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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:56:38 AM |
^^ You talk in circles... I think this, I do that, but what I say is just for fun.
Interesting way to live your life.
While I do pay for date's, I don't for anyone who "Expects" it.
Even though what I say here is just for the fun of debate, does not mean I just make it up. I actually mean it. I should of clarified it for the fun OF debating. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:23:40 AM | ^^^problem is you don't know who expects it until you go out and if you don't pay, she will never go out with you again and I'll bet alot of men will wonder "why" and alot of men will WANT to see her again.
Why? Because most men lust after the woman that DOES expect it. She's the type of woman they were brought up to want.
It's not wrong, it just is. If most people would admit to their societal and parental influences, they wouldn't worry so much about these things.
You can try to debate this one, but I've seen these type of women that men want and they do NOT lack for male attention. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:01:27 AM | No backlash from me lol.
I like that one, wish more women were like that.
My rule is whoever initiates the date, i.e., "let me take you to dinner" should pay. If I ask her to dinner, then I should expect to pay. Simple. If she offers to pay half, I usually refuse, unless it feels like she is offering this cause she has no desire to date again and whats to part on equal footing. Fine. Dutch it is then, lol. Well, not always lol. I still usually end up paying. lol If she offers for no other reason than kindness or consideration, no.
The only time this gets sticky is when a woman says something like "you ought to take me to dinner". Which obviously is a request for me to pay. I may comply, but with reservations in te. back of my mind usually.
Or, if she says "we ought to go to dinner". I have yet to figure that one out. lol
If I ask, I pay. no diff than if I had invited them over to cook for them. You don't invite someone over for dinner then expect them to cook, do you? lol
My question is why pick a restaurant where you would have an issue with footing the entire bill?
PS: if you really like her, pay gladly and be quiet! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:37:11 AM | | I think it would be nice if you both split on the bill until you find out where this relationship is heading too. Last thing you want to do is be used all the time to take her out if she isn't interested. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:20:24 PM |
So, hopefully you and COOLDUDE can come to some kind of consensus here (prior to his tripping a switch in you that makes you go off on him like I did on ACE of SPACE).
Unlike Cooldude, and apparently you too, I happen to have to same amount of self restraint online that I do in person.
You're both safe. | |
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TrinB
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Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 881 | |
| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:20:14 PM | did she invite you to this expensive restaurant..?...and does she know she earns three times more than you....btw: after only 2 dates how in the heck do you know this already.....
my thoughts are this:
1. If she asks you out to dinner....she should pick up the tab
2. If you ask her to dinner...you should pick up the tab
what's more disturbing is that you are working on a brand new relationship "so to speak" yet you don't feel confident enough to discuss the matter with her....
hmm | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:25:57 PM | | Accept. Let her pay. If you want to split the cost, do that. Just don't pay. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 4:42:06 AM | My rule is whoever initiates the date, i.e., "let me take you to dinner" should pay.
People need to keep up in the forums. The majority of women do NOT ask men out - do a thread search. So men end up paying more. I expect to pay and then when I go on a date and am having a great time and the guy picks up the tab, it's a nice treat.
what's more disturbing is that you are working on a brand new relationship "so to speak" yet you don't feel confident enough to discuss the matter with her....
I don't generally have this problem, I always ask for separate bills, and then I figure if the guy really wants to pay, he'll just pay. I don't worry about whether he will pay or not, I'm concentrating on other areas of the date - like having fun!!
Since I already do go to more pricy restaurants (It's an interest) and I'm looking for someone around the same financial bracket as I, I can't see why picking a more pricy resto would be a problem. Here's the thing, what's pricy to one person is not to another. I'd rather pay more for my meal and really enjoy it than pay $20 for some Denny's crap. But then , I'm a snob lol.
If I don't like or can't afford what someone is suggesting as a date, I tell them "I'd rather not do that, how about....." It isn't that bloody hard!! If someone can't do the same then I'm probably not interested in them anyway.
