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| | Do guys like single moms? Page 36 of 43 (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43) |
You're ridiculous and an idiot! Please, IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. You have NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Oh, is that so? I am talking from quite a bit of experience dating single moms, how about you? How many single mom's have you dated? How many single dads did you attempt to seriously date before you became a single mom yourself? You are certainly more qualified to talk about what it is like being a single mom, but you are absolutely not more qualified to talk about what it is like to be a childless guy dating single moms.
I am not saying all single moms are like this, however a lot are. In fact, in my experience, so many are that I find it works better just not to seriously date them as a rule. The only difference is I'll actually say it, rather than hide it or deny it out of misplaced shame that some other guys do.
You may not agree with what I say, just as I don't agree with plenty of what you say, but I am not the one calling you ridiculous, an idiot, or a jerk. Also you really should tone down the personal attacks, all caps ranting, and obvious anger of your posts. People looking at your profile will read your posts when considering if they want to write you.
ALSO, SINGLE MOMS...DON'T BE ONE OF THE WOMEN HE TALKS ABOUT. IT'S HARD, BUT GET A JOB, WORK TOWARDS A CAREER AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS. PROVE JERKS LIKE THIS WRONG!
I absolutely agree with and support this. It wouldn't change my mind about dating single moms, but it probably will make a difference to other men. While there are a lot of guys who flat out won't seriously date single moms in the first place, there are a whole lot more who won't date single moms who also don't have their lives together. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 1:59:53 PM | | Hello.. I think I may be on the same boat as you are. I am divorced and am left with two teenage children. I am okay too. I am a wonderful mom to my children. I do feel that I am at disadvantaged because I have children and my body isn't young as it used to be. I just feel that men do not want me at all because I have kids. I feel men who look at me differently like I have all that baggage with me all the time. I wouldn't trade my children for anything because they are lovely kids. Man comes the last of the list because my children needs me the most. I am sorry to say but it is for a fact that I have responsibilities. I think most men like women who don't have kids or already grown up kids. I am looking for a companionship and it seems to me that I may have difficulty finding one to love and share my life with. Someone who loves me and loves my kids as well.. I am not looking for a dad for my children because they already have a dad. I don't think they need another one. (sigh...) | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:06:36 PM |
There are MANY men willing or even HAPPY to date a woman who is also a single mother. (I am currently pregnant with my fourth child and I don't even have enough time to turn them all down.)
And possibly thats because you are still young and beautiful... do you honestly think the same would apply if you were 30+, and look deteriorating...? Men are quite visually driven... I'd bet that many men who are attracted to you, see your kids as a necessary evil... they'll put up with them to have you... whether they stick around is another thing....
ANY MAN WOULD BE LUCKY TO DATE A GOOD SINGLE MOTHER.
You are so right.... "GOOD SINGLE MOTHERS" are so hard to find, a guy would have to be lucky to find one.... Many, many single moms are not as succesful as others... and they don't fare as well in the dating scene as the succesful ones.... | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:39:21 PM | guys do like single moms but the obstacles are daunting.here are the basic scenarios: kids are brats, kids constantly try to break you up,kids like you mom is jealous;mom always puts the kids first;kids like you and mom is happy about it. one good case, the rest bad.
what happens if you break up? depending on where you live you could be hit for child support with no parental rights. you could have a deep attachment and never see them again. even if you can see them, it will never be the same. i've dated several single moms and have found that the kids bring far more negatives than positives to a relationship and that teenagers are far more trouble than the little ones. fortunately i've reached an age that tends to bring grandkids rather than kids into play. grandkids are great, you can play with them and then take them home to mom. you get the kids at their best instead of their worst. you single moms may not like this but this is the reality. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 5:17:17 PM | "and they don't fare as well in the dating scene as the successful ones...."
