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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:34:09 AM | | I have been asked this before and for me personally, I do not mind a woman that has children. I am the family type guy as it is, so children are ok in my book. I have had only one bad encounter dating a woman with a child and that was because his father passed away a while back and he thought of me as a threat in trying to take his mother away. Not to mention he was 10 yrs old and that in it's self is a tough age. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:03:04 AM | I think most of the single guys are not that interested...but experience ones can be.
Most of my suitors are divorced and a few single guys.
I give them warning or tell them first that i have kids before they even know anything about my personality. Afterall, they would have not like me when i was single( unsure and immature). | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 2:22:54 PM | | This is a sad thread to read. I don't think that there is a shortage of men who want to date single mothers. If you read my profile, it's one of the first things on there that I have an amazing 21 month old son and I've met some great men, different ages, some have children, some don't. So many women think that having children shrinks the dating pool and it may, slightly, but, in my experience, in increases the quality. Having my son forces me to filter and screen my potential dates better than I ever did pre baby. And the ones that don't want to date me because I have a child? That's definately not what I need in my life. I can almost guarantee we have different goals, dreams, plans. Be who you are and there are plenty of men out there for you. You just have choose who you want to see! | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:06:58 PM | Hello, i'm a mum of 3, and have read this post with keen interest. I also have had a brother who was involved in a relationship where the children were not his....and so i can see both sides of the coin.
My three kids are not to 3 different fathers, all to my husband (soon to be ex). Whilst i am not looking for a father for them, anyone who became a significant part in my life would HAVE to LIKE, ACCEPT, and RESPECT my children because they are such a huge part of my life. I am not looking for a partner because i need one....but because it would be nice to have one. Only if it was the right one though, taking both myself and my kids into consideration.
I do not consider myself "less of a catch" because of my kids....if I accept u into our lives, then you must be special. Anything less would not be welcome into our lives...too much pain, too much history...no more!! | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:35:34 PM | | I believe this to be very untrue I am in Canada and well I would NEVER and have never heard of this ever being the case. The father of your child is always responsible not the new guy. This type of stuff angers me because it does make guys not want to talk to single mom's. I think you are putting up false information and should not write anything unless you physically have dealt with it yourself. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:13:09 PM | | They do I am proof. I met someone when my baby was 1 month old. I had no intentions of dating at that point after all I had a baby and 3 othr kids to take care of. But he is a wonderful guy who takes me as I am, and accepts the children for who they are. I have been a single mom for 6.5 years this is only the 3rd relationship I have had in that time. There is guys who will date a single mom, you just have to be patient, and not worry about it. Take care of your baby and when you least expect it you will meet someone who wants to be with you regardless if you have a child or not. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:36:04 PM | Yellow Lily:
Check your facts check the divorce act and check child support rulings. You could be forced to pay child support for an ex step child in Canada. It is true.
Now there may be many men willing to date single mothers, but many do not want to it is a personal choice, we all have choices and are free to exercise those choices.
I do not want a lot of the drama and hassle and potential financial liability that be be associated with dating a single parent as I am looking for marriage so I rule out dating single mothers..now if the laws changed or if she was really extra special and near perfect I may change my mind | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:38:40 PM | Hi all,
A very good question indeed, I can only answer for myself on this one but i hope it helps.
I think these days men are much more open to dating single mums, myself i married a girl with 3 boys from her first marriage and raised them for almost 10 years and we had one together. I`m now the sole parent and wouldn`t have it any other way. I`ve been seperated for 2.5 years and waiting for the divorce to go thru. In some ways i think i would prefer to date someone who has kids aswell for many different reasons. I guess im finding it harder in ways at times because i think alot of women are waiting til later in life to have kids and alot of them want a man free of so called baggage, for lack of a better term.
