| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:55:06 PM | | Let me ask you is it ok for an underweight person to reject another underweight person. It should never matter the two of them are overweight so they should go and try to have a date. There has to be an attraction both emotionally and physically. If there isn't where can any relationship start? Some people prefer differant types and others look for one type of person. If that is what he wants there are people that are in shape that look for overweight people too. He will find what he wants don't beat him up over it. | |
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| Is it ok to feel the need to tell others how to live?
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:01:07 PM | There seem to be some underlying CONTROL issues here!
GOD, I mean OP, why is it any or your business who the guy dates?
I love the idea that people that have no control over their own lives, always seem to feel the need to control how others live!!! The phrase KING NOTHING comes to mind!
~Belly~
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| Is it ok to feel the need to tell others how to live?
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:15:41 PM | "GOD, I mean Op, why is it any of your business who the guy dates?"
This from a guy that wrote a thread making fun of a handicapped lady and calling her "shallow" because she said she was not attracted to him because he had a huge belly.
What was the totle of that thread again ???? oh yea "shollowness has reached a new level" or something silly like that.
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:34:35 PM | "The funny thing is, when we are doing it to someone we call it "preference", But when it's being done to us we like to scream "Shallow"."
If I had a dollar for everytime I'd said that...totally and fully AGREE!!
You'd be a rich man... because the parade of idiots we have seems to be increasing on a daily basis.
Look... if you don't like someone, you don't like someone. It's been said as well as it could be said already... the hypocracy comes when he turns around and complains about a woman using his own logic when judging him. I'd like to think that humans have a natural instinct when deciding what is and what isn't good for them. Obviously, this instinct isn't as prevalent in some as it is in others... but it's there.
Instinct always is.
Anyways, something in your friend's frontal lobe is preventing him from finding attraction in overweight women. Whatever. Not really your concern. Who he likes... and why he likes it... only he knows. And I'm not even sure HE knows. Maybe an overweight woman abused him in the past... and when he meets an overweight woman, his brain makes some kind of strange connection to his past. Maybe he had a horrible experience with an overweight woman and his brain won't let him forget it. Again.. who knows.
And really... who should really care... besides him?
Now... when he approaches you in the future... all down... sad... lonely... because he feels like no woman he wants would ever want him... don't say "I told you so". Do what a friend should do... tell him they're dumb... he isn't... and things will change.
Just remember that episode next time you are looking for a friend to go to for similar advice.
By the way - what YOU should have done... after your friend rejected her... was grabbed her by the hand... looked her in the eye... and said, "He may not... but I'll dance with you."
Then after she said, "No thanks... you're too skinny" and walked away... you would have had a whole new forum topic for us to comment on.
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:45:55 PM | As a very FAT woman, I agree that we all have preferences. Sometimes our preference change as we become more confident. When I was younger I went for the good-looking flavor of the week (although it was a good bet he probably didn’t know I existed). My taste was dictated by how I saw myself. Just a few pounds overweight I had less self-respect and confidence then I do now. The man I was with was an indication of my value. The better looking the man, the more I could pretend I was ok.
Getting older and getting to know myself has changed how I feel. Now a man can be drop-dead, make you fall over yourself gorgeous, but if he can’t make me laugh he’s only good to look at or have as a friend. The man that is intelligent, can make me laugh, has a good smile and sweet eyes, that’s the one that I find amazing.
Is it possible that your friend has preferences or low self-esteem? | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:54:14 PM | I am a big woman and it pisses me off to no end when skinny people psycho analize fat people when in reality they have not a clue ... And I mean all of this in a nice non-flaming way so I apologize in advance if I offend someone here.
Fat people only dating skinny people has nothing to do with hating the fat part of themselves. It is all about preferences... I am a large lady but all my life I dated mostly skinny and buff men. Some with the model body and the washboard abs. So yes many skinny men like big women, even the hansome ones :) I do not object dating big men and I have at times dates a few big teddy bear type fellas. Oh ya I can be a real freak in the bedroom so being fat does not men a lack of performance in bed. I seen lousy lovers and great lovers in all sizes :)
Some people like to date people of simular size, some like taller some like more pettite. Some people do not care about weight and size. I like to take it on individual basis. Some people look good in their large size, some don't. Butt ugly people come in all shape and sizes as well as good looking people. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 7:21:20 PM | Darn Opie, you always bring up difficult and clever topics that we have to think before we answer! Will you please stop doing that!!! lol lol lol Get a radio talk show! lol
Seriously, now, that is a very interesting civic and personal ethos issue and as a Greek, I am forced to comment.