In a new relationship I find that reciprocate with little gifts and meals and such. If one of us doesn't have cash on us, the other pays etc., honestly you people make mountains out of molehills.
Beatles, some interesting points there, most of which I agree. I keep repeating the "ego" "prove himself a man" thing in forums, yet it seems that most men cannot really see themselves. There are many traits, which I as a woman, possess that men do not. I boil it down to "I'm a woman". Men have the same thing. I have come to accept these differences. Men were brought up in a world where they do have to "prove" themselves to a woman. I referred to an example about a fancy dinner I went to with an ex. I was very pricy and I added more to it with the wine tasting. He admitted he could not pay for it. I was fine with that. He did, however want to put it on his card and have me pay him back. I didn't want to do that. You should have seen the waiter's face when I ask for separate bills! See? There's that expectation again, I couldn't really understand it much then, but I do now. How is a man supposed to feel when faced with that? Most men won't admit that paying for the dinner makes one look like "a man" and that they think it impresses women. But deep down, society and parental influence has taught them that and the whole equality business hasn't changed that - YET. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:39:53 AM |
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
It seems to me that was the original question.
Let me speak to that with a relatively short answer for those of us with ADD...
The most reliable course of action is the male asks the female out on a date and the male pays. It's a nice touch, a courteous gesture, a nod to "equality" if the lady offers to get the tip, and such a gesture should not be seen as proof that the lady is a militant feminist.Actually a "militant feminist" would be the one most apt to insist on separate checks.
Now if the male has decided he doesn't care to continue seeing this female, separate checks will generally ensure that won't be happening,unless she is in fact a very dedicated feminist,or very needy/desperate.( Dedication to a cause is always admirable,unless that cause pisses you off to no end...and I get the distinct impression that dedicated feminism does EXACTLY that to a lot of males. Desperation/neediness is just sad.)
IF the dating continues/becomes courtship then a woman worth knowing will try to make sure that a suitor she values is not being unduly burdened financially,and that his efforts are appreciated. Sex is an event of mutual desire, NOT a "reward", or an "expression of appreciation. Men who encourage the women they date to use sex as a medium of exchange DESERVE to find themselves in relationships where the woman uses sex as a tool/weapon.
So, guys, expect to pay for those first few dates. If doing that a lot is going to strain your budget, then you must screen/filter intensely when using "personal ads" as a means of meeting women,and keep those first meetings inexpensive. Or, stick to the "old school" ways of meeting women, so chemistry/physical attraction gets established BEFORE you start dating.
And ladies, never go on a date without money or a credit card,just in case,for whatever reason, you need to pay for the date or at least your share. That's called being a responsible adult who is capable of looking after themselves, a trait applicable to BOTH genders.
Do not ABUSE a man's generosity. If you find it necessary to date in order to bring food and entertainment into your life, then you need to to some serious re evaluation of not only your dating goals, but your life ones as well.
Cindy O | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:57:07 AM |
So, guys, expect to pay for those first few dates.
Fine if a woman doesnt mind coffeee on all three.
IF there's no contribution by the second date I'm out. You can figure out how giving a person is in this little time.
You should have seen the waiter's face when I ask for separate bills!
Waiters like this don't get tips. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:03:10 PM | | Some of you guys are frikken cheap LOL. Hi, the Man pays for dinner. The way I see it is if they make it thru my super-secret screening process then they deserve a free meal. The rest, the POF professionals and ones with old and/or pixelated pics get Starbucks. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:15:35 PM | Holy sh*t!!!! 37 pages on this crap, God, don't you friggin people ever get tired of this?There has to be 50 threads on this topic, forget dinner, all you people should talk about is WHINE!!!!!!!!!
Let me lay it out for you. MEN PERSUE WOMEN, always have, most likely always will be. Yes there are exceptions, yes there is dutch, yes some women will make first contact or ask you out and pay for dinner. The numbers and percentage is very small when viewed as part of the overall female population. Don't like it? Tough, two or three choices here, join a monastery, don't date or have yourself frozen until 2 centuries from now when equality catches up.