Truthfully, and I don't think the lady from utah would disagree, that "successful" often equates to other adjectives pertaining to appearance. I believe the words were "you' d better be hot". | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:51:25 PM | I'm 57 years old and have dated many single moms, before and recently. It has never worked out. I'm not trying to stereotype anyone, but these are my real experiences that I hope others will avoid. First, I find these women are traumatized after finding out life is seldom happy ever after. They don't even try to hide their contempt of men or how they evaluate new guys primarily on our finances. Even women who claim to support their own children expect their new man to pay some family expenses as a gesture of his commitment to her and her kids, unless they're just enjoying each other as lovers and there's nothing wrong with that. But most single moms I've met live at the poverty level and really do want a guy to bond with and help raise children who typically only want their real father back. I dated a woman whose baby daddy snuck in and out so she could collect welfare. One women threatened to sue me for paternity if
I didn't pay her off, until I educated the stupid wench about DNA testing.
Worse, never underestimate the sheer vindictiveness between a woman and her ex.
A biological father told his child to lie that I was sexually molesting her. The mere accusation alone cost me thousands to clear up legally and to this day, I will not stay anywhere near children without unbiased witnesses. And yes, I've even had the pleasure of death threats if I didn't clear out. I'm a Vietnam combat vet and I can defend myself, but why risk my life over a woman and kids that aren't even mine. I'm not trying to rant against single mothers, they have it tough enough. But I don't feel sorry for them. They fell for hot guys and got burned, sometimes intentionally despite obvious warnings. Back in my younger days, sure, I'd promise these women whatever they wanted to hear, bed them and move on to the next one because frankly, the ones I dealt with had pretty low morals, poor self-esteem and bills to pay anyway they could. But now I'm looking for a longterm relationship, without kids whom I still don't trust. I think single moms should just enjoy sex and affection wherever they can find it, but don't be naive about demanding a new man love and care for your kids. Chances are you're going to go through a lot of men or become a religious celebate. I know there are a lot of wonderful sexy single moms out there and I really wish them and their kids well. But in this age of easy virtue and easier divorce, be careful who you get into. But that's just my view of it. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:05:30 PM |
It's not. OK.. meet at the coffee shop today, if we don't make each other barf then tomorrow I tuck her kids in and read them a bedtime story.
No, if you are looking for a sex partner, or someone to go on dates with, then it's not that way and will never be that way. If you are looking for a husband, someone to be there, support you (Yeah, I know, you don't need no stinkin' man, I hear it all the time), and be a father, then that is what you will look for. They are mutually exclusive.
It's not how many parents, it's the values and morals they are raised with.
I disagree. It is not about values and morals. Oh, they are very important! But it is also about working together, problem solving, making a team out of two different people. It's about sacrifice and leadership and instilling these values into the child by him/her seeing them in action. It's about seeing mom AND dad resolving conflicts and learning proper and effective ways to do so. It's about seeing two gender roles in a home, and learning that humans "Nest" and have "places" when working in a structured team. And this just touches the surface!
And last, you wrote:
That doesn't mean that I can't do a good job by myself.
I seriously disagree. I think you may be able to do an adequate job, and if you are lucky enough to have a high income bracket so that you can afford a nanny and a male gender role model, then you may do well.
Most do not have these benefits. They will see only one side of the two human genders. They will see the inside of a daycare on average 11 hours a day, and spend only about 4 hours a day with the single parent - and most of that will be taken with bathing, food prep and cleanup, and watching television. If you are leaving the child with grandparents, then they are instilling the values you are not, but in a haphazard way.
In addition to this, given any emergency, and the child must take a back seat in your life. You are only one person. You can try to be hercules and carry the entire world on your shoulders, but in the end, I am sad to say, the same words are psoken by single mothers all over the United States a hundred time every single day as the handcuffs go on.
"He's a good kid. I don't know what went wrong!" | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:17:08 PM | I don't think men do, really. I'm a divorced mom. I have a boy. I truly believe that, while its ok for the guys to have all these kids, we can't...
