| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:14:03 PM | | Isn't that kind of like asking someone if they are afraid of heights? I am not at all afraid of heights, but I am terrified of the pain and injuries falling off a roof might bring. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:33:16 PM | This question is not for everyone, for it is insane to be afraid of love , for we are concieved of love ( I am not talking about the rape conception here) by the time we are borned we are cared and nutured by love of our parents ....
If you are talking about commitment and responsibility that goes with love, I wondered , how you are parring on commitment and responsibility to your self,,,for LOVE start on loving our self.... Vannili | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:40:51 PM |
Are you afraid of love?
no, never.
I for one believe that of all forms of fears, fear of love is the most fatal to true happiness:-)
So, the first test finally came, and it was a surprise as tests often are.
This weekend, we were chatting on the phone and he said something, not an awful thing at all, just being clumsy as the OP mentioned and it caught on one of my vulnerable spots and he noticed, almost before I did, that I'd gone a bit quiet. (which is what I do when I'm carefully tucking a feeling back in). He immediately apologized, I think he even used the words he’d been clumsy and was sorry it had hurt me - so I started to cry. Mostly, I think, in him recognizing I was hurt, which touched a different vulnerable spot. Quite awesome when someone sees you.
We were ok, no one's fault or blame... we both knew he'd just accidentally hit a soft spot. So I said, "We're ok, I just need to go now and deal with my feelings and I'll call you back in a bit." We said the "I love you's" and hung up... and I sat in the unexpected hurt and sadness (part of me thinking…it was an accident, “get over it, will ya” another part willing to just allow the tears/feelings and, somewhere in the background, worried that he was feeling bad that he’d hurt me).
Within minutes, the doorbell rang and it was him... he'd jumped in a cab. He wrapped me in his arms (he is the best hugger on the face of the planet) saying he couldn't leave me alone in my feelings and I just wailed into his shirt. (gosh I hate admitting that). It was still fresh enough that I hadn't packed it back up but because I promised him I'd fully share and not be careful not to let it spill on his shoes… I just let ‘er rip. Messy? Hell, I put snot on this man’s shirt. What can be more loving than that??
It’s funny how that affected me. I was messy and vulnerable and my sadness poured out of me and all over him. The sky should have fallen in but it didn’t and he held space for me. He didn’t try to make it go away, he didn’t try to alter it or manage it or fix it … he left it as mine, my feelings… and all he did was hold them and me. WoW, I felt loved, and safe. No one has ever done that for me before… and I’ve never trusted someone that much to be that incredibly vulnerable. The sadness just melted away; it was healing, if that makes sense to you.
We talk in the forums about the bonding through sex. I never once in my whole entire life imagined feeling a bond of love and trust deepen and expand by sobbing over nothing in the arms of a man I love.
Thank you sweetie, for giving me the gift of your love. I’m less afraid (careful) this week than I was last. I'm sure the shirt will wash.
Wow, what an incredibly beautiful story of LOVE- made me cry 
Thanks Margo for sharing! | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:52:50 PM | tucan-I think op's honest self disclosure is brilliant and very vulnerable and transparent.
Op, I am not afraid of love. I know my own heart and that I have and will continue to give my all. My ex bf's have confirmed after the fact that they know I truly loved them, so I know I wasn't disillusioned and my heart was in the right place.I think it's great you seek to truly know yourself, to look in every dark corner even. Best of luck to you fishing!  Wiyan | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:18:58 PM | Maybe the OP suffers from Climacophobia?
Falling in love is dangerous. I was in love once and I fell off my ladder while pressure washing my gutters. Falling "in love" led me to a contusion.... which ultimately led me to Saying "For the love of Pete", which caused my lover to question my love of another gendre, which led to a division of assets.
Yup. Falling while in love is not cool.
