|
|
|
|
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/1/2006 2:53:14 PM | | No, once a cheater always a cheater. I can answer this from both sides of the fence. I've been cheated on, they always do it more than once. Unfortunately, I've also cheated. Once you realize how easy and fun it is, it's addicting. Sorry, that sounds horrible, but it's kinda true. | |
|
| |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:24:00 AM | Whoa!!! absolutely not!!! If 2 people are in what is considered an exclusive committed relationship where you have discussed not seeing anyone else and the guy screws around??
Adios Pal!!
Dont look back.
Next! | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:06:00 AM | | tough question, they do say "once a cheater always a cheater" but i think everybody is different and maybe sometimes people learn their lesson. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:27:30 AM | | I've been cheated on and I've been punched in the face. The cheating hurt a hell of a lot more. If someone loved me, they wouldn't punch me in the face (or so I'd hope)... and if they did, I'd be gone. Stands to reason that if they'd cheat... they really don't care how much they hurt you. Tough to believe it's 'true love' when they've completely gutted you. Having said that... I cheated once a loooooooong time ago and would never... ever... do it again. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:49:22 AM | No, I couldn't trust them again.
Many years ago I was living with someone, and went with him when he was transferred to a new city. It didn't take long after the move for him to develop friendships with some of his coworkers, and one in particular was a lady who was 12 years older than him, married with children. We didn't have a lot of money and he made all kinds of excuses for why we couldn't go anywhere, all the time going out with his coworkers every Friday night and buying this woman drinks. It got to the point where he started contributing less and less to the household. Eventually he admitted to me that were this woman not married, he would have seriously pursued her; he also told me that they talked about me and her husband, and how they had so much in common with each other but not much in common with us. Not long after that, one Saturday night he went out with his friends and brought her home because she was too drunk to drive back to her place, she slept in the guest room, and right after I left for work the following day they slept together. He claimed nothing happened and that she was the one who'd wanted to sleep together, but I didn't believe him, and ended the relationship.
After I moved back home, I ran into some of his friends, who told me he'd had a history of cheating. Too bad they hadn't told me that before I'd moved away with him.
I've never cheated, never will, and expect the same in return. | |
|
ya472
|
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 258 | |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:56:31 AM | Thread: can you trust some one once they cheat?
I think this thought has been overdone! But apparently, repetition is good. (for the slow thinkers)
Same answer as: "Can you trust someone who stole from you?"
NO
What really excites me, are the people who knowingly date a cheater, then are surprised to get cheated on by the same person. geeeesh!
 | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:30:35 AM | And yeah, I am being light hearted, but really, there are so many worse things that someone could do. Especially if you really connect.
If you REALLY connect then why is someone cheating?
Cheating is a weak way to get your ego stroked, that is all it is.
Every situation is different, you may be able to forgive a cheater, but you can NEVER forget. Bottum line! | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 4:06:37 PM | Some people refer to rap music as "crap" music, but it has some of the most insightful thoughts ever put to paper. Take Treach from Naughty by Nature on the classic "Hip-Hop Hooray":
"You put your heart/in a part/of a part/that spreads apart/even though I forgave ya/when YOU had a spark..."
And Tupac educated minds on "Do For Love":
"My heart is sayin leave/oh what a tangle web
we weave/when we conspire to conceive/and now You gettin calls at the
house/guess you cheatin/That's all I need to hear cause I'm leavin/I'm out
the do'/Never no more will you see me/this is the end/Cause now I know
you've been cheatin/I'm a sucka for love"
There are a lot of people that have posted once a cheater, always a cheater. The ONLY absolute in life is death. Maybe the phrase should be-once the trust is broken, it's highly unlikely that I will give you my heart again.
We live in an instant gratification world. And previous posters hit the nail on the head-we are a SELFISH species. We are also complacent. And I'm not trying to be a devil's advocate, but perhaps individuals that have been cheated on need to look within and ask themselves what they were doing wrong.
I'm not about blaming the victim and I don't condone cheating, but I can understand the conditions that would drive some people to cheat. The vast majority of cheaters aren't serial cheaters. They want their proverbial cake and eat it too, whatever that means. The security of a relationship, but the thrill of something different. Relationships take work. We as a species do not want to work. We work 9-5, and we gotta go home to "work"? | |
|
A.S.L
|
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 261 | |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 6:06:48 PM | I disagree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater". People who are cheaters (meaning they did it once, didn't learn, and continue to do it) will never change, they are never sorry, and they are not worth forgiving.
BUT some people do make mistakes. I cheated once...and let me tell you, it hurt me more than the times that someone has cheated on me. I know first hand both sides now and i would never put someone through that again.
If someone makes an honest mistake, you need to re-evaluate your relationship and figure out if he/she is worth building that trust back.
Sometimes second chances are okay:) | |
|
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:47:20 PM |
colt8301: if you will cheat, you will steal and kill too, and people like that can't be trusted
Insightful. Straying husbands and wives are likely to MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!