"Now i don't think he has the right to refuse anyone solely based on weigh, A fat person using preference to reject another fat person is utterly silly."
This is IMO the core of the OP:
Do we think that a person with an X "situation/status/etc" has the right to refuse anyone solely based on account of the same X situation/status/etc.
Well, IMO, in matters of eros (but not employment, membership of clubs, condos, etc) a person has a legal RIGHT to do decide whatever he/she wants, BUT, IMO, has to right to do that publicly or argue for making it a "norm". Ethically? That is a Labyrinth. Is it is Eros, Eros has no rules anyway, IMO. We cannot make someone to like someone else, all we can do is "expect" them to tolerate them in daily living in a Society. But dating is not about tolerating.
There are no rules in dating and Eros "choices", and that is the truth.
Private vs. Public: Now do I have the right to think that the OP's friend is #**#&#? Yes, I do, but I have no right to comment that in public either.
Does a private airline have a right to eliminate or choose air stewards/esses on the basis of looks, weight or height? A gov. agency (eg the Police)? Only when they can prove DIRECT and SOLID relevance to the skills or job description tasks. Even private companies. But dating choices? Hm!
A very interesting civil liberties case indeed.
A smoker can claim that he/she does not want to date another smoker because he/she plans to quit thus the date will be a negative influence. But all that is secondary, as IMO anybody has a right to turn down a date with anyone else and is not obliged to offer reasons why. Because these are personal choices, no matter how realistic, rational or ethical they are.
Can a bad speller reject a date on account of bad spelling by the date? Promiscuity? Nationality? Language skills? Religion (eg an atheist to reject atheists)? Height? IQ? EQ? Profession? Numbet of condoms owned? Wealth?
Cross "situations"? Does a situation get dateability points and can these be traded of offset by others? Eg you are too clever and I am too tall, thus we "trade" our "dating points/ratings" and agree to date?
IMO, truly emotional (and thus not rational) choices are not subject to rational rules, realistic or not. But how many of the dating choices are actually driven by emotion and not by calculative thinking?
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being over
Posted: 11/21/2007 7:32:36 PM | Well we can have any preferences we choose . However if he honestly thinks a woman who works out at the gym regularly and is very careful about watching what she eats wants a man who is grossly overweight then he is seriously deluding himself. I find that this is a problem i encounter with fat men regularly . They will think nothing about outright rejecting me for being fat meanwhile they get winded climbing a flight of stairs and probably haven't seen their feet in years.
If you can't offer a very fit and in shape person the same thing then most of the time you will be rejected. We have to be realistic about the type of person who will be attracted to us.The only time you ever see hot women with fat men is if they fat man is wealthy.As far as hot men with fat women , well that almost never happens unless he is a chubby chaser. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being over
Posted: 11/21/2007 7:46:38 PM | Re post 65:
"Well we can have any preferences we choose "
As long as they are and kept personal/private, IMO.
"However if he honestly thinks a woman who works out at the gym regularly and is very careful about watching what she eats wants a man who is grossly overweight then he is seriously deluding himself."
Does a person have the RIGHT to delude him/her self? That is a key question, IMO.
"If you can't offer a very fit and in shape person the same thing then most of the time you will be rejected."
Who made that RULE?
"We have to be realistic about the type of person who will be attracted to us."
Since Eros is Eros and Attraction, how can we bring REALISM into the choices. The arrows of Cupid are sneaky!!!! SERIOUSLY!
"As far as hot men with fat women , well that almost never happens unless he is a chubby chaser."
Chubby chaser? Meaning? Is a chubby chasser different than a skinny chaser? A blondes chaser? A men/women with no teeth chaser? An ambulance chaser? (oops that is off topic, sorry, lol). | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 7:54:57 PM | "GOD, I mean OP, why is it any or your business who the guy dates? "
Lame insult yet no reply to the question!
