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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:22:27 PM | no offense intended but this almost sounds like a routine that abbott and costello used to do. it might almost be considered pedophilic in today's world but it went something like this I might not get all the details right but it's the general idea) . a little girl said she wanted to marry costello and he said she was too young. abbott said since the girl was 5 and costello was 20, he was 4 times older than her. but in 10 years she would be 15 and he would be 30. he would only be twice her age, to which costello replied, hey she's catching up. it was more complicated than that but that is the general theme of the routine.
sorry its not really on the subject but i think that routine is right up there with "who's on first". reading the posts brought it to my mind and a smile to my face.
I just turned 55 last week. two years ago (divorce was final but stll ngoing today working settlements), i dated a 42 year old widow. i found her to be funny and enjoyed going places with her. i think that the decisive factor in the age difference lies in how much you enjoy each other. looking back thouh, it may not be all that fair to the younger party. the older person has been through a lot of what life throws at you. you could argue that that experience could help the younger person get through it easier. but does the older person want to go through it all again? at my age, my ex and i should have been coasting life. having been married for 24 years, what could the world throw at us now? and if one of us falters, the other should be there to ease the rough times. that's what the marriage vows are all about. however, to some people, promises are made to be broken. we become cynical towards a partner who, like a vampire, enjoyed the good times and then cast the drained hulk aside, when there was no more. i know i sound bitter, i am bitter. how can i ask someone to live through the down side of my life when they weren't there to savor the up times? it would seem to me now that to date younger is asking that person to miss out on the experience of walking through life together, learning as you go along, expeiencing, dodging bullets and hailstones. i agree with a lot of the posters that here just isn't any answer. i hope that we are all wrong. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:05:55 AM | I am meeting (for the traditional cup of coffee) today a man who is six years younger than me, normally stick to the two year rule, so this is an experiment.
Read this forum and thought - go on, give it a go, so will let you know later on the six years younger rule - laughing out loud.
Not expecting much if his idea of a date is coffee in his town on a Saturday afternoon, I am going in jeans and flats, and with this wind, hair in a pony tail (don't want to look like I just got off the moors do I?). | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:21:33 AM | | It is not age age of the man but the maturity of the man. I think we all agree that there have been people on both sides of our age who were extremely OLD and then again those who were extremely immature. That said, I know lots of 50-60 year old guys who are really into 80's music and gives them a point of reference with gals their daughters age. Depends on where your interest lie. As another poster pointed out--if I say 'its me, its me, its Ernest T'--he knows exactly what I am talking about--but then he could have learned it from reruns..................... | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:50:56 PM | | I try not to dwell too much on age.........if I did,i might be missing out on someone compatible with me but i prefer no more then 10 years up or below my age. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:31:56 PM | Wow this site has such cool posts.
Well for my sixpence worth........
I think that age does play a factor when dating someone in certain aspects. In Eastern culture, generally a guy would not go with a woman older than him, would not be a consideration at all. However the guy could be 60 and marry a girl of 26 or younger... just as an example.
In Western culture, my mates are in their 50's and are with guys in their 40's and it works beautifully. My mates do not look their ages and as couples they do not look odd physically and in every other aspect their relationships are great.
If both people in the relationship are comfortable with one another, then for me, age is not a factor. Being with the right person for the right reasons is inherently far more crucial. The only caveat is this, some younger guys think that being with an older woman will buy them a lifestyle and meal ticket... that kind of person leaves a lot to be desired in my books and there are both men and women out there who think that way.
So my final say on it is Caveat Emptor... you take your pick and make your choices. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:33:33 PM | | I think men within a 2 year age difference is best for myself...I think their sexier, attractive and far more intelligent....and life experiences.......Blue | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:07:21 PM | I was married to a guy 4 yrs older than me, dated a man 11 yrs older than me, one 7 yrs younger than me, and 4 yrs older than me. I had flings with guys 20 yrs younger than me and must say I enjoyed the guys within 4 yrs of my age the most. There is a certain compatibility that you can't really get with someone 20 yrs younger or older than you. It's like talking about something that was "in" when you were young and get the glazed look of "I have no clue what you're talking about..."
Having said all that, there is no magic number, it's what feels right that matters. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:34:33 PM | | I don't pay too much attention to age. It's just a number. I look deeper into a man than just how old he is. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:59:00 PM | | I am 55 and have a 15 year old son. What seems to work best for me is someone who has children near my son's age. Usually that means 40- 47 years old for the woman. The women my age have grandchildren my son's age. That seems odd to me, and makes those women seem old to me. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:02:59 AM |
I do not have a formula myself, I tend to be attracted to fellows near my age give or take a few years... but mainly it is the area of interests that is attractive and not the age.
Thank you mosaicart. My FWB was 13 years my junior,we had a lot of common interests. My last wife was 16 years younger. We are both writers and too this day are pretty supportive of one another in that arena.
I am between paramours at this moment, but I do socialize with a young lady who shares oa gift and knowledge of the psychic world and the paranormal. We attend a Spiritualist church together and we meet a couple of nights a week to study and meditate.
