| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:37:52 AM | howbigisyourlove wrote:
you said that your ex's new partner is jealous... your words.. so what is she jealous of????
I am surprised that a woman with your vast knowledge and life's experience has never run into an insecure person who has no basis for a jealous thought. As for your next comment about trying to make her comfortable, I suggest your refer back to my comment about you making judgment on things of which you know nothing.
and as for education you and I are not even anywhere in the same stratisphere ... I make up words because I like to be creative I find alot
You are right about you and I not being in the same "stratisphere" (is that another made up word?); I have a dual MA and I teach writing on a college level. I am also a writer who understands the concise use of words in order to convey meaning. If your "made up" words actually showed creativity, that would be one thing, but I think (yah, an opinion) that you are rationalizing your misspellings in order to CYA. In creative writing, it is one thing to coin words, in a forum such as this, however, where it is important to (again) convey meaning, it only makes the person looks ignorant. I suggest that in the future when you make up a word, place it in quotation marks to indicate it is your creation. (By the way, it is "a lot," two words, not one. I get that mistake a lot from my first year college writers.)
My comment regarding you needing boundaries and inviting some good energy and compassion and definite understanding of where your ex's new partner is coming from may sound like bullying to you but I call it common sense ...
Again, you jumped in headlong feet first (which is difficult to do for most people, but some just have a talent for putting their feet in their mouths) when you assumed that you knew ANYTHING about my situation beyond what I wrote, and I wrote very little.
As for your challenge about reading: garbage in, garbage out--you read Dr. Phil! As for my criticism of your spelling, etc., sloppy writing from someone who claims to be educated is indicative of a sloppy mind. A person who claims the ability of critical thinking and of being able to express herself well in writing needs to prove it. Why should writing in a forum such as this be any different than writing anywhere IF a person knows how to write well? The key is clarity. You are not clear. I had to read this last post several times to divine your meaning(s).
As I tell my students: you can understand the mysteries of the universe, but if you can't get that knowledge across in a salient sentence, what good does it do anyone but you? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:55:33 AM | OP......So let me get this right..Your not comfortable with the fact that a man is still friends with ex lovers...
Personally i dont see a problem....Before and after we are all still human ,why should a great night of sex change the fact that yer still a social animal..
OK,look at it this way..When gas went abouve a $,did you stop buyin gas???
Dont know why some people seem to think that sex has to change any sort of relationship....Sex is just sex.....A person is only giveing their body and not their heart/soul..This is 2007,get over it.....Hell you get women who complain that men dont want nothing to do with you after you have sex.. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:52:55 AM | Exactly what I was going to say...No matter how you put it...if it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck...it's a duck!(((AFLAC))) If you are cool with your new 'Man friend' having these types of relationships, then he figures he doesn't have to worry about getting caught going back for seconds & thirds when your not available or in the mood. Sounds like he is trying to keep his options open. Why else would he even tell you something like that???? If his intentions were to be 'true' to you and only you, I don't think that should have been a conversation topic. But hey, at least he is putting it out on the table. Most men would do dirt and not even tell you.
Question is, are you going to play his game or are you going to pass? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 9:37:58 AM | Dear eazk ... I knew you were going to take my hypothetical question onto a different tangent which is why I very specifically stated that I was referring to couples who are "in love" not dysfunctional couples who should have thrown in the towel.
