| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:09:15 AM | | Sarcasm has its' place. My daughter's hockey team was facing another team that was vastly superior. The coach walked into the dressing room and said "OK, there's more hope in buying a lottery ticket than you guys winning this game". | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:20:41 AM | I am enjoying reading both sides of the argument on this subject. It is certainly a healthy debate and quite refreshing to see how different people have different opinions. That's what makes our world so colorful and interesting.
Sarcasm in my opinion does not even have any place in humor! It is, I believe a lower/inferior form of communication. People who have their guards up at all times when communicating with others tend to use sarcasm. What they dont know is that sarcasm WILL put walls between them and other people.
There is no such thing as good sarcasm. Either you are a sarcastic person or you are not! I think sometimes that people who use sarcasm deliberately fail to emphatize with others. Sarcasm also promotes communication bi-passing and causes self inflicting, negative behavior and perception to the person himself/herself.
Yet! can it be stopped? or avoided? I think not! Its a part of a personality trait, some people have it and others don't. So in my opinion! downplay the sarcastic behaviour and focus on positive attributes and qualities of that person. Mark of a good communication is where everyone is a WINNER. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:26:57 AM | Hey Baber. I notice your last manipulative thread got deleted. You know..the one where you supposedly were being written to by some high-school brained chick going on and on about how you walked on water? Where you were posting emails supposedly written by her over and over...the ones where she says how fantastic and marvelous you are and how she can't imagine life without you?
Was that all sarcasm? | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:03:14 AM | Sarcasm as it seems to be defined in this article is not necessarily aggressive nor harmful. Take this line for instance;
"One time, this other mother was talking about how her kid's illness was being transmitted to the rest of the family. I said, 'Well, that's why I refuse to give my kids any kind of physical affection when they're sick. I just lock them in a room.' She thought I was serious and gave me this look. I thought, 'There goes a potential playdate.'"
Anyone who would think the person who said this was being serious has no sense of humor. Even if a total stranger said this to me with a completely deadpan face, I'd know he was joking. There is nobody being harmed here, only one person with a sense of humor and another person without. This kind of sarcasm can be used to break the ice, to show that you don't take yourself too seriously.
When using sarcastic humor, just like any other form of communication, you need to be sensitive to the other person. Don't make a sarcastic comment about obesity to a woman who is obviously sensitive about her weight. Don't make a sarcastic comment about someone's skills when they just gave a less-than-stellar performance that was very important to them. There is a line between being funny and being a jerk that most people can recognize under normal circumstances. If you find that you can't recognize where this line is, then you probably should avoid trying to use this sort of humor. If you have the knack for how to properly use it without crossing that line though, then I say go for it! | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:13:43 AM |
Given how much more literate the crowds are here in POF I thought I share this article with the bunch of you. I do expect some interesting comments and banter... :)
 ya, ummmm
You're Not Slick OP , Not fallin for it , get Your 'Banter' SomeWhere Else'
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:44:25 AM | Sarcasm can be used to exploit another person and cut them by attacking their vulnerabilities, and that's the sort of zinger that damages relationships. In effect, it's just insult. But sarcasm can also be dry humor that doesn't attack sensitive areas. Not that sarcasm needs people as its subject matter all the time either.
The key is, it really does have to be funny, not contemptuous. Some people do have a problem understanding that they are not being funny.
It's a great weeding tool as well. I've used the very same quips online in email exchanges, and the responses vary. That has to do more with the recipient therefore. It's like a Rorschach test if you will. If people are negative or rigid, they don't see humor in it and are likely to respond in a negative or rigid way (what a surprise); more happier, or balanced, positive people see the humor in it and respond accordingly. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:07:55 PM | Sarcasm and Relationships?
You mean like... when the priest/minister asks... "Do you take this man/woman to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?"
...And you answer, "Why? Do you know of someone BETTER?" | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:14:57 PM | Sarcasm...humor at someone else's expense. No thanks. Not nice. When I was married we had a rule against that Roseanne Barr kind of jabs, they are low class, and meant to hurt. I knew my marriage was in trouble when he broke the rule and started making the sarcastic, snide remarks.
I can take a joke, but sarcasm is corrosive and hurts.
