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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:16:14 AM | | I dont understand why people are making such a big deal about people being overweight in the look s aspect of it. I am overweight, but i can tell ya i have been losing weight, but only cause of my health. But my appearance, I love the way I look. If someone is going to regect me cause of my weight, well, its going to be there lost cause fat or thin, people are people, and people are who they are not what they weight. I mean i guess I agree with it, cause if you turn someone down cause of their weight and your overweight it is kind of hypicritical I guess. You would think that being overweight yourself you would understand how hard it is for some people to acknowledge you. | |
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| t ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:28:27 AM | "You would think that being overweight yourself you would understand how hard it is for some people people to acknowledge you."
This was my main point all along, But it's just not getting through to most posters. I am an African -american man and totally understand about being rejected solely based on the colour of my skin (been told this quite a few times via e-mail). So how utterly rediculous would it then be for me to turn around and do the same thing to someone else. I would think it would be harder to do having walked in that persons shoes.
But obviously i am mistaken. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:31:22 AM |
Really overwieght people go through alot of discrimination everyday in this world. They truly should understand what that feels like, how could they then turn around and make someone else feel that way.
I am a black man and a minority mostly everywhere i go. I understand what it's feels like to be discriminated against. How could i then in clear conscience reject someone else solely based on race, knowing that this has been done to me and knowing what such an occurrence feels like?.
Let's not compare apples to oranges here. First off, a lot of what people consider "discrimination" against the obese is actually the inability to accomodate their special needs without special treatment, like when they are charged for two airline seats because they can't fit into one seat. Secondly, an overweight person has the ability to lose that weight if they choose to do so. A black man is always going to be black, whether he wants to be or not.
It's a racial origin vs. a lifestyle choice. You can't compare the two. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:35:32 AM | agreed. thats like saying a tall person is a hypocrite for rejecting other tall people. just because youre fat doesnt mean you have to like other fat people.
i mean if youre like 500 lbs and youre rejecting other similarly sized people, people are going to crack jokes and make fun, but the only reasoning people will have for it is "BUT YOURE FAT TOO" and that simply doesnt hold water.
i personally focus on personality and ive actually dated some ....unfortunate looking women just because they were so undeniably awesome i didnt care.
but i agree that people cant help their preferences and if they dont have a problem with it, why should you? | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:40:07 AM | It does sound completely hypocritical, but at the end of the day, we can't help what we find attractive and what we don't. I myself don't find thin men attractive, and I get accused of judging people before I get to know them, but I can't help it if the sight of a chunky built man makes my heart go pitter patter, but the sight of a thin man has the opposite effect on me. Attraction is attraction at the end of the day, and if you settle for anything less, eventually you're probably going to be looking elsewhere. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 107 | |
| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 7:41:02 AM |
Ive never understood why some over weight people do that? There was another thread started by a woman who asked why cant men see past the outside ? and the kicker was she actually states Shes not interested in meeting a man who was overweight , meanwhile she's more than overweight
I think I know the thread Mahogany is referring to, which ended up getting deleted, but the woman in that thread was not only very overweight, she also didn't have a very good personality and had a huge chip on her shoulder. When you put all of those things together I think her weight was the least of her problems.
I can't help but wonder if your friend rejects the women who are interested in him because in truth he does not want a girlfriend. | |
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| t ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:01:06 AM |
This was my main point all along, But it's just not getting through to most posters. I am an African -american man and totally understand about being rejected solely based on the colour of my skin (been told this quite a few times via e-mail). So how utterly rediculous would it then be for me to turn around and do the same thing to someone else. I would think it would be harder to do having walked in that persons shoes.
But obviously i am mistaken.
Hard wired attraction in terms of an intimate relationship, has nothing to do with "political correctness", "fairness", or "equal rights". Those are all important things in the work place, and in our communities, but not in selecting with whom we will potentially be intimate, with that "one person".
If you don't like someone else's preferences, too bad. It's no one else's business, and one doesn't have to exhibit the characteristic that he seeks in another. The "market" will decide if one's preferences are unrealistic. If the overweight man in the OP finds that he is always unsuccessful in attracting a thinner woman, he'll either adjust, or remain single. On the other hand, if that preference is so strong that it has to come first, he'll possibly have to make "trade offs" in terms of other desirable, but less critical, preferences.
Almost anyone can find someone who will be interested, if one has only one preference. It's not like that, of course, and everyone is a combination of many aspects, and results in a "go/no go" in terms of whether someone is attractive to you. It's not about "fairness" , nor is it a reasoned, thought through process. It's instinctive. So, for me, there are a couple of "absolutes", and then other less important desirable qualities. I am NEVER attracted to someone who is outside those couple of "absolutes", but often have been to those who don't match up with what I thought was desirable.
