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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:26:20 AM | Rent-a-Date...that made me  . Pretty much sums it up. Good job, OP, I hope things work out for you! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:38:07 AM | | Sorry, but women still don't get equal opportunities or equal pay. Just clarifying. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:49:36 AM |
Sorry, but women still don't get equal opportunities or equal pay. Just clarifying.
A. That's not the topic
B. They do, and they don't. If you take two people entering the work force from college on, with similar academic records, in similar careers, working for similar types of employers, and track their careers for 10 years, the woman will actually more often have advanced further. However, when you factor in "social choices", such as having children, career breaks, or the woman being the primary caretaker for children, and thus less focused, there is a disparity. So, while "de facto" there remains an imbalance, it's not one imposed by employers, but one chosen through individual choice.
C. Regardless, "on topic", I'm among the vast majority of men, who observe the ordinary custom that the man would be the one in early dating, who extends the invitation to go places, and should expect to pay. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:31:47 AM |
wait actually probably would have paid my half and said well it was nice knowing you.......
There is always talk about guys being gentlemen, chivalry during the dating process. It almost seems that when it comes to women, being a lady is optional. ( Of course I know its not always like that )
A real lady would not become upset if a guy accepts her offer to pay. If she does, why bother to ask in the first place? Unless she is into games & is using it as a test. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 12:36:31 PM | ^^^^ Exactly. If I'd fail the test by accepting an offer that I thought was genuinely nice and thoughtful, so be it. What other such "tests" would be in store for me with a "lady" like that?
If I think you're special, you'll know it! If you think I'm special, you'll show it!
The rest is just logistics and really, who cares? If I'm not giving my best or you're not, that will come out in the wash pretty soon. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:49:02 PM | No Red it was the point of the "errrrr, and hesitation".......Alot of people know me on here and know that I am not rude or mean and definately not out for money........If I offer to pay for half of the bill and my date says no then fine, if he does not hesitate and say something to the affect of its not necessary or maybe next time, or says I can pay the tip that is different story I am more than willing to pay....the hesitation just makes me wonder about that person and will he be hesitant on future things no matter what.................................and dont tell me how to make my profile, unless you look at your own first(which I didnt bother).............I am usually not ****y to women but give me a break, You are the only woman on here that has ever got in my face and you can ask ageless, first, mae and several others that have been on here along time that I am a nice person.................so BITE ME!!!!!
and the whole point of some of us saying he was wrong in the first place is because he really expected/wanted her to pay for half of the bill at an expensive restaurant in the first place. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:00:01 PM | I know I am special...I happen to like who I am. It's up to him to find that out....as well as I will find out his character. The first several dates give you the general character of that person, not only through their words, but their actions. To me, if he acts this way at first, he always will. Again...some of you have turned it into a money issue, which for the OP it was, but not for me.
To older women like me, it is not a money issue. It is a character issue and shows he has a sense of romance and respect for the woman he is with. I don't care what you men say about it only being fair for the woman to pay half....you are cheap and not a romantic gentleman to me. I think the older women who really want romance (not just sex) in their relationship see the specialness of being ''courted''. And...most of us older women are established, have taken care of ourselves for years and really only strive for quality in a man. So Yes, character does evolve around a lot of things and just not who pays for the check....but let me tell you guys, it sure doesn't hurt and the advantages of romancing a woman can truly pay off in the end!
Hey Aluria....I would rent you out if I was a man! Hey I guess my father has been renting out my mother for 62 years...he was and still is a true gentleman! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:05:56 PM | Zea, some of these people just dont get the fact about all this, is it wasnt about paying half the bill but the way he went about it and his reaction to her when she said lets go halves(since he was SO HOPING she would, knowing she makes 3x his wages)....if you cant afford to take someone out whether it be a date, a pal, a family member dont be expecting they will pay half or wishing they will...in other words dont live above your means or try to keep up with the jones.........god these forums are getting so nasty again..........
Thanks Zea for your support btw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheers hun
Creative you are the best, thanks for going that extra mile and seeing what another unbiased female would think. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:11:25 PM |
My date says "Shall we go halves?"
I pause..."errrr"....
I'd prefer that (SHE says)..
