cody11
| | Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 51 | |
| | child support in bcPage 3 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) |
Then why the outcry from Men's Groups?, because we have nothing better to do with our time?.
Because the men’s groups just sit around and whine and snivel. Take it by the horns, make amends with your ex, grow up and be a real man and the problems disappear!
Doing the she said this and she said that is just wasted time that could be spent resolving the problems and making things better for the children.
Is it tough on the emotions? You better believe it is! I did it and it was something that I didn't enjoy . But was it worth it? Better believe it was as my kid is well adjusted and doesn’t have to see his parents fight! | |
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| child support in BC
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:30:26 AM | If the man can walk in to court and prove that he’s an up standing citizen that has a job and is stable then there is no fight period! The judge will listen to both sides and do what’s in the best interest of the child. This mis-conception that the mother gets everything her way is old…….that was in the old days, not anymore.
There are fathers that love their children so why can’t they have rights?
doesn't work that way ....the court date you mention takes some time to get ...so a year down the road if you aren't broke ,,??you can demand to see your children ,,she will already have custody ..if you through enough money at it the judge will hear you and you will get some access ..old days ??what boat did you get off ??men rights groups ,,?,name one if there is such a thing in canada ..the only way a man can take it by the horns is spend the 25,000 and wait the court date out ..or find a way to get on legal aid first ..or better still have her booted off legal aid ,,.. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:46:13 AM | The perspectives on this topic are interesting. The reality of those involved with bitterness (either personal or inflicted by an ex) is a far cry from the reality of those that have an amicable arrangement with the mother/father of their children.
It is too bad that in many cases the children are caught in the middle of a war of bitterness and hurt. Sadly that is the emotional toll paid when hopes and dreams go sideways when a relationship ends.
I won't quibble about the amount paid to my ex for child support. The benefit is to the care, schooling, shelter and feeding of my own three children. She foots all the bills for their basic needs and we share on a proportionate basis other expenses. That's the law...Period
Do the courts favour the Mother as primary caregiver?... Probably, but change is slow and we as fathers are becoming more nurturing than the previous generations of fathers before us. This will eventually reflect in how the courts view custody and access issues. | |
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| child support in BC
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:50:05 AM | ok............... i may be off base here being a female and all............. i'm not trying to take anyone sides as i see both sides of the coin.
I work with women's issues at one job for homeless women and children.........
alot of child support issues etc... FMEP .......... payments.... etc
i work in addictions and see the toll it takes on both sexes in regards to relationship issues and loss / grief of family be that they r children and /or spouses including lifestyle and many have given up......................
this is what i do professionally...........
I don't profess to be an expert in any shape or form as personally my life and children lives r equally screwed up.
I wish things could be different, we were all happy @ one point in time but things change over time and we could not be a family anymore under one roof. I left but he says he booted me out sooooooooooo ok.
My children live with their dad and now that he has a new g/f good on him! he's happy ... great. I see the kids all the time, soo awesome. They know i'm a happier, healthier person but he still NEGLECTS them buying food, being the DAD and being SUPPORTIVE cuz the new g/f takes all of his time. Goes outta town without telling the kids where he is!Basically codependent!
Sure mine r almost adults, still to say i'm the shitty parent is NOT fair. I live close to my kids thank god. WE talk every single day for most of the day.
We have the most awesomest relationship now that i don't live there.
They tell me things most mothers DON'T or NEED to hear.
They send their friends to talk to me to get some help they need as they r afraid to talk to their own parents.
OMFG this isn't about me. shyte!
What i'm saying is that some pple abuse the money they get from the supporting spouse and if the custodial parent is financially stable they need NOT be so greedy to milk the supporting parent.
Kudos to the women who turn down the money if they r self sufficient.
Boo to the women blow the money on themselves and NOT the children.
Bottom line is that the money should be all accounted for and if need be have it ALL documented where exactly all the money goes to every single dime, nickel and penny.
Basic life skills should always be kept into consideration.
Believe my money management skills rn't the best but i am learning.