I don't think that this thread is about "overweight" people in a negative sense. Why is it that some overweight people always have to rant at anyone who isn't attracted to overweight? I'm slender, and there are women who aren't attracted to slender guys, preferring "mountain men" types. So what? I don't feel a need to bash them for their hard wired preferences.
The point is, that there is a lid for every pot, and if people stopped worrying about those who aren't attracted, and "blaming" them for being how they are, they would have more time to find someone who is attracted, just as they are. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:11:34 AM | He's no more or less wrong than thin people that judge people by their weight, or the overweight people that only date overweight people and snub someone thinner ( it exists, amazing thing about the human race, we seem to like to judge) It's a shallow reason to throw someone away,but it's reality, It's also not a whole lot better to think because he's overweight he shouldn't have standards. I agree that his seem a little outrageous given that he doesn't seem to be attempting to lose weight.
good luck to him, but he's probably going to be lonely for a while with an attitude like that.
*Just My Two Cents* | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:12:46 AM | | It's not a right or wrong thing or should it be up for judgement. I'm overweight and I like guys who are stocky but not big. Just because we're overweight doesn't mean we don't still have preferences. It doesn't mean because we're fat we have to date only fat men or women that pay us attention or stick with "our kind". That's just silly to think such a thing. Doesn't matter what you look like, if you're not attracted to someone, then you're just not attracted. No one has to settle for less than they want or need in a potential mate. Comparing his friend to a druggie or alcoholic is ridiculous. I love men and sometimes when I work with someone on a daily basis or i'm around a man on a regular basis that I wouldn't normally be attracted to, I find myself thinking differently and wouldn't mind going out with him and have done just that. Preferences change but you still know basicly what you want. But to be overweight and be expected to be full of glee when another fat person pays attention to you and questioned when you turn them down is no one's business but your own. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:25:46 AM |
It's a shallow reason to throw someone away,but it's reality
No, it's not "shallow". It's human. "Shallow" indicates a character defect, and sexual attraction isn't a matter of character. Those who dismiss their instincts, in an effort to be fair, often end up doing something cruel, and that is forming a relationship, when they aren't "into" the other, trying to "make it work" based on logic and fairness. Those kinds of matches are always lacking in passion and deep connection, but, I suppose it's ok, because they're "fair", and "at least", weren't made for "shallow" reasons?
I have reached a point in life of self acceptance, that I no longer care what the "group think" on a forum is. I am attracted to whom I am attracted, and experience shows me, that my "market value" is such, that I can attract women with the general characteristics that I seek, without having to "convince" myself that I feel things that I don't, or have desires that I can't for someone outside what I find sexually attractive.
No need for me to list them, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. On the other hand, those hard wired absolutes aren't going to change, no matter how wonderful a woman might otherwise be. I feel blessed that I found a woman who is many wonderful things, and, apparently, I meet her "absolute" preferences as well. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:26:28 AM | I think that everyone has a right to have their own "preferences". As long as they are realistic in what to expect. If not, so be it. It is their loss.
I myself am over weight and a larger woman, but I try to keep in shape and am pretty atheletic. Therefore, I dont date "couch potatoes" that all they want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV(regardless of their size). I prefer to get out and be active and do things, and like for whom I am dating or even friends with, to join me.
So, who cares what someone's personal preference is. EVERYONE has them. Just know that in your limitations, you might be missing out on something GREAT!
*Smile*
~Casey
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:26:45 AM | "With friends like that who needs enemies!"
Yeah I'd much rather have friends lie to me.
If you are an overweight man/woman and you want a fit partner....Hit the gym and watch your diet. If you still can't lose weight see your Dr. Having said that if your happy with yourself and the way look why would a potential partner looking the same way be a turn off? Now that I just don't get. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:34:26 AM | Now i don't think he has the right to refuse anyone solely based on weight, A fat person using preference to reject another fat person is utterly silly.
So based on this logic, that means we have to be attracted to someone with similar traits as us?
So someone that suffers from, depression for example, should HAVE TO be willing to date someone else with depression.
Does that also mean tall women should have to date tall men, and short men have to date short women.
Next I'm gonna say does that mean you have to be attracted to someone your own age?
Bottom line, it might be hypocritical to reject someone based on a trait you have yourself, especially if you expect others to accept you, but you also have the right to select the type of partner you date. Additionally, it may really limit your options available out there, but regardless of how you look at it, it is their choice to make. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:43:03 AM | All I have been getting is rejections from handsome, good-looking guys, and one of them even had the nerve to say it was that because of my picture, I don't appear to be very concerned about my health/weight, but he didn't look like he was in that great of shape, either. I HAVE been getting messages from fat, ugly guys.
