| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:07:49 AM |
O.K....how about if the guy tells you about his x's [not sex details- just that the sex was good]..... thinks the x-wife cheated on him while married, he had a booty call with her while she was with her current husband-before that marriage-AND more recently ASKED HER for another booty call but she said no ..... another women -the most recent one- he broke it off and she was quite upset about it for awhile, now they are 'friends' ..... the other - she says he talks sex to her - he says he has not while we were together. Also, while cooking dinner for me, he was online with one of them talking about a new hottub she had - running to the computer every time it dinged with a new message. I said I would leave so he could finish his conversation with her. He says I'm jealous and immature ... I think what I listed are extenuating circumstances. I've written about this before [yeah..obsessive compulsive?] but I really really like so many things about him [yeah - including the sex, it is incredible]. I asked him to look at this listing and I know everyone does not agree with me. But I think it's disrespectful to me and asking for trouble [he has a booty call list, I don't like it]. Of course, this is for 2 people in a committed relationship that they want to last forever. If we are just getting to know each other and still have the option to see other people, he can have his booty call list. AM I totally wrong????
reading this ^^^ i think you need to be true to your gut feelings.. what i got out of the above is that you're saying he won't listen to your concerns; he calls you names when you're upset, he's asked someone for a booty call when they were involved with someone else and he keeps a booty call list, even though you are in a "committed relationship" with eachother...
from that it appears to me that you already have realized inside that he's not someone you can trust...and you say that you think he's disrespectful to you...
..now recognizing all that, it's up to you if you're prepared to put up with someone you don't trust, who doesn't respect you, in exchange for the things you do like about him...
it's gotta be your choice in the end, you're the one who has to live with the hurt it's causing you if you think it's worthwhile.. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:14:30 AM | Ok
Two points
1.He can have sex and the women feels good enough about it to still like him.
2. He is able to carry a conversation and continue a friendship with someone that he liked well enough to go to bed with.
Would you prefer he hate every women he slept with and in turn will hate you? Is that what you would want?
I have had both types of men and beleive me the ones who are friends afterwards are much better. And the ones who tell you they hate the ex lovers are just as likely to be caught in your bed with one of them...
Judge a man by 2 things 1. How he treats his mother, and 2. How he treats the ex's. Cause if he hates them both. You will be just another women for him to tell the next girl he hates. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:40:22 AM | | True too.... I am saying these x-lovers are his booty call list. Says he won't cheat if he's involved but if she is it's ok. That does not make sense to me. And yes, that was part of the problem, him saying I'm jealous,etc when I was trying to discuss the issue. I admitted I might be wrong about it. I do have jealousy issues, especially since we jumped into serious so fast. Sigh...why does it still have to be sooo difficult! Like I said before,I trust him. But I still think it's wrong. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:46:20 AM | | Fulllifewithkids... he did complain about these same women when he told me about them, before I knew how often he was in contact. So why does he want to be friends with them now? Also...he says he's friends with all his x's...but I went to a birthday party and the x-wife was there [the daughters mom-perfectly fine of course] [not one that he emails with]..she said 'thanks for having me over' as she was leaving...he says 'anytime', shuts the door and adds 'ONLY when there's a birthday party-that's the only time I want you here'. That's not really friendship. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:55:38 AM | | Well, you really need to take into consideration what kinda guy you are with if he has had casual sex with that many women "that" may be your red flag. Just remember that any man that treats sex so casually may not think that he is really doing anthing wrong. Why did the relationships end or was it just sex? if they were just sex buddys then that tells you something, relationships end for a reason, it is hard to stay friends with someone that you cared enough about to get that close with them unless it is just sex. good luck, i really hope things work out for you. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:54:21 PM | Messae 114 and 112, right on the money.
From Howbigisyourloves profile:
"I really rock and roll over oppression and detest bullies of any color inside their heads"
Apparently changed her mind. I can't say I've ever read opinions expressed in a more aggressive or intimidating manner. Being strong and/or powerful does not equate to verbal bullying, rather it equates to coping with everything that life throws at you with dignity and compassion, not by ranting in language alien to any I've ever heard.
I suggest that ignoring future posts may deflate her tyres. | |
|
| |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:37:16 PM | Over a 2 week period I've gotten huge favors from women I've dated or slept with in the past:
1) one took my children to a soccer game when I had to work
2) one is a teacher at my son's elementary school and called me when my youngest was having a temper tantrum next door to her classroom. I was able to come to the school and calm him down
3) one is picking up my youngest from daycare because I have to work late one night.
