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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:09:00 AM |
OR is diligently working toward that goal?
That would be the key. Someone in debt up to their eyeballs yet living a lavish lifestyle I wouldn't find too interesting. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:20:41 AM | Hi Gary:)
Your post (#23) struck a chord with me and I understand completely where you're coming from. At 50, I also find myself having to start all over again. I might have no debts, but I also have "nothing" to show for my 50 years on this planet. My ex husband and I spent most of our life savings on trying to "save" my daughter from the ravages of mental illness. It's a very long and very painful story, so yes I agree with you, sometimes bad things DO happen to good people that are simply beyond their control.
I presently rent, and I most probably always will. I have a small economic car I was able to purchase "cash" from my share of the sale of our house...but once it's gone, I know I won't be able to afford another one. Except for a very very tiny cushion and access to a small credit line, I basically live from paycheck to paycheck. And I'm presently raising my 13 year old granddaughter, which doesn't permit me to live in a smaller and/or cheaper place. Rents here in Ottawa are through the roof...just the rent alone in a
modest neighborhood, with my phone and basic cable services added, eats more than half my monthly take-home pay.
So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I shop for food wisely and buy most of our clothes second hand. I don't see my financial situation changing anytime soon. I do have a retirement plan through my work, but I have no additional savings. And by the time my granddaughter is all grown up and ready to be on her own, let's face it, I'll be old..and I don't mean that in a bad way...but it is a reality and it happens to be MY reality.
I sometimes wonder what the future will bring and I worry *a lot* about being able to keep my head above water, but short of getting a second job, what can I do? And if I did get a second job, who would look after my granddaughter? And I don't mean in the physical sense...she is old enough to look after herself for a few extra hours of course...but I mean emotionally....I'd simply be too exhausted...it's difficult enough as it is now.
Anyway... all I can do is do my best, and play the hand that was given me, that's it and that's all. Luckily for me, I've always been contented with very little, and money and material possessions don't mean much to me....as long as I can manage to raise my granddaughter to be a happy and confident adult who can love, respect and take care of herself properly, I don't really care what happens to me beyond that. My life is an open book and it is what it is.....good and bad. People can take it or leave it...doesn't
make that much difference to me. To each their own:)
Take care and good luck to you. 
Love and peace to all 
* I apologized also for the length of my post*
\/ Edit: \/
Thanks Sanschele, that's very kind of you...and you're right...I AM very rich indeed:)
All the best to you too :) | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:43:34 AM | ^^^^Wow! I nearly cried after reading your post, oldsoul. My heart goes out to you for having to spend whatever was necessary to save your daughter from mental illness while sacrificing so much for her. In my eyes, you are very rich and fortunate to have children as I could not. I know I'm considered "lucky" by some people due to the lifestyle that I've chosen for myself, but I would give anything in the world to know the joys and sorrows of raising children.
Kudos to you, hon! You are a very special person.
On topic: It wouldn't bother me in the least if my partner had debt after 50. If he's making a concentrated effort to pay it off and exhibits responsibility in all other areas of his life then why should I care? As long as he doesn't expect me to "help him out" with the debt he incurred in the past, then I see no issue.
Sans | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:17:12 AM | | Debt free living is very important to me. I didn't get my 90 - 100% in my divorce (what the heck?) and am rebuilding not only from scratch, but from a deep pit of debt. I live frugally. It ain't too much fun. But I take pride in avoiding bankruptcy and have made visible progress toward my goal. I'm not interested in taking on another spender. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:44:06 AM | I have a goal to be debt free. I know it is possible. I have seen other people do it, the struggles they have been through, and it garners great respect in my book.
I am not there yet. I still have child support, loans, etc.
There is a difference between a dream and a goal. A goal has a deadline.
My deadline to be in the 'debt free' will after my daughter turns 18 and is out of High School. That gives me a little over a year and a half. I have the plan, it is coming together, it has a deadline.
When I am at that debt free stage, I am not sure if I will consider 'debt free' as criteria for dating or not. I will not turn anyone down on a date who is showing due diligence. As I said before, people have done it before, and that is a big 'plus' in my book. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:51:49 AM |
When I am at that debt free stage, I am not sure if I will consider 'debt free' as criteria for dating or not. I will not turn anyone down on a date who is showing due diligence. As I said before, people have done it before, and that is a big 'plus' in my book.