So here was my question in short.... Ask anyone in a long term LOVING RELATIONSHIP whether each or either partner still visits ex-sexual partners ? Ask a guy who makes a habit of grabbing his partner and wrapping his arms around her and saying, " you know what hun, I haven't hugged or kissed you yet today!" and he just did the same thing an hour before . Yah, the above mentioned man was my dad and my parents could have shown a good portion of this planet how to "love" and no way would either ever participate in friendships outside of marriage with ex sex partners. I asked this question at a dance with alot of older couples last night and they all laughed and said "no way". And PS. these couples could dance together well to... maybe that is the "SECRET" . Boundaries make the one you love feel loved ... with time being at a premium for so many today I would think that spending spare time would be to spend it with the essence of who you love ..... not some gal that it did not "work out " with. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:01:16 AM | Alot of people will twist statements to substantiate without reading the specifics, which is also what this guy is doing to the posts author .... He will also use the excuse later of "well you said it was okay" to visit my ex girlfriends and because I accidentally fell and my penis got stuck in her vagina it is all your fault!!!!! Lemme tell yah that guys and gals who enjoy dysfunction will push every button necessary to make their addiction work, and these people have a great education in charming!!! .. this is not called compassion this is called enabling . And this guy is testing the water to see if she will be okay with his playing attitude so he can have one more wiggler for his jello giggler . If he has these friendships as private then walk because he is not worth the dust kicked up by your combat booties...
Catherine star... you are definitely confusing compassion for enabling behaviour and if you think that this kind of behaviour is okay you may empty yourself of who you are .. why do women think that being powerful is non feminine ?
The right things are definitely the most difficult for some people and truth is brutal to alot of people who never go there .. I am not meek to truth. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:11:46 AM | | depends on the situation and the bloke! I went out with one guy who loved to tell me about his past exploits, in the end it didn't bother me, in fact it was quite funny. He'd see someone on telly who he'd been with and talk about her. (He was in with the BBC/film making crowd for a bit so his bedfellows would turn up on the box from time to time.) Afterall, I have children, so he's constantly reminded that I've had sex with at least one other! If it makes you uncomfortable say so. I had times (pmt) when it annoyed me, I told him so - he respected that. I would also be mindful of the fact that at some point you are going to be one of the stories, which if you are in a small town, could be uncomfortable for you when/if you split up. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:15:03 AM | Most (men and women alike), who hang onto there past (sex) partners, are afraid if they let go, then they will be w/out (sex) for an indefinite period of time, which is scary to think about. But most will find that this will kill the new relationship fast! We all have a sense of jealousy (like it or not, admit it or not). Dating doesnt mean commitment. So until this happens, you can judge why ex-sex partners are still in the life of that person.  | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:32:53 AM | Dear Gwendolyn ...
your quote " As I tell my students: you can understand the mysteries of the universe, but if you can't get that knowledge across in a salient sentence, what good does it do anyone but you?"
And Gwendolyn therein lies the muck, if it does you good then who cares, which seems to be precisely what you are emphasizing regarding yourself. And I dislike your take on adjectification of sentences , salient is just well salient .
I never go around with a razor chipping away at grammar as I believe individuality of personality is and content is far more important to expressionism as is in creativity as well, if we were all the same in expressionism we would not evolve, nor have fascinating reads .
In summation of your chippy choppy in hippidy hoppidy land ... Your quote ,
" In creative writing, it is one thing to coin words, in a forum such as this, however, where it is important to (again) convey meaning, it only makes the person looks ignorant."
Gees I dunno if dat is prop-her in-gall-gauge butt I'd say dat purr-sin acts ignorant and by your proof writing standards I look ignorant. And remember it ain't over till the trans phat lady sings.
Eazk I do everything with passion even the mighty type casting on phishland forums .. which is likely why my ex's are in exland and I never had a textstand or a texan but I still ain't goin to heaven cause I don't know what dey wearin therein... and I like to do some good old swearin and no the show is over when it is over and hope I find my rover for it's over to have some dover in dah clover and and a witness to scope or listerine to take my breath away... bet you do two .. don't worry when I am off .. haha this site you will miss my misspelling ... oh yah.. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:34:34 AM | howbigisyourlove, agression, anger, calling people stupid then changing this to ignorant is not what feminine power is all about... having said this I am not here to gain power over anybody, nor feel powerful. You say I may as well empty myself of who I am due to my personal opinions... But I actually like who I am. Sometimes we get caught in an emotional rain storm. It happens. To all of us. Because we’re living in the material fast-paced world and the weather can get rough sometimes. I think this happens to you when you see a statement that you dont aprove of sometimes a negative emotion might cloud your ability to step back and respond in a rational way often... Here’s a few tips on coping with emotional bad weather from Ayurveda India’s ancient, but always relevant, science of self-healing.
