behaviour.... and if you want to ride the bologna pony be prepared to become another cold cut .....common sense is becoming extinct.... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:01:33 PM |
Scorpiomover – “sexual "adventures", and not sexual "relationships". BIG difference.”
Exactly. It’s easier to remain friends with someone you’ve merely had a sexual adventure with then it is to remain friends with someone you’ve had a sexual relationship with. so, is the op’s guy talking adventures or relationships? Makes a difference. Actually, what I meant was that if you used to go out with someone, it's harder to be friends afterwards, because if you continue having sex with that person, one of you ends up getting hurt. So, you either become platonic friends, or you split up. If you have had sexual "adventures", it is far easier to continue that sex for years to come. It actually makes you hold back on a relationship, because you always have a safety net to fall back on. Look at it this way:
Suppose you, a guy, start seeing this really great, really attractive girl. She has about 20 friends, all male, and she has slept with all of them, on and off. She says they are just "friends". But she's slept with ALL of them. She describes them as sexual "adventures". She tells you all about the sexual antics she got up to with them.
Is anyone here going to want to make a commitment to such a woman?
I'm drawing a line here. If all of these women all have boyfriends, and if he describes them as relationships, and he doesn't brag about them, and he has equally attractive single women as friends who he hasn't slept with, then I would say that is fair. But this sounds like a man with a "little black book". | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:04:46 PM | | dear blue eyes it might not be that YOU would have an attraction it might be the gals... who do and that spells disaster ... anyone mature lives in the present and has relationships based in the now ... it does not work to be friends unless the relationship was mature and plutonic ... this gal could put herself in danger.. years ago I was on the receiving end of so called ex sex female friends anger issues over the fact that she still wanted more than friendship... ... and lemme tell yah it is not a pretty picture ..... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:45:35 PM | howbig, I get what your saying as far as that goes, but he does have a choice in the matter of weather or not he does something about an attraction still being there.
To each thier own on this topic because it is not the same for everyone. I have some ex's that I would not be friends with now because they were not what they seemed to be when I had first met them.
But there are a couple that I am still on friendly terms with. Of course I have always been up front about that because it doesn't sit well with everyone, so people need to make a choice about weather or not that is something they can deal with.
Are you talking danger emotionally or physically? I don't really get what your saying there. Unless it was the female friend that you had the problem with? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:49:58 PM | I am friends with all the ex's in my life, even the married ones. When I'm with someone new, I only reveal that if asked. I don't brag about my conquests, I don't even call them conquests, dont' know why I said or called it that but anyway, these women are a part of my life and always will be. I also have women friends that I do not have sex with but they still know about some of the women I've had sex with because they asked about it and they are ok with it because I'm completely honest with them. I don't hide anything from them. My life is an open book. Is it unusual for this to happen, no I don't think so. I treat the women like ladies that they are and treat them with respect. That is why I am able to keep my friendships together. Pretty simple really.
eazk...........I agree with everything you say. Keep telling it like it is | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:32:39 PM | Miss Myrtel...dear...and what number do you think your going 2 be? Evidently your dealing with a "BOY" with very low self-esteem...+ other critical issues. I personally think we can all understand and except the fact that throughout all of our past relationships considering the situation of course,that mabey it is possible 2 remain friends with a certain one we've been involved with.The actions of this person your talking about ,should confirm what you've known probably for too long,is that this individual doesn't have a hint 2 what the meaning of LOVE is. He is the feature star in his own movie. Just how far are you willing 2 be a co-actor?The opinion's from the people who feel and know what you are dealing with run deep and in many directions.So would it not be so bad 4 you to go with your hearts feelings in which sounds 2 me like you know what has been done cannot be undone and do you really feel he will change 4 you and most of all....you evidently can't except him and his friendship 2 all those other women now......will you ever be able 2? tommywayne......PS course he could just be a big fat liar about it all for his on self-esteem  | |
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aug13
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 64 | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:57:48 PM | I strive to maintain a friendship with my ex husband (not always easy). He is the father of my daughters. We will encounter each other at celebrations involving the girls until death do us part. I like his new wife too. I don't have a shred of sexual desire for him.
