| | When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recoveryPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) | 90 days? Geez, maybe that's where I'm going wrong. My last relationship took 3 days to get over and I thought that was bad!
I don't think you can put a time limit on a breakup. Some people get their shi* together quicker than others.
I think that those who truely accept that 'it's over' move forward a lot faster than those who still grasp 'hope'.....hope that he/she will change their mind, hope that maybe one of them may realize it was all a mistake.
I don't think you have really accepted the 'it's over' thing, or perhaps you are still angry with what has gone down. You will know in your heart when you are ready to face the dating world again, but I don't feel that NOW is the time.
At the point you are at, I can just imagine you on a date pouring your heart out to some poor woman who has to listen. It's not fair to do that to a person. You must have it in your brain and heart that you ARE over your past experience or else you won't move ahead with your life. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:02:13 AM | | Windroper... not that problem here. Fortunately she and I never mixed finances. When she left then returned for her things she brought 5 family members and a big U-haul. She even replaced the pots and pans she took. It was a very very clean break and I even helped go thru some of the stored boxes of things with her. We were very good to each other during the loading so as not to become bitter toward one another. I was concerned about myself but also about her and her emotional state. I know the daughter had caused her to fall into serious depression without the anxiety and panic attacks. She was on an emotional roller coaster. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:07:55 AM | | Destinez...if it only took 3 days then you were not very deeply attached or not dependent on that person in some way. That's where the big difference is with a lot of people. When it's really good and only one of you has drifted away then one can suffer tragically while the other is aggravated by him/her hanging on. I've talked to several people who state or agree that the 90 day thing is a good rule of thumb. It takes that long for most people to get their sh!t together so they can begin to move on. Some totally lose libido and interest in dating. I was actually dating the very next day...but not moving on emotionally. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:23:56 AM | Oh look BamaBob.....I have had the love of my life die in front of me, my husband some years later left me for a religion and my fiance (of 8 years) beat me up. So I guess I'm immune to pain.
Your 55 years of age. You were with this woman for 4 years, so I must assume that you have a history with other women in your life. How did you handle those situations?
90 days is merely a myth. They also say that when you first meet someone it takes 90 days to cement a relationship.
I'm strong enough to know when to call a spade A SPADE. If it's over then it's over, not much I can do about it, so YES it takes me 3 days (and that's for the more serious relationships). Why dwell and stress over something that isn't going to change?
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:25:51 AM | | batqurlie... honest truth! ... sex... she was a gf from years back...also went thru divorce 2 years ago and has not been dating. We discussed alot of common events in the healing process and she did in fact sit and listen to all the things I was saying. I cautioned her up front that it would be stupid of her to attempt to or expect a commitment from me during this time of finding myself. She and I will always be friends as we have always been...I've known her since birth. She has a lot of situations to deal with which is something I do not need to be able to move on in my life, parents and ill brother all needing attention and not long left on this earth. We all have problems but they should compliment us and not compound our own problems. Our relationship was/has been good for both of us because she needed someone like me to help her with serious needs she was having that occurred just as we got together. Her home was re-po'ed (we drove 300 miles to salvage her belongings and put them in storage), mother was moved from ICU to home on life support (I had to re-wire the bedroom she was going in). It was a snowball effect for both of us and the diversions were good to establish new patterns in my life. Lots more went on with her but that's just a couple of examples. In our age group caring for older family members commonly falls upon us and gets to be a burden. It can be one of love and great memories or it can be really rough, depressing, and painful and we may run from it...lots of variations on that. But as for what she done for me... I can only compare it to having a sitter while recuperating from a serious illness. Being with someone kept me from the thoughts of violence, suicide, etc. which are not unusual for people who are experiencing extreme traumatic depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:36:44 AM | | Destineze... you are very fortunate if you can change shoes that easy! Few people can. As you read here, for some it takes years to get back in the swing of things. I've know of lots of women and a few men who totally lose interest in the opposite sex or relationships for years or even for life. I think a lot of them fear rejection or the pain of the break up happening again. However... point of this thread is to map out a course of action to get back up and running and or what to expect once over the grieving period. 3 days is hardly long enough to decide what kind of car to buy much less to figure out what anyone should do or expect is the next step to take. Making decisions in times of stress and emotional upheavals can bring on some really big regrets later and we always have to live with the things we do or the decisions we make.... as for the 55 and other women in the past... yep, far more than I wanted and far worse things have happend. But there have been some easy break ups too. Losing my first ex almost killed me (literally). I was thrilled to get rid of the 2nd one. Me and the 3rd one parted as good friends. I guess it could be thought of as variations on a common theme. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:53:32 AM | | Getting over a long-term relationship in 3 days is abnormal to say the least. Either the relationship was long over before the physical split or there is some serious emotion stuffing going on. Then there is the possibility you didn't have an emotional relationship at all. | |
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| When it's all over...what's next?...90 days to start recovery
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:56:59 PM | Yes 3 days is NOT a long time for most people, but please understand this is "me" today. I use to pine for years over lost love. It did take me years and years to get over the loss of my late b/f whom I still think of 30 years later. Think of though, as I know that pining will not bring him back.
I told myself one day that I cannot change some of the things that happen in my life.
I also told myself that I would not allow myself to be hurt, so when it's over I accept it and move ahead, not pine.
Not everyone is like me and I can appreciate that, but when a person has been through a lot it is possible to become immune.
Time limits don't apply to everyone as we all have a history and we all feel differently and accept things differently. Guess I'm all 'cried' out! | |
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