Don't you love the word "contusion"? | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/8/2009 11:59:41 PM | | I am not really afraid of love but I have to admit that being a perfectionist for me falling in love is a very nauseating experience and it puts me through some unhealthy emotions. I am always torn between the intense desire to love unconditionally while loathing the perceived faults of my mate. Sometimes the mate takes my "moments of loathing" as a rejection and reacts in very strange ways even when I love them really really deep they don't think so. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 1:04:40 AM | You are responsible for YOU and the rest its a gamble. So don't feel bad, we are all in the same boat...looking and still looking  | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 4:04:37 AM | Yes.
Giving myself over to someone else completely. Hoping and praying that he will not judge me one day for being me and then deciding that I am not what he wanted after all.
Yes.
I am afraid of love.
So, I just try to like and hope to be liked just as much.
Besides ya never heard of someone ever hurting someone else because they "liked" them so much...
Sure love is beautiful and wonderful but it can also be painful and in some cases deadly.
love....it has caused many people to do harmful things...born out of love.
Me and my invisible running shoes have enjoyed a life without that kind of pain thus far.
| |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:40:26 AM | Afraid of love? I was always afraid of it - and of getting hurt. I 'did' get hurt by all who *claimed* to love me; but at least with my ex girlfriend she only hurt me 'after' splitting up - by saying she'd always be there for me, and always be friends - then ditching me 2 weeks later for someone she'd spoken to once over the phone. Or so I believed at the time anyway...
People don't take responsibility for other's feelings - or at least my exes didn't. They trampled all over me, hit raw nerves constantly and then didn't understand why I was upset - so needed it constantly spelt out. Then they accused me of nagging... high maintenance! 
But their lack of success with past partners and past upsets with them meant I knew it wasn't solely me - even though I wasn't perfect either.
Caring about someone leaves you wide open to hurt and heart-break. Better not to feel, and not to care, when it comes to 'affairs of the heart' or romantic love. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:47:22 AM | | You must be so afraid for a reason that you're not disclosing. It's natural to take a good amount of time to seriously consider a deep relationship with a woman, but you overthink it to the point where you turn yourself off from the idea. Maybe you have some deep seated trust issue that you need to resolve in your own head first. Or maybe you witnessed an adult relationship that went horribly wrong when you were a kid. I can't say because you never explained. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:44:17 PM | I don't know why people feel like being afraid of love means that you were devastated by it once before or even more than that.
I am afraid of love because I have seen the damage that is done to people in the name of love.
I have watched women screw around on their parteners whilst professing love as well as men doing the same thing. If that is what love is...I don't want any part of it.
It is a choice. I have cared about people and deeply but I am not about to give any man that kind of power over me. It is not about a guy either...it is giving anyone that kind of power...to love them only to have them destroy me becasue of it.
As I have stated before I just want to like someone and have them like me back. That is good enough. If it ends, then we go about our merry way and nobody gets crushed. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:11:12 PM | | im terrified! im also brave. "what matters most is how we walk through the fire". | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:18:12 AM | Hi
It is recenty that I became aware that soem of the most pianful times in my life were abandonment issues.
As an adult I use tor eact to issues of my childhood.
How many people recognise that they often go back to the same kind of personality time and time again.
How many times do people tell other people what they want to hear?
Foe me to learn to love in a healthy spiritual way I needed to be free of all child hood issues?
Pain fear and frustrations were going to cheat me of loving myself or another person unconditionally!
Pain fear and frustrations were going to stunt my growth as a mature full fullfilling person.
Once we have been hurt it is our responsability to heal and nurture pains long before we consider emotional envolement.
Anger is often used to transfer pain fear and frsutrations on to other people.
Both emotional and physical pain causes fears.
If we continue living our life in pain and fears I would not be able to love completely or unconditionally.
Lots of spiritually based values are missing from our communitites..
Being a mature loving person is about us as people taking responsability of our life and loving our self.
With frustrations it is often due to the fact we are not willing to accept serenity prayer in to our life.
In my recovery you learn to help your self .