My ex was a fat, lazy slob, and still is. He sits around feeding his face while his entire apt. is wall-to-wall crap, and he has a path going from one room to another, but he sits there and watches TV and ignores the fact that it looks like a tornado went through his house. I don't want another relationship like that.
I think I have a right to expect someone I meet not to weigh more than I do (unless they are tall). I'm not fat, I'm just a little overweight, and at least I'm trying to work on that. It's not the weight that bothers me the most about men, it's the laziness and unwillingness to do anything about it. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:45:34 AM | "with friends like that who needs enemies!"
Yeah i'd much rather have friends lie to me" Don't laugh that's actually true alot of people don't want to hear the truth. They would much rather live in the land of make believe.
" if you're an overweight man/woman and you want a fit partner...Hit the gym and watch your diet. If you still can't lose weight see your DR. Having said that if your happy with yourself and the way you look why would a potential partner looking the same way be a turn off? Now that i just don't get?"
Actually poster this is totally puzzling to me also. The only answer i could think of is that they are not actually happy with themselves. Maybe it's because they are in fact disgusted with their own lack of self -control that they can't stand to date someone like themselves. Maybe a person like themself is actually like looking in a mirror, and we all know just how harsh that mirror can be at times. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:15:12 AM | I think that there are 2 separate questions. Are people entitled to have any requirements that they want? Yes. Are some requirements unrealistic? Yes. I know a significantly overweight man that rejected a woman that was a few pounds overweight because he is attracted to thin/fit women. About 2/3 of Americans are considered to be overweight whether it's slightly, moderately, or extremely overweight. Therefore a man with this requirement would eliminate the majority of women. He could eliminate many thin/fit women because of a variety of other reasons. Age, distance, smoking, having multiple children, lack of attraction for other reasons besides weight, poor personality etc. Many of the thin/fit women that meet his requirements would reject him because of his weight or because he doesn't meet some of thin/fit women's other requirements. Therefore his potential dating pool would be very small. If he accepts this fact, then there is no problem. If he complains about it, then he should change some of his requirements.
If someone is going to reject me cause of my weight, well, its going to be there lost
It's not their loss. Why should anyone date a person that they think is completely unattractive? I'm sure that you have rejected men that you aren't attracted to. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 121 | |
| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:36:51 AM | Damn forums, I am suppose to be cooking, talk about a lack of discipline. Hee hee.
Now I know everyone has different criteria as to what constitutes "a little overweight" and "fat." However, I can't help but wonder how honest some people are with themselves. While we all have our physical preferences, I think we all need to consider that the closer you are to the type of person you desire, the more likely you are to attract that person.
I have to say something that really bothers me here on POF are some women who are "significantly" overweight and say they are "a few pounds overweight." I think the reason this bothers me so much is because at one time I weight 76 lbs. more than I do now, I was 5'2 at 200 lbs., not pretty. I lost the weight and have kept if off for now 18 years. It wasn't easy to lose it and I work hard at keeping it off. However, the thing that really annoys me about these women that I reference is the sense of entitlement that they seem to posess and frankly their judgemental attitudes in accepting what they deem less than desirable physical attributes in men. Why is it alright to expect something of someone else that you do not bring to the table yourself? For me, this says a lot about a person's character. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:52:22 AM | "Why is it alright to expect something of someone else that you do not bring to the table yourself? for me, This says a lot about a person's character"
Another brilliant stroke with the keyboard.. What rational person that find fault with this argument?.
In any potential dating situation should we be expecting from others that which we can't produce ourselves. Like attracts like, if you are expecting to date fit people you need to get up off your fat butt and go join a gym. Get in shape or at least be making an attempt to get in shape, Then when you can bring fitness to the table you can start expecting it from others. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:57:37 AM | In any potential dating situation should we be expecting from others that which we can't produce ourselves. Like attracts like
OP, many people reject your premise that "like attracts like" in every characteristic. There do need to be some points of similarity, but there arer also areas where opposites attract. It may be more common for physical "types" to attract others of the same type, but that's not always true. Haven't you seen couple with a thin short guy paired with a large woman, or vice versa? Have you taken a look at the wives of NFL linemen?
I go back to the example of the dark haired man, who is only turned on by blondes, or blondes who are turned on by men who are "tall, dark, and handsome".
What many have tried to say to you, nicely or otherwise, is that someone else's preferences aren't yours to judge. If they are unattainable "in the market", the "market" will reveal that to him, but it's not up for debate or judgment of others. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:01:33 AM | To look further past the weight scenario...
The bottom line is...the chick only wanted to dance. She wasn't asking for him to marry her. Regardless of weight ....his character in handling this situation ....(IMO) is a clear indication of why this man is single.
I'll dance with ANY man...if they come and ask me. Doesn't mean I'll be going home with them. It's called being humble. More people should practice it.
Just my $0.02.  | |
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