| | child support in bcPage 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) |
No cost to the Family Justice counsellor.
I forgot that they filed the papers for us. Been a loooooooong time.
But yeah... Use the resources that our social services provide first. Hell, you already PAID for them. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:01:24 PM |
No cost to the Family Justice counsellor.
I forgot that they filed the papers for us no charge as well. And then we were notified about our date before the judge. Been a loooooooong time.
But yeah... Use the resources that our social services provide first. Hell, you already PAID for them. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:01:42 PM | When mediation fails....
few month after our asset separation had become binding I received a letter from a lawyer making demands. Upon my reply I was told to seek a lawyer to represent me. I did and instructed her to only provide me with legal advise on matters I ask and do nothing else paid for 1 hour consultation.
Got her bill month later for some 600$ for phone calls and reading and answering letters on my behalf, never knew there was mail to read and reply to??? Told her to go fly a kiteand that she was no longer in my services, she sued small claims, she lost.
Had 15 trials over 5 years, one of them initiated by me, which I lost for a technicality reason and one other where I was just wrong, got emotions mixed up with reason.
For two pre-trial conferences (supreme court) I took a notary as witness only. Kept all my in-court arguments short, presented myself as humble, asked the judge for lenience and advice since I was a lay person, this was always granted with generosity. 
Asked my opponent on the stand to tell what I wanted out, rather than making declarations myself.
However serious the issues were (my kids) and however many anxieties I suffered initially it ended up becoming a challenge to to kick lawyer ass and I began to actually enjoy it. Don't ever want to go through that again.
Two trials lost, 11 dismissed and two won by remaining true to my beliefs and being adamantly arrogant and disrespectful towards the opposing lawyers who think a layperson is just sh*t and they don't see it coming when they get caught.
No, I don't know a friggin thing about law, but I can read.
Moral of it all is it didn't cost my very much, time and aggravation not counted and YES it was a total waste of energies that would have been better spent on my sons.
So whoever finds themselves in these circumstances be wise and reasonable, A good compromise is a win - win. Fight for your children when you must and then have no fear or mercy.
 y'all | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:18:27 PM |
Seriously, if you'd co operate with your ex perhaps you might get better results. While i realize in some cases court is necessary, men still have equal rights assuming the man is fit, capable and able to provide care for his children.
Im sorry but this is only possible in a perfect world. And its very hard for a man to prove that he is fit, capable and able to provide care for his children, and if the mother has an axe to grind its even harder.
I know this because I am having to help prove that my fiance is all of those things so that we can see his son for more than 8 hours a week. Im not going to get into the details but we are finding that we have the burden of proof and his ex-wife (who caused the split) just sits back and hurls insults and false statements at us (mostly him) that we have to prove as false.. she doesn't have to prove them, we have to disprove them.
And when it comes to my step son he would like to spend more time with us, but he is scared that his Mom will be mad at him and punish him if he tells her that.
We have no problem paying the child support, thats not an issue.
Keep in mind that child support and axcess have nothing to do with each other... one does not effect the other, | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:25:19 PM | ^^^ you don't have to prove a darn thing only that you are within custodial arrangement and no threat or harm to the child.
She can rant all she wants, let her. It is called proof beyond a reason of doubt if she doesn't have it case dismissed.
Sometimes offense is the best defense. If you have a valid case no judge will dismiss it. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:31:36 PM | ^^^ there are more details but yes he is having to prove things over and over... We nw hope that we get a better judge then last time..... the last one told my Fiance that his son was to young to stay with him on weekends (He was 5) that was the ex's point too..mind you he was old enough to stay over night with her parents.
We are working on helping to get our son what he would like.. not what his mom wants. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 82 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:54:59 PM | "you dont have to prove a darn thing only that you are withing custodial arrangement and not threat or harm to the child"
Exactly.
Devil, you say " there are more details and yes he is having to prove over and over"
and why would that be?
Dads or moms who are capable of caring for their children do not have to prove over and over. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:00:03 AM |
give the money to the kids or to spend it directly on the kids rather than give it to the custodial parent.
So have I got this right??