I mean, cmon girls...we can't be spontaneous anymore, or "fun"..etc...or whatever most men look for..
No matter what age they are, they want someone with no baggage at all..and that means kids.
And FYI, my bff is male... | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:21:00 PM | | Another thing, I've met men with a whole bunch of kids with a whole bunch of women...and that's ok..but my ONE child with my ex husband..not some doofus I met at the bar..and that's so not ok...its very one-sided..and I can see why it seems unfair to men to deal with all this..but if we have to deal with all ur babymama's drama..I mean cmon..cut us some slack. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:35:49 PM |
SINGLE MOMS...DON'T BE ONE OF THE WOMEN HE TALKS ABOUT. IT'S HARD, BUT GET A JOB, WORK TOWARDS A CAREER AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS. PROVE JERKS LIKE THIS WRONG!
I wish it were so. I really do. Statistics disagree.
Before tax income by category (national averages):
Widowed single mothers: 22,790
Divorced/separated: 18,580
Never married mothers: 9,820
Average income married couples: 43,130
On average, Single mothers with no car:
Divorced/Separated: 23%
Never Married: 65%
Widowed: 24%
Married Couples 3%
Single Mothers employment:
Divorced/Separated: 50% full time: 30% part time: 20% unemployed
Never Married: 25% full time: 30% part time: 45% unemployed
Widowed: 30% full time: 40% part time: 30%unemployed
This is what the study concludes:
As for the phenomenon of higher income, single proferssional women having children, it is unlikely. ...only two percent had a single mother age 30 or older and a household before-tax income of more than 30,000.
According to the Bureau of Statistics 36% of single mothers, after including social programs such as welfare and food stamps, were living below poverty levels. Also, as the income increased, the amount of time the child or children spent in day cares also increased. By the time the income had reached the midian average for a two parent home, the amount of time the children spent in daycare vastly exceeded the amount of time they spent at home.
In other words, instead of a wife staying home with the children, the women had assumed the role of men, and commercial child care services had assumed the role of raising the children - the traditional role of the wife. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:49:10 PM |
I mean, cmon girls...we can't be spontaneous anymore, or "fun"..etc...or whatever most men look for..
What I find attractive is character, personality, responsibility, reliability, desire to work together, willingness to work within a structured enviroment, and willingness to improve herself through school and/or beneficial activities. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:11:07 PM | I have a full time job and a car. I read more than Glamour and Vogue and cheap romance novels...
We're not all ghetto mama's with no education or motivation to succeed. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:22:21 AM | "In other words, instead of a wife staying home with the children, the women had assumed the role of men, and commercial child care services had assumed the role of raising the children..."
It's part of the program...
"Freedom for women cannot be won without abolition of marriage".- Sheila Cronan
"Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession..." .- Vivian Gornick
"In order to raise children with equality, we must take them away from families and communally raise them".- Dr Mary Jo Bane
... and is working. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:27:17 AM | Tall Dark Passionate..One question?..Have u been dropped on ur head more than once?...I have to say I have never came across such an ignorant person and as far as being a single mother, I wouldn't want a selfish little boy such as urself to be a part of my childs life..I have never made a MAN have to choose to come second...Just because ur not a single parent makes u better than everyone else?..Grow the Hell Up....BTW ur probably talk about all women in a negative way but then go and cry to mommy..I know those guys, they are weak, Yeah U Are Weak!.................................................... | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:10:23 AM | | One more thing I would like to add..If it wasn't for u single minded men that laid down and helped have these children and leave, women wouldn't be single parents..See somebody has to pick up the slack..Having a child is a 24-7 job...We never stop..The real women doesn't abandon their children like most loosers..When u go into a marriage there is no guarantee in forever, so when getting pregnant and the man leaving is not a choice, it happens..I just want to say to all single mom and dads being the great people u are, keep up the greatest job ever..Noone should be labeled..The world would be better if people wasn't so ignorant...BTW WOMEN BEWARE: There are some men that will only date women with (kid-kids)..That way he sees one might be vulnerable and takes advantage...God Bless:) | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:15:38 PM | luciadmc2:
<div class="quote">Another thing, I've met men with a whole bunch of kids with a whole bunch of women...and that's ok..but my ONE child with my ex husband..not some doofus I met at the bar..and that's so not ok...its very one-sided..and I can see why it seems unfair to men to deal with all this..but if we have to deal with all ur babymama's drama..I mean cmon..cut us some slack.
