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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:59:39 PM | One other important fact is when and at what number on the scale do we consider women overweight? because some women can ba athletic and solid at 160 170 or 180 I;ve seen them in college and they are amazons in basketball and volleyball.
Yes it depends on height also cause I know women who I don't consider fit they might be too skinny for me 100 - 130 especially at the height I need them to be is definitely underweight over weight we talking about 250 - 300 because I'm usually in that weight range myself so that would be overweight for me.... | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:06:34 PM |
One other important fact is when and at what number on the scale do we consider women overweight? because some women can ba athletic and solid at 160 170 or 180 I;ve seen them in college and they are amazons in basketball and volleyball
There is a topic here, and it's not about weight per se. It's about someone having a preference for thinner women than himself, and whether or not that's hypocritical. It seems that all someone has to do is mention weight, and the pitchforks and torches come out, and all the pointless discussions about weight, and what is, or isn't, attractive to each person. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/29/2007 3:15:09 PM | ("It tells you alot about the kind of person someone is when they expect people to overlook their flaws and faults yet refuses to overlook the exact same flaws and faults in others.")
I don't EXPECT anyone to do anything. If someone likes me for me and wants to date me, that's fine...so long as i like them too. If someone doesn't find me attractive because of my size, thats fine too. Most people don't overlook others flaws...they don't see them as flaws in the 1st place! There are people who are actually attracted to bigger people. It's all a matter of taste. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:45:19 PM | Adam, You said "So I don't get it but I know several overweight women who will only date men who are 5'10 or taller and have lots of money and expect them to take them out to expensive dinners."
So what is your point? Only women who are thin have the right to date tall men with lots of money? If the tall men with lots of money see something in those overweight women that they found attractive, what business is it of yours if they date? Also what does the woman's weight have to do with the men being tall and wealthy? Maybe the women were also tall and wealthy. If so would they then be "allowed" to date the tall wealthy men or would they still be excluded because they are fat? So your not really saying that the OP's fat friend was wrong for rejecting the fat girl because he was also fat. What you are really saying is that a fat person has so little value that they should not have the right to reject anyone for any reason!!!
SHAME ON YOU!!!
For those of you who are Americans...We live in the land of the free where all men and women are created equal!!! If you hold the opinion that it is NOT "OK" for a person to reject an overweight person due to their weight than you must believe it is wrong for ANYONE regardless of their weight to reject an overweight person solely due to their weight. And by the same token you will have to make a rule against ANYONE rejecting a date because the prospective date is poor, short, boring, or stupid. You can't make rules that apply only to certain people. So OK.....Lets make a rule...From now on no one is allowed to reject anyone because of their lack of education, lack of money, lack of beauty, lack of height, excessive height, excessive weight, lack of big boobs, .....the list can go on forever........... Bottom line, someone is always going to be pissed off if they are rejected by someone due to some superficial personal attribute.
GET OVER IT!!! | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/29/2007 10:32:38 PM |
If you hold the opinion that it is NOT "OK" for a person to reject an overweight person due to their weight than you must believe it is wrong for ANYONE regardless of their weight to reject an overweight person solely due to their weight. And by the same token you will have to make a rule against ANYONE rejecting a date because the prospective date is poor, short, boring, or stupid. You can't make rules that apply only to certain people. So OK.....Lets make a rule...From now on no one is allowed to reject anyone because of their lack of education, lack of money, lack of beauty, lack of height, excessive height, excessive weight, lack of big boobs, .....the list can go on forever........... Bottom line, someone is always going to be pissed off if they are rejected by someone due to some superficial personal attribute.
GET OVER IT!!!
There are some people, who have such fragile identities, that they will personalize any preference by anyone, that excludes them, and react with anger. It's dysfunctional.
The principle in this thread is about whether someone has a right to have a preference, that excludes heavier women, if he himself is heavy. The reactions have been more about whether anyone has a "right" to have preferences, or that those preferences have to pass the test of "political correctness", "fairness", and "logic". In actuality, most preferences are based on hard wired sexual response along with life experience, and they are individual, and no one else's to "judge".
