| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:59:48 PM | | I spent 17 years of my life with my wife and all I have to look forward to are my two beautiful daughters. Last year I learned that while she was married to me, she was seeing her x-boyfriend. That really ticked me off but I was ready to forgive seeing that it only happened once but then I realized if there were other times and I didn't find out. Once you cheat is like once you steal, there is no pardon no matter what. If you did it once, you'll do it again no matter how sorry you are. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:33:23 PM | That begs the question, what if the person had cheated before you, do you trust them now? Do you trust that they won't do it to you as well?
absolutly not
of course they will
its like marrying the guy that cheated on his wife with you
what in the world would make me think i am any better then her?
if he did it to her then when things go wrong with us he will with me too
if its in a person its always there
did anyone ever hear the story of the scorpion and the swan? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:42:42 PM |
absolutly not
of course they will
That's quite a short sighted view of things in my opinion. That means that people have no capacity to learn from their mistakes and not repeat them. Then again, I may be a rare breed. Since my younger days I have learned from my mistakes and have paid the price for them as well. I do agree that if your current interest is cheating on their S/O with you, it will more than likely be the same thing again with you. I disagree that they will never change, I am proof that they can and some do. I have had the unfortunate experience of being on both sides of that fence and neither side is pretty. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:45:42 PM |
Cheating is betrayal. In more than the sense of the word. It breaks trust, communication and your relationship.
I completely agree.
I have zero tolerance for cheaters. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 9:41:20 PM | I can forgive. I know that. People can make mistakes and learn from them. Trusting or believing he would never do it again is possible, but it's zero tolerance for me - in any given situation. He would be gone. Period. No matter what is on the line.
Cheating is so incredibly weak and I abhor that very specific kind of weakness. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 9:45:57 PM | a swan met a scorpion on the side of the lake
the scorpion being lost and away from his home needed to cross the lake and aske the swan to carry him over
the swan said no your a scorpion you swill sting me
the scorpion said no I wont, I promise, why would I sting you when you are helping me ?
The swan thought it over and decided ok why would he?
ok I will take you across on my back
the scorpion jumped on the swans back and took the ride
all was well untill half way across
he stung the swan
the swan was shocked
why did you do this to me ? you promised
the scorpion said why are you so surprised?
I am a scorpion thats just what I do
see thats just what they do they cheat yes some do learn like the scorpion
he learned he drowned doing what he does
but very few do learn i am affraid
and by then its way to late | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:05:25 PM | "I have cheated before in my younger days, does that make me an automatic no date individual? The consensus would seem that it does."
why did you do it then and what would make you different now? Doesn't make you a no date individual but does make you a not exclusively date individual for me unless you can give compelling reasons how you have changed. The reasons/excuses about why you cheated don't really matter, you made an agreement, you broke it, you abused a trust, its that simple.
My experience with cheaters is that they kept cheating because they just feel awful, apologize and everything, but do it again for the same reason. Seeing how badly they hurt someone or destroyed another person trust in them and possibly in men makes them sad and regretful but its not enough to stop them from cheating the next time.
I think what hurts most is the lies, the stories they tell why they were out late, missed your date or whatever that you believed, you actually worried about them, and it was all lies. You then know they are capable of lying to you point blank with no remorse and you couldn't tell the truth from the lies. Then you wonder what, if anything, about them and your relationship is true because you are standing on the quicksand of their duplicity.
If they cheated, but were honest about it when asked, maybe you have a chance to repair it, but if they lied their way through it, no I think there is no chance. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:14:21 PM |
That's quite a short sighted view of things in my opinion. That means that people have no capacity to learn from their mistakes and not repeat them. Then again, I may be a rare breed. Since my younger days I have learned from my mistakes and have paid the price for them as well. I do agree that if your current interest is cheating on their S/O with you, it will more than likely be the same thing again with you. I disagree that they will never change, I am proof that they can and some do. I have had the unfortunate experience of being on both sides of that fence and neither side is pretty.
I understand you believe this. The price you paid for it was probably much less than the price the innocent parties paid. How do you know you have changed? Mainly what I think cheaters learn is to become better cheaters and not get caught. Maybe you are different. Do cheaters walk into a relationship already interested in cheating? Did you change because you were involved with someone like yourself who cheated on you? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:18:31 PM | Good story!
I say let GOD forgive, as for me, NO .
you can't. who is to say it was the first time and once that line is crossed it is just to easy to cross again, just a matter of time. Yes they learn from their actions, they get better at cheating. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:25:10 PM | | there is the broken agreement, I think lying about it makes it worse, but you know at this point I would need a new agreement to continue in the relationship once they had cheated. I know one person who made her husband put everything ( the house, savings, his sports car...) in her name alone after he cheated or she was leaving. He did it, he told me it scared the hell out of him, he said he didn't understand why that would stop him more than his own marriage vows but it did. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:55:45 PM | I have to agree with you on your last part...if he cheated on his current wife / g.f. with me, what's to say he won't with me later on down the road.
