| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:00:10 AM | msg 511
YUP-dats da breakdown folks
tis Not even the F U K K ing that causes the E N D of the 'love'
if there IS a 'way' to 'get past/resolve/solve/forgive/work through/ETC
the CHEATING, 'salvage/save/restore/continue/ETC
the Relationship?
TIS the
-BETRAYAL
-ATTACKS
-DECEIT
-MIND FU KKing
that would HAVE to S T O P
Absolutely M U R D E R of the ~Heart~, ~Soul~, any fu kkkkk ing 'love'
IF: the cheatER is trying to 'turn it around' on YOU (the FAITH FULL party)
and Attacking you, ACTing as though YOU are zee one with zee 'problem'
THAT kind of sh1t? = NO FUK KKK ing 'hope' for the ...well, Any'Thing'
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:53:01 AM | When someone is young and looking for that perfect mate to have a life together, have children, having sex with someone else just hurts so much. However, if after you have had babies, they are grown and your mate finds for whatever reason that they want to move on without you and you find yourself alone and lonely. Then after you take time to recover, you begin to date. Now, you find that you do not want more babies, all of the candidates have had babies and lots of sex with another or others. It's not important to me that she never be touched again by another man. What is way more important to me is she not lie about it. Sex with others I can handle, just not the lies or cover up. (Cover up is pretty much lying to me.) Of course, I would not expect someone I just met to get right to all the dirty laundy in their life.
The biggest problem I have come across is that you cannot have a meaningful relationship with someone that is pertending to be someone that they are not. Here comes the tricky part. If you want someone to be themselves (and you really do need that to have anything real) YOU MUST BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE TRUTH. Many say they can, then when the person really does open up, they turn around and hold it against them.
Most folks seem to settle these days and never know what is it like to "unconditionally" love someone. I am not saying that you be abused like in a situation where you are taking care of the kids while he is out drinking and playing with other women. I am saying that if you are dating and they are dating, don't be obsessed with rules and regulations and sitting around waiting for that one "perfect" person to come out of no where and sweep you off your feet. See what it is like to go out with that really cute guy that is (OMG) more than 10 years younger. See what it is like to see someone of a different race (if that turns you on) See what it is like to go out with that badboy biker. You may even want to meet a really cute guy that you know is married. (Better off to pass on those but you don't have to if you don't want to)
Please DO meet for the first time in a public place and avoid sex on the first date because that last thing leads to a string of one night stands that can be fun but most likely will leave you feeling empty and more alone. An occasional one night stand may happen here and there no matter how careful and selective you are so don't freak when that happens.
Should you take the step to become married - then you owe it to your wife/husband to be true. If you are under 30, you most likely will not have a clue what I am talking about here because you are looking for something pure - someone to love and make babies with. At my age, even if I could find a virgin, I would not want her. After the baby stage, seems that naughty and enjoying life is more important then the purity that was so important when younger. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:02:25 AM | No never! And I will also never forgive or forget.
This is the ultimate line never to be broken and there is NO excuse for it.
Don't tell me it's impossible, because I never cheated and never will in ANY way (not only the physical way..cheating is more then that), why do I say never? because I know myself first, I have respect for myself and my partner and also because the day I feel attracted to someone else or feel like flirting, it will mean that my relationship wasn't going well...so I will end it BEFORE doing anything else or even looking elsewhere. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:12:22 AM | The answer to that question is a Definate No! once a cheater always a cheater for sure,I,ve been through that and i feel like i,ve been betrayed and the magic that was once there is never the same again because its always in the back of your mind wondering if he,ll cheat again.It,s totally not worth the BS,find a new partner. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:49:42 AM | | I think if someone cheats on you it means they might cheat on you again because something is lacking for them in that relationship. But I don't believe that if he/she cheats with one partner they'll necessarily do it with a new partner. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:11:49 AM | Of course you can trust them!!!!!!!!
Isnt it obvious - I have complete faith they will cheat again.
I will trust in that.
Myabe Im not following what you mean by trust tho .... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/31/2007 2:43:51 PM | ABSOLUTELY NOT!