"OK"
I still would've said, "Thank you, but, I insist."
Far be it my intention to rain on your parade, OP, but I was talking to a gal pal the other night and as soon as I said "when the woman offers to pay...", my gal pal says "...it's so she doesn't feel indebted."
I mean, she offered, which was civil of her and gracious, but why did she insist on it even going on to say she'd "prefer" that? What's her reason?
So, while the crowd waves and cheers seeing your date as a success, I'm hesitant. It's this little fly in the ointment that bothers me. My intuition says to watch it... I'm more interested in finding how things go in the next couple of weeks. Let us know! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:12:16 PM | You've got it Aluria....I'll never let you down. Us old women have to stick together! Some people just like to pick...just be who you are!  | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:28:30 PM | {1}:
some of you have turned it into a money issuewhich for the OP it was, but not for me.
{2}:
To older women like me, it is not a money issue
{3}:
I don't care what you men say about it only being fair for the woman to pay half....you are cheap
“Love is the crowning grace of humanity, the holiest right of the soul, the golden link which binds us to duty and truth, the redeeming principle that chiefly reconciles the heart of life, and is prophetic of eternal good."
-Petrarch-
Provided that is, the man picks up the check. Otherwise, love does not matter
EDIT: Too bad I saw your words, before you deleted them Zeanah. Have a fantastic weekend. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:36:38 PM | My bad, you didn't delete them. They're up there ^^ and people are free to read them.
You say it's not about money but if the man doesn't pay, he's cheap.
Thank you again.
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:41:13 PM | "You say it's not about money but if the man doesn't pay, he's cheap."
That sounds more like a statement about character, not a money issue. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:41:57 PM | Don't get me wrong, I do agree the OP should of did it a bit differently behind his reasoning. It seemed to still work out in the end anyway. But generally, IMO, nothing should be expected & should be decided between both parties if it happens to be discussed. Because we guys do judge womens character too. Because relationships go both ways. Hopefully both genders won't let the "who pays" issue get out of hand by misinterpreting the reasons behind it.
Aluria, my last post was not really directed towards you, but in general terms. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:42:57 PM | Ok, so now we're equating character with money?
lol. You people slay me.
Please continue.
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dsj34
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Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 293 | |
| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:53:59 PM | I don't care what you men say about it only being fair for the woman to pay half....you are cheap and not a romantic gentleman to me.
This is complete bullshit. I think that a woman that always expects a man to pay the entire bill is more cheap than a man who wants to split 50/50. Like I stated before, a lot of men don't mind paying the bill. The problem is the sense of entitlement that some women have. They think more money equals more character, respect, and love. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:56:20 PM |
It was my suggestion to go for dinner, and I'm wondering what to do if she offers to pay half the bill. Should I accept?
It was your suggestion in the first place. Meaning you invited her. She might try to offer half the bill, but hey, you would lose a point if she is testing you. Gentlemen do not invite a girl for dinner and let them pay half of the cost. If both of you decided to go for dinner, then that is a different story altogether. It doesn't matter even if she makes 3X as much as you do. That isn't the point here. You are in the courtship stage and I think chivalry has to play a role until you both are very comfortable with each other. You are keen on her, WIN her!! But just my opinion, I might be raised differently with a different background altogether.
In 1987 when I was still single and live in the Philippines, I met an gentleman from England who was working in Saudi Arabia, he sent me a round trip ticket to meet him in Gatwick Airport ( I forgot if it was Heathrow , sorry!). I didn't even spend a pound. He can afford it but he offered it. I know what guys were thinking, but NO, I came back home and still a virgin... | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:59:07 PM | usually the clients, guests pay in restaurants.
waiters only accept the payments
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:07:25 PM |
She might try to offer half the bill, but hey, you would lose a point if she is testing you
I think most people don't like to be "tested" in a relationship to see if their worthy. I know my self worth & should not have to prove it to "Win" someones affection. Relationships should not be about playing games. But by getting to know me to see if there is an attraction. Time will tell if I am a what you are looking for.
lot of men don't mind paying the bill. The problem is the sense of entitlement that some women have
I think this is what most men have a problem with. I can always earn more money & always more then willing to share what I have, except for people who feel they are entitled to it based on gender or whatever own personal reasons they dictate. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:12:12 PM | Cool thank you for your message 291...that was much appreciated!!! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:57:01 PM | You have got to be kidding me...men and women have "tested" each other since the beginning of time. That's what dating is....finding out how the other one thinks and perceives life, the opposite sex, will she have sex with me?...that's not a test? You don't think that men or women do not test each other in other ways also? When I go on a date, I am thinking in my mind that I will try and find out how this guy thinks and acts...I'd be rather thinking like a moron if I didn't! None of you guys whining about the money and being "tested" never asked questions???, carried on a conversation, or watched their actions to find out who they were?
