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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:13:32 PM | as many others have said, it takes time. how much?? depends upon the individual and how deep the love was.
i've had my share of breakups, both being on the starting and receiving end.
one thing that has ALWAYS shortened my recovery time was the following mantra:
EVERY relationship has both good times and bad times. if you are having BIG problems with a broken relationship, you are probably fixiated on JUST the good
times. the mind is a VERY powerful instrument. you CHOOSE what to think about.
so, to try to help yourself, concentrate on the BAD times that you had, or, even better, concentrate (think about) the things about your ex that you did NOT like.
instead of fixiating on the good, try fixiating (for a time) on the bad. i think that will hasten the healing. it always did for me...........
best wishes to you,
~larry | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:44:26 PM | baldy365, that was a really sweet post! And so true that you can't just turn love off.
Issy im going through the same thing. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, then came back a couple of weeks ago and wanted to work things out. During the time we were working things out, i went to watch his music band play...and he turned up with his new gf. I know the feeling of heartbreak and im also struggling with getting up in the mornings.
I still dream about him, almost every night...and then waking up with that empty feeling is the worst. The only way i know of dealing with it is to get up out of bed and start doing something. Or, think of all the horrible things he did/said to me.
The problem i also have is that we have mutual friends...and because i'm sticking by the "no contact" rule...its going to be hard if our mutual friends have a gathering or anything. I guess if he's going to be there, then im just going to miss out. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 1/29/2008 11:19:55 PM | | I'm sorry issy. I have been in the same place you are more than once. I promise that it's going to get better. Two months isn't very long to get over someone you really loved, give it a little longer and you will find that the pain, hurt, and anger will go away. One proven method i found is journaling your thoughts, hurt, anger, and sadness before going to sleep. I personally hate journeying, but it really does help. You are a beautiful young woman and you will find someone that is worthy of your love. So have faith , it will get better. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 1:29:35 AM | Well, I don't feel that sick feeling when I wake up anymore, but he still comes across my mind often. It drives me crazy because the relationship didn't even last that long, yet I'm still pining for his ass and it's been four months and a week now.
I spend a lot of time outside of the house and do other things, but the feelings are still somewhat there. I don't know if I should look into counseling or what lol. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:42:29 AM | | Four months and still not over it? I dont think there is anything wrong with remembering things or even missing things you two used to do together. Really though four months has passed and it should be getting easier. The heart heals in time yet it never forgets. Seems some people keep bringing up the past over and over again. If they were truly happy they wouldnt even think about it anymore. Its just one of those things. But while you are wasting your life pining over him, he is probably living his. If you think you need help to get over him i would seek it, least it might give you that extra push you need. Until then even if someone new comes into your life you will be so busy pining over him you will miss it. And maybe you will miss something good. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 4:09:05 AM | | i met a man from off here we got on well thats what i was thinking but no he only wanted one thing and when he got it he was gone now maybe he is with another woman now so i wake up in the morning thinking and crying so think im not going to meet any more men befor i met him i had only had one man in all of my life and im not in to lots of men so best i stay how i am now i will get over him some time | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 4:22:51 AM | Dave,
You are wise beyond your years.
You have just gieven me so much to think about, albeit it so early in my day!
I once again thank you.
And to all those who have been betrayed. May you find comfort in knowing. We choose who we become. I chose to have integrity. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 5:41:20 AM | I'm over my ex, but definitely not over sleeping alone. The most lonely feeling in the world is when you're laying in your queensize bed and you move to the opposite side thinking you're going to feel a body next to you. Then you realize there is no one next to you. Yeah that's rough. Also the couple who lives above you with their endless love making sessions makes you kinda jealous. I wish I had someone to do that with all night long. Unfortunately it's just not in the cards right now. And that's fine. I've just never felt this lonely before. Living alone isn't what it's all cracked up to be. I wish I had a roommate that I could devulge to instead of trying to talk to my cat. LOL. God I miss the days of breaking up during college when your friends were there within a 10 minute time frame. I now have no one but myself. And I'm realizing more and more that I'm such a freaking boring person. I go to work, go the gym, make dinner, watch tv, then bed....and repeat. Yeah what a wonderful life I lead. God if only I had some single friends...I'd be set! Clubbing every freakin night!
 | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:38:26 AM | I feel for you Izzy! But I have to agree with some of the people on here. If you want to speed up the recovery from your heartbreak, grab some gfs or join a singles group and get out there and mingle. You don't have to be looking for THE ONE, just have a good time. And a good time doesn't always have to be sex. I experienced all the things you're going through, but have shortened my grieving period so much by doing this. I thought it would take months, but the one that hurt me isn't waking me up anymore at 3AM......after only a month. And after last weekend when I met someone special, I was saying, "who?". I wouldn't have met them (or any of the others) without taking that chance.
