| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:33:53 AM | | No one is asking her to dumb herself down, but being pleasant not complaining about the last guy. Giving men a shopping list of what you expect without offering anything about yourself in return except a brain. Make you are far more like-able person. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/23/2007 12:29:30 PM | | statistics can be deceiving in a culture where love and marriage have been been downgraded. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:31:06 AM | | Depends on what you think is successful. I know an Arab man in an arranged marriage who is still in love with another woman and sends her expensive gifts without his wife knowing. I know an Aussie girl who had some fab sex with a Pakistani man in an arranged marriage who can't stand his wife. Arranged marriages stay marriages because people are trapped in them and cannot divorce do to culture, pressures, family, etc. Just because people stay married doesn't mean they are happy or that they ever were happy. Success is not measured by who can stay married the longest, or even measured by marriage at all. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:29:38 AM | They seem to work far better than non arranged ones dont they?
Infact pretty much all forms of marriage except modern ones seemed to work lol | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:37:01 AM | | Who cares if they work or not? Marriage exists for our sake or we exist for the sake of the marriage? How is a divorce bad? How is a marriage good where the partners continue to be in the marriage though they wish they weren't? | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:27:37 AM | it has been very interesting read your profile,and forum posts,i have tried to send a pm to answer this with no success.
ARRANGED MARRIAGES ARE A FORM OF SLAVERY
hope this helps
john | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:32:31 AM | In some cultures, arranged marriages work beautifully.
For the simple reason that leaving such a marriage often carries a death penalty or something similarly, umh, drastic.
Mostly, both partners are hideously unhappy and seek solace in hobbies, lovers, friends, activities, but the family loves it because they look 'respectable' and 'proper' to the outside world. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:21:25 PM | Arranged marriages work just as 'been together a long' marriages work ... in the end of the day what decides it will work depends on the two people involved.
The thing with an arranged marriage is you are making a commitment right off the bat, and when you date there is no commitment. It is easy to break up with your gf/bf but it is difficult and more hoopla to go through to get a divorce. You know that going in, even if you do not know your partner.
You may not know your partner, but you have the rest of your life to get to know them. The chances are you are going to find a lot of things along the way you don't like, and chances are they are going to find the same about you. However that is life for you, and no one is perfect. In the end of your day, despite your differences and your annoyances you have found companionship in one another, you will raise children with each other, and will grow with one another. Attributes that are commong to both.
You do know little about each other, which is not something to be taken lightly considering you are making a commitment to spend the rest of your life with your arranged partner, but on the other hand usually families are involved and that brings a certain credibility to it.
So to summarize, you are making a commitment that is not easy to back out of. You are going on less information, which are huge risks. These kind of relationships can fail like any marriage again depending on the people in mind. That being said, it is a custom practiced all over the world, and it has a proven track history. They are not for lazy people because like any marriage it takes a lot of work. In the end you sort of put aside the me me and think we. You face the ups and downs, the annoyances and disagreements and chalk it up to being unique individuals and that marriage is about hte good times and the bad and no one is perfect. It is about companionship, and growing together. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:53:23 PM | I don't know anyone well enough from Arab cultures in arranged marriages, but I know a few from India and Pakistan (or of that descent).
There seems to be a misconception that people are "forced" into these marriages with total strangers. In fact, they are arranged by parents (and extended family) who love their children and seek good, compatible partners from them. The people I know had a chance to meet, get to know, then accept or reject the "chosen" one. (Hmm. Sounds a bit like Internet dating.)
Mind you, my experience is limited to midddle-class people, and things might be different among the very rich or very poor (about 70 per cent of India's 1.1 BILLION people live a "village" lifestyle, but I'm not so sure that means they're in poverty, or if the "poor" make arrangements for their children with less concern than the middle classes - I suspect it's exactly the same dynamic, in most cases.) | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:41:15 AM | | When I worked in medicine, I worked with a Dr from Bangledesh who married a lady through an arranged marriage. For those two it worked beautifully, and they are very happy. So for some of course it works, but I dont know anyone else who had an arranged marriage. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:17:23 AM | | OP ~ As an intelligent yong woman, surely you know that the Aristocracy arranges it's marriages to other members of the aristocracy. We can presume you are NOT in that circle, can we not? | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:26:55 AM | Arranged marriages occured among the aristocracy to preserve social status, wealth, and property interests. I am not so sure why they occur in Asian cultures, such as India, but it seems to be due to cultural, social and religious custom.