In the case of the OP, a woman, to whom he wasn't attracted, asked him to dance, and he said "no". In a singles bar, does anyone really believe she just wanted aerobic exercise, and he was, thus, "cruel" to say "no"? People have a right to only date other people, who they find attractive, for whatever reason. If they find that their preferences are too restrictive, they can choose to change them, or to not date at all. That's a personal decision.
I'd venture to say that all the people who are complaining about this preference, because it is about weight, have preferences of their own, certain "types" they wouldn't date, based on general charecteristics. As you said, Jana60, "get over it". | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:49:00 AM | ("There are some people, who have such fragile identities, that they will personalize any preference by anyone, that excludes them, and react with anger. It's dysfunctional.")
^^^I don't think that's true...i think we can only speak from our own experiences and nobody elses....if there was only one side of the debate it wouldn't be a fair debate, it wouldn't be a debate at all, it would be a group of people sharing their experiences. Reacting in anger is a little bit strong, but then i guess some of these threads must be a little too close to home for some people! | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:34:44 AM | Adam, You said "So I don't get it but I know several overweight women who will only date men who are 5'10 or taller and have lots of money and expect them to take them out to expensive dinners."
So what is your point? Only women who are thin have the right to date tall men with lots of money? If the tall men with lots of money see something in those overweight women that they found attractive, what business is it of yours if they date? Also what does the woman's weight have to do with the men being tall and wealthy? Maybe the women were also tall and wealthy. If so would they then be "allowed" to date the tall wealthy men or would they still be excluded because they are fat? So your not really saying that the OP's fat friend was wrong for rejecting the fat girl because he was also fat. What you are really saying is that a fat person has so little value that they should not have the right to reject anyone for any reason!!!
The point that some people are making is this. Many ( not all ) fat women complain about men rejecting them due to weight. Yet they have a bunch of requirements that eliminate a large percentage of men. Is a fat woman entitled to only date tall, rich, good looking, athletic/fit men? Yes. Is that realistic? No. A man with these attributes could get almost any woman he wanted. Some of these men might be attracted to fat women. However most of these men probably wouldn't be attracted to fat women. Most of these men would probably end up dating slender/fit women with supermodel looks. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:41:09 AM |
though his expectations are being unrealistic...he'll find himself alone for a good long time.
Ultimately, the arbiter of whether someone's preferences are "realistic" is the "market". If there are no "takers" within his preferences, then his choice is to adjust them in ways that he can, or to choose to be alone, rather than with someone, who he doesn't find attractive. Those are both valid choices, and are a personal decision.
A couple of years ago, I suffered a disabling injury, and for a time, could barely walk. For a number of reasons, I wasn't very "marketable", and I was in another of the frequent breakups that occurred in a troublesome relationship I had at that point. It would have been nice to spend some time in the company of a woman, but, as I said, the "market" dictated that women I might find attractive were not available to me during that time. I chose not to reexamine my preferences, preferring to be without anyone, to having to ignore the "absolutes" in terms of what I find attractive.
Whether that will apply to the heavier man referred to in the OP, only he will know. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:51:40 PM | I think this thread may have gotten somewhat off-topic. I tend to agree that we should all have preferences. But i don't agree with i the exclusion of the entire overweight population,especially if one is overweight themselves. this world is a very big place and even if you're not usually attracted to overweight people there should be at least one fat person in this world that attracts you. If not you're pretty shallow.
I am not normally attracted to japanese women, I have yet to meet one that attract me, But i am open to that possibility happening someday, If i excluded the entire japanese population that would not be preference, matter of fact it could be looked at as our right racist.
Alot of people in the forums are using "preference" as an excuse for alot of others nasty thoughts that's running around in their heads.. But i am not even going to go there, that's another topic for another thread. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:20:24 PM | 
I've always wondered if ugly people are attracted to other ugly people? Just because we are whatever we are on the outside, doesn't mean that we don't have the same media forces, and same kind of feelings and visuals on the inside. Ugly people probably would date hot people if they could get them and it was real love. Same with fat people. Interesting concept.