I also have to agree (sort of) with the guy who said it's harder for men to recover. Men and women both have difficulties, but when a man gets a broken heart, he really doesn't have too many people to talk to. He isn't going to cry to his best friend and the only other person he could have talked to just dumped him. He has to just about go it alone. I think that's why guy's suicide rates are higher.... I'm not saying women don't have difficulties, but I do think they have people they can talk to openly. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:03:58 AM | I heard the most awesome quote once - from - of all places - an episode of "Frasier"!
He was doing his radio talk show and a young woman called in with the same problem. It had been quite some time and she STILL couldn't get over the loss of her boyfriend.
Frasier said to her,"After all this time, it's not the loss of the boyfriend that is really eating at you. It's the loss of the life you thought you would have with him that's really eating at you."
I was like, "Whoa! Man does that make sense!"
Mark
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:35:15 AM | | ^^That's usually what I say to myself after a break-up--I don't want THAT particular guy, apparently, but I want a man somewhere in my life. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:38:13 AM | Agreed. I'm in complete and utter agreeance on this.
It's not him that I miss...I just miss having a special someone in my life. BINGO! | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/5/2008 12:31:31 AM | ^ Last 2 posts - I'm glad men are so interchangeable and disposable to you both - Hope the insight helps guys through their weeding process - invaluable knowledge to know you won't take them seriously, but only the wants of your capricious feelings. Maybe try dating a person you actually like next time.
If you can't get someone out of your mind, it's them you miss.
If you're sad and lonely, it's a relationship you miss.
If you're hot and horny, it's sex you miss.
All of the above, and it's their + your love you miss.
Any questions?
I don't know about others, but I for one can never forget, at the very least, the essence of anyone I've slept with. I know I can move on from a broken heart once there are very little or no feelings attached to the memories. Memories aren't "baggage". Bringing unsettled feelings over to the next person is, and even that I've forgiven in others.
DaDrewskie
I feel no pity for women who supposedly cannot get over their last Ex or two.
All that is required for you to get over your Ex is to start dating another person. Maybe date two more people, why stop there? My point is that women can go out and drum up five dates in a matter of minutes. Not just so called "beautiful" women, but mostly all women (who are not a really really fugly old fattie) can interest men instantly.
For a man, the tables are completely turned. After the breakup, they have the most trouble finding a new mate to help them get over their Ex. This is because of the astronomically high standards that today's women impose on their potential suitors. You women have nothing to complain about in the "broken heart" category. If you don't get over some schmuck, it is because you choose not to get over him by not dating other people. Most men don't have that option. They have to work (not a little either!) to get that new person interested!
Women are in a "sellers market" - with this advantage, you have no moral ground upon which to claim a "broken heart". I get what you're saying and as hard as it is for men to simply "get under someone else" (a ratio of difficulty 100-to-0 compared to most women (who need only but ask)), I like to believe that (some) women, just as us sensitive guys, do have feelings of loss and heartbreak - and it sounds like issy may be one of them (this isn't the only thread she's started I've noticed). Keep pimpin' though.
issy
Are you f*cking kidding me? I'm TRYING my hardest to move on! I found that dating other guys is making it worst. It's not filling the void in my heart. In fact, it's making me feel even lonelier. I think I still have a hell of a lot more healing to do.
For some reason, most guys can go through women like socks. Well, I CAN'T DO THAT! At one point, my ex meant the world to me, so I can't just throw away all the memories overnight! I take my relationships seriously. I'm not the kind of girl who who dates a guy "just because" and then get over him the next week. It doesn't work that way. Technically issy, you just said you found that dating other guys is making it worse, so wouldn't that mean you DO date a guy and get over him the next week? (Unless, you're still seeing those other guys you dated, or now have to get over them too.) Otherwise, I respect a lady that's considerate enough to the next guy, that she takes time to break free from the love of the previous, so to speak.
In any case, I'm certain they're working on pills that wipe and/or block memories as far back as whatever you're prescribed, so that they don't evoke attached feelings that may hinder your performance as a productive member of society. Then everyone can live their own separate lives, try a relationship for a few months (with whoever it may be - never mattered to most before, right?), and if it doesn't work, pop a pill and get right back on it.
Soon we will not have to worry about being human anymore.