You want to change the rules of courting or dating, to suit your pocket and your manly pride gets in the way...."oh noooo! I am being used or maybe she is testing me!" "She is so entitled...all she wants is my money and not my undying loveeeeee!" Boo Hoo Hoo....WhaWhaWhaWha.....Let's just call the Whambulance!
As far as bullshit.....If you see romance and respect of dating a woman bullshit, then good luck to your dates! You say I equate "love" with money...I could say the same for you, since you feel it is unfair for a woman not to pay her share. You are not even thinking about love or romance....just what is fair. You aren't thinking about loving her or respecting her.
Besides....love comes later, not on the first few dates...which is what we are talking about in this forum.
Some women want to pay, as I have, to get away from you and not feel obligated to have to see you again. So do not get all impressed when a woman offers or insists she pay her half. Just a thought! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:45:50 PM | You want to change the rules of courting or dating, to suit your pocket and your manly pride gets in the way...."oh noooo! I am being used or maybe she is testing me!" "She is so entitled...all she wants is my money and not my undying loveeeeee!" Boo Hoo Hoo....WhaWhaWhaWha.....Let's just call the Whambulance!
As far as bullshit.....If you see romance and respect of dating a woman bullshit, then good luck to your dates!
I don't think it's so much a matter of wanting to change the rules as it is recognizing that the rules have changed. It's simply no longer appropriate for free and equal adults to expect their entertainment to be comp'd simply due to their gender. It probably never was, but when we were raised under the rules of chivalry, women weren't considered free or equal to men. Your compensation for second-class status was the one area in which you were accorded a sense of entitlement--courtship.
I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to give it up. Men didn't want to give up all their baseless entitlements either, but enough of us grudgingly recognized that it was the right thing to do, and so a lot of things changed that reduced the scope of male privilege quite drastically.
--not that we were easy to convince, and in a lot of ways far too many of us are still fighting hard to keep the privileges we used to believe were our rights as men. However, a lot of progress has been made despite men who still want what they were once told was their due. Apparently, there are women of a certain age who are still clinging to their remaining privileges and would prefer them over the chance to be in a partnership of equals. That's the great thing about freedom. People can choose the values they want to live by! If you want to be patronized for the rest of your life, there are plenty of men who will expect you to subordinate your dreams in return. Good luck!
When I suggest that we go Dutch or do something modest for an early date, it's not because I'm cheap. It's also not out of disrespect. It's because I do respect women and also our current place in history. It's interesting to see how my good intention could be so badly misconstrued. But there it is. If a woman writes me off because of her own preconceived ideas about what my choice to regard her as my equal must really mean, it's too bad, but it's also her loss.
When a woman offers to pay half, I had always assumed that it was because she too understood that the old rules that patronized women in so many ways are outmoded and simply wrong, and that she was making a statement about herself as a quality women who respects herself and men. Now that I've learned that isn't always true, discussions of who pays and when are going to very interesting!
I'm not one to write someone off if they fail a test that they don't even know they're taking. To me, that's on about the same level of maturity as a man who says he'll call never does. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:23:00 PM | **yawns**
I'd like to stay and argue, but I need to see some sort of a logical argument in order to respond to it.
All I see is:
$$$... Blah, blah, blah...$$$...nice person...$$$... Gentleman...$$$...special...Love...$$$...Chivalry...$$$...Boo Hoo Hoo...$$$...Love...$$$...Character...$$$
Booooring.
Hmmm, I must have hit the nerve. Ups.
**yawns again**
Time to go to a thread where people actually have something interesting to say...
Ms BoRed | |
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