| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:02:00 PM | "Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it."
-- Michel de Montaigne
[thank google quotes] | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:09:49 AM |
Women are in a "sellers market" - with this advantage, you have no moral ground upon which to claim a "broken heart"
You sound heartless! Do you believe that people are so easily "replaceable" in the heart of a woman? Finding another to help one "get over" an ex merely makes you a user! Having an "advantage" in the market doesn't negate morality, in any fashion!
The feeling of loss that comes from a failed relationship is something that needs to be dealt with from within. The pursuit of others for the express purpose of losing yourself and your feelings serves no purpose other than to prolong those feelings & hurt others in the process. If you truly believe what you say, perhaps that is the reason you find it difficult to find a mate. Sure, finding men is easier for women, if one is content with "any" man! Finding a stable relationship, however, is no more or less difficult for either gender. For me, time spent alone after a relationship ends is the most healing. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:53:20 AM | ^^^Ahhh, pay no mind to "DaDrewski"...he's just another bitter, shallow minded widdle boy who can't get himself a date.
Dere, Dere, Drew...it'll be ok widdle boy....here...have a cookie!  | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:07:51 AM |
ou sound heartless! Do you believe that people are so easily "replaceable" in the heart of a woman? Finding another to help one "get over" an ex merely makes you a user! Having an "advantage" in the market doesn't negate morality, in any fashion!
What he's getting at is that when you're out having fun you don't think about stupid crap like exes... She should be out with her friends or out dating...not to find a mate but to have fun. I'm stuck in a situation where I can't... but if I could I wouldn't be sitting in this house while my ex is out there with her new bf... I'd be out chilling with my friend or hanging with some of the nice women I've met on PoF... | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:57:50 AM | Sounds like you still love him. That is normal. There is no way to turn your emotions off,
so let it be. It will pass with time but there is no way to avoid the healing process. Cry when
you need to but use your logic and do what you have to during this time that works for
you. Having emotional support does help alot. Be strong ! | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:09:21 AM | It has been written that the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
In reality, it just takes time, how much depends on the individual. But know that this too, shall pass. 
Pink | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:10:06 AM | Those that said it takes time are right but it also takes believing that regardless of whether he broke up with you, he is not good enough for you, he is not the right guy.
Also, when he pops into your mind rather than letting it irritate you, let it pop right out. If it needs some help removing itself from your brain consciously replace it with something else. If you are a praying person, thank God for allowing you to remember first thing in the morning how lucky you are that the man is gone so you will be available when the right one comes along. If not, go through that mental to-do list.
Try staying upbeat about this part of getting over someone and realize that one of these days you probably won't notice that he is not there as soon as you open up your eyes. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:30:07 PM | OP:
I don't think there is a more loyal or sentimental person on this earth than I!! April 3rd will be a year for me, the last "bus ride" as a couple......
I've gone thru a zillion tons of emotions....the hurt was unbelievable and deep...cut so deep.
I've been riding the waves of emotion over it all...and allowing myself to feel it all...realizing that I can't get over it, I must go through it....if I hadn't truly loved him deeply without reservation....it wouldn't be hurting at all. So....I ride the waves, and what was a tidal wave at first...is a more reasonable wave now...and all is falling into place, finding my old self...it was an 8 year relationship so I can't expect my heart all fixed up over nite...and I'll not look to someone else to fix it for me....and when I go out on a 'date'....I don't mention it...if it is with someone that I think might be more than a date...I tell my story once...just so they understand my inability as of yet to get toooo involved...not even intimate yet....just making new friends, looking forward to new found freedoms...and realizing that I really am a very very good person to know and love....and the 'right' people in my life know that. My 'Love" is valuable....I have great worth....I forgive him not really loving me...it is his great loss. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:56:23 PM |
I wake up with him living rent free in my head and just have such a hard time shaking it.
I like that - 'rent free'!!!
I do have a suggestion on how to 'boot' them outta your head. Take your power back. You are the landlord and as long as you dwell on them in any fashion, whether it be anger, memories, etc. you are allowing them to keep the power that is your own to take back. It starts with learning cognitive thinking. Find some books on cognitive therapy. It's great for getting things out of your head that don't belong there! | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:12:23 PM |
Take your power back. You are the landlord and as long as you dwell on them in any fashion, whether it be anger, memories, etc. you are allowing them to keep the power that is your own to take back.
Yep. Dig it.  | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:53:42 PM | I know how you feel. My ex dumped me the week before christmas. I had to move out and everything. Now, 3 weeks on, i still wake up thinking of her. The memory of her wont leave that easy. If i could stop thinking of her i would for sure, but i cant. There is always something that brings her to mind, a song, or a place, and then she is right back in there. I know that with time this will leave me, but not totally. And that is kind of a good thing. The good memories become treasured ones of a time when you were happy. All they bring you at the moment is pain and grief.