Mom always said, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Pretty good rule to live by. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:24:19 PM | i am a smart ass and sarcastic..... and i want someone that is similar to me someone that can dish it and take it..... it doesnt mean i am being rude at all!!!..i do however tell it like it is..... i think people just call that a B!TCH! lol | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:27:04 PM | | So where does that leave those that are just quick witted naturally? (although I will admit to being sharp tongued when angered). Pretty much anything that is said, regardless of HOW it was said will always be left to the perception of the reciever. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 2:27:58 PM | Sarcasm is damaging to relationships???
Well, now I know the reason I'm still single 4 1/2 yrs after my divorce.....
Learn something new everyday
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 2:34:17 PM | After reading such a highly informative article, it's obvious that I have been plagued by this "sarcasm" for most of my life. I can only hope that, with a considerable amount of reflection, introspection and therapy, I will be able to ameliorate a very unfortunate condition that is anathema to so many.
Wait a sec, I just had an epiphany!
In what I can only describe as a supreme act of benevolence, I will create a "Sarcasm Hotline" in order to assist the despondent and abject victims of this plague. I have no doubt that, with my unwavering dedication to the cause, we can all begin the healing process and become productive members of society. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:10:38 PM | | Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships ....... Yes, it is very damaging to relationships. I've had my fill of sarcastic, smartazz, know it all men. I'm sure there are men out there who are fed up with these types of women too. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:57:06 PM | indiana rose, I totally agree with you. I have so had it with men and sarcasm. Last night's date made too many sarcastic comments and thought he was being funny. I am sure he didn't realize that it was just annoying. Maybe guys enjoy talking to one another in this manner, I don't enjoy it and have had it.
I enjoyed reading this article because of the last sort of serious bf I had. He used to make a sarcastic comment over and over again, the same comment and I didn't find it funny the first time or the millionth time. I thought that it was because of his insecurities that he repeated the comment and this article really affirms that opinion. Recently that bf and I started emailing a bit, he has said so many nasty things in these emails, he thought they were sarcastic and funny. I told him that I really don't see our past relationship as I thought it was. He said that I don't have a sense of humor any more! I guess he doesn't know he isn't funny and wasn't funny ever.
I am glad to know so many others have had it with sarcasm. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:08:01 PM | We are all different people to whomever we encounter in life... so the study is moot.
Sarcasm, used as a non-agressive tool, isn't damaging depending on where it comes from and to whom it's delivered... | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:14:59 PM |
Sarcasm can be used to exploit another person and cut them by attacking their vulnerabilities, and that's the sort of zinger that damages relationships.
Sarcasm can be used as a defense, when their vulnerabilities are being attacked...so is it the sarcasm itself that does the damage…or the attack on ones vulnerability?....mmmmm
Some people do have a problem understanding that they are not being funny.
Simply because one doesn't understand the context in which words or phrases have been delivered, doesn't mean that the delivery is lacking, it's the comprehension skills of the listener which are lacking. Perhaps if others would hone their listening skills rather than pouting or complaining that others are speaking above their heads, this confusion would be averted at the outset... | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:19:14 PM | I have the unfortunate trait of being too polite and empathic.
When I use sarcasm you can be sure I'm angry........it usually is in retaliation to stupidity.
Other than that I've never found any fun in hurting people. Irony I can do. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:26:33 PM | Sarcasm by definition is intended to wound people. Which is different than being a smart a$$.
http://www.sarcasmsociety.com/howtobesarcastic/lessonone.php
Many people are just looking to be mean, and hide behind the humor, or hide behind "the truth", e.g. "You remind me of a fat disgusting pig. Well, I'm just telling you the truth." In this case, I don't believe she was trying to inform me of my obesity, but rather get as many jabs in as possible. Even if we accept the statement as fundamentally correct, text doesn't allow for the derision dripping from her voice. The content was lost in the context.
All that aside, I know there is research out there that has demonstrated a great predictor of relationship success: The ratio of positive words/responses/gestures to negative ones. When the ratio is 5:1 or better, that relationship will have legs. If a person's main vehicle of choice is sarcasm, it seems almost impossible to maintain that ratio., i.e. "Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships"
Bob | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:35:14 PM | Many people are just looking to be mean, and hide behind the humor, or hide behind "the truth", e.g. "You remind me of a fat disgusting pig. Well, I'm just telling you the truth." In this case, I don't believe she was trying to inform me of my obesity
You’re statement would suggest that sarcasm is hiding behind the truth ….but you’re “e.g.” states you are just telling the truth ….So…how is that hiding behind the truth?