...Note to self....must get visa paid off, car loan etc, etc etc
...maeflowers
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:08:58 PM | | I was 49 when I divorced. I had to refinance the property to pay off my ex, so my huge mortgage won't be paid off until I'm 79. I also took out a loan to help my business, and it will be years before that's paid off. So I can't demand solvency from anyone I date. HOWEVER, I don't intend to ever marry and would not want to become financially entwined with anyone, even if we lived together. If I live with someone, his debts are his and my debts are mine, and we split the living expenses. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:24:51 PM | | Its very important to me. I have been working since I was a senior in high school. I have worked for the same company for 27 years. I have a nice 401k to look forward to in my later years..... Some of my friends and I got into a discussion about this very topic recently. They thought I was too concerned with the future and that I should just be happy now. I want to meet a nice guy and be happy now. But, the last man I dated was in debt up to his eyeballs, he had no retirement plan, and it worried me that if the relationship got too serious, serious to the point of thinking about marraige, I would be scared to death to marry someone with money problems and a credit rating of 600. I looked at the charts for credit scoring, and, the lowest a person can even go is 618 ! I'm 745. Yes, I want to fall in love and eventually get married again.l I realize money isn't everything, but, my future security is a huge consideration.... and, the bottom line is, I am a very romantic woman, I truly am. But, I feel like it would be irresponsible to NOT tihink about the future... Ironically, his former girlfriend told him the same thing. He just recently got back with her. I do miss him terribly. But, there isn't a doubt in my mind that this ISSUE will become a problem for them again, when it all gets down to the point of thinking about marraige... | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:40:54 PM | Why would this matter at all? If you're nearing retirement age, why would you want to remarry, when things can be so much simpler if you do not, including finances?
That way, you never have to worry about being responsible for someone elses' financial issues or problems, yet can still have a great relationship!
I suppose if your mindset requires marriage, then I agree that it matters, but you may miss out on some otherwise wonderful people. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:25:10 PM | Agree with the bunch here. Most of us who've managed a measure financial stability have done it by a lifetime of work.
I'd take the chance if it was a shared venture of some kind, like the lady and I were selling our homes and starting a restaurant in a tourist trap on the Trent or something. But both of us would have to have "skin in the game", as they say. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:33:01 PM | @ Barra57 in msg. 17:
"Just a thought ,,,,,,
The only person who is truly free is the one who has nothing , they can go where they
please , do what they like ,with no restrictions .
As one motivational speaker said some years ago . " Unless you can get up , walk out of this room , leave everything behind , and not return for 30 years , you are not free." ... " Barra, unfortunately, going places isn't free either. If one can't afford the tickets or the gas one won't be going very far. I, for one, can't afford the tickets to go to all the places I wish I could. I have to be careful with my spending to avoid debt. I don't have cable TV (or many other things!) because it would be an unnecessary expense and irresponsible in my case. I have had to borrow for the big things in my life since I've never been wealthy. Although I worked during my marriage I attended a "displaced homemaker" jobs-training program after my divorce so I could get reestablished in my city of birth. I lived in near-poverty in rented dumps for years after my divorce. My ex got our house because we had no equity in the thing. If we had sold it at divorce it would've been at a loss. I'm just glad that I was able to borrow for the things I've really needed based on the fact that I was careful about the way I handled my debts. (Must be nice to be able to buy everything with cash! I'm not and have never been in that league.)
My frugal lifestyle isn't about being stingy. It's about keeping a very modest roof over my own head and keeping the utilities on. Last time I checked, trailers aren't free either. My house payment is much less than rent for a comparable place would ever be.
gpb in msg. 23 said:
...But I pay all of my bills, I live very comfortably as well as support my son as he wraps up his college yrs & I have reached a point where I am comfortable. ... I'm sorry for your bad experiences. You've worked to recoup from your marriage losses honorably. Too bad for the lady who decided against a second date with you. That was her loss as you are obviously a responsible man and father.
I FEAR poverty and homelessness. That's what scares me about irresponsible spending habits and bad credit. I don't need a rich man. I just can't afford to keep an irresponsible one. Sure, I love travel and nice things! It's just that I prefer having food to eat and a home that nobody can throw me out of!  | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:36:59 PM | Well then if I'm reading the consensus right, most people here say they are not as interested in finding someone with wealth but are interested in someone with the character that prevents chronic poverty- and that's unrealistic debt..
I know it can be done, I clawed my way out of the hole after the divorce- it took almost ten years to accomplish, but the rewards of not throwing away a nickel of interest on the Visa card for the last ten years has been worth it..
That's kinda hopeful to me, to find that many people see it the way I do...
I believe that anyone with spending induced debt is showing an indicator of other problems that are just beneath the surface.. and why try and fix something in someone else's personality that they aren't obviously interested in.. but love is blind and makes fools out of all of us at one time or the other..