It takes a long time to build up trust and only a shadow of a doubt for it to be torn down.
Trust is a big thing on my list, it's right up top with a sense of humour. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 1:09:34 AM | | Personally no, but everyones different, look at the relationship, ask them why they cheated. The best thing you can do is talk about it, if you cant see yourself trusting them after a long heart to heart talk, then you have your answer. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:36:52 AM | MYSTRY girl you hit the nail right on the head......
If you get a man or woman through infidelity then that is exactly how you will lose them. He or she will most definitely find someone else to lay with once things get bumpy and the thrill of being undercover is gone. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:44:30 AM |
if a guy or girl cheats can you trust them again and if so how?
Their having sex with someone else does not bother me, outside of the obvious pregnacy, STD or them falling in love with another person issues.
Cheating usually involves deception or dishonesty. THAT is what would bother me. Breach of trust is a dealbreaker for me. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:46:22 AM |
Cheating is so incredibly weak and I abhor that very specific kind of weakness.
Cheating is not necessarily weak. What if he were cut off of sex for years?
Cheating can be a complex issue. (Usually, it is not.) | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:48:15 AM |
its like marrying the guy that cheated on his wife with you
what in the world would make me think i am any better then her?
Good point. I had a fiance stolen from me. The guy who stole her now worries about her being stolen from him. (Duh!) | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 5:01:34 AM | | I'm sorry for those who have been betrayed - I've been there too. But 'once a cheater always a cheater'? Not only the biggest cliche in the book but not always true. But hey if it makes people feel better..... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 5:20:09 AM |  I don't have a a lot to say on this subject, but never would I ever forget the deceit, betrayal or lack of respect shown, from a person I loved who cheated………I may forgive, but never forget the selfishness. A person who cheats no matter the excuses they have, think only of them selves & have no room for anyone else in their heart ……..
Besides, you would always be wondering, when it could happen again or second guess every story or excuse, it’s human nature. Why live your life with that kind of tension from no wrong doing on your part…..
There is someone out there who would respect you & know about the true meaning of love ..... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 5:38:58 AM | I don't live my life by cliches!
Morals of the story and leapards spots.. come on.. get real!! That is so grade 5!
I'm not that narrow minded. I live in the real world. There is somone for everybody!!!
Quite frankly a lot of people I know got together this way. Are you guys living in la la land or what?
How many couples do you know where at least one of them was seeing someone else at the time when they originally met? You think they all exited the relationship politely? YOu think the couple is really gonna tell you the truth on how they came to be? Get out of here!! Wake Up!!!
How many people have you dated yourself at one time? Keeping your options open? HOw many people were they dating when you met them? Do you all think you all met when you weren't dating anyone at all. I'd question that one more if they didn't date at all.
I've never cheated but been cheated on.
YOu have to want to work on that relationship. Forgiveness is the easy part. Forgetting and bestowing your trust again is a lot of hard work on both sides.
Your partner does have to earn it back and they know it. It's as heavy a burden on them as it is you.
Yeh, it hurts but you heal and eventually do forget by the effort given. The effort is what makes the relationship and you both stronger.
They say you don't get to choose who your family and co-workers are .. and sometimes without realizing why.. other than any reason that you love them... you don't get to choose who you love either. You just do!
Like any relationship... you both have to want it.. and both have to want it to work!
It is for for better or worse after all.... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 5:49:42 AM | If you not having sex for years then cheating is not you problem. For what ever reason
other than a coma there in no real relationship, just two people not knowing it died a long time ago. Even with medical problems sex can be and should be an active part of
a relationship. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:43:26 AM | How many people have you dated yourself at one time? Keeping your options open? HOw many people were they dating when you met them? Do you all think you all met when you weren't dating anyone at all. I'd question that one more if they didn't date at all.
sweet omg
yes i have datesd more than one person but at the time i was honest in the relationship
there was no misleading on my part there was no sworn fidelity to any of them and when i found the right one i found the right one then there were promises made never have I dated to keep my so called options open .believe it or not real grown ups dont date that way they dont mislead everyone they are dating to believe they are the one to keep options open that my dear is 5th grade | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:46:49 AM | When I found out my ex was cheating on me I was devastated but then when the truth came out I also found out it wasn't the first time. Out with the trash he went!!! And do I feel good about my life now. YIPPI ! | |
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