IMO…(I know, who cares) your link to the definition of sarcasm is a tad on the extreme side……Encarta Dictionary defines sarcasm much better….”remarks that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and are intended to mock or deride"
I’m quite sure with your comprehension skills, you can completely understand where I’m going with this……..(sarcasm)…………………. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:00:40 PM | Nexus 6..... Think for a moment that this mother who was hearing this had been excluded from physical affection as a child by her mother when she was ill - is it still funny? Sarcasim is usually mean and hurts depending on the recipient!!  | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:07:47 PM | Several years ago I co-authored a book titled: The Politically Incorrect Jokebook which was published by JSA publications. The book is filled with sarcasm. Since that time I've written plays and screenplays that were comedies. I also teach a course in screenplay writing and one of the sections is comedy. The first rule of comedy is: COMEDY IS CRUEL. Think about it, 95% of things perceived to be funny (whether in film, literature or just life in general do involve some form of misfortune and as long as they don't happen to you, you may or may not laugh). With that said I don't think you can paint any subject with a broad brush. For example: A woman in a film says, "I'm in shape and she is obese." For a guy to come back and say, "Yep, round is definitely a shape" is sarcastic but the key is how does the audience perceive this woman? Is she nice or someone you watch and is arrogant. We all like to see people who are arrogant or ugly in the way they behave "get theirs." When Anne Richards said that George Bush was born with a silver foot in his mouth it was sarcasm as its best.
Now in terms of relationships someone who picks on another person with sarcasm re: something that the other person is highly sensitive about is definitely a relationship killer. However, to crack a joke that is PERCEIVED as sarcastic, once in a while isn't exactly a relationship killer. We all do it. My profile notes that so many people talk about "walking on the beach." I stated, sarcastically, that if that many people really did walk on the beach it would look like a scene from City of Angels. I'm extremely adverse to political correctness in any form because you will always find someone who is offended by something. I happen to love a woman who might be sarcastic in terms of something I say because I'll give it right back and we'll laugh. I'd never in a million years pick out something to hurt someone with, it's all about timing and knowing the boundaries of someone else's sensitivities. However, to throw out a big generalization that all sarcasm is bad, for me, is ridiculous. People need to laugh more and stop whining about everything. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:10:48 PM | Sarcasm can be used as a defense, when their vulnerabilities are being attacked...so is it the sarcasm itself that does the damage - or the attack on ones vulnerability?....mmmmm
The attack. Like when a knife is used to attack instead of to spread butter, sarcasm can be used to spread humor or to cut.
Simply because one doesn't understand the context in which words or phrases have been delivered, doesn't mean that the delivery is lacking, it's the comprehension skills of the listener which are lacking. Perhaps if others would hone their listening skills rather than pouting or complaining that others are speaking above their heads, this confusion would be averted at the outset...
Well, I was writing about when people genuinely aren't funny but think they are. The given was that their audience certainly comprehends them. You know, the type of person who says infantile or dumb things and thinks it's funny?
In the matter of the receiver not comprehending or feeling that the message being delivered is "above their head", then it may be argued that the person speaking isn't being very effective in communicating his message to the receiver, as an effective communicator needs to deliver his message to his audience in such a way in order to be understood. He needs to know his audience, or he's just making sounds.
Sarcasm has a range, and within that range lies insult, mocking, slighting, belittling, derision, contempt. When sarcasm is used that way, in demeaning another, well, demeaning one's partner has a cumulative negative effect. It's verbal abuse. That's all these studies are showing. If you use sarcasm to verbally abuse your partner, it's going to have consequences on the relationship.
Seems people are getting tripped over one of the definitions of the word, as if sarcasm can only mean that aspect of it. Say "snow" to an Eskimo, and they'll need to ask you which definition of snow you mean, as they have several for different types of snow. The Greeks have five different words for "love" (yeah, they would. See? That's sarcasm...) Sarcasm also embodies humorous annoyance, which can be funny stuff not aimed at the partner's expense.
When dying on his death bed in his hotel room, Oscar Wilde pointed to the cheap wallpaper and said, "Either this wallpaper goes, or I do". That's sarcasm, and it's frickin' funny! People are still laughing at that line 100 years later. | |
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| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:27:13 PM | Yes, timing is everything.
Being sarcastic to someone you don't know on a first date is not good. They don't know you or what you can be sensitive about.
When you tell someone something they say isn't funny and they repeat it and repeat it and repeat it...ugh...
Sarcasm to a group of people can be funny, but saying the same thing to just one person can be perceived as an insult. | |
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