I am not sure if arranged marriage would be the best way to move out of being single. Still, if your personal beliefs and the beliefs of a prospective partner orient that way, and you are happy, why not? | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:34:19 AM | | How haughty of you. What makes you think that somebody that is of "aristocratic" blood is any smarter than the rest of us? That's a stupid notion. I think by arranged it is meant finding the suitable mate. Then you make some quantum leap to not having sex. That might be until you finally get your arranged marriage off the ground. Problem then is your arranged husband will be wanting to have sex with you every day just like the rest of the poor dogs that have been trying to get into your pants/knickers. Seems to me you'd want to know what you're getting into first. Oh yeah, it practice over here not practise. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:41:07 AM | And if you're going to be such a pedant over someone else's spelling, you might want to check your own out first.
Oh yeah, it practice over here not practise.
It's not it. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 10:01:40 AM | You sure your 25?? Lol no one says wireless no more its radio hmmmm
An as for arranged marriages, some don't have the choice, you do.
And be careful what you wish for...
Good luck in your husband search... *yikes* | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:10:29 PM |
So do arranged marriages work? If so, what makes them work?
Define work.
If you mean what makes them last, often times it is because neither party has a choice of it ending. Also, of the ones that I know (US, mail order brides/arranged marriages of women from poverty stricken areas) the women stay no matter how badly they are treated because even the lowest of standards here are higher than where they came from. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:26:40 PM | There is a reason that arranged marriages are fading away. They DON'T work.
I've read some really sad stories about Muslim women in Briton that are forced into arranged marriages from people they have NEVER met that are outside the country, from remote villages.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/4269543.stm
http://www.jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatch/archives/019541.php
http://www.newstatesman.com/religion/2008/03/honour-killings-forced
http://westminsterjournal.com/content/view/130/30/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-500087/Imams-daughter-hiding-conversion-Christianity-sparked-death-threats.html
So, it's an ancient practice which just illustrate what little value that particular society bestows upon women.
It should be the womans choice and no one elses.
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:51:39 PM | People look to outside forms of authority when they lack self esteem and confidence in their own decision making. This is why someone would choose to hide behind someone else's apron strings and remain infantile depending on someone else to make the decisions for them. Abusive relationships, arranged marriages and joining a cult are all equal possibilities and fall into the same category. Where there has been a considerate "arranged" marriage it would appear less arranged than a suggestion and an introduction with neither of the partners relinquishing their "intelligence".
Why marry at all? Why even bother with the whole degrading experience of relationship and instead pursue single happiness and a career? Have children via IVF and raise them in a safe and loving home, and just bypass the whole ugly relationship and obligatory cheating/std deal? | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:51:56 PM | It does in some cultures...such as old line Jewish Orthodox (Hacidic)...but that's been an ongoing traditional practice...
But if you haven't been around an arranged marriage scenario to the aforementioned extent...I don't really think it would...or could work... | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 48 | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:19:51 AM | Well, those who agree with them are probably brought up in a culture where they are peer pressured and culturally not allowed to make their own decision. If one is going along your primitive cultural norms, and I would assume that most are who are born in such countries, he or she will probably stay married to whoever that would be chosen for him or her to be accepted by the members of their culture.
Just imagine having not to only live with whoever, but also being sexually involved with that whoever and having kids with him would be a hell on earth, in my opinion. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:23:03 AM | | Personally, I couldn't handle not having the freedom of choice in a very important decision ! Then again , who knows how differently I might think if I was raised in a different culture with a different belief system, etc ? | |
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