Yeesh. Get a grip.
Cheers,
Mike | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:09:13 PM | | I have to say that having been cheated on...i have to say no...you can't trust the person..and in fact it kind of wounds you deeply....i mean for me personaly.. i will always have that fear of being hurt again. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/17/2006 11:49:59 PM | In reviewing this thread, I note some are absolutes, and others say...hold on, Cowboy!
So. If I'm in the "midst" of that gut feeling something is wrong and there's a whole buncha circumstanial evidence (guarded looks, volatile accusations when nothing has been said)...one really has to weigh the situation: if someone voluntarily confesses the truth....a little too easily, or makes you out to be the villian, or stomps of in an arrogant huff:
You have several things to consider: low self esteem _Today_, a guilt complex that is so powerful that you need to accept seedy circumstances as either convicting fact or a no-holds-barred wrestling match with values.
Thank you all you women who provided detailed accounts of when forgiveness and mercy hit dead-eye center of your heart and convicted you to make a choice.
For those of us struggling...the "either/or," the "duck or blame," or the "accuse you for being so suspicious" types ...eehhhh, you've probably been getting similar slippery smooth or suspicious or downright offensive messages that deserve a sober reassessment of everything.
Don't forget to value your own intuition. I'm a lover and a giver, but when I confronted (too strong a word...when I asked about) some general unclear messages, I was pounced on violently. Not a "what do you mean?" or a "let me explain" but a "how dare you".
And that broke my heart. The guy of my dreams was being not just difficult to figure out, but downright evasive and blaming and offensive. You who have been quick to forgive: did you forgive that kind of posturing? I don't think so. You who have given him/her the freedom of doubt--what did being "forgiving" gain you? Did you simply look the other way? Did you just drop it? Did you quietly "chalk one up" in a hidden scoreboard?
Before resentment had a chance to take hold, before low esteem had a chance to pull the rug out from under my vain imaginings, I asked for clarification.
That I was more or less kicked in the teeth could be an indicator of my insensitivity and selfishness (that's the verbatim terms of the "how dare you" reaction). Or it could be an indication of the true character of the object of my affection.
I don't want to give up that love and adoration I felt for this person. That is the greater loss. My trust and capacity to enjoy socializing have took a huge hit. And most of all, the relationship was certainly demeaned to a cheap plastic replica of what I thought was a wholesome and honest and unique one.
The death of my respect for him was instant. The dying of my respect for my dream is a real toughy. It's taken 3 months. All during that time we were apart--under the auspices of "he had to get his life together." I agonized over my "judgemental" attitude vs what WAS (a bleak landscape of someone being dishonest about the mildest of things, let alone cheating!
The gal who said "a guy who cheats on you cheated on the relationship, not just you." has a great assessment, one that holds the highest sway. I'm grieving the loss of a real relationship. I'm grieving the loss of somethting that apparently only I valued. And, moreover, I find there's a breadth and depth of self-doubt and unworthiness that I have to work through. BECAUSE I invested in "us." And, like bankruptcy, it takes awhile (hopefully not 7 years) to recover from. Sheesh. Like a drunk driver, this guy hit me head on and didn't have a clue or a care what he was doing (other than being in self-destruct mode): it is indeed the epitome of selfishness for someone who has the capacity to KNOW what they're doing and create such a mess. It is the lowest of self esteem for someone to hide such actions from his/her partner.
And for those of us who value the other person as well as our selves, we have a lot to work through--instant decisions (dump him/her, or forgive) are hardly the final word. There's all the aftermath to work through. So. Be good to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You were probably good and gentle with this...other person and they trashed you for it. Don't stop being good and gentle. Just turn that power onto yourself (a VERY VERY hard thing to do when you have hurt and resentement as a result of hateful and mean acts from someone you loved. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/17/2006 11:51:51 PM | Nope.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Sorry, but this is really about moral barriers, of which people really tend to not change in their lifetimes.
Even if a girl was to be cheating on her BF with me (which i've had offers), I immediately envision her cheating on me with another guy. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/17/2006 11:57:35 PM | Obviously a sore subject for many.........
No, once u cheat on someone, your honesty and loyalty has crumbled to nothing.....think about it | |
|
| |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:49:43 AM | | ok people enough said, what if you started seeing a girl and you brought the subject of cheating up, and they admitted they cheated on previous partners in the past would you trust them bareing in mind that they volenterally gave that info up? | |
|
| |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:47:17 PM | Absolutely not!!!!
Once they lie to you or cheat on you the first time, it only seems to become more of an addiction for them.
There is NO justification in being a cheater.
Why would you want to hurt someone that cares about you, or that you say that you love?
If you loved someone or cared about them, why wouldnt you just break up with them before even considering being with someone else.
They may hurt for you leaving them, but in the end they will respect you more for not breaking there heart by being unfaithful to them. | |
|
| |
|
| Page 11 of 39
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39 |
|
Home
login 
