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 matters not
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 101
Would you date a cancer survivorPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I've had cancer... but I'm a 'life' survivor, not just a cancer survivor, lol.

The illness certainly doesn't define 'who' I am. I'm only a year out.... and I'M LOVING THE HAIR!!!!

All that said, I had trouble attracting attention when I was bald or the hair was real short, but now that you can't tell when you look at me, it's not a big issue. I do let my potential dates know BEFORE the first meet though. I just don't like surprises of any kind, and I assume most fellas don't either.

So far, having kids at home has been a MUCH bigger issue than the past illness. Just sayin'.
 GingersnapWA
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 102
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/28/2008 12:54:51 PM
Here's a story for you. I exchanged several emails with a gentleman from another dating site. He confessed in an email that he was a cancer survivor, and asked if it would bother me, blah blah etc. I responded back that No, it would Not bother me, as I have several first-stage relatives who either have cancer now or have had cancer in the past. I never heard from him again. Guess he couldn't deal with someone who by familial status is high risk to get the same disease some day...
 fritzle
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 103
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/30/2008 3:50:02 AM
I know this is an old thread, but I wanted to comment on it. Yes, I would date a cancer survivor. I myself am living with cancer. However, I must say that the posts I have read on this thread are not what I have experienced and I am soooo very glad that I read this thread as it gave me courage/strength/belief in human nature. It was very difficult for me to decide if I should have in my profile my cancer situation. I did for awhile, got very little response and most of it was people just wanting to know if I was looking for a lay since I was obviously not going to be around forever. Truly. Pretty rude huh? So, I removed my cancer from the profile. Felt obligated to tell someone but only after we had met and there seemed a potential for dating. For myself, although cancer does not define me, it is a big part of my life. I look very normal and noone would ever know that I have stage4 cancer. But, I do a lot of work in the community advocating for my type of cancer, have been in the newspaper, on TV and speak to medical students and the medical schools here. So, chances are someone could recognize me and I just didn't want to have to be evassive about it.

The upshot here is this, if a survivor/living with it person chooses to let you into their lives, run with it and enjoy them for all they are worth. We live life to the fullest, find joy in every single day, love fully, like sex, and are just trying to live normally as best we can as long as we can. Cured or not.

If anyone wants to chat about this or is looking for information feel free to contact me. I have metastatic melanoma, skin cancer that is in the 4th stage. Wear your sunscreen folks, stay out of the tanning beds, your life could depend on it! LOL!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 104
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/30/2008 5:52:19 AM
What a nice post, fritzle. I really appreciate your activism and advocacy.

People are never just one thing, and as you say, melanoma does not define you. Your activities illustrate who you are far better than a clinical label.