The custodial parent gets to be responsible for mortgages, utilities, food, insurance and other boring necessities of life, while you get to buy the kids all the good stuff??
yep, the ol disney-dad/mashed-potato-mom deal. (or viceversa if genders reversed)
I would love to treat my kids to something nice once in a while but the fun stuff comes from the dude with the cash.  I do however get to field all calls from school. That's fair.
funny how a stay at home parent is expected to 'catch up' their lost career years immediately( and while negotiating divorce issues) so as not to be a 'leech'.
so far off topic that I'll chuck this in: Earned vacation weeks should go on the table when splitting assets. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:11:55 AM | My Mom and I just discussed this...
She's been lucky enough to be married 42 years so I don't think she is an authority, but she thinks she is.
We ... discuss.
She still believes, regardless of my memories of 17 years of a work in progress, that we (my ex and I) sucked.
My daughter mentioned something about her mom and her dad to grandma about 10 years ago.
NO matter how well you think you've done, your brat is going to have issues.
Your "I told you so" will suck because it will mean ... they followed YOUR path. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:21:29 AM | Because 10 years ago he punched a wall instead of her and she claims that he is violent.He never put his hands on her of anyone else.... and I know MANY a man who if they had walked into what he did, they would have been just blind rage swinging.
Pucks I would love to say you are right but your not. Sorry to burst you bubble on this one.
Besides a good mother would look at what her son wants and stop trying to keep him distanced from his Dad.
Pucks.. Im glad things were nice and easy for you but in this case..... we can't put on the rose colored glasses and "get along" with her.
I would happily do that if she would stop poisoning my step son ans start to look out for what is best for him and his needs and wants. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 86 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 11/28/2007 10:05:12 AM | ^^^^^^^
Devil ,
to many issues is what i see by what you describe.
Of course it wouldnt be easy.
Co operation between parties only works if their is reasonable people working it out. I agree with Mountain_Lion on that one.
The situation you describe has underlyin problems, by your own words "if she would stop poisoining my step son" that need to be dealt with before and reasonable agreement could of been made. Since there is too much drama going on here, how could you expect things to be nice and easy?
BTW, it is not about being right. It is about having an opinion though. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:34:13 AM | provincial guidelines are a minimun amount to pay based on your income.That money must be given to the custodial parent but support of a child goes much further than that.I pay 600/mth to my "x"and provided 350/mth daycare with 108/mth healthcare and kept the dental plan coverage.After that I buy clothing ,food ,school supplies,gifts,and lots of other things for my children directly.If they join baseball I pay for that too.I kept up the dance classes,horseback riding,etc.and if they decide to go to university I will pay every dime I have to keep them there.I don't like giving money to their mother for disbursing as I do not agree with her choices while spending it.She gets the minimun and my children get the maximun.Perhaps I am foolish to dedicate my entire wealth and life to my children but I believe it was instinct that made that choice for me.If you truely love your kids you will sacrifice anything including your happiness as long as you don't adversely affect them by being unhappy.I have children and they have me.They know I will do anything for them and I will be there for them as long as I can.
My point is don't be a deadbeat dad especially if you had a deadbeat spouse. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:30:57 AM | Jimmy I think it is a great choice for a father to devote himself to his kids in every way -- money, parenting, exercising rights/obligations arising out of custody, etc.
Seriously, if you'd co operate with your ex perhaps you might get better results. While I realize in some cases court is necessary, men still have equal rights assuming the man is fit, capable and able to provide care for his children.
PARDON me, but this is cr.ap...
How are the rights equal?
If a man and women go to court -- unelss he can prove her unfit, she will get 70%-80% custody and care of the kids -- meaning he pays full support whether or not he is exercising his custody. He only gets the kids half-time or more if she agrees, and there is nothing stopping the woman from being disagreeable...
If she refuses to work, the courts OFTEN declare her to be a stay at home mom... even if it is more or less obvious that she ceased working for the purposes of maximizing her support award. If he refuses to work, or scales back his earning, he is declared to be a deadbeat dad and she will usually get an unequal division of assets in her favor, plus child support awarded based on an imputed income (the larger income that he could have made -- not the income he actually did make) .
I am not saying this is a bad thing... only that it does not seem like equal rights to me. I think the systems is very unequal and intentionally so. Whether this is right or not had been decided by wiser and more experieinced people than me. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 89 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 12/2/2007 10:02:42 AM | "if a man and women go to court - unless he can prove her unfit, she will get 70-80% custody and care of the kids"
pardon me ...really? what is your source for that comment?
i showed you stats from a credbile site - Statistics Canada that showed it was much lower than the off the cuff comment you stated. I rather take the word of STATS Canada than your opinion.