The topic is a major concern to some of us.. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:55:57 PM |
I really can't believe how many guys are in their 50's and basically have nothing. They do blame it on their divorce. Every guy I have dated over the past few years have claimed their wife got everything and left them with all the bills.
I realize now that this post of mine sounded very cold. I didn't mean it that way.
I don't have a problem with anyone having debt, as long as they understand the concept of paying it back, and don't spend money like it grows on trees. I dated someone that never had a dime to his name, and spent money on goofy stuff. It was annoying.
I feel bad for people that have their lives turned upside down from a divorce. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:33:05 PM | Oldsoul,
You & your ex are to be complimented & admired for everything you have done to support your daughter, regardless of the financial insecurity it may have caused. Like I mentioned in my post … had I been successful in salvaging my marriage & in returning to the life we had early on in our relationship … no amount of money would have been too much for me to spend. I'm sure you & your husband felt exactly the same in your situation.
I can definitely relate to the circumstances you described. After my divorce I bought my son’s vehicle that his grandfather had given him yrs before so he could use the money towards his educational expenses. Last yr the transmission went out but my brother put me into contact with a fiend of his who had just purchased a new car & needed to sell his. I got a great deal so I really appreciate the help I’ve received from family & friends. I am fortunate because the area where I live is one of the lowest cost of living areas in the U.S. I also have a great job that I truly love.
It sounds to me like you are an incredibly strong person who has made some wise choices & is doing very well in spite of the challenges you have had to face. You are also a very compassionate individual, based on your concerns for your granddaughter.
It sounds to me like you are one terrific lady & I commend you for the path you have chosen. Who knows, perhaps in the coming days you might meet someone special who feels the same way & chooses to accompany you on your journey.
Thanks so much for your kind words & for sharing your story with us.
Gary | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:28:34 PM | Wherefore Art Thou.... msg 36
Please don't be offended by my post . I just wrote that as a statement of fact . I understand your position , having lived in many different circumstances in my life .
I actually know of a guy who walked out of his parents house at age 19 , and was never heard from again for almost 20 years , when a travelling journo happened to pass him walking along a road , The journo stopped for a chat , ( having the usual journo's curiosity), and discovered that this guy had been walking the roads of Australia for the entire time since he had left home . He worked only sparringly , as he lived mostly off other peoples ' waste ..he never claimed money from any source other than the work he did . Was quite an amazing story , not everybody's cup-of-tea, but he was very happy with his life . He actually went back to visit his family , but was soon on the road again. Just a life he had chosen , and yes , he had nothing. but every day he was truly free.
That's the point I was trying to make . I take my hat off to you for surviving your struggles . At this point in time , I too am working very hard to keep my house .Though I could quite easily walk away , after living in rentals for almost 20 odd years. ( my choice ) , I decided I might try and keep this as I do enjoy having my own space .
So , I wish you well, and hope you understand I was not really having a shot at people who are in debt .
So easy to put one's foot in one's mouth here , and my choice of words may sometimes be taken differently to what I intended.
Best of luck , and I hope the future serves you well. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:38:16 PM | Question Grandma ,, re post 1.
Just suppose you are happily living in your debt free world , and , along comes "THE ONE".....(seems this is a common name for what most are seeking here, and insisting they will settle for less). You get together , your knees are weak , all the signs show that this is the person you have been looking for all yourlife . You date , you become intimate , and the relationship flourishs. You go to bed at night so happy , you wonder how you have been so fortunate to have met such a wonderful person , the one you have been dreaming of all your life .
Then one day , the subject of money comes up . By this stage you are certain this is the person you want to live with for the rest of your life . Then you discover there is quite substantial debt involved . Now . you are debt free , and swore to yourself you would never get involved with another if there was debt involved !!!!!!
What would you do ????? | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:07:20 PM | Then you discover there is quite substantial debt involved . Now . you are debt free , and swore to yourself you would never get involved with another if there was debt involved !!!!!! What would you do ?????
Oh, that's easy! First you buy a lot of darned insurance on the guy. A lot. Next you put Rock-o from the gravel pit on speed dial. If your new beau crosses the line on debt, the next day you will be cashing an insurance check. Debt? It ain't gonna happen. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:36:14 PM | it's smart to sock away a substantial amount of money for your retirement years. it eventually comes to pass for most.
but my mother always said, "don't worry too much about being in debt. you'll be in and out of debt all of your life. get used to it." she was right. once paid something off i wanted something else. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:38:53 PM | ...I know many people that are so far in debt they can't see daylight. One lady friend of mine is continually robbing peter to pay paul...I don't know how she does it month after month. And yet she makes a decent salary. Its poor financial planning...she lives beyond her means....many people have that live for today attitude and let tomorrow take care of itself..... For me, I couldn't do that....my future security means too much...I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
...maeflowers | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:53:28 PM | It's very important for me to live debt free. I've prided myself on the fact I have no debt. When I was married we were always in debt and I hated it. So now, I make the financial choices for myself. I've lived on almost nothing, you can do it if you have to. I could have gone in debt to have 'things', but chose not to and I'm glad I didn't.