And also some men do win the custody cases and then the mom's steal the kids and cross the border like WTF? that's so mean to hold ur children hostage!
Please why can't pple deal with their issues without screwing up the kids.
These kids will be running our country in the future. THEY R OUR FUTURE!
PLease take this into consideration and put all of ur squabbles away! | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 55 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 12:26:55 PM | Truthisee,
"once again, you let personal experience outweigh what is truly happening in our courts, this all tells me that ignorance truly is bliss"
well we speak from experience first. But if you want current stats on this issue go to our federal Statistics Canada government site. No personal experience quoted there. Here some of what is said on that site;
Statistics Canadas newest census report states between 2001 - 2006 lone father familes ROSE 14.6%, more than twice the pace of 6.3% for lone mother families.
uh hum ...interesting eh.
This is good news. I say good news not out of disrespect for single moms but rather as an affirmation of Canadian family democracry in action, irregardless of what Truthisee, says. Irregardless of what you may have us believe according to the same Report, sole custody of the3 kids was given to the mom LESS than half the time (47.7%). Here's some perspective on that; A couple decades ago in 1980, moms recieved sole custody, 78.2% of the time. Big difference and a significant improvement for dads.
"so what your saying is that dads in Canada and the States are not willing to be decent parents"
no i am not saying that. Im saying that DADS have the same rights are moms. What part of that dont you understand?
"quit using your own situation"
im not. Check out the single parents forum. Their are many single dad in their particpating who have sole custody or joint custody of their children.
"if you did not have an amicable separation I guarantee you would be singing a different tune"
WRONG...you cant guarantee anyting. What i do know is i make my own "choices" and i choose to cooperate over fight. I also choose to have a Win/win arrangement with my ex that benefited the children involved. Our daughters want both their parents involved in their care.
Truthisee, contrary to what your spewing society is embracing single fathers. It may not be the case in your situation or your fellow friends situations but those are current stats being provided on a credible government site. There are many dads who take care of their children, weather it be full or joint custody. Times in this regard have defintely changed since the 70's and 80's. Society has changed because it needed to be changed. With single moms taking their rightful place in the workforce and handing off parenting duties to men, it didnt take long for society to realize that, "hey i love this fathering thing". | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:04:00 PM | Wow... talk about off topic.
To the OP, I am not really sure about the instance of a runaway or the child being away at school. I think your best bet; would be to speak with a mediator for Family Justice.
As to some of the venom spewed out here OMG!!! If a woman was a stay at home parent for years prior to a seperation.... how is it she becomes a lazy, deadbeat..... blood sucking leach after??? I wonder how these same men feel about the direction of society as a whole..... Do they think absentee parents are partly to blame for some of the issues of the youth?
I also have to wonder if some men do not have mommy issues as well as their separation issues.... Did their mom's work outside of the family home.... if so did you consider them lazy beadbeats? ((There was a time when stay at home mothers were the norm..... Why the heck is it such a bad thing all of a sudden????))
Signed
A "Lazy Deadbeat"  | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:12:33 PM | ^^^ yohhh pucks
don't quote me about the ignorance being bliss, K 
(r u following me again forum stalking ) 
stats are a bliss for civil service that has nothing better to do than compile data collected and manipulate the sort criteria to bring the result someone wants to see
think Canada inflation gas housing and a few more were taken out to show the no worries rate of inflation
and metempsychosis
if stayhome dads would be given the same social respect then all would be good, now wouldn't it
goes to show we haven't yet gotten over the gender equality thingy
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:27:22 PM | I did not ask for any gender equality crap though; we are different dang it!! 
When apples and oranges become equal....
maybe I'll have to change my veiws 
**Edit/Add: It is my opinion that you can prove anything you want to prove by citing a study...... and there is a study that will contradict just about every study ever studied.... does that make any sense?? | |
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Posted: 11/27/2007 1:27:26 PM | I think the OP's question has been answered several times.. but I have one small question to those parents who prefer to give the money to the kids or to spend it directly on the kids rather than give it to the custodial parent.