1. Take a deep breath and a step back. Wait a few minutes and breath deeply, sometimes the clouds will blow over. If they don’t then it’s time to observe the unwanted feeling. Ask yourself some questions about it. Know that it comes from somewhere and that the somewhere is always to do with you. Which leads to point 2…
2. Accept response-ability. That doesn’t mean you have to blame yourself for how you’re feeling or give yourself a tough time. But it does mean that you should never blame someone else. Your feelings are just that your feelings. Others around you might be involved but they can not make you feel the way you do. Your response to any given situation is always your choice. Which leads to point 3….
3. There is always a choice. You don’t have to react on auto-pilot. You can choose, for example, to feel sad, furious, victimised etc etc or feel detached, calm, humorous even. It’s not always easy and sometimes we lose the plot but it does become easier if we look after our mind and give it some time out which leads to point 4…
4. Emotional weather proofing. Being emotionally weatherproof simply means having a roof and having some shelter in the storm. It doesn't make you hard or un-empathetic; on the contrary, when your mind is supported by taking time off-line to meditate or relax it can stop fire fighting and have some room to breath. That room tends to make us more compassionate and gentle people. It enables us to consider others rather than constantly tripping over our apparently mountainous molehills.
When you respect your mind and care for it with deep breathing exercises, meditation or walks in the countryside it will reciprocate with you by giving you emotional strength and stillness and a good waterproof layer. And for anyone wanting to move forward as a developing human being that’s essential.
I do hope this helps howbigisyourlove
with love Catherine aka star.xxx
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 12:00:08 PM | Dear karma karma chamillion aka Catherine aka star
In the language of the soul ...
here goes.......................
To the melodic tune of Billy Joel
Don't go changing .. to try and pleads me I don't want to be your aurey
whoever she was . ah ah
. I just want someone that I can bark at and put the dawgs owut...
fark,... ah ah ah ah oh
I wah-ha -haunt you just the tway you twere
twere twere rrr rrr ah rrr
oaky doaky deep walks in the country are you sure bout this .. In my neck of the woods I am called the crazy lady .. I live in an 1850 gristmill and mountain climb and take an average 4 km walk daily .. so I think I better write a non self help book on how to be you and not me ... k .. My mother's famous line is "come live with me and know me " .. this is the truest way to know anyone and then she says .. " you know Kell . you never really know anyone " ... I just love my cantankerous oxymoron genes .. oh yah...
I went to the first dance I went to in a long time last night and I usually get the where in hell did you learn to dance like that ... call it irish genes and a very flexible body... so nah sorry you got me alright all wrong.... k don't worry I won't hold it against yah.. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 12:45:49 PM |
I never go around with a razor chipping away at grammar
Given your strident commands to other people, the only that you DO NOT go around "chipping" away at grammar is because you don't have the skills to do so. As critical as you are, you would take any opportunity to show others how much you know.
In addition, your lack of punctuation muddies the clarity of what you are trying to say. For example, you write:
And Gwendolyn therein lies the muck,
Do you mean that the muck lies therein? Or do you mean that Gwendolyn is lying in the muck? Should that read, "And, Gwendolyn, therein lies the muck"? Are you addressing me directly, or are you writing about me?
Sigh.
You can try to rationalize or validate misspellings and misuse of punctuation and grammar, but in the end, it is clarity that counts. If you didn't claim to be so darned smart and educated, telling me that we are not in the same "stratisphere" [sic], then it would be one thing, but your continued misuse and excuses for mistakes just doesn't ring true.
Of course, truth is subjective, but that is another thing that you don't seem to realize. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 12:58:30 PM |
You are definitely confusing compassion for enabling behaviour and if you think that this kind of behaviour is okay you may empty yourself of who you are. Why do women think that being powerful is non-feminine?
Howbigisyourlove, you speak of "COMPASSION," however lack the fundamentals of performing the act yourself.