"meaning he pays full support wheather or not he is excersing custody"
pardon me again...that is crap...do you even have children?
in todays court most judges favour joint custody assuming both parents are capable of providing. Now if he makes more money then her , then yes usually he will have some form of support to pay. However, in BC there is the 40% principle ...if he has child custody half the time or near 40% of the time child support can be reduced significantly. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/2/2007 11:37:29 AM | Bill
the exceptions are those few who come to true amiable terms, they are most admirable people to me even if the distribution of money is not fair, they do at least live up to their responsibilities.
This is obviously not the case for the majority.
In my experience the courts favor a 50/50 because it settles faster in most cases. The quarreling parties both feel 'victory' and (who cares ) the kids will adjust.
Unfortunately this peace does not seem to last very long.
Either or both end up with old issues between them and the fight goes on...
this includes dads scaling down, moms hiding assets and, and.....
and the losers are the children
I feel sorry for those who for the love of themselves and their personal insolences cannot see the the most wonderful thing they destroy, their very own children
I too was trapped in that scenario and it took some time to snap out and get over the pain and revenge stuff. I'm happy I did because my kids now are my best friends.
So what if the ex is better off, bless his/her greedy little heart. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 91 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:06:39 PM | ^^^good to read you did for the kids...Its a shame that more do not do this.
Too many are just bitter about paying support. Dont have children if your willing to support them until they become adults. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/3/2007 5:00:15 PM | i also think its hilarious that some people seem to think that some girls had babies just to get money from their exs.. and even if they do get money supposibly they are sitting around on their asses doing nothing? and theres even some women sticking up for them too??
excuse me but i didnt purposly get pregnant to piss my ex off. im pretty sure he did it to me on purpose to keep me in his life or something .my ex told me he didnt want to see her when she was born cause him and his gf were trying for their own baby. he already has a three year old he will owe major backpay for.. a criminal record... after his gf dumping him hes threatening to grab her away from me because i wont let him see her!! hes been acting crazy, has been to jail, has an aggressive pitbull, and an has a major attitude problem! he hasnt given our daughter anything!!!! ive spent thousands of dollars on my baby already nevermind the stuff that was given to me...
so my ex taking me to court to be allowed visitation rights????? hes been following me around town and sending me harassing phone calls and emails !! no matter how much child support i get it still wont undo all the bullshit pain and suffering i have gone through for this baby girl. if he didnt want to make babies he should learn to listen when i tell him to wear a condom! also however much money he will owe monthly for her will be not even half compared to what i have and will spend on her.
the money may go to the mother and she might spend it however she thinks is right.. but at least the child will know their dad is actually helping them out instead of being a deadbeat.
any man who thinks paying for his own child is unfair should be kicked in the face | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/3/2007 5:20:05 PM | ^^^^ there is a remedy for exes like the one you describe
neuter
tie a little stringy around the thingy
and wait till it falls off
wonder though why you would get pregnant from someone like that
hellooooo
does contraception mean anything? | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/3/2007 8:33:49 PM | Dear AK....
Not sure what lawyer your partner had but the father of my child certainly doesn't pay enough to cover most extracurricular activities! Child support should be more fair? Well I suppose that could be argued....what level of support then should a parent who supports the child full time be entitled to?? Since it is based on the non custodial parent's income (which many a sly deadbeat manage to get around) I can tell you based on fact it doesn't amount to HALF of the monetary responsibility, in reality most child support awards equal less than a quarter of what is actually costs per month!!
I can tell you from personal experience through FMEP (family maintenance enforcement program) through which, still took 3 years to receive anything, as the custodial parent we are getting the shorter end of the stick!!!! Certainly NOT a real monetary incentive to rampantly create children just for the child support as has been suggested!! HA thats rich!
Custodial parents are there 24 x 7, handling school, stuffy noses, vacations, Christmas, birthday parties etc. with little to no input from the other parent, and little to no break. Believe me the pittance received per month is great incentive for being the non custodial parent !!! If I could get away with paying $333.00 per month to raise my child I would have it made!!!