- Excog. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:23:01 AM |
Technically issy, you just said you found that dating other guys is making it worse, so wouldn't that mean you DO date a guy and get over him the next week? (Unless, you're still seeing those other guys you dated, or now have to get over them too.)
I probably shouldn't have said "dated". I meant, casually seeing/hanging out with other guys to get my ex off my mind. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/5/2008 2:50:15 PM | ^ I see. Well, since we are in the business of clarifying semantics, I'll take the opportunity to point out that "I can never forget" means that I never fully/completely forget, or that I can always remember if I choose or happen to divagate that way in thought, which differ from constantly on the mind, negatively affecting mental health and stability, lest anyone decides to call me out on it.
Focus on hobbies you enjoy, listen to music, jog, bike, play frisbee, do puzzles, read books - there are many ways to keep your mind occupied. Sometimes though, the feelings are too strong and need to come out in one way or another. If your friends are at their wit's ends hearing about it, and if you feel that seeking countenance from PoF forumers doesn't seem to help, try writing things down (pad and pencil - not pen) - how you feel, the facts, things that made it a healthy relationship, things that made it an abusive relationship, what/why you deserve better, what you miss, your anger, your love, your hate?, your resentment, what went wrong, his faults, his flaws, a letter to your ex if he would read it now, or maybe two - one stating you want to be together again, and things you can (both) do to make it work, and the other telling him off, with the reasons he never appreciated you, etc. Do that, and eventually, you'll get sick of it (and you thought I'd spew some quasi spiritual psychobabble like "it'll help heal you"), or at least, sharpening that pencil. When you do, throw out all your work (shred or burn if you like). What's left of the writing implement that once transfered your soul, with now no eraser end and maybe some chew marks, is symbolic of what you have been doing to yourself - that you can keep. It's all a way to force your mind into seeing that there are better things in life (and maybe, better people), worthy of your attention.
- Your Excogitator | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:02:25 PM | | I remember wakin up with a broken heart. It made me want to stop waking up and just slip away in my sleep. Disgusting feeling. But, one must be strong, always strong enough not to let that feeling take over. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:55:39 AM |
It will continue to happen until one day you will wake up and you will not feel broken. You will feel whole again.
Thats the problem right there.You shouldn`t expect another person to complete you ,ever.If you need someone to complete you then there is a problem,and YES it sounds good in movies,this is realy life. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:37:10 AM | It is not fair to a new person to carry in old baggage. You need to heal before trying to start a new relationship. Aries is correct, they live in your head and heart rent free if you let them. Everytime you find them there, think of all the bad things and boot them out. I understand as I have been there and done that. You have to be strong. One man I was so crazy about would leave and come back and I let him twice. The third time I told him that I was just somewhere for him to be until he found somewhere better to go and I no longer chose to be a bus stop so move on out and don't come back. 
Free at last, free at last | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:19:06 AM | I've had this problem and I'll give you a technique I used - I found that 5 years after I left my ex, every Saturday morning when I did the ironing (which took about 2-3 hours) I would have one argument after another with her and it would feel really intense then I'd finish the ironing and tell myself off because she wasn't actually there.
It was really getting on my nerves. So, I decided instead of resisting it I'd go with it.
I set aside a room and I shut the doors and I deliberately focused on her being in the room and I decided I would dig into myself and say to her all the things I needed to say and I would do it no matter how long it took and I would allow all the emotions to come up.
There was crying there was rage and as I 'gave her the full force of it' I found myself completely agreeing with everything I felt and realised I hadn't agreed with how I felt before. I realised she actually was the 'b***tch' I'd been resistant to thinking of her as and being that emotional about her was actually an OK thing to be.
Then when the emotions started to die down I had another dig into myself and brought up some more stuff. And then some more. And I accepted and agreed with it all. I lost all track of time and it could have been a couple of hours.
After that no more 'arguing-with-empty-room-as-though-ex-was-there-when-she-wasn't' stuff. Completely cleared out.
I call it 'going into the out-of'. It works for me. Imagine your ex there, dig into your emotions and let 'em have it. And let 'em have it some more. And keep letting 'em have it until it all goes away. Should be a good laugh.
This is all caused by trapped emotional energies that need to be released. We don't release them because they're not what we expected to feel and it seems 'wrong'. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:23:05 AM | Dadrewskie, since apparently you are not aware of it, men and women have different ways of getting over an ex. Many men do seem to wish to go out and have as many dates/ one night stands/ whatever to forget, but women actually (it may surprise you) need to grieve not sleep around.