The definition of COMPASSION:
"COMPASSION is best described as an understanding of the emotional state of another; not to be confused with empathy. COMPASSION is often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. COMPASSION may lead one to feel empathy with another person. COMPASSION is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel COMPASSIONATE for. Some people can lack COMPASSION if their own pain (whether physical or mental) is so great that the need to alleviate their pain blocks them from recognizing or acknowledging the pain of others."
As per your earlier question:
Why do women think that being powerful is non-feminine?
We as women don't think being "powerful" in non-feminine. What we find non-feminine are women (perhaps such as yourself) who have very intelligent, articulate thoughts and points of wisdom to share with the rest of us. However, your "tone" with people comes off as angry, bullying, condescending, and down-right rude. I'm sure that's not your intent with everyone here, but to be honest, that's how you're coming across. And God love you if you couldn't care a rat's a%% what we think about you, cuz that's you just being "powerful" right? Power is one thing, but don't confuse being powerful to being non-feminine.
All I have to say to you Howbigisyourlove is this: "Honesty without COMPASSION and understanding is not honest, but subtle hostility. ~Rose N. Franzblau~
TRULY INSPIRATIONAL AND WORDS TO LIVE BY! All of course, JMHO.... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 1:25:35 PM |
In my neck of the woods I am called the crazy lady ..
Hmmm figures.. Howbigisyourlove are you on drugs or drinking heavily?
This is another thread I am going to leave now due to you. The reason...?
I dont need to stay around people that I find disturbingly rude and in obvious need of some kind of therapy .. I do NOT ever ask nor expect that anyone become like me . Hell It would take a long and hard trek for anyone to get to where I am right now in my own personal development. I am here to offer my personal opinions, most are things I have personally studied in order to get over my own hurts and pains of the past.. Despite all that I and my family have endured, I do not blame anyone of my present for those things of the past... I do not enforce my beliefs upon anyone. I offer my own personal opinion which I believe is what the forums are about.. those reading this can either take it or leave it.. I do not call others stupid for not doing so. Of course you may carry on as you wish. I was offering my opinion on your aggression and anger which you have chosen to ignore.. That's fine.. I need to remove myself from the vicinity that you continue to reign with your own feelings upon others. Just dont wonder why others
also cannot remain around you for long...
Catherine aka star  <--- leaving the building.. | |
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kezo
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Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 166 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 1:35:51 PM | | Mypersonal view on this is dont get involved. I meet this guy i actually have a child with him. It turned out his best friend who he thinks the world off used to sleep together. Ifound out threw a friend he never mentioned a word. Most of his friends were ex girlfriends even when i was in labouran ex girlfriend was on the phone to him. She had a termination with his baby behind his back but they were friends. After nowing this man and was pregnant 4 months he then told me he was a cystic fibrosis carrier. He broke my heart but i allowed him to treat meet me like this. You will no if he is beig honest i never trusted this man from the start if i was honest. I only new him a couple of months and fell pregnant as he had no living family i felt sorry for him. I have been in and out of courts with him for 3 years it has made me ill. So if your instict tells you no run as fast as you can girl x x | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 3:06:03 PM | 
Questions to OP:
Does he have phone conversations with these other women in your presence?
Does he ever leave the room while he is talking to them?
When he "visits" the other ladies, are you invited to join him?
I would have a difficult time trusting this one and would not enjoy hearing about his "previous" encounters either. He is being vert disrespectful of you and his "female friends" as well. Since you brought this up in a forum, you are concerned about his behavior. Be honest with him and tell him how you feel and why it bothers you. Listen carefully to his response.
I think having platonic friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship is fine as long as it is handled well and there's no doubt in your mind that you are the most important one in his life. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 3:26:12 PM | I'm still friends with women that I use to be in a relationship with, if they weren't good people I wouldn't have had a relationship with them. Besides, just because the relationship ends doesn't mean the friendship is over. What is odd about your question, is that this guy feels the need to tell you about all the intimate details of what he has done with these other women in an effort to put you in the position of "topping" their antics, or to make you feel inferior in some way. This is an indication of a much more serious problem that you're probibly better off staying away from...
