| | Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?Page 3 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | I would be concerned about him signing up onto other websites weeks ago, if we have been dating 9months.
"He just wants to see what people will say about him or what they think of him." What does HE care how others perceive him? This is bologne!!!
You need to have a heart-to-heart and express your concerns and decide one way or the other where this relationship is going/or not. If you do not trust him, rest assure you are going to have more issues along the way.
Best,
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:16:35 AM | This place is great for getting advice of complete strangers, who really have no clue what is going on, other than what you tell them. My real advice would be to talk you your mother (if your relationship is good like mine) or a very close friend that you trust. Lay it all out. Be honest about everything. You know the answer that you want to hear already. You know what the right answer is already (probly). Let someone in real life help you make the right choice if you can't or are not emotionally strong enough.
joe | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:20:13 AM | | A lot of people are easily addicted to the internet and to forums (I'm one of them). If you understand the draw of this then you can understand that jumping to conclusions is a possibility. Tho' some people assume that it is perfectly innocent they are frequently deluded just as some people think that having an extra affair on the side will not damage their home life or marital relationship. We are all influenced by outside influences. If this guy is serious and honest then should be willing to prove that you can trust him. Challenging him to do that might strain the relationship. But, if he allows you to have freedom to read his email and his postings on websites then you will know he is on the up and up. Myself, I'd approach it with caution. He may very well love you but the date.com thing makes me wonder if there is not some childish interest involved. I do know that even if I were involved in a serious relationship that I may be on this site for the forums. One thing for sure, the fewer people the two of you know and associate with the safer your relationship is. Many relationships start in the work place nowadays and ruin the relationship at home. In laws and children have destroyed many marriages. So, just knowing what to look for and being willing to draw the line for yourself really helps to sustain your own personal security in your home life and your relationship. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:37:57 AM | Don't trust him. Whatever his issues are, if he really cares about being honest (a trait you value, it sounds like) with you he would tell you exactly why he has other profiles.
If he wasn't completely honest in the relationship to begin with... why stay? It's your life, really, but just know that a relationship without honesty is pretty much train wreck waiting to happen. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:16:34 AM | There can be lots of explainations other than the guy is just a scoundrel - though that's possible too. For example:
1) Sometimes guys like to drum up interest from other females in order to get a "reassuring" jealous reaction out of their girlfriend
2) Sometimes guys like to drum up interest from other girls because they aren't getting enough love and attention from their girlfriends (your idea of "enough" and his may be quite different)
3) Sometimes guys like to drum up interest from other females because they feel on the verge of making a solid committment, but they want to reassure themselves that their girlfriend does in fact outshine all the others
4) He's looking to upgrade
Now I'm not condoning these behaviours and certainly these actions can lead into cheating even if that wasn't the original intention.
Rather than just assume he's a selfish egomaniac cheater, maybe it would be better to have a serious heart to heart about how he's really feeling: not just about you, but also about how he perceives your feelings for him - guys get insecure too.
You may discover that the way in which you demonstrate your love to him may not in fact be the way in which he would like to be shown love. It is very common for people to show their love for others in ways which reflect how they liked to be loved - for example: cuddlers show love by being cuddly to their partners and poets show love by writing poetry for their partners, etc... but if the partner isn't a cuddler or a poetry lover they can easily find these expressions inadequate and thus get insecure and start questioning the relationship and so on.
Bottomline: you've got to set aside assumptions and seek answers from him before you can make a truly educated rather than merely fearful response. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:33:02 AM | If your gut feeling is having trust issues with him it will be difficult or impossible to overcome them.
You make a good point about the difference between you both staying on this site and him opening up new frontiers on other sites. Dating sites serve purposes other than dating. For example, I have come to enjoy the forums here even more than fishing.
No good reason as far as your relationship goes I can think of for him to be going elsewhere. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:35:17 AM | | Trialsize, with any one of the four scenarios, if the guy is having any concerns at all with his feelings for his girlfriend, shouldn't he be initiating the heart-to-heart BEFORE trying to drum up interest from other women? It seems talking things out before going out looking elsewhere would be the healthy and positive way to get to the root of any issues. Then, there would be no assumptions because his feelings would be laid out on the table. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:35:58 AM |
What should I do? I'm not really sure how I can bring myself to trust him or if I even should trust him.
I don't think so.
