Add a joke Free Dating, Singles and Personals

Re: Add a joke Posted: 6/7/2005 12:08:08 PM
Ahhh......Nothin' Like Coffee in the Morning An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husbands' sex drive. "What about trying Viagra" asks the doctor? "Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem, replies the doctor. Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and then call me in a week to let me know." A week later, Mrs. Murphy calls the doctor, and he inquires how things went. "Oh, faith and bejaysus, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor." "What happened?" asks the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a gleam in his eye and with his pants bulging fiercely!!! He swept the cutlery off the table, ripped my clothes off and made wild, passionate love to me on the tabletop!! It was terrible!" "What was terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?" "Oh no, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in Tim Horton's again!!!" ****************************************************************** The Pastor's Ass A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00 This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried the next day. ****************************************************************** Froggy's holiday A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."