Okay no one quote my post and rant about personality, blah, blah - obviously this comes into play or we wouldn't have a lot of ugly, fat kids running around for the next generation. I have just seen this a lot where ugly guys want hot girls. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being over
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:15:26 PM | | I have no idea what question you are asking Chelsea. What about my post were you incapable of understanding ? Being overweight is a physical imperfection ,in particular morbid obesity. However i don't think your post had anything to do with a question. I think it was actually a sly insult. Yes Chelsea I AM FAT !!!!!! I know i am fat ok? At least i have the guts to put up a picture of myself instead of sitting back with none up and insulting people. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:08:34 PM | You can't dictate to someone what they'll be attracted to on the basis of what they 'should' be attracted to. It doesn't work logically like that. I'm a biggish lad - I like women with some weight but not too much - I'm not attracted to skinny women either. Main thing for me is the face and a smile but that quickly becomes a 'given' and then it's personality. I'm also attracted to women with nice hands (weird) and other strange quirks. It's just I am or I'm not. Voice is important too. Biggest thing is 'atmosphere' though - did I feel comfortable around her and vica versa.
We can't dictate anything to anyone in this regard and in a way there's a bit of unreality to it - I had a woman 30 years older than me who got a crush on me and she would burst into tears because I wasn't interested and the same thing with a 16 year old a while ago - when people are attracted to you the 'shoulds' don't play much of a part.
I was in a social club and mouthing off about how ugly all the women are is one of the most obnoxious, foul mouthed, fat, smelly, cigar smoking elderly guys you could hope to meet. Guy with the mind but not the looks of a Marlon Brando.
It's just the way it is - people are attracted to what they're attracted to, not what they ought to be. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:10:39 AM | I agree that we all have our preferences of what we find attractive. Physical attraction is important and anyone that says it isn't is lying. Ofcourse everyone wants a beautiful, attractive partner, but you also need to be realistic as well.
What I don't agree with is when someone asks for something that they themselves are not willing to provide. I have seen the profiles of overweight men (bigger then just a few extra pounds) that say they want a fit, in shape woman. I'm sorry but I find that a little offensive.
Most people that are "fit and in shape" work hard to be that way. I by no means have the perfect figure. But I take pride in my appearance. I work out 2-3 times a week. I shower daily and dress well. I want to look good for myself but also for anyone that eventually I may become involved. I would like to think that person would do the same for me.
I am pretty new to the online dating world. It has been a good insight to human nature. Again be honest, the picture it the thing that is going to make you click on the profile and read. I am not looking for Brad Pitt. My physical preferences are across the board. I actually don't mind a man with a few extra pounds. I usually will look at a man's smile or eyes when I first look at them. Good personality and intelligence are important too. But there has to be some sort of physical attraction that will first pull you to them.
My point here is... if you are overweight you can not always expect to be with someone who is fit, if you are unemployed you can not expect a partner who earns 6 figures, if you are a smoker you should not expect that a non smoker will find you attractive. The list goes on... be realistic.
Just my opinion. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:11:14 AM | "what i don't agree with is when someone ask for something that they themselves are not willing to provide"
Here also is my biggest issue with this. All i ever ask from anyone i am dating is to be treated just like i treat them. I want an egual in every way, i don't want someone to walk behind or infront of me, I want a partner to walk beside me. If i am hitting the gym working me butt of to stay in some kind of shape, then the lady i am dating must be putting out some kind of effort to be in shape also.
Wanting to date someone who is physically fit while you're sitting around on your lardass getting bigger is not really realistic and quite offensive. We all have a right to have preferences(On this i totally agree) but i reserves my right to think you're living in law law land. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 12/2/2007 10:58:04 AM | I'm fat. I've dated larger men, but I prefer tall, lean men. Not skinny... but men who have muscle to them, men who are strong.
I won't reject someone because of his weight, but I certainly have a preference.
When it comes to women- I don't dig thin women at all. I like chubby girls. Lean men and chubby girls.
*shrug* I'm a blonde who dyes her hair black... and I don't like blondes. I like dark haired people.
I have green eyes, and I don't like people with green eyes- I like brown eyes.
We have our preferences... being skinny shouldn't mean that you get to judge others, whereas being fat shouldn't mean that you don't get to... why should skinny people have more right than fat people, to have a preference?
My partner is tall and lean and muscular. No fat on him, just a bunch of muscle. He doesn't like lean women. He likes chubby girls. Like me. If a lean woman hit on him, he'd be flattered, but would never pursue it, because quite frankly, as he puts it "it's like a sack of antlers in bed".
*shrug*
"To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." - Robert Louis Stevenson. | |
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