I will admit I love the looks we get when we go to a movie or dinner together, very ego building. But there is nothing going on sexually between this 23 year old young woman who happens to be an exotic dancer! | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:21:23 PM | | Interesting topic... I have for the most part dated younger men... not outrageously younger, between 2 and 7 yrs.... I have to crack up when a man I met who was 4 yrs younger ask me if it bothered me.... I thot buddy you don't know me... and he wasn't THAT much younger nor did he look it... but I have always felt young inside... now I have a son who is 27, there is no way I could date someone his age nor would I be interested... and wonder besides the obvious why they would want to.... you start reaching these magical numbers and all kinds of things become a quandry.... but I will say I met a man who was 61 and wondered could I do this.... but with our chatting and talking I was captivated by him... when I met him I didn't really care... I liked him... he had a twinkle in his eye that blew me away... distance though had become our enemy... so long story short... never say never... I have definitely changed my own mind with perceptions.... | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:04:05 PM | | My last boyfriend was 15 years younger. He approached me, and I was uncomfortable about it at first. He believed (and still does, I am sure) that beauty is ageless, and he convinced me. we loved each other, and I will never regret our relationship. I am now open-minded about dating a younger man, thanks to him! | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:35:24 PM | I think that the ONLY thing age differences are useful for is as a totally rough guide to a few other differences in lifestyle, expectations, ambitions and such.
And no guide at all into most differences such as cultural, relegious, and extended families. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:52:30 PM | I don't use no formula....just simple things...
my oldest daughter is 31 I truely don't want to date anyone younger then her as it would seem wrong (kinda like incest) and so I look at men between 35 and up then maybe to 55 as I haven't been attracted to someone older then me in a very long time. But pretty much give everyone a chance cuz one never knows where their true love lies unless you give everyone that chance. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:44:16 PM | | There is an ideal age difference: The woman should be 6 or 7 years older than the man, since the male life span typically is shorter than that of a woman by 6 to 7 years. This is statistically true. If more couples would seek each other on this basis, it would maximize the years of companionship. As it is, men seek ever younger women, and the great majority of these women outlive their spouses by as much as 15 or 20 years. This is when she least needs to be alone, as her parents are gone, the kids have moved out, her friends are dying. A lifetime companionship is the ideal goal, not a trophy wife. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:28:27 PM | There is no tendency in the U.S. culture to date 15-20 years younger, and I assume you're referring to the men. It depends on the man and what he has to offer that he can get someone 15-20 years younger. It depends on his personality. In other words, if all the man wants is arm candy to show off and have other men think "oh, man, he must be something if he got her!" - then that man darned well better have a heck of a lot of money, or one heck of a pleasure organ or both -- and if he has none of that, he's one heck of a lucky guy with one very nice lady who cares about him just for him!
Think about it: if he has no money, is impotent or nearly impotent, and is much older, what's in it for her? NOTHING! Zilch! Nada! At that point, the man, if he has half a brain, should realize that she likes him for him not for any material possessions he may have. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:31:54 PM | | Wow! Ratboy7 sure has that answer right on! The bottom line of what he is saying is that the younger woman who is dating an older man doesn't have much to gain; she would be missing out on quite a bit of positives. However, she could also be gaining a lot if she has mental and emotional peace with the man and that is what she wants and attracts her to him. The man should NOT be making the decision for her as to what makes her feel good or not. As long as he wants her, it's HER choice whether to stay or not. If he doesn't want her, of course, then he'll make all the excuses that he can possibly come up with to have her leave, especially if he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by dumping her. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:34:13 PM | Metaphor02 is right. I agree with her. I like men who are 10-15 years older than I am. However, at my age, that is getting to be pretty old. At that point there are impotence problems, other sexual problems, almost all of the men are set in their ways, they have lost all sense of chivalry and romance (if they ever had any to begin with), and the younger woman has a very difficult time.
To be alone when the older man dies is horrible for a woman in her 50s. As Metarphor02 said, that's when the woman's kids have left the house and she needs her companion with her, not dead. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:41:51 AM |
Wouldn't you have too much in common?
I heard of some siamese twins that had two mouths but only one butthole. Always an argument over who had to wipe...  | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:25:07 AM | | The age difference is of little issue if there is a connection based on common interests, trust, belief in one another and love. Of course i haven't known a relationship for 8 years so I may have it all wrong. You would think ages close together make sense. | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/21/2008 1:44:29 AM |
Wow! Ratboy7 sure has that answer right on!
thanks sunstar. you're the first woman who has agreed with anything i said in a long time. it's almost enough to make me trust a woman again.
i would switch the 'would' and 'could' though. and as far as not making the decision for her - i've never known a woman who would let a man make a decision for her. my divorce was one=sided and it wasn't my choice. deep down, i feel i would still want her and it was her choice to go.
sorry to sound so cynical (i am) and sorry if it comes across as belligerent (not intended). i am one of those rare ex-husbands who tried his best and just wasn't appreciated. still i stayed in there nad to this day neither i nor the judge have heard a real, tru reason for her wanting a divorce (new jersey is a divorce-on-demand state, no reason needed). | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:06:31 AM | i agree on the ten years either way though theres a tendency to feel that how we react with different ages can be how they are with you i have younger outlook on life yet hate mirrors that show me different so sometimes we haveto take reality check and remember fun is only part of relationship : if theres any embarrassment in outside world  | |
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| What age difference is best?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:17:06 AM | One that works for the both of you and the only looks you get are from those that are jealous with how "good" you look together.......  
OT.......I do not really give a rats a$$ about the age, as long as we are compatible, attracted to each other, and the chemistry is awesome..........
It is hard enough trying to find another that will fit what I am looking for as it is, so why add even more restrictions that only complicates it that much more?
What are we getting down to now?????...........You must be 5'6", 120 pounds, with blond hair, two college degrees, make at least $75,000, own your home, have no more than two children, or no children, drive a "BMW", like to ride Harley's, can cook almost anything, and enjoy both traveling and sitting by the fire at home.............. 
Damn.......this should be easy...........
Just my opinion.........   | |
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