I think generally these days, yes men do like single mums for many reasons. Like anything in life there is good and bad and men and women are not exempt. I think at times its harder to find someone special if you`re the parent in care of the kids - which is normally the mum,
i think you just have to be patient and remain true to yourself with what your looking for in a partner and not settle just to have someone beside you. Honesty still goes a long way in this world and there is nothing wrong with dating someone and a few weeks or months down the track calling it off if its not right for you.
Hope you all get something out of my thoughts on this, hope i have helped atleast one of you.
Good luck to all of us men and women in finding our special someone.
Matt  | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:23:57 PM | Another thing about dating a women with children is that for those of us men that are not into the fast life there is a sense of calmness in that the women you are dating are responsible to their children and does not expect you to go out every night.
Like I said. I am a family orientated person so I tend to lean to women that do have children.
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/8/2007 4:23:03 PM | | I am interested in a single mum I have met on here it doesn't bother me she has children when we first got talking she told me she isn't looking for a father figure anyway. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:09:37 AM | | The issue is that most put their kids first and the other person would be at best second. They end up neglecting the relationship. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:52:42 AM | | I would have to agree with "nameismarcus". I see a lot of single parents that "want this and that" as far as a relationship is concerend, but have no clue what to do if they had "this and that". Single parenting along side a relatiionship can be difficult....but possible. After all...if you cant handle a relationship single with kids, then you cant' handle a marriage with kids. Unfortunately... but most parents nowdays spend to much time over wiping there 5 year old's ass, and that could be why their single in the first place. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:10:50 AM | I think young guys dont like single moms because they are too inmature. I think you have to look for an older guy adleast 10yrs older. Remeber $$$ first.
Good luck | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 11:41:25 AM | | ^^^^^^The above comment money first says alot about why many men will not date single mothers. If she wants money she will not get mine. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:36:31 PM |
I believe this to be very untrue I am in Canada and well I would NEVER and have never heard of this ever being the case. The father of your child is always responsible not the new guy. This type of stuff angers me because it does make guys not want to talk to single mom's. I think you are putting up false information and should not write anything unless you physically have dealt with it yourself.
YellowLilly; Just to enlighten you regarding the legal issue.
Lebeck v. Laurin, 2004 Ontario Superior Court
Whether a person stands in the place of a parent must take into account all factors relevant to that determination, viewed objectively. What must be determined is the nature of the relationship. The Divorce Act makes no mention of formal expressions of intent…. The court must determine the nature of the relationship by looking at a number of factors, among which is intention. Intention will not only be expressed formally. The court must also infer intention from actions, and take into consideration that even expressed intentions may sometimes change. The actual fact of forming a new family is a key factor in drawing an inference that a stepparent treats the child as a member of his or her family, i.e. a child of the marriage. The relevant factors in defining the parental relationship include, but are not limited to, whether the child participates in the extended family in the same way as would a biological child; whether the person provides financially for the child (depending upon ability to pay); whether the person disciplines the child as a parent; whether the person represents to the child, the family, the world, either explicitly or implicitly, that he or she is responsible as apparent to the child; the nature or existence of the child's relationship with the absent biological parent. The manifestation of the intention of the step-parent cannot be qualified as to duration, or be otherwise made conditional or qualified even if this intention is manifested expressly. Once it is shown that the child is to be considered, in fact a "child of the marriage", the obligations of the stepparent towards him or her are the same as those relevant to a child born of the marriage with regard to the application of the Divorce Act.
And further regarding child support!
The obligation of a stepparent who has been found to stand in the place of a parent must be interpreted in the light of the Federal Child Support Guidelines. Section 5 of that legislation provides that:
Where the spouse against whom an order for the support of a child is sought stands in the place of a parent for a child or the parent is not a natural or adoptive parent of the child, the amount of the order it is, in respect of that parent or spouse, such amount as the court considers appropriate, having regard to these guidelines and any other parent’s legal duty to support the child.