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 5:15:22 PM |
I very specifically stated that I was referring to couples who are "in love" not dysfunctional couples who should have thrown in the towel.
wsheeeew, wasNT zee Only One who 'caught that'
(althoooough, i am feeling like zee Only One 'catching' alot-'oops'...A Lot  )
of What zee 'HowBigIsYours' is SAYing)
'eazk' is Usually very concise/logical/sympathetic in His posts
(im really Not 'buying' the whole "doNt understand the writings"-nope/not from Dat one)
AnyHo, it is becoming quite DisHeartening , to 'come back to' this thread, find even More of the Attempted 'bullying/ganging up on/'Jump on zee Bandwagon'
PERSONal bashing of One particular poster (not that eazk is 'on That wagon'-actually a real Gent-from what i've seen, here, on zee playground/forums)
OT: um,
~i~ would 'like' to see/'hear' More of the 'discussion' as to the chap TALKing about his
'sexual endeavor/experiences/Conquests'
i THINK that ...THAT is what is so ODD (Not that he 'had' them/is still friends with...)
Even Though, i understand that 'remaining friends/in contact with/Etc'
IS: a subject/issue that Many have Many Varying stances on
what i AM so Very sick...sick sick SICK to DEATH of-Is...
the FRIKKIN 'Writing Police/Brigade/Gustapo(oh, spelling?)/gang/Lynch Mob'
we All have different Personalities (Some BlandeR than Others
 ) And, Some 'Use' Their 'writings' to Convey...Interject, if you will
Some ~FEELing~ inTo their 'statements'
*garsh, how many care to read a 'Thesis' when escaping into this vortex?*
If we wanted to feel as though we're being 'graded' on our writing
Im shuuuure we wouldNT head to zee POF forums for such
so, if all would like to get 'Back To' zee Topic at hand...have at
If? Any can NOT wrap their scholastic lil minds around AnyOne's posts?
If? Any can NOT stand to put forth Any Effort , in TRYing to 'GET' the ~feeling~
beING conveyed-through ~words~?
Maaaaaybe-go read...
* a dictionary (ohhhhh, *FUN*)
*a NewsPaper (ohhhh, *GoodY*)
*a term paper (ohhh, cant Contain my *Excitement*)
this 'place' is So not 'Organic', i rather Enjoy when AnyOne puts some *Pizazz* into THEIR ~words~ (writing? CAN Be ~Beautiful~)
~i~ have understood EveryThing written (including, by zee 'nitpicked' party)
the posts/words i usually doNT 'get' (or, bother to)-Are...
the "hay how r u wanna chat hit me up u r kut les hang an u can c my sinsativ kewl layd ..."
ya get?
Some folks can/do/choose to 'remain friends' with Xs
(no, i haveNT found this to be a 'good' idea, i DO have a LOT of life experience)
BUT, who in the world really...REALly thinks that carrying on about ones sexual past
IS=a good thing?
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 5:33:34 PM | | I am still friends with many of the men I have had sex with. The sex may have just been between friends and it was nothing more than that. He is being honest with you which in my book is a plus. Heck I am still friends with my ex husband which people find strange. But I believe in starting out every relationship as a friend. And because the intimacy and relationship don't work doesn't mean the friendship shouldn't. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 5:36:27 PM | | Personally I am not comfortable dating someone who's current group of friends consists of female friends he used to/is sleeping with. Call me old- fashioned, but we are human. I just would find it tough always wondering what they were up to when they were together. If he has guy friends & platonic girl friends, then you have to respect he has known them a while & one would assume that he would include you when they all get together anyway. My 2 cents. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/18/2007 5:44:48 PM | | This is very common. I am platonic friends with many women who I had sex with. Why we stopped is that we agreed to stop when the other found a relationship that they felt warrented their full attention. Why not "go back" to being sexual? Because that part of the friendship had it's place in time. and no longer does. | |
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