A lot of people say the best way to get over one person is to find someone else. The only problem with that is, as with me, when you still love your ex, the new person is nowhere near as good in your own mind. Of course the new person is probably great, but to you, it isnt your ex. And because you think this, the new person will never be good enough for you, you will always be making comparisons to your ex. Or that is what i have been doing. To me, i think that you shouldn't even think about looking for someone else until you know in your own mind that you wont be thinking, hmmm its not the same as my ex. We have to allow ourselves time to heal first. That plus its not fair on the new person.
Basically, being dumped hurts like hell. It will take me a while recover because i was very much in love with my ex, and she was the best thing to ever happen to me. Those feelings dont vanish overnight. But they will, with time...... I hope and to god they will. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:12:29 PM | It's been a while. The feelings are still there, along with the urge to phone him to say, "Hey. Just called to say I was thinking of you this morning. Hope you have a great day."
I wish I could kick myself in the ass lol. Unfortunately my heart has a mind of its own.
Just need more time, I guess...........
It's weird because my best friend broke up with her boyfriend around the same time as I'd ended my relationship. The thing is, it only took her a good month before she was over him and now she's happily dating someone else. I wish I could move on that fast. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:23:52 PM | | Issy, it's really difficult at first but give yourself permission to mourn. If you get weak and do call to say I love you and miss you ........just pick yourself up and go forward. Everyone is different and some heal faster. Take care and if you ever need to chat about what you are going through.....contact me.......ok.......I have been in your shoes 7 times in my life. Hate that place but life is still great. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:34:16 PM | | i was married 12 yrs and i still have not healed i pray everynite for that healing so i hope that u are rite and thank you | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:26:51 PM | I just want to point out that the fact that you're not 'over him' speaks more to your credit than anything else. If you still miss him, at least congratulate yourself that you've not fallen victim to a culture of 'disposable emotions'. Healing will come - you must feel better now than you did one week after the breakup. But great love takes great risk, and when it goes bad, it brings great pain. All of this, though, points to someone with a great heart.
Don't change that.
Cheers,
Dave :) | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:52:03 PM | | Two months...that's all. Somethings just take time. But, the more you try to force him from your mind the more aware you will be of him. Maybe you just need to accept it...it will pass. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:57:41 AM |
It's been two months now, and it's annoying the hell out of me that the first thought that comes to mind is my ex when I wake up
Give it another two months and maybe he'll fade away like a forgotten dream. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:52:02 AM | Its three and a half years now since my split, but after being with him for 23 years i spose it would take some time, but the dreams and waking thoughts are very rare now and mostly anger at the way he treated me and our sons, steming from the lies and deceit. It can help to find someone new to fill that void, but only when you are really ready, you don't have to wait till the thoughts are rare, but at least wait until they don't come into you mind every day. Remember you still have all your friends and your family, talk about it if it helps you, I found it did me. Have been through it and worse since, it hurts every time but once you know you can survive it you get through it just that little bit easier the next time.  | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:59:37 AM | No kidding. The mornings are the worst, as if the nights aren't bad enough. The love of your life is there with you every waking moment one minute, telling you every good thing a man could ever wish to hear from a woman about you and a future life and even marriage with you, then the next shes gone and then instantly starts acting like you aren't any of those wonderful things she saw and said about you for months because (new guy) someone is in her head twisting things to her, and she is unfortunately buying the bull, when everyone else who has ever known you in any way, knows the truth is completely different and can easily see it. I don't know what is worse, you being made out to be something you're so not, and anyone who knows you can see right away, or the loss. My head runs like a broken record over this one, constant memories. I felt I heard god speak to me about this one, I honestly did, so I am totally confused. I realized even meant to be's can be screwed up if that other person doesn't choose it. God doesn't force meant to bes into existance, he just lines up the paths and it's up to us to choose it, we still have free will and can choose not to. Everything reminds me of her, everything. There are signs of her everywhere. I try so hard to get it out of my head, but at the same time I want to remain loyal to her, and wait for some miracle that she will see the truth somehow. I want to be upset at how I was treated, but at the same time I understand her inexperience and what is causing her to make the decisions she has made, even if for all the wrong reasons, or from taking things totally out of context, from being unable to see things for what they are, simple misunderstandings, and someone coercing her from the side in selfishness. It's the most horrible thing because I know her heart is pure and in the right place, but the rest has gotten all screwed up and it doesn't seem her fault so much. I took an oath to stand and fight for her in all ways for all eternity to god. I took it thinking we would be together, but I don't know about this situation. This is too much for anyone to handle. I'm a mess, on one hand I want to move on and find someone, on the other I want to wait in loving her. I'm scared to move on in that it might ruin our chances later even., haha...i have to laugh at myself at the reality that I would more than likely be wasting my life away in that decision. I would give her or do ANYTHING for her as well, completely selfless and devoted to her in every last way humanly imaginable. Nothing would be off limits for her or too much to ask for. It is incredible to me how that is not valued by some people these days, or not able to be seen for what it is sometimes. It is incredible how people can pass on that, because people are rarely if ever in their lives so in love with someone, or that giving or accomodating for someone else. There has to be a pretty special mix for that to occur, that once in a lifetime thing and this is it seemingly. I say seemingly to try and keep the door open for other chances. I am left to figure out why god spoke to me so about this one, and why there were dozens of signs all around all the time and after as well, that had no other explanation than to say fate. Every time I'm on the computer I cringe wishing I could text or email, every time on the phone wishing I could text or call or that she would call, but I know she won't. I have so many things I just can't bear to throw away and special momentos we shared that I'm sure she has that the thought of her throwing away crush me like a skyscraper on your heart. Closing doors has always been hard for me, I am incredibly loyal beyond all proper common sense. This one will be tough. The thought of doing something for me is not even a thought in my mind right now, because all I want to do is give to her and do things for her. I wrestle with the thought sacrifices soooo great for her, that I won't even mention on here, in that maybe she will see, its so retarded yes I know as you can't risk going out on a limb like that for someone who isn't equipped yet to have the tools to see the truth for what it is.
