| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:39:19 PM |
In the matter of the receiver not comprehending or feeling that the message being delivered is "above their head", then it may be argued that the person speaking isn't being very effective in communicating his message to the receiver, as an effective communicator needs to deliver his message to his audience in such a way in order to be understood. He needs to know his audience, or he's just making sounds. In essence, what you are saying, is that if a person's education level is beyond that of the audience... he/she should speak down to their level?
It's a sad, sad world in which anyone has to veil their intelligence for the sake of those less inclined to self-improvement via education.
Sarcasm has a range, and within that range lies insult, mocking, slighting, belittling, derision, contempt. You've only listed the forms of sarcasm which attack... what of the non-confrontational sarcasm which can often be used to make a statement which isn't directed towards any single person? Is it still unacceptable to use this form of humour in such an instance?
Methinks you should think outside of the box and socialize in the real world; a world in which people can use humour to enhance their life and the lives around them...
Cheers... | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:48:25 PM |
I am of the opinion that it's not the ones that arn't afraid to speak their minds, or say what they feel needs to be said that are the insecure ones....but rather the ones that don't want to hear what is being said to them, or don't understand what was said to them, that have the insecurity issues!!!..................................
This speaker totally missed the point, or maybe he's in denial. BECAUSE they are affraid to speak their minds, they hide behind constant sarcastic barbs.
As far as not being able to understand what is said, that's merely a misdirection tactic on your part. I can read between the lines.
Speaking of which, I don't know many secure folks that feel the need to end posts with multiple exclamation points. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:56:56 PM | Speaking of which, I don't know many secure folks that feel the need to end posts with multiple exclamation points.
well.....now you can add another one to your list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......... 
And really mj…..It wasn’t a personal attack towards you!!!!!!….just making a point!!!!! …….so put your insecurities back in your pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!………. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:04:26 PM | Dr. Phil said it best;
Emotional integrity = say what you mean, mean what you say.
If you are certain that the reciever understands the meaning of your sarcastic remark then you have said what you meant to say. But often sarcastic people don't check to see how their comments have been received. They often do it to make themselves laugh and forget to watch the other person's face.
Is something really funny if only the teller of the joke laughs, and not his/her audience?
And does it make it funnier to then say; "I was just joking, lighten up."
In my opinion, if you have to tell someone you were joking, it is not funny.
Jokes that are truly funny depend heavily on their audience. Ask any comediene about sizing up an audience. How often has Jerry Seinfeld had to say: "Hey, lighten up, I was only joking?"
If you are courageous enough to do stand-up, you already know that you can get beer thrown at you.
It isn't so much that the sarcasm is bad in a relationship, it is that the sarcastic person doesn't stop when the other person doesn't like it. Sarcasm is the red flag.
In my experience, "getting the joke" of a sarcastic comment requires me to understand the insecurities and anger of the sarcastic person so I can then get the joke. I often don't see the other person's insecurity showing, so then the joke isn't funny.
I don't like being required to think less of someone (or myself) in order to participate in their sense of humor. Lots of stuff can be funny without needing to cut.
Whenever I have used sarcasm it has always been a way to indirectly say something I already knew the other person didn't want to hear directly. And the other person never did actually like it. (Unfortunately, I said it anyway, for lack of a better way to deal with it.) Its like you say it, and then cross your fingers behind your back and HOPE that the other person takes it as a joke and lightly gets what you haven't been able to say directly. Not a great plan, but until there is something else you know how to do.... | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:30:32 PM | In essence, what you are saying, is that if a person's education level is beyond that of the audience... he/she should speak down to their level?
It's a sad, sad world in which anyone has to veil their intelligence for the sake of those less inclined to self-improvement via education.
You're making the assumption that's it's about educational level. It's not necessarily. It's more about communication. "Either the wallpaper goes or I do" doesn't require brilliant I.Q. to comprehend it, for example. But if someone makes an obscure remark that requires particular knowledge of the subject matter, then they're possibly being obtuse. Then there are those cases where people simply are unintelligent and there's no remedy. Yet the speaker has the problem where he has to transmit the message all the same. So, yes, the onus is on him to figure out how to get his message received, because otherwise there's no point in delivering it if it's not to be understood.
Like Ideoform wrote, it's about sizing up the audience.
Lament on how it's a sad affair all you like, but all the same, if the communicator does not send the message so that it is understood, it is not deemed communicated.
I happen to hold a degree in this stuff. You really wish to argue about these facts with me? Okay... I can actually teach this stuff, but...
You've only listed the forms of sarcasm which attack... what of the non-confrontational sarcasm which can often be used to make a statement which isn't directed towards any single person? Is it still unacceptable to use this form of humor in such an instance?