Aside from that, yes it may be easier to get a date as a woman. But for me personally, at least, dating someone I am not attracted, someone I have nothing in common withm, someone there is no mind-heart connection with, someone I do not admire, who does not admire me for what I am, nor even like me as person, someone I can barely find anything to say to makes me feel so ill, physically, that I literally want to stand up and run away before I vomit. There is no pleasure for me in the company of a random guy - and I could never, as in never ever, just throw myself in the arms of a guy for a one-night stand or brief fling. The tocuh of a guy I am not in love with on my body is a thought that makes me nauseous.
So keep down your contemptuous attitude to women that grieve over an ex. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:31:38 AM | | Its been around 13 months for me... days go by that I do not think of hi,... its worse right now cause he just put an ad on here and I often see him when I come on line...... but someone from my past recently contacted me and .... he is helping alot...... it is true that time heals...all..... I used to think of my ex hourly... then daily... now ....mmmm maybe weekly.... he is not the thought Ihave when I go to bed.... or when I wake up... oh mention him and I might fall to pieces..... what we had was that good for me.... but it was only a dream.........if it was good you may never forget..... but you will heal.... and hopefully he will trurn into a wonderful past memory.... and you will find a new love..... if it was real love..... it will just take time.... in the mean time...keep busy...... meet others..... and try to allow your heart to reopen. | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:37:06 AM | I know what your going through. I've been there Issy, and it's horrible. It makes me just want to work 24/7 to not think about it, and I don't eat. So I ended up with more money,they wanted to promote me at work, and I lost the relationship weight and looked better. HA!
The only cure is time, family, friends, and focusing on your kids if you have them really helps. It's easier when the breakup is with a person who wronged you, but devasting when they are wonderfull, but just not that into you.
This is the the risk you run when you give your heart to someone, and as hurtfull as it can be, I will give my heart again. The payoff when it works is worth it.
I know that if we don't give up, you'll find that person who is perfect for you.
Stay strong, and force yourself to think of something else.
"Time heals all wounds"
"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:38:11 AM | Hang in there, it takes time. Most of us have been through this as well. One day you're down and the other, everything seems fine. Take it one day at the time, on the good days, enjoy life. On the bad ones, rely on friends and family, they are there for you and will never let you down.
You need to reach the point where you think of him as just an other person that did bring you some joy at some point in your life, it may take a while but it will happen. Keep yourself busy, change your habits in the morning.
Good luck, it will get better with time | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:27:47 AM | Sounds like a game to me.
IMO, you need to have patience. Being ‘dumped’ is the first stage of the game depending on the ’Playa’ and the length of time you had together, he will either ’try’ to communicate with you later. He will call you out of the blue to see how you are doing, you know, checking to see what the temperature is before trying to get back into your life or he will be gone and if that ’s the case, he did you a favor. Why wait for him to ‘dump’ you later after stringing you deeper into falling in love with him.
Last I heard, LOVE is unconditional. If the relationship ever included him saying the words ‘I Love you’ then he will be back, if you were a good woman to him, he will be back in a week, a month…(trust me) some kind of way he will try to get back in.
The question is, will YOU allow him to continue ‘playing‘ your heart and emotions or will you be stong ?
Just remember to always guard your heart, if he hurt you once, he will do it again.
(if you let him)
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, then came back a couple of weeks ago and wanted to work things out. During the time we were working things out, i went to watch his music band play...and he turned up with his new gf.
The key is not to allow him to have that kinda control over your heart. IMO, we need to see ‘men’ for who they are. I’ve found that some men think a tad bit differently in terms of having a ‘relationship‘ then we do. The trick is finding out what type of guy you are really dealing with. IMO, you need to go through some tuff times early on, so as not to get too involved later down the line. Why put all your eggs in one basket if the basket has a whole in it? Is he the type to tell you that he loves you just to get something from you? (sex, money, your car when his is in the shop etc…etc)
If he is the type to ask things of you more then he gives to you, well, you have the answer to these questions, Is he a Playa? Am I being played? If ‘he’ dumped you, your next question should be, what’s next? If he is a Playa type, this is just the beginning. If he honestly has turned tail and went on with his life then Peace - out!! Obviously he did not care for you as much as you did for him.
Wake UP! You deserve better, just use the situation as a learning tool, now you know what ‘signals’ to look for in the next guy who attempts to get close to your heart.
Good luck | |
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| Waking Up With A Broken Heart
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:54:44 AM | Every thing takes it time. I know the pain as I am sure you do. I know that every day gets easier and you fake it till you make it. Keep going and one day the pain will be your strength
Mike | |
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