This and other rulings supports Johns suggestion that child support can be levied againts a step parent even if that mother is already collecting support from the biological father. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:17:35 PM | YellowLilly: you stated
I live in Canada and have been to court and know pretty much 90% of the laws and I have never heard of anybody ever getting child support from a non-paternal parent.
Bell v. Bell, 2006 pays child support on for his step son 4yr marriage
Schiller v. Schiller, 2007 mother collects cs from bio and now wants from step
Dad.
Gardiner v. Gardiner, 2001 Custodial father remarries and never receives cs from
bio mother. After 5yrs of marriage and inability to get
pg second wife leaves and woman judge rules this is not
loco-parentis
.W.H. v. L.E.B., 2006 loved this one....custodial father after paying for 9yrs
as non custodial asks and receives cs based on imputed
income from his former wife plus 1/3 of tables from step
father or his ex wife's second husband!
Madam Justice Margaret A.C. Scott | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:06:46 PM |
The issue is that most put their kids first and the other person would be at best second. They end up neglecting the relationship.
I agree.
I also noticed a few threads where a guy was dating a single mom.. everything was going great and had a relationship with her AND the child... but when things don't work out, the guy gets cut off and the child doesn't know why the guy all of a sudden isn't in the child's life anymore. Two people exit his life which makes it a double slap in the face for a guy. I would never want to go through that sooo no single moms for me in this lifetime.
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:53:46 PM | I am a single mom, who loves her children dearly. I am not afraid to introduce my children to a man in my life, but l refuse to do so unless l know l am very serious about him. My children do not need to meet anyone or everyone l date. I am not about to confuse or disappoint them. But, yes it would be nice for them to all get along and maybe one day who knows... But my children are not dating him, l am. He needs to understand that as much as l would love to spend time with him/them, l have priorites and l do have boundaries. All that comes with having children.
I think that there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't mind or care at all that his new girlfriend has children. The older you get, you realize that your time is running out to start a family and it may be easier to have a ready made family. Loving children is a plus as well.
I don't need a man in my life, l want one. If he comes along great. I would love nothing more then to find Mr Right, and have my children be a part of that. Every girl has dreams, its just a matter of whether they will come true or not.
~S~ | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:49:35 PM | This and other rulings supports Johns suggestion that child support can be levied againts a step parent I don't argue that this seems unfair & it is most certainly a reason not to date a single parent, but... if you have a "parental" relationship with the child, & have chosen to support them, don't you see that child as yours, in your heart? don't you want to help support them ,both financially & emotionally?
Don't ignore the [quoteWhere the spouse against whom an order for the support of a child is sought stands in the place of a parent for a child or the parent is not a natural or adoptive parent of the child, the amount of the order it is, in respect of that parent or spouse, such amount as the court considers appropriate, having regard to these guidelines and any other parent’s legal duty to support the child. portion of the quote. This seems to suggest that addt'l support from a "step" does take into account the fact that support may be already provided by a biological parent & the amount awarded for the child has at least some relevance to the life provided as a result of the relationship. Ii really am aware that finances are an important issue, but, if you loved a child enough to aid then financially & become involved in their life, does that cease simply because you ended a relationship with the one who made them? I am curious: Is there also a law in Canada that gives such surrogate-type parents rights to continue a relationship with the child?
More importantly:
I also noticed a few threads where a guy was dating a single mom.. everything was going great and had a relationship with her AND the child... but when things don't work out, the guy gets cut off and the child doesn't know why the guy all of a sudden isn't in the child's life anymore. Two people exit his life which makes it a double slap in the face for a guy. I would never want to go through that sooo no single moms for me in this lifetime. He gets it! The problem isn't really monetary, it's about loss. It's not impossible to have a relationship with a single parent, but it is (or seems to be) nearly impossible to find one who recognizes this fact! Forget the loss for the man (or woman, if the single parent is the Dad); a caring parent is well aware of the fact that their loss (of a partner) is multiplied by the number of children they have, also experiencing that loss. Makes things difficult, for sure, not insurmountable, for some, but definitely calls for caution!