I agree it is just as hypocritical for men with kids to not want women with kids as it is for women with kids to not want men with kids. Unfortunately I see a lot of this on both sides.
sweetshy12312:
<div class="quote">Tall Dark Passionate..One question?..Have u been dropped on ur head more than once?...
I don't see the relevance, but the answer is no. I have only been dropped on my head once, by my own single mom while she was trying to fold laundry. But I don't think that has anything to do with my beliefs, or my disregarding single moms as relationship candidates.
<div class="quote">I have to say I have never came across such an ignorant person and as far as being a single mother, I wouldn't want a selfish little boy such as urself to be a part of my childs life..I have never made a MAN have to choose to come second...Just because ur not a single parent makes u better than everyone else?..Grow the Hell Up....BTW ur probably talk about all women in a negative way but then go and cry to mommy..I know those guys, they are weak, Yeah U Are Weak!....................................................
Okay, first off, that won't be a problem because I don't want to be a part of your child's life, or any other child's life except any children that I have in the future, so at least we see eye to eye there.
Secondly, as I have said before, I am not ignorant, I am speaking from plenty of experience. Both as a single childless man who has dated plenty of childless women and single mothers, and as the son of a single mom who got to see the other side of the picture when my mom was attempting to date guys when I was growing up.
Third, I never said I was better than everyone else, single parents, or even anyone else. If you are reading this from my words, then that is only your own insecurity showing through. What I did say is that my lifestyle is far more compatible with childless women that it is with single moms, as would be the lifestyle of just about any childless man.
Making a relationship work is hard enough even when your lives are compatible, but when you throw a huge monkey wrench like your kids from a previous man into the mix then it becomes nearly impossible to make it work without the guy compromising a whole lot more than the woman does. Why should the man have to compromise so much, and bend over backwards because of your situation, which he had nothing to do with? Shouldn't a healthy relationship be based on equal compromise on both parts?
Find a guy who's situation is similar to your own, and then you can both put in an equal amount of work because of each others situation. Oh, but I guess this would require more work on your part, and you'd rather not have to do that because your life is so hard already? So the way you see it, some guy should be obligated to put up with your situation and all the extra hassle and limitations involved because of how hard your life has been for you, even though he had nothing to do with it?
I am not ignorant, or selfish for knowing how much I am willing to put into a relationship vs. what I want out of it, and that I am only willing to put in as much as she is. Calling me names and trying to shame me with such phrases as 'little boy', 'weak', and 'cry to mommy' shows more about your own character than it does mine.
I am a fully mature man who doesn't shy away from his own responsibilities, who does not try to pass his burdens on to others, and who will not shoulder burdens that are not my responsibility. That is why I will not get seriously involved with single moms.
What I am doing here is telling other childless men that they need to understand what is fully involved if they decide to date a woman with kids, and that they don't have be ashamed if they don't want to, regardless of the names and insults that 'women' like you will hurl at them.
<div class="quote">One more thing I would like to add..If it wasn't for u single minded men that laid down and helped have these children and leave, women wouldn't be single parents..See somebody has to pick up the slack..Having a child is a 24-7 job...We never stop..The real women doesn't abandon their children like most loosers..When u go into a marriage there is no guarantee in forever, so when getting pregnant and the man leaving is not a choice, it happens..I just want to say to all single mom and dads being the great people u are, keep up the greatest job ever..Noone should be labeled..The world would be better if people wasn't so ignorant...
