| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:52:21 AM |
it's time to start showing a little bit of trust. The time to start showing trust is when you feel it is right, period! The reality is that women are more fearful, and physically, they have reason to be. If you have children, even more reason to wait. Truthfully, though, I think there are more "psycho" women, you know, those who show up slashing tires & the like. In general, though, they are less likely to do physical harm & men do not seem to fear bodily harm from strange women. IMO, if you are asking, it may not yet be time. | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:18:32 AM | Funnynsweet is probably more unsure what to do now than before she started this thread, I think one thing is obvious a woman should do what her intuition says.
If she does'nt feel comfortable with the fella she should'nt see him.
But lets cut through the bull shall we ?
All you ladies that are saying don't trust a guy no matter what.......
Have you ever been in love and/or married ?
Well, when you started seeing that fella did you still insist on not allowing him to
pick you up even after the first couple dates.
And that all dates had to be in a public place where people can watch you at all times.
And that someone had to know where you were, what time your getting home.
And you did'nt talk about anything personal, anything where he could find out who you are, what you do..........even your last name.
I would'nt see the romance in that......would you ? | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:30:34 AM | Just say " No thank you i will meet you there".There is really no further need for explanation.If he persist say" it's sweet of you to offer ,but i prefer to drive myself". Give yourself a break , it's just a second date. It would be different if you had been dating him for month yet still would not let him pick you up.
As for asking for drivers license and all that ,well to me that is going way to far. I would not under any circumstances fax a man my drivers license or any other private information. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:44:57 AM |
But lets cut through the bull shall we
For many of us, those we ended up marrying dated us while we lived at home, with our parents! They had to get past Dad in order to take us out. They were often people we knew well, for some time before we began dating. More importantly, we lacked experience; it only takes one bad one to heighten wariness. Undoubtedly this medium has been a cause for concern for many, and not always unfounded. If you've never met someone who, after a few dates, lets on that they are actually married, or tells you that they name they go by is not the one they have been using, you likely will.
In any case, I think you're pushing it a bit. Meeting in a public place is a far cry from refusing to discuss anything personal What's wrong with opening up, slowly? Self protection is paramount; that is not paranoia, it's smarts! Where you meet up has absolutely nothing to do with romance! | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:20:40 AM | I'm not argueing with most of what your saying mlsaarln.
but when you cut 'n' paste......include the complete sentence.
The first time a lady meets a fella and the first date afterwards she should follow the good advice for being careful.
But there should be a point where she should start to trust him.
If not then she should not see him again.
That point varies depending on the feelings & situation
And as I've pointed out, that trust goes both ways, just like dating should go both ways.
I bet the ladies that are opposite to me on this won't give a straight answer to
my question in msg # 27
My experience with women is I gain their trust very quickly....usually the first date. But then I'm known around town, she knows where my jobsites are, where to find me and I treat her like a lady. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:43:51 PM |
but when you cut 'n' paste......include the complete sentence.
That WAS the complete sentence! AND it was only the second date! Of course there comes a point when you trust someone, or decline to see them again, but that isn't the topic of this thread! | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:23:39 PM | That WAS the complete sentence!
sorry mlsaarln....I meant msg # 26, not your last one.
I think funnynsweet was having her doubts about wanting to see the fella again right from her opening post.
And I think this thread stayed pretty much on topic which is about
at which point does a woman let a man pick her up on a date, and of coarse that involves a whole host of issues like safety, trust and others besides just dating.
And dating does not just concern the woman but the man too.
And I'm glad we agree on the trust thing because I think there are circumstances where a man picking up his date on the second date is just fine.
And I bet the women that don't agree with me have done just that more than once.
Unless of coarse they did'nt date. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:24:26 PM | Im sorry, but omg you sound like there mass murders , or more im sure if you went out with him and he asked you out again and your thinking about it then there must be some thing you seen in him other then omg he wants to pick me up < Be
safe always  | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:44:35 PM | I'm sorry but I just have to laugh. I agree with the other poster ( sorry I forgot her name- I've had a few drinks tonight ).
Years ago, we all met in bars/restaurants/pubs/concerts and took each other home.
What's the big difference now???
I have a pretty good gut instinct when I meet someone...and yes, I've invited him back to my place on the second "date". And you can bet, I wanna go to his. Its the only way to be sure there is no wife/ex-girlfriend hanging around or hiding under the bed.
~~weeone~~ | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:01:44 PM | Wow. I really hope this is the jaded vocal minority speaking up here. I don't know how people can go through life being so afraid of the world. Do you refuse to talk to strangers without copying their ID first? Do you watch your rear view mirror while heading home to make sure noone saw you, liked what they saw, and is following you?