So have I got this right??
The custodial parent gets to be responsible for mortgages, utilities, food, insurance and other boring necessities of life, while you get to buy the kids all the good stuff??
B. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:35:44 PM | ^^^ that's how it worked in my case
what was it again 250 thou to raise one kid????
where has all the money gone..
where has all the money gone????
and will they ever leave :lol: | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:43:05 PM | I think you have answered your own question Metempsychosis.
As to some of the venom spewed out here OMG!!! If a woman was a stay at home parent for years prior to a seperation.... how is it she becomes a lazy, deadbeat..... blood sucking leach after??? I wonder how these same men feel about the direction of society as a whole
The direction of this thread has become an Asps nest of venom.
Very sad indeed. I can't say I have walked in the shoes of some of the men
in this forum, but as a divorced father of three I also know and appreciate the role
of my ex in my childrens lives. our feeling towards each other MUST transend pettyness for the sake of our children... and it does.
Perhaps we are the rare birds on this issue. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:10:36 PM | as far as the comments about the stay at home moms ?
when they are not in a relationship and the kids are in school there is no way a man should be forced to continue to support this luxury ,it should be a choice ,,.
,,lack of participation in contributing to a better life for the family ,a messy home ,no dinner ,,no job ,lazy and sleeps all day ,all reasons a relationship fails,how can you get rid of this burden on the family ? you can not ..they are protected ..
men get screwed over more and pay more when things end with this type ,they are rewarded by the canadian court...and they still get the children automatically if they want them even if they can not support them ,,,unless the man fights it in court..and proves she is unfit ..with documentation..child support has become nothing more then a big meal ticket .
men pay a lot for every other weekends ,men loose a lot more then the money ,they loose there children and being a dad ..children arent objects ,,they are a mans flesh and blood..and the time lost with them can never be replaced ....men are speeking up ,,money isnt everything so take the dollar sign down ,,children deserve fathers..if you dont want to be one just shut up and pay up ,,but if you do you have to fight the movement against fathers ..
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 3:54:47 PM |
Because the men's groups just sit around and whine and snivel.
The inaccuracy of this comment falls short of deserving a response. I will say however that we are the reason change is slowly coming about, why do we do this?, why do we stage protests, mail our local MLA's as well as our Premiers, and Petition Courts?, because we see life beyond our own experiences, and when it really comes down to it, we do it for the Children, so that they can have the benefit of two parents. I love how you just shit on the tens of thousands of men fighting for a change to an unequal system simply due to little more than being either misinformed, or the other one.
grow up and be a real man and the problems disappear!
Once more a comment barely worth a response, it is BECAUSE we are real men, that we strive for change. You had an amicable break-up, Many do not. Women use their kids, it even has a term accepted by the Supreme Court of Canada, called Parental Alienation. Do yourself a favor and try a little research.
The rest of your post is laughable.
Pucks, your posting padded statistics unable to see the truth simply because you have never sat in any courtroom outside of the time you had to go. The rest of your post is ridiculous, and it is quite obvious you haven't a clue what the hell your talking about outside of a perfect situation, which of course, is rare.
O, and there is a reason men are being seen as just as good of Primary Caregivers as women....because men are no longer standing for the bias, and fighting for equality.
No men's groups?, do a search under "men's groups"......do a little bit of reading. You might be making yourself look good to the locals, but to those of us who have dedicated thousands of hours for some change and know the in's and out's of the Family Court system, your making yourself look rather silly.
*walks away laughing*
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 66 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:12:20 PM | "the inaccuracy of this comment falls short of a derserving a response"
then why are you responding?
"one more a comment barely worth a response, it is because we REAL men strive for change"
 scratches head, barely worth a response yet we keep responding. Ok their, LOL. REAL men learn to put the children first and cooperate with their ex's for the best interest of the children involved. Too many, i suspect yourself included put emotions first. Deal with your bitterness and anger and im willing to bet you'll be more successful in custody issues.