I am friends with some ex's. After a "breathing space" at the end of a relationship it's pretty easy to tell if we can move onto friendship. I think some of them are still sexy, and some of them are not at all. Being sexually attracted to someone (ex or not) does not mean that having sex with them is inevitable. I can choose whether or not to act on my feelings. Not only that, the ex has a choice too. As for why did the relationship end if they were such great friends....... I think there are distinct differences between friends and romantic partners
My last partner had many female friends, some of whom were prior intimate partners. Unless there is a particular significance that makes sharing with me necessary - then, I don't need or want to know who, where, when, what and how. I don't share my prior intimate details either. I have never seen any good come of it.
The OP didn't HAVE to listen to stories about his sexual adventures. If you find those kind of stories unsettling, don't listen to them and then make your preferences clear. It's a bit like listening behind closed doors - you are going to hear something you don't like.
I think the only red flag for me would be if he never introduced you to his female friends and insisted on visiting them alone. But if you are invited along...cool - chance to make a new friend.
Best,
E | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:45:12 PM | Well, I see nothing wrong with it. Really.
*shrug*
You need to do what is right for you.
However, I am still friends with several of my former lovers/exes. In most cases, we were friends first - the romantic relationship might not have worked out for us, but we still had (and have) that friendship bond.
Goodness, that would SUCK! If every time you ended a romance, you lost a friend. Wow. I'd have lost some wonderful friends, were that the case.
But, as stated above - you know you best. You know what you can handle and what you can't - if you can't handle his friendships, then you are both better off not being romantic! | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:50:08 PM | I don't understand the whole "never kiss and tell" policy... while it might be TMI at times, if I want to be with someone forever... well, I want to know as much as possible. I want to spend a lifetime trying to open the puzzle box... I don't know... maybe I'm silly... probably... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:57:51 PM | I think it is an indicator of someone who has casual relationships that include sex.
People who limit sexual activity to love interests generally have deeper feelings about the relationship and its ending is usually painful. Sometimes a breakup is a mutual recognition of some problem that doesn't inhibit friendship, but that's pretty rare when you only sleep with people you're in love with. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:23:57 PM |
cannot believe all the crap on this post ..............come on everyone here is yattering on and miss the beat to exactly why you don't continue close friendships with past sex partners..........................FEELINGS.................SEXUAL FEELINGS .. Marvin Gay sang it best ... when you have had sexuality involved and some developed chemistry I think you play with fire being involved with past partners ... everyone saying it is adult ...... NOPE only kids run around saying "but we are still friends" ... if he or she was such a damn good friend what in hell did you break it off .. pun intended for ... ?????It is adult to HAVE sexual feelings which is why you do not create friendships with past sex partners.... convenient stop and hop for some... and if you did not have sexual feelings grow up before you use your premature tools to try out the soul mating on a bootie call.... the naivity of most of the people ... scarily sexually active on this thread writing about it being A-P and V OKAY to continue these friendships are way off base as it only adds confusion and cloudiness to be in the present to have a healthy sexually ADULT relationship with a potential life partner ... and these gals are wasting their time as no guy worth his short and curlies would put up and IN some gal who has alot of ex f'friends who still visit her .... they lessen their chances of meeting a decent guy.. it is total immaturity to continue these past sex friends and this guy has no honor ... NO BOUNDARIES AND impulse one celled amoeba behaviour.... and if you want to ride the bologna pony be prepared to become another cold cut .....common sense is becoming extinct....
Not sure about the not being "friends"...
Why would you have more than a one-nighter w/ somebody you at least can't be friends with?And if it's a oner...why would friendship even be a matter?
If you can't be friends w/ somebody with whom you've had sex...that say a lot about YOU as person...
I notice a lot of your thread has to do w/ "youth" and "immaturity"...
The immature part seems to me was his classless bragging about his past exploits...
And her even tolerating that...
Youth and immaturity CAN be mutually exclusive...
Then again...you're never too old to be childish | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:06:17 PM | What is wrong with remaining friends with people from your past? As long as the breakup was amiable then what is the big deal?
I have seen a lot of projection on this thread. Just because you can't be friends with an ex doesn't mean that everyone has to be the same way. | |
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