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:09:13 PM | UHS...I'm not going to down you for being open about your feelings towards single mothers. One thing that is great about these forums is you can get an honest opinion from people instead of a bunch of BS...that said, I hope you don't mind if I rip your response apart...just a little ;)
B) Women who make bad decisions - Got pregnant too young, got pregnant without a career, multiple children from multiple fathers, got pregnant without securing a marriage or a long term commitment first, etc, etc.
I've heard this said before, and I just can't wrap my mind around it. I'm just going to assume that you are not a virgin...I mean, I could be wrong of course. But I have a feeling that at some point in your life, you have had sex. As most of us have. And as anyone with a basic grasp on 8th grade biology will tell you, sex is designed for the purpose of procreation. And as much as we like to be lulled into a false sense of security, no birth control is 100%...so really, the only difference between you and one of us "bad descision makers" is either luck, or the right to choose...In any case, I think it goes without say that most human beings have at some point in their life made a bad descision. How we deal with the consequences of those descisions is what determines our character. I will be the first to admit that I did make the mistake of being in a relationship with someone who wasn't a good match for me, and wasn't responsible. I also had the bad luck of becoming pregnant even though I took all of the necessary precautions...the result of both was a beautiful little girl, who means everything to me...so I would say it worked out well for me  But I don't quite understand how single parents get scapegoated as the irresponsible ones...if anything I think it takes a high level of responsibility, strength and integrity to choose to embark on parenthood alone, knowing that tough road ahead. I did get pregnant too young, and outside of marriage...but I chose to keep my daughter even though her biological father, my family, and pretty much all of society was telling me to "take care of it". I chose not to take out my adult mistakes on the life of an innocent child. Not to turn this into an abortion debate but...I'm just saying. The right descision isn't always the easy one, or the simple one. And I certainly don't think it makes me any less deserving or love and commitment from a good man.
Saying you don't need a father for your child, you don't need anyone to help raise him, you don't need anyone's money is all a load of bullshit. Any man who commits to you for the long haul will have to play some parental role, some financial role, some emotional role for that child. How could you avoid that if you were in it for the long haul together? Saying that kind of stuff only turns men off.
As far as this goes...quite frankly you don't know what you are talking about. Please tell me what exactly qualifies you as a single man with no children to speak on behalf of the single mothers of the world? How exactly do you know what WE are looking for?
Speaking for myself, I'm financially independant, and I'm a solo parent. And that's how I like it. I have very strong opinions on how to raise children and I've honestly found that to be one of the benefits of being a single mother....while I hear my married counterparts griping about all the compromises they have to make with their husbands over how to raise their kids, I feel a tremendous sense of freedom knowing that I can raise my daughter in the way that I see fit, and I don't have to run anything by anyone. And I know I'm doing a great job. Obviously if I get serious with someone, they will share my life...and obviously if it got to that point, we would be sharing finances and responsibilites. But that's not isolated to single parents...that "merging of lives" happens with any serious relationship or marriage. For me, I have already resigned myself to the fact that my daughter doesn't have a father...that's just the reality of the situation. I would love to have a man step up and fill those shoes, but I would ONLY want it to be because he fell in love with her and CHOSE to play that role in her life. It's not something I would ever demand or expect.
Some guys can like single moms. But if the woman isn't physically attractive, the road ends there for most.
And as for this...again, your wrong.  Maybe for you, physical beauty is a pre-requisite, but not everyone is that focused on it. Believe it or not, there are people out there who will date not-so-attractive people. Even ((gasp)) if those not so attractive people happen to have children! But I do agree with the last part...it is very important to be realistic and up front about your situation and your expectations.