As for meeting someone who is in debt? Would depend on the circumstances of his life. If he were in debt "up to his ears" I wouldn't have to think long about it. Before we established a relationship I'd want to know how he planned to pay the debt off. If it were so substantial a debt that he would spend the rest of his life paying it off, that wouldn't leave much for enjoying his life. I want to travel a bit and not have to worry about money, mine or his. So, probably wouldn't look for a relationship with someone deep in debt.
I'd like to be with someone who is financially responsible. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:01:19 PM | @ Barra msg. 40: No offense taken by me. I have next to no debt and I just want to keep it that way. Now, that guy who disappeared at 19 for twenty years... Let's see, he would've been found at age 39... Hopefully he won't develop arthritis and heel spurs and debilitating illness in his old age. Being "free" and living out in the elements could be quite uncomfortable then... In my city I've seen (and worked with) far too many living under bridges next to the rivers here. That's not a life of freedom that I could endure.
I came of age enjoying the romance of Janis Joplin singing, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose!" Even though I still love to hear Janis's songs, I quit hitchhiking a long time ago, too! 
Good luck to you in keeping your house, Barra, if that's what you want. I never felt you were being critical of me here. Different points of view are what keeps these forums interesting! I hope I haven't come across as too cheap. I'll admit, though, I had a spendthrift coworker, always behind on her bills, who told me I'm so tight my azz squeaks!  Who, me? | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:42:00 PM | ^^^^^ squeaks^^^^
i have a friend who holds onto his money so fervently that he could sqeeeeeze the shit out of a buffalo nickel!!!!!! never wants to let it go!!! still has his first buck!!!! | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:16:09 AM | Hiya,
No you are far from being shallow or anywhere near it!I in the past i have worked my Butt off paid all the bills sometimes it was not easy i could have very easily borrowed to get myself straight as it were but i did not am i am very glad i did not.
I can now feel almost smug to a point that have achieved financial freedom for want of a better word, having said that i have not got lots of dosh far from it i live well and enjoy myself it is down to the same old story "People Should Live Within Their Means" it is all about an acceptable quality of life?Keep it simple and Keep it Sweet!!!!!
My life is ok at the moment however i am still seeking that special someone to share it
so come on ladies have a look at my profile!!!!!!
Many Thanks,
Peter. How about a forum "Living A Debt Free Life"????????????? | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:14:33 AM | | I think any woman to last long term with me would have to be very frugal and debt free. Its an attitude and state of mind. Yep, carp happens sometimes like emergency medical bills, but its the continued frugal attitude in dealing with such situations that counts. If a woman is frugal but resents life situations forcing her to be frugal, thats not going to cut it. If she is just naturally frugal and resourceful in meeting her needs and enjoys such a life, then that works. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:43:22 AM | I think at this point of our lives, it is alot easier to live the frugal life.
In most cases, with the exception of a few, our children are grown and independant.
Most of our cost in getting this far, was raising our children, either with childsupport payments or giving them the home they needed.
Alot of men talk about the on-going childsupport payments and I understand that is a financial burden that lasts for many years, in some cases. But realisitically they must realize that the mom also has expenses that match or are even above the expense they have. Atleast in my case that was true. He gave X amount to the raising of them, but what he gave was just enough to pay childcare when they were young, my income took care of their expenses, such as clothing, utilities, food, medical, a home etc. So anyone that had children, whether their children lived with them or not, used their money to raise those children. In that case it is hard to put away for tomorrow, and I am sure all that are parents realize this.
But at our age, as I said most of those children are raised and on their own, most cases, there are the exceptions ofcourse.
So trying to salvage savings at this point in our lives , has to be a priority, because realistically how many more years are we going to be able to work? How many more years can we contribute to retirement?
Anyone that doesnt realize this, are the ones that live without the financial responsibility their age requires. Spending beyond their means is ridiculous at this point. That is why so many of us , feel the same way in this post.
Its not being cheap, it is just being sensible and very understandable, if you would want your future partner to share the same outlook.
JMO
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