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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:50:55 AM |
Why would this matter at all? If you're nearing retirement age, why would you want to remarry, when things can be so much simpler if you do not, including finances
To me, as we age, marriage becomes more important because of the legal messes I've seen happen when two older people just live together and don't marry. And it's not so much financial as medical. Hospitals are horrible to people who aren't married!!! I've been through the whole power of attorney and getting sick and dying and then probate mess and NEVER AGAIN! The medical and legal world will only pay attention to the marriage certificate. Even with full power of attorney, the hospitals gave me a rough time and the courts, too. I guess they are all anal or something but what a mess! And at a time when you lose someone you love, that's the last thing you need to be hassling with! That piece of paper makes a big difference when you have a stroke or heart attack or are dying. By the way, his KIDS were wonderful to me........it was the medical system and the legal system that was awful.........
As for debt free living, I've worked all my life and never looked at a guy for money. Even when I didn't work in my last relationship except for part time, I had my own income so his didn't really matter.............what did matter to me was that he was a respectable man who loved his work and was happy doing what he did. I knew he could be trusted financially and had values. I was married to a guy who made $80,000 in the 80's and yet the happiest relationship I've had was with a guy who only made $35,000.........It's not about money.........it's about loving the guy ....... As long as he's trustworthy, the amount of money doesn't matter. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:32:01 AM |
I believe that anyone with spending induced debt is showing an indicator of other problems that are just beneath the surface..
It's called being insatiable. The irony I'm finding is that this topic holds much weight from the general concensus. We value the security of our finances but how many of us had it within our marriages and one partner didn't deem it's value and now we lost that which we feel is important? So here we are, thinking it is of significance, but yet when it existed, it wasn't a criteria that mattered enough to keep a relationship viable. Is there a lesson here to be learned or is it just crappy fate?
I guess it bothers me that I'm valued by the size of my bank account. That my bank account will reveal to others who I am. My bank account is a mere 5% of what it was just 29 months ago when our separation started. The balance of my bank account today doesn't reflect the who I was (financially) for most all my adult life. I was raised in a prudent household and I followed suit, but at age 51 my finances no longer substantiate that claim. My end result doesn't reflect the due diligence I ascribed to in order to not only provide for and raise my family, but to uphold the responsibility of providing a secure retirement along with a lifelong dream of showering my children one more time with an inheritance as I pass into the next life.
It only takes simple math to figure out I'll never acquire what I once had again. It's mathematically impossible. I even lost my job during the divorce process. I couldn't focus and when you're over 104 people you can't walk around in a fog for too long without getting fired. The job I have now pays 42% less than the one I had. Couple that with only one income household now and well, you are familiar with that picture.
None of us know for sure anymore, (as if we ever did but we believed we did), whether or not we will be living alone in our retirement years. This means one SS check per month instead of two to make ends meet. That thought alone bothers me since my 401k no longer exist either. I had it made in the shade at 49. At 51, even the over planner in me can't solve the financial fallout I incurred through divorce. It's something I've learnt I just have to accept, much like the next woman in my life will have to as well.
It appears most all posters here don't need or want the extremes. No one is looking for that sugardaddy or sugarmommy, and no one wants someone heavy laden with debt that just continues to go deeper in debt as time passes. This is at least encouraging but those of you who are still basking in the rewards of your arduous journey to get to where you are financially, just keep in mind, the calamity that just may do you in could be just around the corner and then others could be judging your worthiness by a bank statement. A bank statement that doesn't reflect the who you are as far as being financially responsible which can tend to lead to other assumptions, but rather reflects what lifes twist and turns can bring about. I'm not proud of my financial status today and I myself judge myself much more severe in this issue than someone else would actually. I'm trying to overcome that correlation factor though. My self esteem took a hit with the rejection of my ex only now to be followed with my financial decline. I've come to learn it's important to look beyond the surface to find out what is inside, not so much in others but in myself. I've had and have friends from all economic status' but I held a different yardstick when it came to measuring me. No matter the economic level I still stand behind my screenname and I do hope I can continue to do so. If that becomes lost then I truly have failed.
sorry for being so long and I barely scratched the surface on this topic. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:44:56 AM |
(Msg 17) And I have seen many people breaking their necks to be financially comfortable , so they can live their old age in comfort ,and they are soooooo boring , because they have used the best years of their lives to enable themslves a few years of comfort in the rocking chair .