Damn, I just realized all of these women are teachers. I really must have a teacher fetish.   ...
Also, an ex-g/f lets my teenage son mow her lawn for money in the spring and summer.
I'm no longer having sex with any of the women above. But we have remain friendly because we were mature and realistic about the extent of our relationships and genuine about the friendship portion. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:57:11 PM | | my ex bf is like that......we are still friends because we started out as friends....he isn't a cheater or a player, just a damn nice guy who cares about people. i had no problem with him being friends with his ex's (tho this did take some getting used to) but i saw how he was...very devoted to the woman he is with and a guy who starts out his relationships as friends. | |
|
| |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/27/2007 6:01:55 PM | OK after reading some more i see this guy is NOTHING like my ex....my ex did NOT have booty calls or tell me about the sex he had with ex gf's, and if i expressed any upset about an ex, without debate he would chose me over her.........your guy is SIMPLY DISRESPECTING YOU.....sounds like you have some simple choices to make....sorry the sex is so good, makes the choice harder!!
and if he reads this...dude, grow up! | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:46:59 PM | To answer this question in its entirety one would have to tap several different fields the most important of which would be mass psychology, temporal continuity (TIME) and the other would be the forgotten concept of love.
So let’s start with love since everyone is always harping about how well they understand this rather badly understood topic
Love in its true from is non judgemental, non directional ( in other words it fully embraces) and non restrictive. When you play close attention to all the requirements here you will find that most individuals have no concept of the true meaning of love. Today love means please me in a certain way and if you do so I will in turn love you. In other words love as most know it is conditional; failure to meet these conditions results in a loss of so called love. Hence so many relationships end so drastically.
The next subject is mass psychology
The majority of individuals are taught to believe that happiness is found by finding your so called other half. This is one of the biggest lines of crock ever invented. Happiness is found within; all you can do when you find another is share this happiness with them provided they are happy individuals too. You cannot create another’s happiness for it’s a state of mind and not something that you can hold and manipulate. Another misconception is the joining of forces with another to become one. Another load of bull, you know there say that a ship can have only one captain. So if two join trying to become one there will be fight and in the end the ship will be wrecked as no one will be paying attention to where its going. That’s the reason why so many relationships end up wrecked. Note the word ship is part of the word relationship and in a relation ship you are meant to relate to one another and not meld into one. Its your differences in the first place that attracted you and now you seek to take what attracted you in the first place and mould into one unit. The list of nonsense can go and on and on. So let’s stop here for now
Finally we will end of with time. It has been determined that when you travel at the speed of light so as to speak time ceases to exist. So time only exists for us because of our inability to travel at the speed of light. So in essence one could argue that time is an illusion or an illusory concept that only appears to be real due to our in ability to travel to a certain speed which would suspend the laws of time. Think of time as a long straight line. You move slightly forward you go into the future, you move slightly backwards you go into the past, you stand still and you experience the present for one brief second before it becomes a part of the past. Hence one could say that if we moved at the speed of light one would be sleeping, starting and ending all their relationships at the same time. What changes is the point of time you are at and the only reason its fixed is because you cannot accelerate fast enough to escape it. To put this into perspective think of the caveman and the speed of sound. If the cave man heard of one today’s super sonic jets he would never know where to look at; he would be looking in the direction of the sound and missing the fact that the jet travels faster than the speed of sound. So it’s entirely possible that he might never actually see the jet; now the jet is there but he cannot see it because he does not understand the concept of sound.
Conclusion
You cannot change anyone and thus whining about it will only cause you more pain. You should decide what it is your want from this relationship and focus on that aspect instead of wasting your time focusing on issues that only make your life more miserable. If you find it’s not for you then simply move on. Life is too short to waste time crying on what should, could or might be, deal with the what is factor and not with what if or what could be factor and you will enjoy life a lot more. Happiness is not in the hands of your partner but within.
 | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/18/2007 1:38:39 AM | | They only lasted for a short time just like most infedilitys are apparently supposed to only last a short time thats why most are undetected , does he still gets his on the side? i would gladly bet a weeks pay on it in 90% confidence that i would make some money off it. | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:12:45 AM | | saul, you are ABSOLUTELY right....everyone has a belief of what is appropriate to themselves in a relationship....they know what they can tolerate and not tolerate ....it is what we call our values...and we need to respect and embrace them. If someone is in a relationship and they are uncomfortable with any parts of it (in this case, him staying in contact with women from the past), then you have two choices: change you values or move on to find someone who's values mirror yours...I think that is one of the most important parts of the dating ritual...to learn how compatable you each are with the other's values...each of us has to be true to ourselves.... | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:17:15 AM | I was married for 6 years and I'm still good friends with my ex-wife and also with some ex-girlfriends.
