| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 10:28:40 AM | if you have a "parental" relationship with the child, & have chosen to support them, don't you see that child as yours, in your heart? don't you want to help support them ,both financially & emotionally?
"Want" is one thing. "Compelled by the State under penalty of jail" is something quite different. Such a choice must be left where it belongs: with the guy.
if you loved a child enough to aid then financially & become involved in their life, does that cease simply because you ended a relationship with the one who made them?
Will this also apply to the mom? Will she be willing to allow the relationship between the guy and the child to continue after their breakup?
Seriously, if you are going to discriminate against all single mothers based on one or two bad experiences, that's your business. But that would be like me saying I won't date black men because I dated one who cheated on me, therefore all black men are cheating **stards in my eyes. Would that be fair?
How many single moms should a guy date before being allowed to discard all of them as a group? | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:32:23 PM | I have dated a total of 8 single mothers...all but two were bad experiences. The 2 that were not I will give a brief rundown for you:
One was a great lady but she got transfered due to work. We felt we were not serious enough to have me quit my job to move to be with her. I still talk to this woman and her son.
The second was a woman who was recently divorced. Her daughters and I got along great (they were aged 3 and 9 at the time) but when the girls told their father mom was dating a great guy that they really liked. I guess the guy did not want anyone else stepping into the role of father for his children because he begged his ex wife to take him back. The poor kids seemed confused wanting dad back in theor home but the older one did not want to live through another divorce. (Who can blame the poor child.) The woman decided to take her ex husband back and try to make things work. Now that I understand as he was not abusive or into drugs but as a couple they had money issues. I still get e-mails from the woman whom I consider a friend, both girls and the man even sends me the odd e-mail. He thanked me once formaking him realize whast a great family he has.
With a total of 6 bad experiences how many more times should I try dating single mothers? Not all single mother's are bad. Not all are good either. I have cerebral palsey and do not bash women who do not date me because of my limitations yet single mothers keep asking why men will not date them and when we give real honest answers we get bashed.
It comes back to choices and past experiences and laws can affect choices we make in the future.
So how many more time should I try to date single mothers? | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:36:25 PM | | Oh man....I should be a freaking dating pariah then. I'm a single mother AND have cerebral palsey...I'll never get a "good" man! Bahahahahaha. Please | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:58:35 PM | Fab-mom I do not think you would be a pariah at all..just understand we men have choices and many choose not to date single mothers for valid reasons. Would you like to be held financially responsible for someone else's children if you married a man that had kids and you got divorced? See how that works?
Plus if I change my lifestyle it will be for my own offspring. I do not want to provide for someone else's family but rather my own family and my own offspring.
Single mom's ask the same question and bash men when they get answeers they do not like. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 105 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:05:51 PM | ^^^then search a woman who have no kids website then.
Generalizing and grouping single parents here is not what the Single parents forum is about. Goodness i'd like to meet you one on one.  | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:05:54 PM | I was married to a man that had full custody of his child. I still love that girl very much and would give her every penny I had if she needed it. That was one of the most unconditional loves I have ever felt and I would never close myself off to that. Money doesn't last...I've been wealthy and I've been not so wealthy but I've always loved that little girl.
I'm not saying the laws aren't F'd up and for the life of me I can't understand the rationing behind that certain law but it all goes back to you shouldn't think that all single moms would even force a man to do that if they were able too. What about all the mothers who aren't even asking for support from the biological fathers?? Why would they expect you too? Now I did read the post where you said one woman actually said "You know I can make you..." or whatever. Well, that woman was a crazy bytch and I can guarantee she was a crazy bytch BEFORE she had children. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:21:17 PM | In my book it's equally as lame to choose not to date someone because they have CP...or because of any other situation they don't have control over. I hate it when people judge off the bat without getting to know someone as a human being...even before I had a child, I felt this way. I used to be on another dating site and it allowed you to specify what race/religion that you would or would not be willing to date. I always checked out whether or not a guy had specifications there, and if he did, that pretty much ruined my interest in him.
I know there are single mothers out there who are crappy human beings, and who take advantage of guys and take them for all they are worth...apparently there are a lot of them, from what I'm seeing. But we are not all like that. I don't even get child support from my daughter bio father, a choice which a lot of people give me crap about, but I simply don't believe that any man can or should be forced into playing that role if he doesn't want to...I don't believe it's in the best interest of the child. And I don't know the ins and outs of this particular law, but I'm pretty sure that a man could sign some kind of agreement opting out of the financial liability if he wanted to. You just need to be smart and take precautions before you decide to cohabitate with ANYONE, regardless of whether or not they have children. Doesn't anyone watch judge judy? 
If you don't want to date a single mother because you don't like children, or the idea of it turns you off...thats fine! But to not date them because you've had a few bad experiences is stupid...just use common sense and take precautions so that you don't end up in a bad situation. It's not that difficult. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:23:33 PM | Ok, not all single moms will do it. BUT, if they want to do it ("a woman has the right to change her mind"), they have all the backup of the law to do it.
It's like willingly give somebody the power to **** over your life, and the only thing that prevents them from doing it is their own whim. Why should anybody want to put themselves in this situation in the first place?