Amen to that! I’ve witnessed people who saved and saved for retirement with the idea of travel, etc but most people never do. Many contract illnesses and are just not up to it.
I’ve always told my children to travel when they were young. The same as my brother told my nieces. When people wait until they retire they require medication for some ailment. They can’t eat certain foods. They require a perfect bed or their back bothers them. They end up visiting cookie-cutter resorts rather than experience the local culture.
Another myth I’ve discovered is the amount of money one requires for retirement. Young, employed, busy people require more money as they are more active. After working all week they want to enjoy life on the weekends and that involves doing things that require money. Being retired and knowing one can do what they want any day the “urgency” to go out and spend money diminishes.
I’ve noticed credit cards have changed how their minimum monthly payment is calculated. Rather than paying a percentage that would result in the balance being paid over, say, a three year period the companies have lowered the monthly payment to just over the interest accumulated per month. The result is a false sense of not being in debt as much as one was before as the payment is lowered. One ends up continuing to pay the interest with the balance hardly decreasing.
At one time I had six cards going. Every so often they’ve have a low interest balance transfer and I’d jump from one to the other. Thank God those days are gone. Now it’s one card and the balance is paid every month and the other cards stay in the safe. One day I’ll withdraw the limit on them all and run away to Tahiti.  (http://www.tahiti-tourisme.com/islands/tahiti/tahiti.asp) | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:52:11 AM | bills, who told me I'm so tight my azz squeaks! Who, me?
Wherefore Art Thou ........ thanks for the reply .. that last line cracked me up 
I must say , I have never been financially responsible in my life ,, probably much to my detriment ,, however I've had a great life , experienced much , and have no regrets.
Ihad an accountant once ask me what my financial plan consisted of ....... "easy , I told him , I go to work , I earn money , when that money runs out , I go to work , earn some more ." I have no retirement plan , no savings , no nest egg, only memories . I've lived the life of the wealthy , and I've lived in trailer parks renting . Every day has been an adventure , Isn't that what life is about ?
I have lived a very fortunate life ,which has consisted of a lot of hard work ,and a hell of a lot of fun along the way . If my life ends in a trailer park , it will be near the sea , so I can go fishing , paddle my canoe , and pass away into nature .
Yep, money is important , but remember , it is only a tool to help us benefit from the options life offers us .
As for the people living under bridges , and the guy walking the highways , I believe it's their choice , There is plenty of work out there for those who want . A friend of my daughter has a father who lives on the streets.She asked him why . His reply . I love you dearly , but I need to be free. It's his choice .
Hope that all makes sense.: | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:15:47 AM | Wholesome: I've read a few of your past post's and I have to tell you, I respect your honesty and I feel horrible as to what you had in the past, and lost due to your divorce. I'll never forget your post to me several months ago stating that I had not "one" but "four" deaths to look forward to in my future. I've thought long and hard about your words. I started over down here in Florida as many of us have had to "start over". I had everything "up North" including a high paying job. I sacrificed it all to live down here next to the water. I spent my life savings to move down here.
Am I sorry? Somedays yes..but most days, no. I can walk the beach 24/7 alone and not have to worry if I'm sporting a clothing label for others to critique as I'm in flip-flops, shorts, and cut off tees 95% of the time down here.
Florida is full of the wealthy..I'm not one of them and I'm proud to say that even if I do shop at thrift stores for my clothes, I'm as happy as a clam. My cat's may be all I have, but I would spend my last dime on them and go into debt (which I have), in order to make sure they are healthy and well fed. (My vacation in June consisted of me having to take each of my four cat's to the Vet for their "wellness" exams..at not less than a hundred bucks apiece..going in "debt" for them was well worth it to me.)
