| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:29:39 PM | Actually, I am looking for both, from one man. I mean, I love some of my friends but they're, um, you know, like, FRIENDS. What sets a sexual relationship apart from a friendship is the SEX. The SEX for me is every bit a s important as the love. AND, I think it's HARDER to find a true love because of the sexual part of it--I may love the guy to death but the sex may be poor. It's a deal-breaker.
And, wow, I have heard that "I'm really busy with work" line; it floors me--too busy for SEX?? That sure is busy!! | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:23:40 PM |
It's a shared intimacy that is for two only.
As we mature and grow and really know ourselves, we realize there is so much to life, to relationships and to our own inner happiness.
Sex is not important in and of itself, it is important in a love relationship.
The undeniable truth...  | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:47:12 PM |
Obviously you can't make love all that often. All I said was that I preferred it to sex. But lovemaking takes time, effort and sometimes you just feel like having sex.
What I mean is that sex alone isn't enough.
But I want more wild and exciting sex than love making. As I stated above, if it's just vanilla I'll walk away. I did that 3 1/2 years ago and I won't settle again. I can't do a relationship that doesn't involve a good amount of really really hot and heavy good sex. I want a man that isn't afraid to touch me both at home and in public. So I would rather have a realtionship that is more about sex than love if it means they only want to make love to me. Sex alone is enough for me if I haven't found what I'm looking for in a relationship. No boyfriend doesn't affect me negatively but no sex, well that makes me a very very sad girl. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:51:20 PM |
How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
I hope I never have make that choice and I think if I ever do I get a puppy. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:54:06 PM | i sure hope that they are both on the serving plate!!!!... is this post, for real?? Like what came first, the chicken, or the egg????    | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:22:34 PM | It does seem a bit like a chicken or egg concept, but I think it is an interesting thing to look at. If the end result, what some are looking for, is a deep level of connection mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually… there is an unfolding over time as you revel yourself and discover each other.
The notion of love or sex seems to me to be our attempt at finding “an answer” for ourselves, a formula, if you will, for how to approach developing a relationship that will deliver to us this deep compatibility and connection. So, the underlying question isn't which... but that age old dilemma of timing. For some, sex first (or early), weeds out people who are incompatible in that way, leaving, they hope, people with whom a depth connection on all levels can be built. For others, the answer is to establish the connection of friendship first and grow other connections from that base.
No one can determine which is the right approach for another person – it is an individual answer or approach to life. I do believe we can see why they might have picked whatever formula or approach is the answer by looking at their past and their fears. (echoing angel_ladyd’s earlier posts).
Sex first people have likely had previous relationships with unequal or mismatched sex drives or compatibility and wish to avoid that pain in the future.
• Some (but not all of them) may have difficulty or discomfort revealing themselves and seek the sexual connection as an opening to intimacy – allowing them greater freedom of expression within the safety of connection.
• Some (but not all of them) may have reduced sex to a commodity or act.
• Some (but not all of them) are healthy, balanced people who see expression of love and sex as naturally occurring and developing in tandem.
Friends first people have likely had previous experiences where an early sexual connection led to disappointment and they wish to avoid that pain in the future. (I suspect this is becoming attached to someone before knowing there is sufficient compatibility on other levels to build a relationship – the “sex blinds us” answer And/or it is protection from the pain of being "used for sex")
• Some (but not all of them) may have difficulty or discomfort revealing themselves sexually and seek the emotional connection as an opening to intimacy – allowing them greater freedom of expression within the safety of connection.
• Some (but not all of them) do not care for or like sex or they enjoy it but have a lower sex drive.
• Some (but not all of them) are healthy, balanced people who feel the sexual expression of love is special and is an expression of a depth level of connection with the other.