If I've been chatting with someone long enough that they want to go on a date, they should realize by then that I'm a good guy. One date would absolutely confirm it. If upon the second date, she refused to let me pick her up or gave me any other indication that she was afraid, I would be flabbergasted and I doubt I would continue to speak to her. It would be an outright insult to me. Frankly, I am not interested in people with such poor judge of character that they have to speak to me or date me for months before letting me into their "private lives." | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 1:53:45 AM | Mark77 said:
Do you refuse to talk to strangers without copying their ID first?
Naw. I refuse to date people who are complete strangers to me in person without a copy of their ID first. And if I'm going to continue to see them, guess what! Ahh, you got it -- I do a criminal background check as well, which tells me if they are a registered sex offender, or whether they're married or not. The most common thing to find on these sites is married men lying about being married, by the way. You're saying we're jaded, Mark, but why do you think we have to do these kinds of things? Oh, there you are, right again! It's because there are con artist-scammer-player types galore on these kinds of sites and if they're breathing, they're probably lying.
Do you watch your rear view mirror while heading home to make sure noone saw you, liked what they saw, and is following you?
No. First of all, I'm not out real late at night on a regular basis and aside from that I live with my significant other. Anyone following me will be sadly disappointed when they meet up with him at the end of the driveway. lol
If I've been chatting with someone long enough that they want to go on a date, they should realize by then that I'm a good guy. One date would absolutely confirm it.
That's just ridiculous, but I can see why you think so. You're probably not in danger of being raped or overwhelmed because you're not likely small in stature. You're probably quite able to protect yourself. Ever hear of "The Slavemaster?" He was an internet predator that dated women several times, even introducing them to people he knew, etc. Well, they wound up out on his country property in oil drums, dead. See, he was counting on meeting up with women who listened to the kind of drivel you're spouting, who weren't the least bit "paranoid." And there are a lot more just like him in the criminal history files. Check him out.
If upon the second date, she refused to let me pick her up or gave me any other indication that she was afraid, I would be flabbergasted and I doubt I would continue to speak to her. It would be an outright insult to me.
And you would be doing her a favor if you didn't continue to speak to her. If you aren't impressed that a woman is careful and inclined to take care of herself and her personal safety, (especially if she has kids), then you're not going to be the type of guy who would care about many of her personal feelings anyway, are you? And you obviously wouldn't care about her kids. At least I make that leap when I hear your negative suppositions about a woman simply trying to be safety conscious.
Frankly, I am not interested in people with such poor judge of character that they have to speak to me or date me for months before letting me into their "private lives."
Wow. What's your big rush, Mark? Women, (again especially those with children), are wise to date a guy for a while before letting him into their private lives. Very wise. And no one said anything about months, anyway. It's important to check the guy out if you want to continue to date him past the second or third date. If he's good with a background check, has no criminal history, didn't bitch about going on a series of fairly public dates, and respected your feelings of wanting to be safe, I think there's no reason not to keep seeing him. If he balks at any of these, pass, ladies. He's out to get laid from the sounds of it, and that's about it and he's irritated because you've just cramped his style by being safety conscious. Imagine that!
Of course, there's always those ladies that like to roll the dice with their safety and that's their choice and their business, (as long as they don't have children depending on them, that is. It's pretty selfish and irresponsible to not take every precaution if you have kids. Kids cannot consent to the insanity of irresponsible decisions). | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 1:54:05 AM | Well, if you are getting these inner panicky lights flashing, then trust your instincts, thank him for his gentlemantly offer and say that you meet him at the place you both agreed to meet because - at this stage - it feels right for you .
I hope he will respect your feelings. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 6:34:41 AM |
Frankly, I am not interested in people with such poor judge of character that they have to speak to me or date me for months before letting me into their "private lives." To each their own & that is certainly your right. IMO, however, self protection is a sign of maturity & it's level is determined by past experience, not judge of character. Wariness is taken to an even higher level when you have children, which is as it should be, as far as I'm concerned. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:22:41 AM | Stick to you rules. He should understand them and respect them.
You should not let him do things that make you feel uncomfortable.
A polite way to refuse:
I am looking forward to our date! I am not comfortable with you picking me up. I will meet you there!
Any guy should respect that, unless he is trying to control the situation.
Good Luck! | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:47:38 AM | | I will never have someone pick me up on second date or third better yet .. I wait till I feel I know him or feel comfortable with him.. you gut feeling will kick in and tell you if you can trust him or not. Just be very careful you don't know him well enough yet.. | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:48:13 AM | Boy you sure jumped on Mark77 in a hurry did'nt you ......Southernlass.