All my friends encourage me, and it helps a little, a couple other girls even swoon at me and it does nothing and I'm so blind to anyone but this one, until maybe someone very special comes. Girls online blast me with offers and interest but I'm not interested at all except in rare occasion and for friendship only generally. I'm getting stronger again though as the days wear on, I do feel it. As I work on my life and preparation for the next battle, I get stronger. There are many things you could tell yourself to get over someone, but that loyalty keeps you there with them. I feel thousands of those things you could say to yourself standing at the door waiting to be let in but I don't want them in yet, I hold the door for her yet, standing and waiting holding the door open for her in the searing wind and rain and snow, holding the door open to the warmest place she could ever know, biting the pain off of the elements from all directions hoping to see her in the distance, hoping she will come, wait, wait, wait. I have already set the wheels in motion for her kingdom to be built, but she could not see that as she can not see the difference between spoken word yet, and word from the heart of a convicted in god kind of man. Everyone who meets me knows and can see this about me, except her, and that is incredible to me after 4.5 months of being around me. On one hand I want to stand and fight for all the world to see, although the whole world will think I'm an idiot and I will probably be dissappointed again in time. I want to write to her every day, but the pain in it all keeps me from being able to write about most of the things I would say, and in the preservation of my own heart in not dwelling so much on the things that will make you not see the chance at another. I hold her door open wide, and the back door I hold open a crack for someone new to peek in and for me to see out. A strong champion of god stands here for her, a second away, but she doesn't see that at all, she sees the gunk of 2 other people's selfishness clouding her eyes and that is it. God clear that gunk somehow, and if you can't, send me an angel, as you know I am your champion, and I will bleed for your will and her happiness for all time. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:57:59 AM | You are right, you shouldn't jump into another relationship. You are still hurting. But, keeping busy and doing things on your own will help to restore your self-confidence. Your feelings won't end overnight.
I was married to a wonderful woman for legally 12 years, we have been divorced for about 4 months now. It does get easier, then harder then easier. You can get through this. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:12:05 PM | I just discovered MY Broken Heart this morning . .
Facing reality is something I haven't forced myself to do in a very long time . .
But..I'm glad that I did it on my own . . {mostly} and not have it forced on me . .
..Although..she Did give a few polite Nudges . . I finally got the message . . 
Gladly, though . . we'll stay friends for a very long time . . !!
. . . . | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:23:26 PM | champ_55ca:
Your words rang so true to my heart that I read them crying like baby...how incrediable to read the words of someone else's pain and have it so closely follow my every emotion for the last year...unbelieveable.....I so hurt for you...but, at the same time...I wish for you LOVE...rather your true love "comes home"..or God releases your heart from the bondage of it...I know the pain of holding on 'in case'......I know. I've traveled an ocean of tidal waves of emotions over and over again...I'm seasick, heartsick and just plain ol sad at the loss of 'dreams'..'faith'....'promise'...'believing'...loyal to a fault...only to be stomped out like a threatening flicker of a flame...wiped off the shoe of someone you trusted to be in your life forever....no doubts, no fears, so suspicions...complete comfort in knowing they adore you and you them...and nothing will ever destroy that......I know...I know....realty is painful...but it stands tall and daring right in your face all the same.....be good to yourself...God is with you and only he knows the 'big picture'. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:07:09 PM | | I had a dream of him last night. It killed me when I woke up. Guess I'm not over him yet. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:02:43 PM | | issy? I dont know if you realize how special you are. The feelings you are having are because you are a genuine wonderful person. I dont even know you but I know that much. I also have been through something similar so I truly feel your pain. Like everyone else says talk to family and friends and surround yourself with quality people. In my case the family and friends were awesome and got me through the beginning. Eventually though you will discover that there are many quality people of the opposite sex on here and in the real world. Those are the ones that will give you the next boost you need. Eventually you will look back and realize that this man did you a big favor. You obviously have a lot of love to give and someday you will meet him and expect nothing but the same in return. A lot of people dont realize that you just cant turn love off. Right now your heart is closed except for him but when you least expect it to happen it will open for others. Keep your head up and love the person you see in the mirror because your special. | |
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