From a personal perspective if I am in a serious relationship I would have made my profiles invisible on any site months before now. You can even post on POF forums with a profile that can't be searched | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:36:56 AM | Wellllllllllll,,I personally don't think we should judge why anyone does anything without really understanding and letting him explain why he did it. I trust we would all want someone to ask us first and not just say 'bye bye'. Imagine if many forums are about US and only WE know why we did something..noone else and noone 'asked'. He knows his reasons. Now..that is a 'general' overview of course to anything anyone does and we inflict judgement without letting him/her explain...However,,this example is a strong 'what the heckkkkkkkkkk????????" and I'm not trying to act 'STUPID" or 'NAIVE' here at ALL..lol....and I can only answer what I would do. I will let anyone explain anything and even if they don't answer when I ask them that IS an answer or at the very least 'not respecting how I'd OBVIOUSLY feel' or even what led them to doing it. To me that is a CLEAR relationship breaker...let the guy explain himself because YOU want to show YOU will communicate and not inflict judgement..right? THEN..given that unless this is the ONLY way his SON or whoever can FIND him...(rightttttttttttttttt lol....I'd say 'why didn't you tell me BEFORE you did it if you cared about me)...I can't even think of any decent reason why anyone could possibly want to do that if in a committed loving respectable relationship where we LOVE and CARE for someone with RESPECT...sorry..had to bring in the bigger picture with this.
..but I'm not stupid..haha | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:48:30 AM | | J-me Baby: You're absolutely right - he SHOULD be initiating conversation rather than using round about or down right manipulative techniques.........................unfortunately people rarely use the direct approach - I mean look at these forums - they're chock full of people looking for signs and looking for flags and making broad interpretations and assumptions on scant info.................we all, myself included, would be much better served with direct communication, but how often do people really take that scary step. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:53:07 AM | Punt and learn...Your gut always tells you the right thing for you.
If you don't trust him in the beginning, exciting stage of the relationship, what's going to happen later?
Yes, you need to talk to him before punting, fair is fair, but sounds like you have and you are still not comfortable with the situation even with his "concessions"
Re whoever it was who put the list of "reasons" for why he was doing it. All of them sound like games to me and not the kind I'd like to play. If he can't articulate his stuff and has to play this kind of game, it's not worth it. Life is WAY too short to try and second guess people - it's just way too tiring to have to search subtext all the time. | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 12:10:02 PM | I'll tell ya, trialsize, direct communication is the only I will have it and not everybody in my world always likes it. Sometimes, I don't even like it, but they always know where they stand with me and hopefully, I know where I stand with them.
I would rather have it that way, no matter how hard it is, than to be blindsided down the road. If he wants to go test the waters someplace else, then he has every right to do it, but let me know straight up, so I can make my own choices!! | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:19:44 PM | | Not sure this will be effective, but....in an ongoing relationship there comes a point where both parties realize that there is a bond & that they want to sustain the bond. If that bond is expressed by both parties as monogamous, then each one should state what their boundaries are. For example, you might say words to the effect that "I have canceled my pof subscription & you are my choice". Or, "I am not looking anymore, I found what I was looking for and it is you". By offering a sincere expression of your commitment to the relationship you can encourage your partner to do the same. Seems to me that having a good conversation on these lines sooner rather than later will pay dividends; at least the boundaries have been stated. Does that make sense? | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 12/3/2007 8:05:31 PM |
I also found out that about 2 weeks ago he signed up for date.com and some somespamsite site. This really bothered me, and I think I am warranted. We both still have our profiles on here, which is ok I guess, but the fact that he's actually gone ahead and created new profiles on these other sites just doesn't seem right. If your happy and "in love" why would you want to be on those new sites?
Dump him. Plain and simple he is NOT worth the time , effort or love and this is from a guy. The thing is if he is still on dating sites, then he is obviously not ready for a long term love. If I found my soulmate on here..it would take about 10 seconds to delete my profile.
Just my 2cents.
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kiam
| | Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 69 | |
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| Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
Posted: 12/3/2007 9:07:36 PM | Why is he signing up on new dating sites when we are in a serious relationship?
well, i just went through this situation with a friend. she got into a fairly serious relationship and ended up moving to cali with her bf after dating for like 3 months, she found out he was on a few dating sites, and he continued to use them, she found out, asked him to stop, he did for a week or so, and was right back at it. When me and the girl talked to him, he told us he never had any intention of meeting any of the girls he talked to or anything, he simply loved the attention... which i can totally believe because he has quite possibly the biggest ego i've ever seen. He is a pretty good guy other than that little obsession with dating sites...
well, theres my little experience on the matter | |
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Tess*
| | Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 73 | |
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