"your posting padding statistics unable to see the truth"
sorry i dont jump on your bashing bandwagon.
I'd much rather read stats from a credible site such as Statistics Canada, then agree with your rant.
"No mens groups"
WTF , where did i say such? i did NOT.
"do a little reading"
apparently, may i suggest, practicing what you preach
"but to those of us, who have dedicated thousands of hours for some change and know the in's and outs"
goodness i cant stop laughing. thanks for the chuckles. Seriously, if you'd co operate with your ex perhaps you might get better results. While i realize in some cases court is necessary, men still have equal rights assuming the man is fit, capable and able to provide care for his children.
"your making yourself look fairly silly"
feelings mutual back.
thanks for your feedback.
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dook
| | Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 67 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:27:11 PM | You just rub folks the wrong way wherever you post don't you.
I can't figure out what it is, but it's almost unanimous.
Not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, it was getting a little stale around here. You have made a lot of people's heart rates go up. Maby not the way you had hoped. ;o)
It would help if you showed your sense of humour though. At least your spelling has improved.
-just sayin'
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:30:47 PM | ^^^
not enough words.......
u're not supposed to hurt peoples feelings | |
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cody11
| | Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:48:06 PM |
Once more a comment barely worth a response, it is BECAUSE we are real men, that we strive for change.
Then why respond? Shouldn’t your time be better off typing on a thread in some guys group? Why are you wasting your time here when you can be helping some needy guy that can’t get his shit together and realize that it’s not all about him! It’s about his child and yes it’s about his ex too! You guys that whine and do the feel sorry for yourselves make my head spin!
Think about the woman that you were with and how she feels……..guess what she’s a human and has feelings to! Don’t make it all about you!
As for the men’s groups if I need a crutch I know where the liquor store is…….or for gawds sake there’s even a church around the corner. | |
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dook
| | Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 71 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:51:05 PM | I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings. Just giving a helpful nudge in the right direction. I thought I was being positive.
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:24:03 PM | | If you really want to know how the court system works over all of the child support issues, just sit down with a lawyer that USED to do custody battles. A very good lawyer friend of mine wouldn't even talk to me when I was doing my split with the ex. He let me talk to his partner and she directed me to the mediation thingy. A couple of years later, he recounted the last custody case that he did on Christmas Eve day(which he won) and then proceeded to go home and throw up for 4 hours while carols where being sung. You couldn't pay him enough money to sit thru one again. The whole scene disgusts him to no end, from the judges down. And allllllll over money that is going to be spent. There are better things to fight over. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:36:57 PM |
she directed me to the mediation thingy
I can't recommend this strongly enough. If people weren't so quick to dash for their lawyers there would be a lot less stress.
I hope mediation worked for you as well as it did for me. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:47:17 PM | ^^^^ mediation only works with REASONABLE PEOPLE
a good mediator can work things out well, pity there are fare and few (mediators) between
two reasonable people should be able to sort out th e"mess" themselves and write it on a peace of paper, have an accountant check it and then each proceed to a lawyer ( ideally 2 lawyers are to be used) to see all is within the law and sign it and live by the agreement
total cost maybe $ 500.00
Lessons learned write it down when things are good, saves a lot of pain after
dook
on the defense now lol | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:57:31 PM | ^^^^We used a Family justice counsellor/mediator thru the BC governments Ministry of Attorney General's office. This counsellor advises us that his office did not deal with assets or finances. It would only assist in child issues/child custody etc.
The ex and i met several times with this counsellor and we agreed on terms. The counsellor drafted an agreement for our persual...We made any changes we wished and then had him do a final draft. We signed the agreement and he even filed the papers in court with our separation agreemennt that was done prior. No cost to the Family Justice counsellor. Our separation agreement costs us $800 with a lawyer.
A year later i did our divorce buy myself with no lawyers and saved thousands. It was a bit of a headache with all the forms but well worth it in the end. Cost approx $350 to do it myself...filing fees may be a tad more now though. | |
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