| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:41:15 PM | | I am not sure how long my ex and I had been dating at the time, but I got up the courage to say "I love you" one day. Well he didn't respond so I was afraid that I scared him away. Later that night when I we went out for dinner I asked him If I scared him away, He laughed and said "no, you know how I always give you those three quick kisses?" " That's my way of saying I love you." I can't beleive that a guy had technically said it first. My question is: Ladies how many times have you had a guy say it first? Men: How many of you have said it first? | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:44:21 PM | It usually takes me months to really warm up to a person. Once I know I am in love I still sit on it for a while until I know if it matters, if it should be said and if it's something I really want to pursue. Once I say I do, its done logically and in the context of whatever's going on, as in: "I don't know if under the circumstances the fact that I am in love with you is a good idea" or something of that nature.
By then it's been at least six months, so yeah 5 dates is illegally soon for me to tell someone or to hear it. I think I'd barely know their shoe size by that time.
leanne: I try never to say it first if I can help it. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:30:43 PM | | What it would tell me is that if she hasn't asked you to be in a committed LTR yet, she just did. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 2:28:16 PM | OP,
I did that once, I think it was the second date. Initially I thought it was crazy, but we were laughing and it just sort of came out.
Well I scared the guy into a long distance relationship and then it was history...
I think that if you feel it you should say it, there are just way too many stupid rules at this dating bs...
In my case it may have ruined, but I felt it, and even though it is over now, I don't regret it...Would do it all over again...  | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 2:50:12 PM | I've never said I love you first, I do believe that the guy should lead the way........
Too many women wanna be men and act as so called liberated feminists, hence why they get their hearts broken so often | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 3:01:00 PM | | Even though I honestly loved the last man in my life, I learned that I will NEVER, EVER say those words first. I fell very hard and very fast. I also expressed my feelings too soon and suffered from it. That will never happen to me again. I don't think you can put a timetable on someone's emotions, though. I just wish I had realized sooner not to say anything. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:24:27 PM | I won't say it first either, I don't think I ever have. In my last relationship, on the 3rd date the guy told me that I was falling in love with him. He was wanting me to say it, but I didn't. A few days later, he said - what would you think if I told you that I loved you? I guess he was just as scared to say it.
And in my experience, the ones that have said it very early....it turned out to be more lust than love. Once I do feel it though.....I say it & often. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:27:30 PM | I think that if you Really love someone, you should tell them.
Why miss the chance. Then what?
Just dance? Waste of everyone's precious time.
Although I love to dance /grin | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:28:36 PM | 5th date?? woah slow down tiger. Myself, it would be after 6 months. I don't just fall in love with anyone.
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/19/2008 10:59:37 PM | 6 months?? What, is this an endurance test?
People usually fall in love before they know it! | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:46:42 AM | If you think about it, don't we get ourselves into rather silly knots over who says "I love you" first? And what the timetable is. And what it means, dammit? Followed closely by "where is this going?"
Love evolves. Initially it is lust/romance/excitement of recognizing another person in a significant way... "you, I SEE you and you see ME". I've often thought that one of the things we most like about early love is "I like the me I see reflected back in your eyes".
As you come to know each other more intimately, the faults and flaws and foibles as well as all of the wondrous stuff that makes "you, you," we become more informed thus the love we create is altered. Over time the love we express and create, the energy between us, changes... it is all part of the dynamic we create individually and together.
Expressing it early makes me nervous because I wonder if what the other is recognizing is me or if they are "in love with the feeling of being in love." We can't know the answer to that immediately, but we will come to know it over time. Everything always works out one way or the other in the fullness of time.
In our early days, my bf was doing an excellent job of grabbing back the "I love you's" He'd say... "I love you R hair", I love yourrrr eyes". One day I was making a point, but realized in the middle of it that it really didn't make much sense out of context, so I interrupted myself to say "I mean, I know you love me." The look on his face was priceless and then we howled. So, I've neatly sidestepped the issue of who had to go first... and he tells me he always does what I say, so he'll love me until I tell him to stop. Aw, he is such a sweetie. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:23:08 AM | Reading the replies takes me back to all those threads in regards to who is doing the pursuing. Women don't like to pursue men now we know why ... perhaps what that simply means is saying the "L" word first.
Yep say love to a man first and he gets his best sneakers out of the closet and heads for the hills.
It is so common for me to read, and hear women say they said that crazy love word and it scared the man off ... but on the other hand when a man says love first it seems to fit so right. For the man that is.
I do think five dates is really early, but for some reason men can say love at anytime and women don't run, they feel happy. I thought that's what love was all about ...
Feeling happy.
I am not saying that people are un-happy when they aren't in love ... but those crazy endorphins do send us on a high. I think the majority of people on here are truly wanting to fall in love, regardless of comments otherwise. Often those comments are just smoke screens to hide what we really seek. It might be too unmanly to admit that love is the goal, or seem too desperate for women to admit that love is their goal also.
Why is it we seem to fear the thing we want ... and run when it is presented to us. Just because a person says love early we become uneasy and wonder what is the ulterior motive. As in too needy, too dependant and so on. I am not sure who set the schedule for these feelings, and who designates who should say it first but for some reason there seems to be a pattern set in stone.