Understanding your life became unmanagable emotionally long before realtionships broke up.
I wanted to be normal at one time but feel normal is just not good enough for me today.
So since in my spiritual recovery today is based up on all of my spiritual interactions with all people.
Am I a good person, a good husband, a good father, a good son a giving person.
How many people know of people who are obbsessive or addictive but do not have the AA or GA Tag put to them?
Obsessive behaviour for me was just the symptom.
Once you peel back the onion you get to the causes.
So yes it is good that I have not gambled in over 17 years, but does my wife or my family fear me?
Does my wife or my family trust me?
Does my family feel that I love them unconditionally today?
No matter what they say or do will I still love them?
Finally can I say that when I communicate with other people do I have an adverse or healthy impact on all people?
Our communities failings are due to lack of spiritual values?
How many people can tell you what spiritual values are?
And can people tell you why they are so important to our growth as healthy people and healthy communites?
Being angry means that I was not interacting with the world but reacting to it.
I needed to face my own fears long before I could love unconditionally myself or another person.
Love
Dave | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:16:10 AM | Sure I'm affraid of love. I already started a family and men don't understand about the kids. Mine are independent, but as a mom I will always be there for them.
I get headaches from these guys about the kids always. Anyway people use "I love you" just to get whatever they want anymore. That phrase is so used and abused it isn't funny. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:33:40 AM | Given that each person I may involve myself with will be different, and I, myself, at these different moments of time will also be changed (by time, experience and such) I don't think I have enough jurisdiction to say if I'm ready or not for love, because that would be assuming I know exactly what it is. It's not like a Car, or a Tree, "This is love, this isn't" it's a bit further reaching than that.
Not to say we can't comment at all. Just what we percieve to be love, rather than "what IS love.". I would guess that love for each person is defined by their experiences, upbringing and social conditioning. Not knowing what everyone's exact perception of love is (made more difficult with society/media telling you what it "is") makes the process muddling, painful and on the flipside, strangely beautiful.
It digs into the deepest parts of our humanity. A mental/physical/spirtual/emotional arena, so intrinsically important to us that people dedicate their lives in pursuit of it, and sometimes even continue the quest when they have found some treasure (infidelity). The only way we could fully understand love in entirety is if we had everyone thinking exactly the same thoughts.
I'm not afraid of seeking what I percieve love to be, the worrying bit is the process of encountering people and trying to seek somebody whose perception exists in harmony with mine (and mine in harmony with theirs) enough for us to decide that our quests are now over, and now we will use the discoveries of said quest to lead hopefully furfilling, meaningful and empowering lives together. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 10/1/2009 6:38:58 AM | Hi
SADLY it is not only guys that say I love you to get what they want?
How many times do people tell people what they want them to hear?
How many peaople are person pleasers or codependant?
Sadly we all need to love our self and undestand love before we can love another person.
But before we do we all need to be free of our past pains fears or frsutrations.
Love
Dave | |
|
| |
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:01:16 PM | Am I afraid of love ?
No.
What I'm afraid of are some of the things done in the name of love !
Most of my life experience with love has involved tears, confusion, conflict, lying, falling to my knees, begging God for comfort. Very little of it was of the tender, sensual,understanding, playful, affectionate, or passionate kind. The latter is something I still look for to this day ! | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:11:16 PM | | Nope. Actually the only thing I'm afraid of is the ****ing, whining, and naggingthat comes with it. On her part that is. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:57:44 PM | | i fall in love every month or so...love is not as precious and special as people think...a cute smile, a hard bicep....you are in love...commitment is a different story...that is the art of throwing your whole life away because someone uttered those sacred words...i love you...what a joke it all is.. | |
|
| Are you afraid of love?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:03:17 PM | | ^^^What a joke is right. Those three words hardly mean shit anymore nowadays. Although Im sure alot of people use and abuse it quite often. | |
|
Home
login 