Never said it wasn't. In fact, I said it was. I mentioned in my other post how sarcasm need not be directed at a person. Gave an example of such in my previous post too.
I also mentioned that sarcasm has a range, right? You're only quoting just a portion of what I wrote defining sarcasm. It isn't limited to just that. I listed more than just the form in which it attacks.
Methinks you should think outside of the box and socialize in the real world; a world in which people can use humor to enhance their life and the lives around them
Methinks you don't know what I do in real life, or how I do socialize, or how I do use humor, so those kind of assumptive, pretentious comments aren't called for. I probably think more out of the box on a daily basis than most people do in their lifetimes, actually. What shall I tell you? Okay, in real life, many people find my comments humorous in many social situations. In fact, I've also written humor articles for magazines in the form of parodies and satires. I've written comedies that have been staged, I've both acted and directed comedies and have won awards for both. I think I know a thing or two about humor and sarcasm. You want to aim your charges at me personally, so, how about you? What are your credits?
Why can't you instead address the content and not attack the writer? You know, as they do when thinking adults discuss matters? If you can't do that and post something worthwhile, then forgive me if I ignore you from now on. When people personally attack the writer instead of discuss what is written, I find that to be an indication that they can't reasonably argue what was written and so instead attempt to belittle or discredit its author instead, which means to me, don't continue with them, they're just looking to argue, but have nothing to argue with. No wonder you're Pssst. Hey! That's sarcasm! | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:55:12 PM | I'm not necessarily known for having a sensational sense of humor but can usually be found as the one laughing hysterically :0)
*op sits back, is hysterical...over Others / their 'sarcasm' , 'banter' *
AKA : Humor /Sense Of
~DisClaimer~
Post Not Qualifed as / Meant to
-'Banter'
-Sarcasm
-Entertain/EntertainMENt
-Induce laughter (certainly wouldNT want AnyOne to THINK they / AnyOne /AnyThing
is Funny)
-evoke/Invoke tears | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 12:41:49 AM | When Ghandi landed in England, a reporter asked him what he thought of Western civilization.
He replied, "I think it would be a good idea."
Yeah, I know. I would've liked to smack the smirk off his little bespectacled face too. Words hurt, man!
The fact is that sarcasm is a powerful weapon in deflating the sanctimonious and high handed. However, it has to be used by the underdog. If people in power (like the business executives in a previous post) are sarcastic it comes across as arrogance and a lack of empathy. The problem comes when the sarcastic don't realize they're no longer the underdog.
Maybe giving the old lady a zinger makes you a hero to the oppressed everyman who just wants to watch the game in peace, but only in your head. In reality, she just wants the garbage taken out for health reasons and you're being a putz.
Sarcasm IS a weapon, so keep it downrange and only use it for big game.
"The first man to throw an insult instead of a spear was the first civilized man in history."
-Steve Allen | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:56:20 AM |
And really mj…..It wasn’t a personal attack towards you!!!!!!….just making a point!!!!! …….so put your insecurities back in your pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……….
I know I'm not taking lumps from a "guy" named swanee. hehehe If you're not insecure, as you are implying, then why do you need to go below the belt? I give you credit, though. You didn't hide behind sarcasm this time. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:48:28 AM | You didn't hide behind sarcasm this time.
Or any other time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're not insecure, as you are implying, then why do you need to go below the belt?
That’s in your perception, at the end of the day............I'm not responsible for how you feel!!!!! ...... but I would guess one couldn't expect more from someone who's role model is Fred Flintstone!!!!!!!!! ........ "Yabba-dabba-doo" | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:03:25 AM | Obviously, swanee, that your level of comprehension is skin deep. Further, it's hard to take a 53-year-old guy seriously, who wears "Drink Til You Want Me" shirts.
Put down the beer and read a book. Coloring books don't count. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:14:20 AM | Creativguy wrote:
[You are making the assumption that's it's about educational level. It's not necessarily.]
[I happen to hold a degree in this stuff. You really wish to argue about these facts with me?]
[In fact, I've also written humor articles for magazines in the form of parodies and satires. I've written comedies that have been staged, I've both acted and directed comedies and have won awards for both. I think I know a thing or two about humor and sarcasm. You want to aim your charges at me personally, so, how about you? What are your credits?]
Personally, I liked what Pssst had to say. I don't think she was attacking you - had she said "You're a humourless weiner with a puffed up ego" , I could see you getting all bitter and upset. However, tossing out your precious awards and various degrees definitely left no doubt in my mind. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:14:31 AM | mjflintstone:
it's hard to take a 53-year-old guy seriously, who wears "Drink Til You Want Me" shirts.