Those are but a few of the possible reasons people may have chosen their particular approach. Either approach can be choices from healthy, balanced people or either approach can be coming from dysfunction or fear. It would be nice if we could hand potential partners a questionnaire, lol, instead we rely on communication and the thrill and terror of communication and exploration in getting to know each other. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:25:26 PM | | I dated a man for a year that had ED and I was just fine with it . I was looking for love ! | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/23/2007 11:02:13 PM |
Every woman alive and not one real man lmao
Cannot imagine separating the one from the other. Is there an actual *need* to do so? Meanwhile, certainly sex is a necessary part of life. While waiting, that can be taken care of by Sister Hand. But, truly, I recognize that there are peeps out there, of both sexes, who feel nearly NO need of sex at all. I was married to one. Miracle is that the marriage lasted 10 years. Ideally, they should just find each other, and leave the rest of us alone.
And. This is a very different issue from that of losing a sexuality that once existed. That, in and of itself, can present huge issues in a relationship; but is better weathered than next to no desire in the first place. Sex surely presents an opportunity for bonding for both sexes. Once the bond is formed, it's very hard to break given any willingness of each party to attempt to make the mate happy. Without it, all bets are off.
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 3:46:04 AM | | I seek sex. there is no point seeking love. Love is how someone feels. They won't love you at first. If they think they do, they are using you for a prop in a fantasy. It might turn out they love you as time goes by, or not. The only thing that can be sought after is sex. Love follows sexual interest. There is no way in hell a woman will fall in love with a man she finds sexually repulsive. Dating is when she takes her time deciding if she can love someone she would have sex with given the right conditions. If she would not have sex with you, she would not date you. She might decide not to have sex with you, based on how the date goes. She will love you as a matter of course unless you do something wrong, like talk when she has something to say. That is why I look for sex and not love. I am looking for a woman who can look at me and imagine sex would be fun. I want her to do that a lot, so it's important. I already know that if she does, and we have sex, she will love me as much as I deserve, and as much as she is able. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:07:08 AM | So Moto, if that is the case, why not a pic so we can have that first attraction, that first spark of sexual interest!!!! | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:29:24 AM | Love and affection are way more important. Sex, hey, I can satisfy that urge myself if necessary (and over the years, it has been).
You can't provide the affection you need to yourself. It simply doesn't work. Hugging yourself just doesn't do the trick, besides you'll look like an idiot. Anyone know how to kiss themselves on the lips? Nah, didn't think so.
Love first. Sex can come later. Sure, they're both important, but gotta have your priorities. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:52:37 AM | leslie136..... Yeah,we're out here !! You just have to look for them
and givem' a chance.... | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:46:04 AM | I vote for Deep Love and Steamy, smoking hot sex at the same time.
Just trying to figure out where I sign up for that. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 11:21:13 AM | look for love? hell no... but I will look for sex. I like to use my time productively. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 12:31:55 PM | Well, I don't think that it is an either/or proposition. Like any guy, or any healthy human I presume, I want sex, but yeah, I want love too.
Do I "seek" sex? Well, look around... whats to seek?
Sex isn't exactly a precious and unique commodity.
So, yeah, I'm definitely seeking love "over" sex. But then, there is plenty of love in my life that doesn't involve sex, so sex can't really be divorced from the equation.
I'm certainly not seeking love without sex. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 3:18:22 PM | | I'm gonna have to agree with looking for love and not as much sex. If both people love one another and the sexual desires are there, sure go for it but otherwise I can't imagine it being nearly as enjoyable of an experience. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/24/2007 3:37:00 PM | | I'm looking for friends only at more FWB because i'm not ever close to ready for a relationship. | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:07:47 PM |
So, I just had to ask others here if anyone else is looking for love, and not so much sex. A show of hands could be interesting. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone with these feelings.
There is a CHOICE? Wow!!! Give it a few years, and you will be happy to take whatever comes along...lol | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:50:27 PM | I'll take sex over love as love is way over rated these days, but even bad sex.....ain't really that bad! lol
Doug  | |
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| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:41:51 PM | I'm actually just sticking around to hear everyone else's drama. It's enough to keep me single for a long , long time LOL!
When it comes to sex vs. love?
Hmmm...I believe in sex.
Not so much in love. I doubt I'm that lovable. | |
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