| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:04:42 PM |
if u don't love him let him go
Yes, don't string the poor fellow along. If you can't get past thses little annoyances then be open and do him a favor, cut him loose before you destroy him. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:48:49 PM | I've dated some men that didn't grab my attention physically right off the bat, but if it's two months and you're still not attracted to him, it doesn't really sound like it's going to happen. But I can't help but wonder what might happen if he got a bit of polishing up, because good grooming and fashion sense just doesn't come naturally to every one (and a makeover can really do wonders). I say it's worth it to give it a shot (of course in the nicest possible way). I know you're not supposed to want to change your boyfriend, but I have done the following in the past:
- helped with trimming nose hairs (yes, it was really important to me too, and my guy kind of liked the attention in a weird way. It amused us that we could do something so gross together - it was an interestingly intimate thing).
- convinced a guy to try deodorant (again, after trying it, he was hooked, and not resentful at all). So maybe the breath thing is not insurmountable.
- gone clothes shopping with a guy, and wound up picking clothes that I liked for him to wear (but that he liked too).
If you think you're going to break up over this anyway, why not try leading him to fix the little things anyway. At the very least, his next date will benefit. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:44:35 PM | The OP likes a guy who happens to have a bunch of nose hair, and is having alot of trouble with staying attracted to him because of it. dashriprock223 has the funniest rejoinder I've heard in a year:
....two months ago, when you sat across the table at the restaurant or coffee shop and fixated on his nose hairs the FIRST time, you said....."SURE....HE'S GREAT!!....I'LL TAKE HIM!!" ??
You've been staring at some guy for TWO MONTHS who looks like he inhaled BOB MARLEY - FEET FIRST??? Do you hear what you're saying??? Like....I mean.....everytime you're talking to him....you're not looking at his EYES....you're hypnotized to the NOSEHAIRS??? FOR TWO MONTHS?????
I will steal that Bob Marley line, and use it. O M G | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/6/2007 11:54:13 AM | OP....there has been so much feedback to your question, and most of it has been positive. I can only think that you should be talking to him about this more.
I have nose hair too....and ear hair! But I go to my hair salon, and the lady who cuts my hair always takes care of that stuff for me. She does that, and my moustache and eye brows too.
I think you need to accept the fact, that you will always find flaws, if you look for them. You have them also. If you have a problem accepting the flaws of others, how do you expect others to accept yours?
You really need to sit down with him and talk openly and honestly about all of this stuff. It can be taken care of very easily. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/6/2007 12:41:30 PM |
Bad breathe: Does he see a dentist? Maybe he has gingivitis? Or maybe he just needs a good cleaning/maintenance, and floss regularly
A few years ago, I went through a bout of bad breath. Couldn't figure it out. Was terrible. Not teeth, not food... eliminated everything one item at a time. Even tried differing toothpastes, mouthwashes, even took to chewing fresh parsley leaves.
Found the cause, Diet Coke. I eliminated it from my diet and everything went back to sweet smelling. Also eliminated a periodic nausea that I had been wondering about.
Even now, if I get the urge to have a Diet coke, I get it again for about 12-24 hours. Along with the nausea. Needless to say, I don't drink it except litterally once or twice a year now. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/6/2007 1:51:41 PM | I think it's time to really lay it on the line .
To show this guy who you really are. You are a person that is turned off by certain cosmetic blemishes. (That's not a judgement.) You're also fearful that his feelings will change if he finds that you don't like these aspects of his appearance. Or that you're fearful about being honest.
Tell him. Tell him that you're hesitant to tell him. Tell him why these things are unattractive to you. ( If you know) Tell him they'd make a difference in the attraction you feel. (If true).
Be as blunt or subtle as you normally are.
In short, be yourself.
Show yourself.
Maybe he'll say "I'd no idea. What should I do?"
Maybe he'll give you the reasons why they must remain unchanged.
Maybe his ego will be crushed. That's a periodic lesson we all need.
Maybe he'll see it as an opportunity. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:50:15 PM | OPie
1. You meet. Great chemistry.
2. He falls for you. No Chemistry.
Maybe you're afraid of a great relationship? Might be too much work? Might get hurt? Whatever: it is NOT him Sugar, it's YOU.
Which makes you lucky: you can actually work on yourself. . . .
Your choice.
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:27:31 AM | Yep, she doesn't want him. She wants an illusion in her head.
