| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/25/2007 12:12:00 PM | | Does emailing other girls count as cheating? My girlfriend is ready to get rid of me for inappropriate emails.... I can understand why but do I ever NOT want to lose her!! | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:47:28 AM | I ran across a reference to this book in the Globe and Mail today. Thought it might be gasoline on the embers of this thread.
My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Anne Bercht
http://www.amazon.com/Husbands-Affair-Became-Thing-Happened/dp/1412033209
"The groundbreaking book on recovering from infidelity and surviving marital affairs...and coming out stronger and more in love than ever. Courageous, bold, honest. "
Cheers,
Mike (As seen on Oprah, so it has to be okay with middle America, doncha think?) | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:51:46 AM | I can't and won't. I rarely hold a grudge and hostility in my heart, but this is a betrayal that I cannot live with.
Rather than drive myself NUTS and him, I would let it go. POOF! | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 5/7/2007 7:36:46 AM | | All of the posted messages were true in their own fair way but reading your perspective being a guy who cheated and all was a ray of hope. I have been dating a guy for less than three months ( I know) but he was so different, i had not dated for three years because no one came close to peeking my interest. But he came along and I wanted him and only him, I sent the rose, the occassional cooked meal, volunteer to help with what ever would make his life less taxing. I enjoyed him and I showed him that and bammm, he cheated, I saw them coming out of his apartment, we talked for hours ( ofcourse me trying to figure out why) I don't know what to do I want to be with him, I want to give him a chance to prove himself over time before even getting back with him. He tells me he realizes he just may be loosing the best thing that has ever happened to him and what he did made him realize this. deep down inside I want to believe him. Please, I don't want to start over again, what if the other man cheates but only years into the relationship, maybe even after marriage , what then. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 5/7/2007 8:59:47 AM | Once a cheater....always a cheater.
And even if they get back on track and never cheat again the damage is done. The doubt will always be in your mind. You will always wonder where they are and what they are doing. You will always be worried that something *may* be going on. You will feel bad about yourself wondering what you did wrong. They will make you think it is your fault. You will not be able to believe them - even if you try. This is not a healthy way to live. Cut them free - let them go. I am a big believer in karma - and those people who hurt others will get their own some day. Even if you still love them ......and care for them.....even after you split up.....they are still a cheater.
Trust is soooooo hard to earn and can be lost in one moment. How sad is that??
Of course there may be hope for some couples with counselling/therapy and a desire to rebuild trust. But both partners need to work at it and this is a process that a lot of people won't do. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/25/2007 6:24:55 PM |
Once a cheater....always a cheater.
the trust you had in them is gone....you will never trust them again, because you know if they did it once, they will do it again....don't let anyone tell you that you are to blame for their actions...IT IS THEM, NOT YOU!!! | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:06:00 PM | | NO - you cant trust ever again, because the original trust which the relationship was based on has been broken, in my view, no matter how hard the other person tries to prove themselves the question of doubt would always be there. You could kid yourself into believing you trust the person, but deep down you know that you dont & never will | |
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LLH5
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Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 415 | |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:07:00 PM | | I've learned never to say never. It would depend on the circumstance, what was going on in their life. If there was a pattern of this behavior however, I doubt I would be able to trust them. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:10:38 PM | | Indeed, you would always be wondering 'what are they doing now', why are they late home, can I believe what they are saying to me etc the list goes on, once you have been cheated upon its very difficult to carry on with that person, it makes you very cynical & if you are not made that way, it makes you become a person you dont want to be. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:29:27 PM |
agree with u smart but
hmm I say I would give the benifit of the doubt untill they prove other wise
I have learned in my life to Love many TRUST FEW and Harm None
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:19:34 PM | | Love is blind..if you are truly in love..you tend to forgive over and over..you might not trust them but you forgive them..at least thats how i am..right or wrong | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/26/2007 11:59:52 PM | | Women have to decide, do I want the alpha male who needs to have sex all the time and thus sometimes not with me or do they want a loyal guy who might be not as sexy but has the virtues. So decide for yourselves which is importnat, if the stud attracts you then stay with him even if he strays. If loyalty is more important than maybe don't be fixated on looks. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/27/2007 12:52:28 AM | | no u cant cause in 90 percent of cases (or is it 99 percent lol) once a cheater always a cheater.if they did it once what would stop them from doing it again? people who cheat sometimes likes to call it just a mistake.mistake my ass.when u cheat u choose to do it.it just doesnt happen by mistake.and when u choose to do it your saying to your partner that the commitment u had between each other doesnt mean anything to u and that u dont really care that much for that person. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/27/2007 12:52:38 AM | I learned my lesson the hard way. My spouse cheated. My gut feelings kept telling me something wasn't right. Eventually she got caught. I dumped her immediately. Ran into her a year later. She begged me to take her back and we'd work things out. Promised it wouldn't happen again. Things were great for a while, but soon my gut feelings told me she was up to her old tricks again. Suddenly every word she spoke seemed like a lie. Money suddenly disappeared from our bank account. Bills that were supposedly being paid were being ignored. She suddenly had very stupid answers for very smart questions. I took an evening off from work (without telling her) and I caught her in the act. And it was the last Act of this pathetic play. It was over.
So, I say: Never give a cheater a second chance. Being commited to each other is a key ingredient to a successful marriage/relationship. Once they cheat they are expressing how they feel about the commitment, no matter what they say. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/27/2007 1:04:03 AM | During my marriage I had several opportunities to be unfaithful. When these situations arose, I could only think of one thing. How would I be able to look into my wife's eyes again without feeling guilty? I could not and would not do it. Even now that I know she was unfaithful I don't regret the "missed opportunities".
Logic should tell you that nothing will be quite the same after you've been unfaithful. It causes you to assassinate your own character. You become pathetic.
If you want to be with someone else, at least be decent enough to end your current relationship first. Be real. | |
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| Should I get revenage on man that had fling with from NET,know his # and his home?
Posted: 6/27/2007 1:06:15 AM | he treated me with respect in begining than in the end acted like a jerk asking for sex so I gave in since I was drunk and He was too.I had no plans of having any sexual relations at all///??Now he has blocked me and now i want my payback for being a jerk...he was big and he was braging about it and he was right but,I wish I could take it back since it was not the way I wanted it too be...I had real cool profile and I WENT back and changed everything for the fact that I GOT PLAYED.....NOW IS PAYBACK JERKS....
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| Should I get revenage on man that had fling with from NET,know his # and his home?
Posted: 6/27/2007 1:15:20 AM | I don't think you should get revenge. You are as much to blame as this guy. Why would you get drunk with this person, who you hardly knew? Alcohol makes us do stupid things sometimes. Next time you meet someone, don't get high or get drunk with them. Meet them as a sober person so you can make sensible decisions.
Don't waste your time on him. Move on, learn from your mistake and find a decent guy who's worthy of you!! | |
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