Yep, you caught him by surprise. He probably had no idea women like you are even out there.
Well I do.
Yes a woman has to be careful and use her intuition about who she's going out with, especially if she has children.
But I've run into 3 or 4 ladies (I'm using that term loosely) that contacted me first and after a few emails a pattern starts to emerge and it's just like a brick wall.
They distrust men completely which to me is disrespect, yet for some reason they still want to attract men, I guess that's why I was contacted.
They will not allow things to go the next step which is talking on the phone and then meeting, there's no reasoning with it .....it does'nt make sense.
There's nothing you can do except say goodbye to them, but that upsets them too.
I've run into cheater's, liars, ones that use someone else's picture.
I even had an ex-girlfriend try to counterfiet one of my cheques a few months ago....she was caught.
So southernlass if were gonna do the ID swap and background checks let's share......make it mutual.
But I won't because I know the majority of women here online are honest, very nice ladies and when I meet a new lady it's with anticipation and sincere interest in her.
I won't poison that first meet or date with suspicion.
Always show her respect and make her feel comfortable.
Most important of all is she's having a good time......and me.
Is'nt that the whole point of dating ????
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:51:05 AM | But what? If you "kind of liked" this guy after a first date, I think he's being considerate by offering to pick you up at your home. If you're not comfortable with that, then why would you even want to go out with him again if you don't trust him? I go along with being cautious on the first date, but you've already met this guy and hopefully you've learned enough about him before you agreed to go out with him the first time. Either you want to do this, or you don't. 
Pink | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 8:59:04 AM | It works both ways Ls1 I believe men should be careful also as to whom they meet , on line or off line . I have sons and advise them on it as well as my single daughter. Hey a lady or man has to be careful at all times.
We have serial women killers also after all .... thieves, lairs , gold diggers, as well as men.
Yes I had one guy drive me to the hotel and made him turn around his car and take me back to my car.. now you know what his intentions were . So it's best to meet them at a site where there is lots of people and you feel save . Like a restaurant , coffee shop, diner anywhere you feel conferable both for men and women.  Be Safe ! | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:09:19 AM | Have him meet you at a place the first few times ... then again your old enough to know better. Go with your gut feeling.. If it was me I meet them at a place comfortable for him and me. What makes you thing he is nice because you met him for the first date? Many pretend to be kind and are the kindness people with bad intentions... for instance the candy for the sweet innocent child, please help me I need to barrow your phone for an emergency can I come in , handsome /beautiful hatch hiker asking for a ride , not to long ago the young lady that met her date on line and went to a party for her first date to Los Angles she never made it back ? First date rape ? may I go on?
Okay I think I gave you an ideal of why it's not save to have man/woman meet you at home for the second date.... take time to know them and be cautious I can't stress that out more...Just a caring soul who cares for others...   No offend taken I hope. | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:13:13 AM | ur not being paranoid...at all...womens tuition is to be listened to. Nowadays seems like folks r just waitin for a woman to be caught off guard...i have had friends I NEVA SAW AGAIN plural that dint wanna wait for the rest of us or took a chance..do what u feel is rite
kathi | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:15:35 AM | | NEVER let them know where you live until you get to know them better .....someone can seem normal...and change in a heartbeat....be safe....alotta stalkers online...all you need is some guy showing up at your house at 3am ..yelling..... (but I love you....you're the woman of my dreams).... and having the police called.......lol | |
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| Second date and he wants to pick me up but....
Posted: 12/2/2007 9:33:22 AM | LS1 said:
Boy you sure jumped on Mark77 in a hurry did'nt you ......Southernlass.
Yep, you caught him by surprise. He probably had no idea women like you are even out there. Well I do.
Okay, well I'm one of the untrusting, paranoid types, I guess, that according to your post puts up brick walls and you never get to phone even, huh? If that were true, I wouldn't be with the man I'm engaged to, who I met on a personal's site one year and a half ago. It will be two years in May, 2008 that we've been residing together. We actually graduated to phone within a week and half of email and were having our first date a little over a month later. He respected my right to be safe, and in fact, encouraged it. He sent me everything I asked for without a blink and was impressed that I cared enough about myself and my little girl to bother. He even provided me with his divorce papers without my asking.
In response to your post, anything I would ask of my date, I would be willing to provide myself, including a criminal history/background check and a swap of my drivers license.
You're generalizing and sterotyping when you say "women like you" so I'm going to ignore the bait and reiterate that safety is first and if it was your daughter meeting a stranger from the internet for the first or second time, I bet you would feel a lot different. If you wouldn't, well..there's really no point in further discussion between you and I on this topic. We can agree to disagree. | |
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