She's looking for a way to rationalize her behavior , and way to sabotage
the relationship.Then, she doesn't want to take responsibilty for being a
****. Obviously--all these little things can be changed, no? | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:57:54 AM | | I don't think you're being shallow. Otherwise you wouldn't be hear saying you're still with him. First off, I think most guys know we can't really dress ourselves and that all the help you can give us is most appreciated. If money is an issue take him to a thrift shop where your imagination and style would really be to his benefit. Make a date of it, offer to buy the first item. I'm sure once he starts to see how much better he looks then he'll get right into it too. Same with the other stuff. We want to look good for you and it helps when you tell us what looks good. As long as you don't try to change him then I really think you'd be doing him a favour and then when you're done you can do him a favour. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:02:33 PM | | You're not into him. You've been real obvious about that. Why hang on to someone just because he's decent? Not as if there's no other decent men out there. | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:02:56 PM |
Yep, she doesn't want him. She wants an illusion in her head.
She's looking for a way to rationalize her behavior , and way to sabotage
the relationship.Then, she doesn't want to take responsibilty for being a
****. Obviously--all these little things can be changed, no?
Kommen Sie aus den Wandschrank Sie verärgert, bitterer schlecht gekleideter, homosexueller Mann heraus! | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:24:16 AM | I have a habit of reading the first few messages in the thread so sorry if I missed something later. here is my advice
if he is successful, then I am going to assume he has his shit together and is relatively secure - cirtainly intelligent.
Don't do the wrong thing by him and beat about the bush.
Tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him that even you think these things are stupid and little but that they will be the fly in the ointment of the relationship.
As someone else said, these are relatively easy to fix. This will be a no-brainer for him if he is into you. If you have to cut him loose, he will probably take up your suggestions anyway - he can't be that stupid.
I think it is good that you are honest about it. It's not shallow at all. You "could" put up with it because you love him but why? why is not keeping that stuff in check more important.
If you are not direct with him, you do yourself a dis-service and you are disrespecting him.
ps. why is it that everyone who comes up with a new thread, and puts themselves out there, has to get shot down by some judgmental troll. Ugh! | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:29:59 AM | Hmmm I dont know, just because he looks amazing on paper doesn't mean you can be together. I had a similar situation, the guy treated me like gold was amazing in every way.... buuuuut the little things got to me, to the point where I started to feel a little sick to my tummy when we made out or he looked at me in a certian way. Now dont get me wrong this guy is one in a million... but we cant MAKE ourselves love someone no hold barred.....
There is usually good reason for this, like an offputting smell usually means that your genetics are so similar you shouldnt really breed (this is a geeky fact I know)
I am not going to give you advise on what to do. I think that eventualy your own body will tell you what to do.
Best of luck, I hope things do work out because great people are hard to come across!! | |
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| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:50:15 AM | | Ummmmmm, let's see.... AH, rule #1! DIRECT CLEAR COMUNICATIONS IS A MUST FOR ALL REAL RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!! Go talk to him hon. It's simple, just walk up to him and say "Honney, I'm not making fun of you or anything, but you got to take care of some stuff. Specifically #1, #2, and #3. If you could take care of these things, it would really be awesome. If you can't, then things are gonna start getting really rough for me (YOU) and I don't think it should." | |
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MizRed
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Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 92 | |
| Please help me bang my head on the wall more!!
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:06:55 AM | There is a lot to be said about what is fixable, that aside even if he chooses if you decided to talk with him. What can you do diffrently for yourself to be happy.. well more happy with him. Is it that maybe you subconsciously think he is too good to be true and this could end in the blink of an eye? Things of that sort, its understandable, many women have been faced with a man that sweeps you off your feet(so to speak). Then self-sabatoage, we become the people that have hurt us. Pick out the things that really ... could be taken with a grain of salt.
I understand your apperhension for posting, its a lot to put on the line.. for yourself and in his case as well.
In my opinion yes talk with him, work with him if he has done some much already for you in two months.. what is stopping you or him from going the distance.. except fear.
If he is "all that" he'll make those changes.. especially because they are so minor. Because you are not asking him to change.. characteristically just hygenically.
If he is still not that attractive to you.. maybe you should look furthur. It can't hurt.
Its okay to feel that way.. you are entitled to feel the way you do and have those concerns.
*Where there's a will there's a way.
You seem to be a very nice person... I know you'll get this all squared away..good or bad.
Best of luck! | |
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