If a woman says I love you, she is too needy, if a man says I love you ... well he is in love. Because of this double edge sword, there are probably quite a few men who will never hear I love you because women won't say it first, and men won't say it till they are sure if they are loved also. Hahaha kinda chicken and egg ... who is the chicken is what I want to know.
Interesting.
Savona | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:48:53 PM | Send her back to the rest of us bud, some of us accept the possibility of love at first site. Not common, but a real gift if it happens.
You aren't comfortable with love on the first date, how do you stand on sex on the first date?
Maybe when you meet a woman you ought to provide her with an itinerary to guide her acceptable love progress so she doesn't scare you?  | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:57:38 PM | I think she's pretty darn honest cutenurse, nothing psychotic about saying I love you at all!
and I'd like to give her a hug and applologize for this guy.
Everyone wants honesty and openness and this guy can't take it.
Let her have someone who will appreciate it before guys like him make her as hurt. angry, and misstrusting, as others here.....LOL
By the way, love you babe....LOL (Just because you are you and we all need to be here for it to be what it is)
Diversity is a great thing, but I still like her style and sensitivity. Hope it doesn't get bruised to death. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:12:01 PM | Ah Savona.......
Such nice words and thoughts but maybe far from reality when it comes to men, women and the "L" word......
There are many of us men that will not say the "L" word first, last or ever, for it can be the kiss of death in so many ways, and is said way to often by both genders.
So, what are we to do? If a woman states her love in words, you think the man will run. If a man states it, then you think he is ready? Way to confusing and way to simplistic in my mind.......
Maybe the best way is for neither to state it......just enjoy the one you are with and show your caring, concern, and appreciation for each other in ways other than words, and let the rest just happen as it should........
I have not, and will not say that word again unless I feel it so deep down inside that I have no other choice, and I can truly tell you, that I have lost more than one relationship for not uttering that word ever, even though showing such affection, attention, and desire, that there was little doubt about my caring, but stating the words were what was wanted......even if not meant.......over showing what was truly deep inside with actions........
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:17:06 PM | | Oh Geez, I have one better for you...I had one tell me that he loved me on our first date and asked me what I was doing for the rest of my life...by the 3rd he was discussing children. He had never been married before nor had children. It was downright creepy, I tell ya! | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:29:57 PM |
Its a shame that anyone puts a time frame on love...it is an emotion & there fore mostly unpredictable... It can happen at any time (just as easily as lust)...
Thats a very good point! The dating/relationship world has become too robotic, it seems that people are overanalysing every little detail, too afraid to show their true feelings out of fear of breaking "a dating rule". Back on topic......I have had this happen to me in the past, a woman I was speaking to online saying "I love you" within 3 weeks before we even met up in person. Many people would see this as crazy needy behaviour but I respected her openness and didn't run for the hills. We met a year later (she was from another country) and to this day she was the most amazing women I have ever been involved with. Moral of the story is.......don't be so quick to judge. You might not feel the same way about her right now, but in time she might turn out to be someone special. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/22/2008 10:16:07 PM | | You know, OP, love is kinda strange....it hits some people fast and hard, others it will sneak up on. You did the right thing telling her to "slow down" ...not because her feelings are invalid, but because yours aren't running parallel to hers. She could be needy, she might not be...the thing is she said "I love you"....she didn't say "I'm IN love WITH you" ! I tell my friends and those close to me I love them all the time, but I'm not in love with them. She probably did mean it the way you took it, but then again, she might not have. Only she can answer that, so why don't you ask her? | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/22/2008 10:26:38 PM | Savona is so right....it's kinda silly not to say it if you feel it, and why on earth would another be afraid of hearing it? Even if they don't return the feelings at the same depth, at least they were told. Life is far too short to be agonizing over someone telling you one of the greatest things they could...that they love you. | |
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| saying i love you too soon
Posted: 2/22/2008 11:25:59 PM | | BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID! Guys & Gals who move fast getting into relationships are usually fast jumping out of them, too. One boyfriend I had like this phoned me every day and brought me a single flower every time he saw me. He was in the process of buying a house and after only two weeks after our first date he asked me my opinions on each one he looked at. He also talked about taking me on a cross-country vacation. I said Whoa! I hardly know you and you hardly know me. Unfortunately, I fell for the romantic crap anyways. One day he was all lovey dovey, the next day no flower, no kiss, no physical contact except when I grabbed his hand. He denied he was mad at me or that he had any issues with me at all and refused to talk about it, but it hurt like hell. After that day, the nightly phone calls stopped dead. He also couldn't be bothered to return my belongings after breaking up with me over the answering machine one week later! Within three months I found out he was already living with somebody else. Based on my experiences I'd say if you do decide to pursue this, slow it down and take it carefully, before becoming exclusive and sexual. One part of this strategy would be to screen your phone calls so you don't speak to her so much, and get more time between calls/dates to contemplate and cogitate over the things she says or does to figure out where your relationship is going and whether it's actually worth it. It also wouldn't hurt to do some background checking through the internet or by asking people who know her about her relationship history. | |
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