Yeah, yeah, I've heard this whole sob story plenty of times before, and I still don't buy it. Single mothers are not martyrs, you bear at least half of the responsibility of getting into the situation you are in, if not more. Your life is what you made of it, and you are no more or less deserving of praise than mothers who manage to stay together with their men, or childless people who have exercised responsibility in their lives.
'Single minded men' like me have taken responsibility, used precautions, and have been very careful about not knocking up the women that we sleep with because we didn't want to have children with them. Now, accidents do happen, and sometimes 'accidents' happen, and men like me have taken more than their fair share of responsibility in those cases as well. Now why should men like me, who've taken responsibility for the choices I've made in my life also be asked to share in lopsided burden of the choices you've made in your life?
If you want to help reduce the ignorance in the world, I suggest you start with the one person you can actually change.
Yourself.
BTW WOMEN BEWARE: There are some men that will only date women with (kid-kids)..That way he sees one might be vulnerable and takes advantage...God Bless:)
This, unfortunately, is true. Some men see single mom's as desperate, and an easy lay. Whether there is truth to this view or not is beyond the topic of this thread. However, men like me who make no qualms about not wanting to date single moms are far more honorable, yet get slammed far too often. You single moms need to realize that a childless man who has his life together has a lot of dating options, and while your kids are precious, a beautiful gift, and the center of the world, that is only to you, not to him. You have to ask yourself 'If this guy could date a woman just like me who also doesn't have kids, why is he compromising and dating a woman who does? What is he after?'. This is a somewhat sad and cynical way of looking at things, but more often than not it is also realistic. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 3:09:26 PM | LMAO..Just reading ur antics is enough to make my stomach quiver..It doesn't matter ur opinion to me, I just thought I would point out the obvious...I do however understand what ur saying and can appreciate ur honesty..I guess certain guys and gals believe in their own ..I just want to point out one thing though; if someone is in a wheelchair would u say go screw off and u screwed ur own life up, when in fact thats what was offered through an accident..Is it their fault that someone put them in that situation?..I think we all choose our situation, and yes everyone is entitled to choose what they need that works for them..To set up her and have debates on how ur so right and single moms shouldn't have made the mistake..I guess if ur mom didn't have the mistake in having u, then u wouln't be here writing how u don't get urself in situations and how ur better off..I'm glad u think highly of urself but if u took a look, us single women, parents, isn't missing much by having u cast such a negative feedback.. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 3:55:00 PM | Wow.. sounds like a lot of bitter posts from people that have had a few bad experiences spoil their opinion on everything. A lot of big brushes being used to paint both genders.
I think where it breaks down is when the non-parental person has more expectation of the time a parent is able to give. They are home, alone, bored and want to spend time with you. It creates a lot of friction if the non-parent is impatient or selfish.
So single moms.. look out for us single dads. At least some of us will understand where you're coming from. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:25:35 PM | Wow... so many bitter people out there based on those experiences that you all have had.
I'm a single Mom. I have it together. The father is in her life and I prefer minimal drama. It helps that I only have one child, admittedly. However I do agree that men without children don't understand the demands children put on one's life and prefer to date men with children, but not opposed to those without.
That being said, a happy parent makes a more pleasant home. I need my adult time. I enjoy the nights I have alone and don't have to be "on". I think a stable adult relationship needs to be nurtured and that can't happen without couple time, inside jokes, date nights, etc. And when the adults are happy and have their time to focus on one another, the children see that happiness and are content in their place in the household.
It seems my biggest problem is that I had my daughter at 31 and therefore most of the men in my age group have teens and really aren't interested in having a 10 y/o around when they've been there/done that.