-Gray
 fritzle
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 105
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:37:10 AM
I agree ^^^^^ and although the melanoma does not define me, it has made me a better person. Cancer has been the best thing that ever happened to me! I live life to the fullest I can every day, I take care of myself not everyone else, I find joy in simple things, the things that I can't change I am able to just let go know instead of continuing to try. Yes, I am divorced and it happened while all of this has been going on, but we were in separation before I got sick, he took excellent care of me at my worst, and then we got divorced. I think it actually all made him a better person in some regards even though he still is an alcoholic and an ASS! Something I have finally stopped trying to change. I only deal with the things that affect me and I am careful about who and what I let into my life. If there seems like the potential for stress and drama I close the door and move on. It may seem selfish to many but it's the way it has to be for me and I am the least selfish person in the world and I have no qualms living life like this. It has truly saved me in so many ways.
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 106
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/31/2008 3:48:43 PM
Lance Armstrong wouldn't.
 ACURN
Joined: 6/12/2008
Msg: 107
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:50:57 PM
Yes, I would, absolutely.
Yes, of course a person should be upfront.
 brendasue47
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 108
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:12:43 AM
this is a tricky one. i have been a widow for 2.5 years. my husband had brain cancer and i took care of him at home for 2.5 years before he passed away.
was that gut wrenching and painful ~ absolutely
would i sign up for that again? it would depend on the situation and the type of cancer etc... most are not as deadly as primary brain cancer.
i was part of a widowed support group early on and it was mostly older ladies. they told me to 'be careful' because there are lots of guys out there who are looking for
a nurse (good income) with a purse. somebody who could support them AND take care of them. not many of them were willing to sign up for that kind of relationship and i think it'd be the same with me.
brenda in WA state (fairly new to site and 1st post on message board)
 Septimus
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 109
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/11/2008 10:29:58 PM
I did date a breast cancer survivor some years ago. The cancer was in remission when we met, unfortunately she had a type that could only be slowed but not stopped. Four times the doctors told her she was cancer free but eventually it returned. I can only try to imagine what it must have been like for her to have her life handed back to her and taken away again so many times. Though our time together was short, I don't regret getting involved with her. She needed help and I did what I could. Would I do it again? Difficult to know. It would depend on the circumstances I suppose.
 Old Sparkie
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 110
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/11/2008 11:46:50 PM
My second wife was a cancer survivor. Ovarian Cancer at that. She is doing very well.
 Snapington
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 111
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/12/2008 7:22:30 PM
Well then we'd have something in common, although I've been clean for ten years now.
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 112
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/21/2008 4:05:51 AM
Stopped in to 'see' some of the new(er) posts.

To all the cancer survivors out there and those that lend their support to them,

here is wishing us all a happy/healthy holiday season and new year.

Best,
Steve
 Keltickitten
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 113
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/21/2008 6:33:47 AM
It's unfortunate, but I've had men that wouldn't date me because of my remission status, but because I have all my hair back finally I don't always bring it up on the first few dates.

I know it may be a bit hypocritical, but I would hesitate dating someone in remission. The likely hood that whatever form of cancer could come back.. I don't know if I'm strong enough!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 114
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:49:18 AM
Realistically it's much better dating a cancer survivor than one who didn't survive...
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 115
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/21/2008 10:18:11 AM
Absolutely! In a heartbeat. The person is who I am dating not the illness. Sure things might need to be worked around, but why not. You work around other issues in dating, such as kids, pets, work, exes, why not cancer too.

Being a survivor, its not about the cancer, its about living a great life. I applaud all those who would take the time to date someone who has survived cancer. You are angels among us who keep us going when we need things the most.
 omar62
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 116
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 11/21/2008 2:51:32 PM
I had a bout with cancer 30 years ago and always tell who I am seeing anyway not why I'm writing.
My son passed away oct 26 of this year and feel like telling a litle story. He had a girlfriend not long before anyone found out he had luekemia. they had dated not long only a few months before anyway she never left his side so to speak not only her but her family did alot of wonderfull things fo him like buying a house and totally redoing it in a short time.
He got to spend a little time there between being in karmonos in detroit.
I 'm sorry this is probably kinda jumbled but what can I say.
Anyway that girl deserves a lot of praise and love she has been s threw so much also.
Her name is LESLIE WOODCOCK
 Twinkles64
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 117
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/2/2008 5:55:23 AM
Im a cancer survivor_i loved it _thank god someone who hasnt had cancer that doesnt see it as the grim reaper waiting in the aisles or gets scared off _now if you can take the garbage out and put the toilet seat down i just may marry you lol
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 118
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/2/2008 5:58:17 AM
yes and yes