"OK.
Let's say it's not...now what?
You gonna sue 'em, go kick their butt? What's your next move?
Feeling Validated? "
once again NO REPLY to the question!!!
Hey OP, for someone who just joined on 11-5-07 you sure seem up to date on threads that been deleted for over a month.. I wonder why no pic? lmao....
Seems to be more of a MR. HIDE!
~Belly~ | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:06:05 PM | "Hey Op, for someone who just joined on 11-5-07 you sure seem up to date on threads that been deletedfor over a month"
Just because i just rejoined on 11-5-07 does not mean i it's my first time on pof. All it means is that i deleted my profile and now choose to come back for the forums only.
Of course since you joined 11-8-2007 then it's impossible for you to have written that thread. OH wait you must have done the same thing i did, delete your profile then choose to join again.
Can't help but notice that you failed to address the hypocrisy of your post in this thread. Explain to us why when you're rejected because of your big belly the person was "shallow" and that was not a preference?. Yet here you're now saying pretty much it's ok to date who you want for whatever reason you want and it's no ones business.
Quite the 360 from that thread????? Don't you think? | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:29:01 PM | "logic vary rarely has anything to do with matters of attraction"
Nobody with any intelligence would even attempt to argue such a valid point. But it still does not make it any less hypocritical.
This thread reminds me of the parent who smokes or does drugs getting angry at their kids after catching them smoking or doing drugs. When they ask the kids where they learn to do that stuff, The kid points to them and says"from you". Do as i say not as i do. total and utter hypocrisy with a disregard for what's fair and just. | |
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mxk883
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Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 71 | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:37:09 PM | "logic vary rarely has anything to do with matters of attraction.."
I wish to thank the fellow poster for stating such an obvious IRL thing which "somehow" does not seem so obvious to a grand majority of POF-Fers and one cannot but wonder why!!! Thanks again for the 
PS. The choices the Op refers to are sometimes for REAL choices based on attraction, but rather, calculative thinking, which makes one wonder/ponder and worry about the REALITY of Eros/Atrraction based choices nowadays. Have so many people replaced attraction with logic and thus turned attraction based dating into a consumer/rational market for partnerships? Silly or not. Cupid does what Cupid wants with his sneaky little arrows!! But some are trying to have him exiled from dating!!!
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:56:59 PM | Of course since you joined 11-8-2007 then it's impossible for you to have written that thread. OH wait you must have done the same thing i did, delete your profile then choose to join again.
There is a little difference, I am not afraid to show my face!
I wrote the thread you speak of! As well as the whole story behind it!
As you have said while avoiding good questions, your comparing apples to oranges..
I was asked to accept her issues and problems yet she had no willingness to accept mine! That Mr. HIDE is shallow! We had also seen each other on web cam for many hours... She knew what I looked like!
So here is an apple for an apple:
Why is it such a big deal to you who your buddy dates? How are his choices any of your business?
~BELLY~ | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:17:35 PM | "there is a difference, i'm not afraid to show my face"
You my friend are looking to date online, something i gave up on a very very long time ago, you're supposed to have a picture , you have a better chance of making a connection that way(so says pof anyway).
When i was on pof last time i also had a picture, yet i still had in my profile i had no interest in dating and i was only interested in the forums. That never stopped women from writing me anyway trying to chance my mind. So this time i wrote a very odd profile, put up no picture, hoping that this would get me less mail. Now women are writing me about my profile. even with no picture and a wacky profile, i can't stop the mail.
"Why is it such a big deal to you who your buddy dates?"
First of all who said it was a big deal? I found it interesting and thought the subject might make an interesting thread, Judging from the responses so far i was correct in that assessment. Not all threads have to have some kind of hidden agenda, some we just make because we find the topic interesting and want to start a debate. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:25:59 PM | Damn... my dating pool of options just shrank... I can now only look at big men.... so... just so I don't make any mistakes... does that mean they have to have the same body fat percentage?? or height to weight ratio?? do they have to be the same race too?? or can I still date whatever race??? how about income level or educational level??? does that have to match??? just want to know the rule before I start fishing...
**shakes head**
and op... you are not that mans friend for thinking so low of him that he can't choose who he wishes to spend time with... | |
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