Very simple solution here………..DON’T!!!!!....see wasn’t that easy …….now go play with dino ................
chasesmom:
Personally, I liked what Pssst had to say. I don't think she was attacking you - had she said "You're a humourless weiner with a puffed up ego" , I could see you getting all bitter and upset. However, tossing out your precious awards and various degrees definitely left no doubt in my mind.
Thanks chasesmom, do you know how hard it is to clean coffee off of a keyboard and monitor.... | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:28:14 AM | I've met a few people who make sarcastic remarks every once in a while. Their sad attempt to be funny doesn't mask their inferiority complex, but makes them sound unsophisticated and insensitive. Unfortunately, some of this has rubbed off on their kids and when they try it at school? They get the crap beat out of them and they come home crying and can't figure out why the other kids don't like them. Can you say unpopular? For some reason, they just don't get it, oh well. 
Pink | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:58:19 AM | | Whew... this thread proves my theory that compatibility in sense of humour is soooo critical. I love to play with ideas and words... it is a total drag if someone has a pickle up their butt and just doesn't get the joke. Nothing wrong with them or with me, we're just not a match. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:13:55 AM | | Had to leave someone I loved very much because of it. Couldn't take it anymore. You can't live with no positive strokes, ever. You can't ALWAYS be wrong and ridiculous. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 3:54:45 PM |
Personally, I liked what Pssst had to say. I don't think she was attacking you - had she said "You're a humourless weiner with a puffed up ego" , I could see you getting all bitter and upset. However, tossing out your precious awards and various degrees definitely left no doubt in my mind. You mean the inference of that wasn't clear from my words? I must be losing my touch...
Let's try again...
I soooooooooo love a man who's ego is inflated to the size that his prostate must surely be... hell, something has to be lodged up there...
 | |
|
| |
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:04:52 PM | So....how's that working for you?
Emotional integrity = say what you mean, mean what you say.
Dr. Phil is pretty sarcastic--sometimes even caustic.
I learned sarcasm from Lucille Ball, Johnny Carson, Carol Burnette's Mama skits with Harvey Corman. We loved these guys and their humor included sarcasm.
On the other hand, I worked with a comedy writer whose second career is/was the same as my own in the software, not entertainment, industry. The constant raw diet of ever verging on abusive put one's teeth on edge, and it was WORK to talk with this person. Many divorced individuals are divorced precisely because they don't hear this in their attitude--in how they talk to their daughters or sons. I don't want those family dynamics. One-up-manship sarcasm is a "kick 'em to the curb" scenario.
I cringe watching clips of the Jackie Gleason Show (I was always rooting for his neighbor) or many of the "darlin'" posters on this thread...
So, ItsMargo has touched one truism: we're all different. The other truism is that what is tolerable (or cute) is a matter of degree. The Red Green Show is great and loving.
A little bit is 
None at all is 
But this or this kind of sarcasm mixed with will cause all but the brain dead to 
In relationships, a joke can become a major conflagration. We all gotta know how to curb the sarcasm when it's counterproductive (and I know I have to learn that, as well!) | |
|
EyeDye
|
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 94 | |
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:09:58 PM | In essence, what you are saying, is that if a person's education level is beyond that of the audience... he/she should speak down to their level?
It's a sad, sad world in which anyone has to veil their intelligence for the sake of those less inclined to self-improvement via education.
tRuu dAt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HaWt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
EyeDye
|
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 95 | |
| |
| |
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:17:26 PM |
HaWt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again, the right words with obvious sincerity don't hurt things in the least... | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:34:19 PM | "Though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves."
____________________________________________________________
Yeah, when I use sarcasm to convey someone's asinine direction in an attempt to get them to reconsider direction I am so insecure. 
Sarcasm is like many things in life, relative. Some of you poor people really need to get thicker skins. Sarcasm is meant to be thought provoking, to spark reflection whehter meant malicously OR PRODUCTIVELY. | |
|
| Sarcasm is Damaging to Relationships
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:56:08 PM |
Now that's just LAZY!!!!!!!.......worse...it's LAME!!!!!....
I think ItsMargo has a pickle with your name on it.......
| |
|
| Antmendment..
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:31:20 PM |
Sarcasm is like many things in life...is meant to be thought provoking, to spark reflection whether meant malicously OR PRODUCTIVELY
After sending my last post, I realized that I grew up in a family that dealt with conflict by using sarcasm. So, I may get the clever humor, but I can think of instances where either I or the other person doesn't recognize the difference between malicious and productive humor.
So. If you grew up in an environment that put you in a hole, you're probably going to see "nothing wrong" with the same verbal sparring. Unless it's directed AT you by someone else.
There lies the rub. Can sarcastic people recognize the difference between abrasive and burnishing? | |
|
Home
login 