Now granted there are cases out there that are decided just completely unfairly one way or the other, for the most part however child support is pocket change compared to what it really takes to raise a child!!! Those paying complainers should be thanking their lucky stars that they are not paying the actual "HALF" of what if costs per month to feed, house & clothe a child. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:19:44 AM | ch33tah,
did you mean to address your above post to me? confused...
AKwithasmile | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 96 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:54:58 AM | chteetah,
"the the cutodial parent we are getting the shorter end of the stick"
the child support tables are based on income. If he is paying $333.00 per month for your child then that amount is based on what he earns. Reasonable in my opinion. He cant pay what isnt there...and he has his expenses too. If your getting something according to the tables, what are you complaining about?
"for the most part however child support is pocket change compared to what it really takes to raise a child"
well you cant expect the child support to pay for everything. It is there to assist. You have your financial duties too, it not all on the dad. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/4/2007 10:25:00 AM | Pucks... The 70-80% I referred to is what %-age of the time the children will nominally RESIDE with the woman (assuming the woman is granted primary residence of their children and "joint custody", which is a common situation).
In the largest %'age of the CASES the man gets nominal joint custody with primary residence going to the woman. When this happens he usually gets an ACCESS award which often states he may see the the kids every other weekend and one week-evening for a few hours. Plus he must pay the full monty for support because he has the children less than 40% of the time. (2 weeks = 336 hours... if his share is 48 weekend hours plus 5 hours on a weeknight... it works out to him having the kids 16% of the time).
If the man wants the kids half the time, sometimes all the woman has to do to prevent this is to tell a few lies and to generally refuse to get along with the father. Unless he can prove her an unfit mother (difficult), the old case law shows that she would still get primary residence of the kids. Things are changing a bit now, because research clearly shows that children do a lot better on average when both parents have significant and continued involvement in their lives.... but still the majority of awards are for primary residence to the mom.
If YOUR spouse has integrity and does not lie and misbehave in order to get primary residence of your kids, then I am very happy for your children. Not all women are so selfless where child-support money is concerned and not all care so much about their children continuing to be parented by the children's father. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 98 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 12/4/2007 10:42:50 AM | ^^^^Yes i agree in the majority of cases the man does get minimal access. Thanks for the clarification on the 70-80% figure you posted.
But still, it today's world it is much better and more and more men are getting equal access. It is not just me, the stats indicate so as well. (i postd some of those stats earlier in this thread.) Times are a changing, and gone are the days when mom automatically gets the children and dad got squat for consideration in the care and upbringing of said children.
"unless he can prove her an unfit mother (difficult)"
I do not believe you have to prove she is unfit unless the situation warrants it ...depending on individual circumstances, and perhaps with some judges. More judges are realizing the importance of BOTH parents playing an active role. Ahe has to do is state and show this. Assuming both parents are capable and able the courts are not as biased towards males as they used to be say in the 70's an 80's.
A secure male/father, with his affairs in order, should have no problem at getting joint custody in today's world if it went to court. | |
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| child support in bc
Posted: 12/6/2007 12:26:05 PM | currently going thru this now. Im trying to be amicable, she hires a lawyer. she is now refusing to send clothes for the kids althought i pay for half of em. SHe says, "you have till the 31st..." yeesh.
So much for thinking of the kids. We had a good agreement, we would share in ALL CHILDCARE EXPENSES 50-50... not good enuff for her, so she hired a lawyer... thousands of dollers later.. it is still all about the money for her.
She cheated, I left. I had to buy a smaller house out of the mortgage settlement, she CHOSE to keep the more expensive matrimonial home. Yet now claims hardships...
I wanted to have a home for the kids, which i do, was able to set it up that i can afford to live and provide for the kids, She chose to live where she did, how is this my problem, I was paying for my half, why should she get more? | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 100 | |
| child support in bc
Posted: 12/6/2007 12:43:17 PM | Tballin, i feel for you,
if the situation is unreasonable as you describe, lawyers are needed if you cant work it out on your own. I'd try mediation first though. Suggest this to your ex? there is no charge for thier service.
"she choose to live where she did, how is that my problem"
it's not.
if you have settled your financial affairs from your past relationship, then her current mortgage is her problem not yours.
good luck. | |
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