To take precautions... to sign agreements... to see lawyers... do I really want all this hassle in my life? Why should anybody want all this extra work?
Yes, not all single moms are like that. But it only takes ONE to ruin you. And, unfortunately, nobody comes with a tatoo in the forehead stating what type of people she is. Russian roulette? Why should I play?
Change the law, and then we'll see. Until then, no thanks. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:36:38 PM | Many single moms say they would not take anything from a man who is not their child's father and manmy would not..the problem is some say that and later change their minds or just give you what you want to hear in the beginning. The problem is the law allows some that want to make you pay to make you pay. In Canada at least the law is that no prenup can contain a clause waiving child suport so there is no way around it. I live in Ontario and even if a single parent with custody of children does not want child support from you, if they have has to apply for welfare for some reason Welfare will make them sign a document allowing them to make you pay child support providing your marriage was long enough. So in many cases it is not the single mom's themselves but the government as this idea saves them money.
Yes I know most single parents have great jobs but the point is if you have to apply for welfare they system goes after your ex even if you do not want them to. If you do not sign the document letting welfareem take your ex to court to get support for the children you do not get welfare. So no it is not single mothe's per se but a flawed law and legal system. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 111 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:43:13 PM | the way around it is to note live with single moms/and play a significant parent role, if your that concerned with it.
you can still date single moms without being held liable for support.
If you have ruled out single moms to "your critieria"....why are you here in a single parents forum? | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:44:18 PM | Rock hunter-you can say that about ANYONE. Not just single mothers.
You could meet a girl, have consentual sex with her, and then have her turn around and cry rape. You could meet a woman, think she's the "one", marry her, and then find out that she's a completely different person than she portrayed herself...and then end up divorced and paying alimony to someone you can't even stand. It's just a risk you take any time you decide to get close with someone. And unfortunately we live in a litigous society, where people decide to use the law to d*ck people over. So if you aren't willing to risk anything, then you are probobly better off sitting in your boxera at your computer and never venturing outside your house to meet ANYONE because embarking on a relationship IS playing russian roulette with your emotional and financial well being, whether or not they have children. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:48:14 PM | | Yes, I can say that about anyone. So I try to minimize the risk. And, not dating single moms is my way of minimizing "that" risk. There are other risks, and I deal with each one of those accordingly. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:52:31 PM | | Then no offense but I feel sorry for you...I would never want to have that little faith in humanity. It's usually those people who end up alone and living with cats. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:58:49 PM | It's better to live alone and with cats, in your own home, than living alone and with cats, paying child support for a kid that is not yours and sleeping in the couch of a friend's home.
Sorry my friend, but I do have little faith in humanity. And unfortunately, I've seen no reason to change my mind. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:03:35 PM | Touche...
I've also only been dating for about a month. Give me time, I might end up just as jaded | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:05:23 PM | | Couldn't you just generalize and say you are not goin to date golddiggers instead of not dating single mom because you think they might take your money? What about getting to know someone before shacking up with them. And the whole theory on minimizing the risk is BS. If everyone thought like that no one would date at all. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:10:57 PM | .And I suppose you're a single mom because you got to know "that" someone before shacking up, aren't you? Glass roofs and stones, please.
If you can give me your magic visor to look into people's minds and find out who is a gold digger and who isn't, I'd be very grateful. Meanwhile, I prefer to stand clear from those who can legally take my money against my will. Notice I say "can", not "will".
And I'm not "everyone". I do what works for me, and don't tell you what to do.
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 119 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:17:45 PM | | Rock, your points are taken...but a tad parnoid arent we? I mean you'd have to be in a significant relationship for anyone to be able to try to garner support from you...If kids are involved and you play that parent role, why should you or anyone be able to tuck tail and bail?...helping take care of the kids is to be expected if you chose to be in that kind of relationship..no? | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:25:14 PM | Why are you a single dad, rockhunter? I'm assuming you made a mistake on who you chose to involve yourself with. Most of us here have. But most of us learn from it, and move on...
And I hate to break it to you but again, if you shack up with ANYONE they can take your money. So easy solution-don't shack up with someone. And if you do, sign some kind of pre-nup.
Or continue to be paranoid, and have fun with your cats  | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:29:06 PM | | You know now that I think of it...rockhunter, you have a child so your concerns don't make sense to me. You could just as easily turn around and do the same to any woman you were involved in.... | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:36:51 PM | | Actually we never shacked up thank you very much. We had promiscuos sex that in turn produced a beautiful child. I have never and never will be ashamed of that. Unless I am mistaken the law states that you have to live with the woman for her to be able to go for support so that is what I meant by shacking up. So take your stones and shove them. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 123 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:38:05 PM | "and have fun with your cats"
that is not the kind of Pussie cat this dude likes. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:39:38 PM | I'm a single father because I followed my heart instead of my head. Yes, I learned from it, that's why now I always use my head.
And no, I won't shack with anybody, at least in Australia. And anyway, with most marriages ending in divorce nowadays, what's the difference? You will probably end alone anyways. The difference is, I'll keep everything I worked for.
About the cats line, that applies to feminists and manhaters. Men prefer dogs. | |
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