i would and he should

:)
 Nancy54534
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 119
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/2/2008 3:34:12 PM
Definitely would, who can say for any or each of us when that eternal time clock is going to chime for our timecard to be clocked out. You can have someone perfectly healthy who can have any illness or accident befall them or yourself. Live each day as if it was your last. Granted there are some who can't or won't deal with what needs to be done or entails in the life situation. That is quite understandable as long as they do handle the situation with dignity and tact. I have dealt with cancer, diabetes, dementia, strokes and heart attacks so very little would daunt me at all. What is there is the mutual positive and love with reinforcement. The positive aspects of a relationship can surmount time frames and obstacles for beating or increasing the doctor's pronouncements. Life is a gift not to be left in the dark or thrown around
 robfish
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 120
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 4:11:17 AM
I would have to say no......having lost a partner to illness a few years ago has taken a lot out of me and I couldn't go through something like that again. Some may see this as selfish and go on and on about how we should treasure the moments we have with the people we love but that is of little comfort after you lose them. The hardest thing about the whole experience was accepting that she was gone, all the hopes and dreams we had for the future went with her. A potential recurrence with a new partner would be enough to scare me out of a relationship.
 D48763
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 121
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:16:58 AM
YES,,,,I am a cancer survivor,,,for over ten (10) years,,skin cancer,,,too many years outdoors and in the tropics,,,and been cancer free for over those same ten (10) years,,,as to who gets or WHEN they discover cancer,,,nobody has any written promices in life,,,,just as a man/woman can get cancer,,,no advance notice,,,its not like it would rub off,,and besides there are a great many other illness that I would like to know if the other had,,,ones that could kill me,,,(examples such as std's,,,hiv,,etc,,),,there is a vast difference in cancer than those,,,

Would I date someone who was recovering,,or had cancer,,,yes,,,just as proudly as I would who had "strokes",,or"lost a breast,,or eyesight,,or arm,leg ,fingers, organ in a car crash,,",etc,,,,,,,would I date a drunk,,druggie ,nope,,thats an illness,,,yet if they were seriously recovered,,,yes,,clean,with the understanding its the person first,yet supportive,,,,,yet that same understanding if they backslide,,,I am gone,,,
Have a great day,,,Dave:)
 D48763
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 122
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:20:39 AM
Thanks Steve,,,I hope the same f0r you,,,as well as all cancer survivors,,,
Best,,
Dave:)
 D48763
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 123
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:34:20 AM
Those that surivive cancer see life and appreaciate it more,,,the many times I entered the U of M Cancer Hosp,,,I saw many little children,some yet still not old enough to even crawl,,,,,some in advanced stages,,,or missing arms,legs,,eyes,ears,,one thing I always saw,,they never whined about how life dealt them a bad hand,,,they never sought pity,,,,,,,,THEY HAVE NOTHING BUT COURAGE,,,yet they do not in most cases even know what the word means,,,,,,even with 12 years as a US Marine,,and over 22 yrs in federal law enforcement,,,I saw so many others with great courage,,,yet nothing will equal a child showing what real courage is really all about,,,,,,those that walked that path know exactly what I am refering too,,,the road of life offers so much to those who appreaciate it,,,

Yes,,,at the same time,,,those of us have seen those that allowed thier children to tease those young hero's,,,or they would grab thier childs hand to keep thier children from "catching it",,,shame those same parents could be so cruel to anothers child,,,yet one has to offer hope that those same ones who make judgements about something never have to do for them or anyone in thier own family,,,

Anyone who surived any life threathing illness ,,,God bless and may you look back and than ahead with the smile within and out on what life is all about,,:),
Have a great day,,,Dave:)
 stephaniezowie
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 124
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:54:19 PM
I can't believe that is a worry for you!!

It shouldn't matter to anyone that you were sick and got well.
I mean geez I drove 5 miles up the road today and never got hit
by a car!

I don't think there are many completely fit ppl online dating anyway! lol

OK. I am babbling and sorry!!

I am in recovery right now myself. I had kidney cancer. They had to remove my
right one last week.

I guess I haven't thought this through as far as you have because It hasn't dawned on
me at all that me overcoming cancer should be a conversation topic on any dates. I mean really we don't owe anyone an explanation. We've overcome something that some ppl don't. That oughta be a good thing I say.
 geebee40
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 125
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:59:49 PM
No doubt about it. I've had cancer twice, lost my wife to cancer. I'd give an eye to help a survivor be happy a while longer.
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