If you don't wish to be alone, you will most likely have to contact them first, buy them dinner and date them if they agree to see you. What is so bad about that? When you go on a date, don't you shave, shine your shoes, put on good clothes and have manners? This really is just an extension of dating rituals. We didn't make them, but we sure have to live by them.
I don't mind paying, I don't mind holding doors and chairs. I didn't mind driving and picking her up. The wacko's ruined that part.
Why is it that we justify having her pay is OK? Is it really because we want equality, or is it because we can't make a relationship with a woman work? So then we have to invest more money in starting over. If your getting used for dinner, pick a better grade of woman. Just because she agrees to dine with you entitles you to NOTHING! Not sex, no beginning a relationship, not even a second date.
Whatever happened to just having fun on a date? The thrill you feel when you see how good she looks, she did that for you moron. She emailed and talked with you, you found her interesting, interesting enough to ask out or want to date her, so talk, explore her mind, make her a friend and see where it goes. Now before you all explode on me, don't kill the messenger for telling you the truth. I didn't invent the way dating is, nor the way most women think, it is just a fact of life.
Now, go forth, blow a few bucks, enjoy her company and have fun. Think about it. Bob | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:29:15 PM | i agree that "the one who does the asking should be the one most obligated to pay".
however since men do 99% of the asking out, makes that statement quite loaded.
-fork up the cash and take her to taco bell for dinner (splurge on those cinnamon crispys if you really like her)
-if she ever calls you back and wants to go out again -she's a keeper | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:45:33 AM | Actually a "militant feminist" would be the one most apt to insist on separate checks.
I usually get separate cheques, but if the man wants to pay and I want him to I easily concede lol.
So.....if I often ask for separate cheques, what does that make me if I'm not a feminist? I think it might have to do with the way I was brought up and the way I have had to fend for myself for many years? That still doesn't change the fact that I like it when a man I like grabs the cheque!
And john.duke, I'm really tempted to post your email to me for all to see and report you - keep it in the forums. Start dating men if you feel that men are so much more giving, pampering, romantic, protective, affectionate, better cooks, emotionally stronger, hard working, caring, catering, caretaking than women are. You're just the type of man that those women avoid like the plague. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:54:40 AM | Again I have to react, Wildheart, why do you need to do that? WTH happened to dating?
Don't people go out to have fun? Just to meet an interesting person?
I don't mean to tell anyone how to live their lives. Most times I can entertain myself, though I will admit to enjoying female companionship. I have dated women, knew there was no connection, we remained friends BECAUSE they were interesting and fun to be around. So if I don't have a lady in my life, or no one I am emailing is at the stage of meeting, I will invite them to dinner. Why? Because they are fun, great to look at and can hold my interest with conversation. There just were no sparks or chemistry.
Everything doesn't have to be about the "one", life goes on, you still have to eat. Frankly dinner with an intelligent, attractive woman is far more desirable than seeing one of my guy pals on Friday night. If I invite a woman out, hoping there can be something, there is no other expectation than good conversation, open discussion about who she is, what she's looking for and if we agree to see each other again.
Has everyone forgotten, this is supposed to be fun, meeting people, doing fun things. There is no schedule, despite all your planning, you can never put a time table on meeting him/her. You'll only know it after a while, after you meet a couple of times. As for sex, don't be stupid, too fast and that lust/attraction will fade out from under you.
Why are we still debating this? I KNOW women will feel this way, most men pay, if they're smart, they won't resent it and merely see it as a necessity of their own happiness. Bob | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:00:33 AM | Has everyone forgotten, this is supposed to be fun, meeting people, doing fun things. There is no schedule, despite all your planning, you can never put a time table on meeting him/her. You'll only know it after a while, after you meet a couple of times. As for sex, don't be stupid, too fast and that lust/attraction will fade out from under you. 