It would have been such a shame to throw away the experiences and intimacy we have shared. I think it's really worth making an effort to keep and cultivate the friendship that is still possible even after breaking up.
As an Italian I'm used to seeing people end relationships in a passionate display of anger, jealousy and revenge.
It's pretty normal for us humans to react angrily when we are hurt. And that manifests usually in not wanting to have any contact with the person we accuse of hurting us.
Sometimes it is justified, but sometimes it's just our clinging to our unfulfilled desires and blaming the other person for not being able to fulfill them.
In my experience there are two possibilities:
Case one: Either one of us, or both, misunderstood our feelings and our true motivation for wanting to be each other.
Case two: We both were attracted to each other enough to want to have sex, but not enough to want to spend the rest of our lives together!
In this last case it's easy to stay friends if we were both honest about it from the beginning.
Why should having had sex with some one exclude the possibility of friendship afterwards?
Case one is more difficult:
We like the idea of a person being "ours", and ours only. Forever.
Some relationships indeed can last a lifetime.
Many of us aspire to this ideal and long for a soul mate to share our lives with.
But what if it turns out we do not both have the same depth of feeling for the other?
What if after some time one of the two discovers that a little compromise is not enough, that they would need to compromise a lot, too much, so much that they don't feel in love anymore and become unhappy?
Are we really happy knowing that the other "sticks to it" in spite of not being happy themselves?
What if it turns out we were not soul mates? What if one of the two misunderstood his/her feelings and was not truly in love?
What if one of the two didn't realize that they were just trying to fill a longing at any cost?
After having tried and done all that is possible, with honesty and maturity we can sometimes decide that we are not such a good fit after all.
Then friendship is still an option.
Hopefully there are no children that also need to pay for our misunderstanding.
Why throw away the friendship that has been built up in a relationship, just because we cannot get over our pain and expectation that it would last forever?
Surely, at least in some relationships, it is possible to cherish what we share instead of concentrating on the past difficulties and on our differences?
Instead of concentrating on what we have "lost", why not cherish and maintain what we have gained? Namely a friend. | |
|
| |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:46:20 AM | Dear Myrtel...
I want to say to you... it's really too bad that you are going through this issue to begin with, but since you are I want to tell you a few things that come to mind. But, first I want to ask you a quick question...When you were hearing these old stories of conquest and you were feeling hurt and Queazy and probably a little sick inside (anyone else here feel that?) did you ever ask him to stop or tell him that you did not want to hear those stories. I bet your answer is a yes because it bothered you enough to open up here. There is no doubt that you care for him because you are trying to salvage the relationship..I say that because you have been hurt but yet your man has tried his best to turn your thinking process around by justifying his bragging. That common sense of feeling hurt is already programmed into you..(he tells the stories and you feel hurt) Yet because of love or at least overpowering attraction you stay with him and allow him to hurt you because you are condused and he is taking advantage of it. You will end up depressed and believing that every woman he says hi to is a past lover. Should he start up with another session PLEASE TELL HIM STOP NO MORE! If he continues then you should realize that he needs to bragg more than he needs to care about your feelings...Good luck on this one hun... | |
|
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:53:33 AM | yeah..I'd say " get out of this one." Sounds like he's having his cake and eating it too.
I don't even want to think of the potential for STD's in this situation...and you could be the beneficiary of all that he might pass on to you.
Don't you think you deserve better than that?
Soleil | |
|
| |
| |
naeco
|
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 221 | |
| |
| |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:45:47 PM | I'm always friends first (otherwise I sure wouldn't want more!) so if the romance doesn't work out, we can still talk and get along. The only difference is that the get-togethers aren't on a regular basis.
To cut someone off when I enjoy his personality, just because one aspect of 'us' didn't pan out, is sort of silly.
I'd only sever ties if we had incompatible character. | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