We all have our reasons for going into debt or not wanting to date someone that is in debt. Some of us just can't help being in debt due to our circumstances at present. Some of us never "were" in debt before, until that divorce, or aging parent that needed our help, or our children (or pet) that needed that operation that our insurance just wouldn't cover.
Being in "debt" doesn't equate an irresponsible person..on the contrary. Being in "debt" depending on the right circumstances can tell you alot about a person and their character.
Sans | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:40:45 AM | I am debt free because I can't afford not to be!!  I work 3 nights per week and have a small retirement pension, and if I spend it, it is gone, so I have to live within my means. You get used to it.
It is important to me, because I need to pay the rent and get food for me and my furry friends.. I wasn't always debt free, but I enjoy my time now. If I want to go somewhere or go on vacation I have to plan and save enough money so it won't hurt me financially.
As far as dating someone who is debt free or not.. It really doesn't matter to me, as long as they handle the money responsibly that they have. JMO | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:57:31 AM |
I’ll withdraw the limit on them all and run away to Tahiti.
It won't get your very far, Sweetie, Tahiti is an expensive island.
I'm still more focused on making money at this point in my life. I see money as a tool. I'm growing my business and receive and spend millions of dollars a year in my business. At any time, I could have a couple of hundred thousand in lines of credit. I think in terms of cash flow and not debt. I'm also able to do those things that everyone is saving for retirement wants to do when they pay off their debt. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:07:24 AM | ^^^^ Msg# 56: When I moved to Florida, my salary was cut almost in half from what I was making up North. I had to adapt to not only less income, but two more mouths to feed..(I found an abandoned kitten on the beach..I just couldn't turn her away. She was 8 weeks old, crying and scared to death.) My main coon I found at the shelter..her owners had given her up after having her for eight years. They moved and couldn't take her. EIGHT YEARS!! What kind of owners leave a cat after eight years of raising her?? I took her in because I knew no one else would want her because she wasn't a kitten. Best move I ever made..(her pic is on my profile)
I just bought a new SUV in 07' and I'll be in debt for the next 5 years..but dang!! My truck looks damn good, is a 4-wheel drive, Canary yellow, and these snow birds down here can at least see me coming when they pull out in front of me!! haha!
Again, we are all in debt (or not) for our own reasons. It doesn't make any of us less of a person to be in debt..I'm in debt a pretty penny with my SUV, but that doesn't mean I can't manage what money I have coming in.
Sans | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:19:41 AM | Sans, I agree. I think it important to have a happy life. My goal is to be able to run my business from a location such as yours or perhaps the Mayan Peninsula of Mexico. Thank God for DSL!
Yield to temptation; it my not pass your way again.
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:32:53 AM | ^^^And you will meet your goal honey, if you put your mind to it. If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would be living on a barrier island in Florida I would have told them they were crazy.. I couldn't ever swing living on an island..never say "never" hon..I'm living it now. The universe lined itself up and presented me an "opportunity" to move to the island...I had often had "dreams" of living on the beach. I never told anyone of these dreams but I felt that someday I would land at the beach where I was meant to be. And I did.
You will have what you desire as I did. I wanted nothing in my life but to live on an island for many years...it took everything I had emotionally, physically, and financially to move down here. If you want it bad enough, then you will have it. Trust me! I may be alot poorer, but when I can snorkel and scuba dive in 80 degree water 10 months out of the year and still afford to pay the rent and utilities and take care of my 4 cats, then I'm happy. I may not be rich, but I'm so fulfilled and bursting with happiness each and every day!
You will have it too, hon.
Sans | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:35:15 PM | Sans,
We have had past post where we didn't see eye to eye, (or it could have been I to I). Whichever it may be I came away with a high respect for your tenacity to stand by that which you believe in. I'm a firm believer that a person can learn something from every person they encounter in life. From you I've learnt that dedication and commitment can be purposeful outside of a marital relationship, ie. your cats and marine life. I was stuck in the mindset that outside of marriage most all else is futile, you helped break that paradigm. While I am aware that your life is not without some struggles you present a character of one who is not willing to throw in the towel, much of what I did for practically two years. In you I found that if a person remains true to themselves then what more should/could we ask for? So while we were discussing, arguing, remonstrating, or whatever you want to call it, I was absorbing..... contemplating...... changing. I'm quite sure we still don't see eye to I in areas but that's okay, thank you for being you.