I think you hit a nail on the head. On another thread they were talking about coffee dates to relieve the pressure etc. You are right, I think people have lost sight of the fact that dating supposed to be fun. If it isn't, not sure why people date. It is important to get to know someone before you meet, not to meet someone until you are comfortable. Maybe people are pushing dates too fast? | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 2:59:34 PM | Dude, I myself have answered your question exhaustively, and at least twice, in this thread alone, as well as in multiple other threads.
I'm not doing it again.
Cheeses!
Vulf  | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 3:02:56 PM | You pay.
You asked.
If she offers, suggest she buy the ice cream. And head for a shop where you can both snag a cone and talk.
Where you work and how much she makes is irrelevent and THAT comment is rude. Means you're thinking of the date already on monetary terms and comparing what you have to what she has. That's wrong thinking, dude.
It ain't about money!
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 3:05:43 PM | Bzzzzt, try again beatles and bob - the sex issue has never been the problem for me. I never equate someone paying for me for a returned sexual favour.
I did want a reaction from the question - that's why I asked.
I think it's more the issue of looking like a gold digger. I know I'm not, but after reading these forums where it seems that generosity and in the moment fun is out the window, it gives me pause. I have some wonderful male friends who often treat me and I never have a problem accepting with them. Perhaps people need to learn not to rely so much on first impressions? Especially if they are not strong?
But what I have noticed is that the men who do pay out of genuine generosity and kindness don't make you feel that you are a gold digger or a "whore".
I had one man pay for my meal and then when I wasn't interested after the fact (because he lied in his profile) accused me of being a gold digger! I did send him some choice words.
The thing is I can still have fun if the date is going well and it won't matter a twit if he pays or we go dutch. But the men who actually insist or outright pay are few and far between, at least in my age range. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 3:22:39 PM | Dude! The ORIGINIAL date for this entire thread was last YEAR.
More than likely the damn poster has already had the date, had the girl, had a baby, and a divorce and is BACK on POF looking for suspect number 2 for his next baby. Move on.
Just say "NO!" to recycling threads and topics! | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:06:45 PM |
So.....if I often ask for separate cheques, what does that make me if I'm not a feminist?
The exact words I used were "most apt to". Asking for separate checks doesn't automatically make you a feminist but it does make you a suspect lol.
I GET the concept of establishing that one is not a gold digger...but I for one do not care to enter into an ongoing involvement with a man who is that damaged and fearful.
The other situation outside of hyperindependence or militant feminism is the woman who had had it up to HERE with men who think her ass is for sale, and that the price is dinner. I guess I could understand that, but I would wonder why she seemed to keep having that same experience.
Cindy O | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:25:31 PM | | Sorry jelnet, but you sound cheap. If you ask her out on a date, you pay. Period and the end. | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:40:27 PM | Not been on many date eh ?
If the lady offers to contribute .. ask if she is sure.. if she confirms let her share.
Hope you are ready for the more complicated choices to come ..... :) | |
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| Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:59:33 PM |
As far as dating being fun, it is until you get out of college. Then it's harder to meet people and, also, people over the age of 25 really AREN'T dating for fun anymore. They're usually sizing someone up as a mate, whether they intend to or not. In fact, a country singer/songwriter friend of mine, Johanna Montana, wrote a pretty good song called "She Don't Date for Fun Anymore," that discusses this point.
Dude, if you don't enjoy dating, don't do it! As for me, when I accept a date, I do my best to enjoy it. I may talk about the person in a thread sarcastically the next day, exaggerate their downfalls, etc., but ya know what, I only did a doggy bag on one date.
I maybe looking for a ltr, but mate, no way, I already mated 3 times... well, had 3 kids anyway.
I am not sure how many full page posts you have on this particular thread, but give it a rest, imo. Start a blog. You don't need to respond to everyone that posts on this thread. Not that you are being offensive, I just know that if I want to read comments, I keep seeing almost full pages from you with all this monologue. I read enough books.
Sorry you don't enjoy your dates, I DO. | |
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