To the OP...yes, there are guys who like single moms. I get more emails on here than I can even read, let alone respond to, and the fact that I have a child is prominantly displayed in my profile. There are also guys who don't like them, and they aren't necessarily bad people...any more than somoene who only dates blondes, or white people, or Christians. It's just a preference I guess. Personally, I don't discriminate against anyone for any reason, and I wouldn't be interested in anyone who did either...so thankfully, the kind of guys who wouldn't date me because I'm a single mother are the kind of guys I'm not interested in to begin with! Anyways, you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful son, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You should be just fine. Just make sure that you are a mother first, and focus on your little boy...don't stress too much about finding someone right away. The baby stage is very short and before you know it you will be three weeks till his first birthday like I am now, and you will wonder where all the time went...and once you do find somoene worthy of your time, just bear in mind that the one who is right for you will love you BECAUSE you are a mother, not in spite of it. Good luck! | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:15:24 PM |
I agree.
I also noticed a few threads where a guy was dating a single mom.. everything was going great and had a relationship with her AND the child... but when things don't work out, the guy gets cut off and the child doesn't know why the guy all of a sudden isn't in the child's life anymore. Two people exit his life which makes it a double slap in the face for a guy. I would never want to go through that sooo no single moms for me in this lifetime.
IMO, this isn't something a good mother would do. If I was ever in that situation, provided that the guy treated me well during the relationship I would go out of my way to make sure that he was able to continue to have a relationship with my child after we broke up. I think it's unfortunate that there are so many selfish women out there who put their needs in front of their children...but try to remember that we aren't all like that. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:18:51 AM | We men are not all alike and women are not all alike. The problem is (and I am speaking for myself and a few other men that I know) that when you have dated a few single mom's and all you have to deal with is drama from the ex or the courts or from her children and pair it with a law that could require you to pay child support for ex step children and it makes dating single women without children more attractive.
I can say I have met a few single mom's whom after I got to know them a bit came to understand why they were single...no e could live with them or their children. The woman was dis-respectful to me even though she expected me to pay for all of the dates and pay for the kids to come too. The kids would say they would listen to no one but mom or dad and they did not have to listen to me (okay fair enough.) I am by no means perfect but why would you want to get involved in a situation where you are a second class citizen? Yes the kisa come first inmany cases but I had visions of what life might be like if I ended up married to a few of these women. Having no say on anything and being expected to support everyone and have no rights at all in the home. How can you get emotonally attached to anyone, man woman or child that shows you no respect? I know not all single moms are like this but the ones that are scare off some good men away from dating single mother's.
I once dated a single mother that told me she knew the law and if I lived withher and her daughter long enough she could make me pay. I was curious and asked her if I cdould visit her child under such a scenario and she said "Nope not at all because she would not want me too and would fight me in court and If I accept her and her daughter I should pay for them and not expect anythingin return as it was what she wanted. At the time she was complaining that her ex wanted visitation rights to their daughter and how he should not go to court because she felt it was a hassle and he should just accept the fact she did not want her to see teirdaughter because it was what was easiest for her and she felt any man she was with was her child's father. I had to ask her if we had a child together if she would let me see our child assuming she got ciustody if we broke up and she basically said that any man she was with is her child's father and if she breaks up with the child's biological father he should just pay which is what the law requites but stay out of her life becaue visitation makes her life harder. It is this type of attitude that scares men off.
Really it should be about balance, give and take...good peple know this. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:22:04 AM | | i have been with 3 single mom . i like to be with someone that have kids it make me happy | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:49:23 AM | Johne I can't help but notice that you keep posting about this one experience you had with a single mother (I think I've read a version of this story multiple times, about some girl who you went on a date with and her kid threw a soda at you or something...yeah) Seriously, if you are going to discriminate against all single mothers based on one or two bad experiences, that's your business. But that would be like me saying I won't date black men because I dated one who cheated on me, therefore all black men are cheating **stards in my eyes. Would that be fair?
I think you need to stop lumping everyone in the same category. There are good people, and there are bad people. Any time you get involved with someone you take the risk that they will use you in some way...Whether or not they have children is usually incidental. | |
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