This whole topic of being financially secure vs. being financially responsible vs. being spendthrifty takes on many angles with plusses and minuses found in each category. There's a balance in there somewhere which probably offers the ideal, I hope to find it and live by it. I find it absurd and next to comical that at age 51 this topic falls into a gray area. I thought I had it figured out since 1984 but life had other plans. In a peculiar way I am thankful for my ex yanking me out of a mundane lifestyle that over saving creates. While we had all the material niceties, money in the bank and brokerage account, we didn't spend much on doing things. It's not that we did nothing but we could have done so much more. Live and learn.
btw, I know how you feel towards that white liquid stuff and I'm naive about alternatives to stave off osteoporosis. What measures are you taking? You getting the calcium you need? We don't want to see that tenacity give way to porous bone structure. Take care of yourself, you have to much vim and vigor to have something like that slow you down. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:41:58 PM | I hear you, Sans. I'm looking at Lauderdale-by-the-Sea but there is some good diving in the Tampa area. I so admire your chutzpah to go after what makes you happy. I also plan to make my dreams come true.
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 1:40:15 PM | We spend the healthiest years of our lives obsessed with trying to make and save money, only for it to deplete in an effort to simply try to maintain the health we lost by simply getting older........
There is definitely a difference between responsible and wreckless financial behavior.....however....
You can plan all those great times and places you want to live at......but it's only going to take for ONE split second where you loose it all..... It happens every day, and in more ways than I thought humanly possible - even to the financially responsible. Suddenly, you're going to wish you weren't judged so harshly by those 'fiscally responsible' types who pretend that something simply can't happen to THEM and determine that your worth was directly related to your fica score....... | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:48:06 PM | | i have had it both ways several times in my life.... money and debt!!! One thing i have noticed with myself is when i do have money, it seems my lifestyle becomes rather complacent, (boring), and when I am up to my ears in debt, it becomes a dramatic adventure, very creative at times, in paying those bills. I have learned a thousand ways of making macaroni and cheese. i have also known the unemployment check can stop after so many weeks of collecting. Goodwll stores at certain times have been my main store. Any way.... i have been working all my life, and am close to retirement, and once i am there, plan on moving to a foreign country, and letting my meager 401k and social security check every month deposited in the foreign bank carry me through the golden years...i am moving to a foreign country ( expatriate) once i am retired. Cost of living is so much cheaper, then here in America.......too expensive, with taxes and healthcare costs, and nursing homes etc..........i don't want to see my hard earned retirement funds go bye-bye to this corporate country. i rather go live in the Greek Islands and go fishing with my Zorba!!! You know, you can't take your wealth with you , once you are dead.... and the bottom line, is that we only have today. Yesterday is a cancelled check, and tomarrow is just a promissory note!!!! Why worry about the future, and why hold onto the past???? Start living!! and enjoying with or without money. Money shouldn't be in the equation, if a man and woman truly do love one another. Love and money shouldn't be at odds with each other. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:11:38 PM | I have a totally blank credit report. I is like I never existed at all.
Before I started recruiting (33 years ago) I spent about 7 or 8 years in credit. I learned a lot about credit. I had a big long spotless credit report for years and years and years. I made tons of money and spent it ......... spent it all. Had credit cards out the ears and perfect credit. I could buy a new Corvette - write a check THEN go to my bank and get the money - I would have the money in the account before the check got there. My bankers never ever said “no” to me.
In 1990 I just stopped. I stopped buying new cars / boats / motorcycles every six months. I just stopped it all. I had more toys than I could play with.
I have not used a credit card since 1990 and have no urge to. If I see something I want - I use a debit card or don’t buy it.