The bottom line is, the right one will understand the limitations of parenthood and find you worthy of accommodating your lifestyle. And the same courtesies should be bestowed on the guy and time needs to be made for them, too. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:30:51 PM | | well, I think its a bit harder yes.. i am a single mom and i think it intimidates guys.. maybe the right one will appreciate who you really are; and like all that comes with it.. that is what i am hoping for myself.. the dating scene defenitely isnt the same.. but if you belive in yourself enough; it will all come to place.. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:37:13 PM | | ok so i am a single mother of a beautiful 14 month old girl. and i was abandoned by the father at 8 months pregnant with no way to get in touch with him to tell him anything about the child (not that he wanted to know) then when my daughter is barely a month old he gets married! so yea i know the feeling of heartache and having a beautiful child its hard. but i think you should honeslty take a break and reevaluate what you want in life. yes im almost 19 i had a child at 17 but that doesnt make me any less of a good mother when in fact i think if i was older i wouldnt have the energy lol but i took a leave of absence from the dating world and am now kinda sorta getting back into it and im still not sure what im looking for. some days i want a relationship then other days i dont even want to be around a man you really have to find the balance for this whole situation. because i feel like guys look at single mothers like the child is a tophy saying yes ill have sex with you. and all guys may not be like that but its still something that goes through your mind. just always remember that your child comes first and if a man cant accept it then hes not for you. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:25:56 PM | | well i am a single mom of 2 and yes it is very hard for a woman to find a good man out there...... but i am straight up with the man telling them i am a big package and if they can't handle it then they need to go and get out the door... we don't ask alot just emotional support because that is what we need to deal with what a single mom has to do on a daily basis | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/30/2009 12:52:59 AM | Wow! What a **stard! I believe that guys do infact get scared, but not all. Kids are wonderful and are a huge blessing. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. I had the same question of do women get scared when a guy says they have a toddler as well; so it seems that it would work both ways for men and women who are single with kids, and are trying to date. In reality, all you can do is keep searching and filtering through all the riff-raff until you find someone. Smile and never give up. Everthing will turn out just fine.  | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:35:58 AM | "take a break, focus on yourself, what you want in yourself, in a guy, now is not the time to date when you have a new baby. I know the first year is really the time for you to bond with the baby rather than focus your emotions on a new guy or have drama dealing with one. Join a single moms group for support, google a search on that. I've dated after my daughter was 18 months, and I'll have to say it's hard juggling both, I can't imagine how it would be with a baby. "
Excellent advice! You are so young and have plenty of time to find a special man. And, he will come along! I know it's hard on your own especially when taking care of a baby takes all your energy and emotions and you just want somebody to hold your hand. Make sure your picky - don't just let any man into your (and your childs life)! I was lucky enough years ago to find myself engaged to a man that loved me and my daughter. I felt like you as well after my divorce - very alone and that nobody would want me since I had a child. I did exactly the above advice - focused on myself, my child, my goals and enjoyed my life. Then one day he came along and we had many happy years together. And although we are no longer together, he still visits and spends time with my daughter. Hang in there and enjoy each day :) | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:47:38 AM | A single parent, male or female, must, MUST, have the needs of their child be the top priority in their life.
Introducing a signifigant other into the life of a single parent can be difficult. The new member has to earn the trust, respect, and love of the child. It takes a lot of patience, concern, tenderness, time and understanding to do this successfully.
However, is there a greater gift on this earth than to have a child look at you, and you see the love in their eyes for the first time? I think not.
My 32 yo daughter is a single mom of my granddaughter, Presley. She is graduating with her finance degree this December from Winona University. She works, goes to school full time. She obtained grant money, student loans, state aid, food stamps, federal assistance, anything she could think of, to make it through school and survive in the meantime. She would accept almost nothing from me because she wanted to do it all on her own.
Her daughter is absolutely the top priority in her life. A relationship is, and has been, secondary to nurturing her daughter.
She IS in a relationship now with a man who has several childeren of his own. They are living together, and will be married after my daughter graduates.
Have they had problems/issues? Of course, but they are in love and working them out.
John | |
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