It is none of my business what others do but ... after living in the now now now world all of those years - I am just not interested in trying to keep up with - this weeks gotta have it now - life. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:45:12 PM | Wholesome: Thank you for your kind words. I know you think you can only afford to take a woman out for a "TV dinner" nowadays, but thats okay. She should consider herself damn lucky to be in your company as far as I'm concerned, TV dinner or not. I've learned much from you as well, my friend. No, I won't throw in the towel no matter how hard things get down here for me. I made a choice to leave my family and my friends up north and move to a place where I knew no one and had to make it on my own with 3 cats in tow. (My beautiful Cezanne died down here two years ago.) That left me with Chagall and Enya. I added Sophie (my main coon) and Luna
(the abandonded kitten) within the last year to my family. Don't feel bad my friend that you don't have what you had before. Nor do I. But I have peace, tranquility, four beautiful cats and good friends down here as I'm sure you do at this point in your life. You can never put a price tag on that, my friend. You don't strike me as one to throw in the towel either, hon. You have alot of strength after what you've gone through based on what I've read of your post's lately. Kudos to you, babe!!
As far as being in debt, yes..I am in debt. I don't care if my partner has debt as long as he and I can come to terms on a logical and practical way of paying it off.
Oh..and wholesome..I'm taking 500 mill of calcium daily (when I remember to) to alleviate bone deterioration. Thanks for asking, btw.
Girldiver: If you need any help in getting down here to Florida just e-mail me..I'll do whatever I can to make your move down here stress free, okay? My move down here nearly killed me..haha!!! hugs....
Sans | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 10:08:57 AM | | I am in my forties and get called materialistic for wanting a woman that has a net worth of her own,can't imagine being 60 and taking on somebody elses debts. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 10:56:58 AM | | For me, it's important that a woman be financially responsible. I've always lived within my means and tried to save a little for retirement too. If this means eating a homemade sandwich every day for lunch, skipping the Stabucks Latte and driving a ten year old car, then that's what I'll do. I look for the same qualities in a woman. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:53:30 PM |
Finding a partner is less important than remaining debt-free.
wow, that there is one strong statement. In all practicality one would expect to really love their partner. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:54:39 PM | My plan is to be debt free within 5 years. Sounds like a long time but I think I can do it.
I wont give up my house or home for anyone that hasn't proposed to me, seriously. So the "going to live in with the bf" is not something I'll be doing.
While being debt free is a great release, remember there is no bonus for being the richest person in the graveyard.
Debt was once a tool of borrowing money for NEEDED items, but so many people have abused that that it has become a social issue now. | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:24:23 PM |
Finding a partner is less important than remaining debt-free.
Call me mercenary, if you will, lol, but I agree with this statement. All the posts advise to get your own act together before you attempt to bring someone else in to share your life. Take the time you need to find yourself and get your duckies lined up.
How much more important is it to have your financial responsibilities in order? How one handles all aspects of their life (including financial) is a measure of character.
I can see where divorce and child support payments can mess up someone's assets, and there are other unforeseen events that can do so also. This is a lot different than the person who has to have instant gratification and purchase outside of their means....over and over again. JMO  | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:36:06 PM |
wow, that there is one strong statement. In all practicality one would expect to really love their partner.
Sigh....some people are willing to be bored to death if they can do so securely.  | |
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| Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You?
Posted: 12/3/2007 8:04:40 PM | Boredom is a state of mind, not finances. I'm happy that it doesn't take much money to entertain me. My imagination is alert, vivid and creative. A day in my garden, noting the praying mantis cocoons in spring, waiting for the hatchlings to appear, the pattern of the various emerging flower buds, the identification of various plants and learning how to tend to them, and on and on and on, costs me very little but enriches me enormously. The growth pattern of the fur on my cats' faces, the looks in their loving eyes and the vitality of their actions and emotions, most of which are responsive to [so lucky!] me, well, again, priceless and so enriching to my existence!
Not being on the rollercoaster of debt and fear of poverty is priceless to me! One can surely live richly within one's means!  | |
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