"Character is what you are when no body is watching" and this lack of integrity is a serious character flaw. I have never cheated, never will. Commitment is about keeping promises.
I would even go so far as to say that I would not even think of getting involved with someone if they have ever cheated on someone else. My high ethical standards have kept me single for a long time but this is something I am not willing to budge on. It is a deal breaker for sure.
When you are looking for a long term committed relationship, you are looking for someone with the same values. Keep looking you haven't found it yet. In my opinion is also matters where you get your appetite from. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/31/2007 2:49:48 PM | | hell no...... run as fast as you can........men and women who cheat will keep doing it.......... when thay find someone the truely care for and it happens to them . thay will know how it feels.what goes around comes around always. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:49:45 PM | I agree that you can trust again also. But, you have to really look inside yourself to make sure that you can put it behind you and start fresh! I don't beleive in cheating on your spouse. But If you have enough love in your heart to forgive them, and I mean really forgive them then you can move on. It is a very slow process, and trust has to be earned back. It is a give, and take situation, and both of you have to be committed to giving 100%. It is so easy for people to give up and walk away from marriages. About 60% of people would rather just walk away then try to recognize what is wrong and try to correct it. Comunication is the key, listen to each other and really hear what the other is saying.
What it boils down to is love, trust, and comunication without it you don't have a relationship. We are all human, and we make mistakes yes cheating is a big one. But the key is to learn from the mistakes together. It is so easy to pick up and walk away, it takes real courage to stay and try to work things out. Each relationship is different so you have to follow your own heart. Your the only one who can make the decision on if it is worth giving them a second chance.
This is just my own opinion | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:33:03 PM | | Very nicely put! We are all human and make mistakes. We are all quick to judge a person for their action, without knowing the circumstances. But turn it around, put your self in their place. I don't think that you would like to be judge before the circumstances were laid out. Very good analogy Heart, I enjoyed taking criminology in college myself. Even god gives second chace if you ask.... so why shouldn't we. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:40:52 PM | trust has a value and like every other attribute ,we decide what its worth
Some give everything at once and then slowly take it all away , others make trust an incremental accumulation of positive reciprocities.
trusting a liar is like handing them a hammer
Don't **** if they treat you like a nail | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:47:45 AM | | I guess that depends on that person. And if they continue cheating or not. If the cheating does not stop then no they can not be trusted. some times we all put ourselfs in a bad space and fall into for a short time. but once we realize we are wrong we should want to change it and not continue . so to me it depends on the person not the situation. I would trust again if I'm shown that they are sorry and will never do it again and mean it. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 2:46:48 PM | No. And you can't trust yourself either. You can't trust yourself not to hate them; can't trust yourself not to be spiteful; can't trust yourself not to mistrust them every time they go AWOL or behave unexpectedly.
In every case I've come across where a partner cheats and the cheated partner puts up with it the relationship has only deteriorated. | |
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Vlad73
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Joined: 11/17/2007
Msg: 542 | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:06:13 PM | | PERSONALLY, NO I CAN'T TRUST SOMEONE ONCE THEY CHEAT. CHEATING TO ME FALLS UNDER THE UMBRELLA OF DISRESPECT. IF YOU DON'T RESPECT ME THAN WHATS THE POINT. YOU DON'T DESERVE MY FRIENDSHIP IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT ME, SIMPLE AS THAT. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:25:30 PM | No way... If they did it once they, will do it again.
It gets easier after the first time.
The element of trust is broken. Trust is a very hard emotion to get back.
Besides love, trust and honesty are what make a healthy relationship.
Once its gone the relationship is over ....there will always be doubt. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:15:28 PM | It depends on them, why they did it, what effect it had on them, how they felt about it afterwards as well as you and your own personality type
With many couples it actually makes them stronger and more communicative and leaves them in a much stronger relationship afterwards with both fixing things about themselves that led to the indiscretion in the first place as its rarely a oneside cause
But very few couples have aomething worth doing that with to begin with nor have enough of a relationship to build on in the first place so an infidelity ending it is a blessing in disguise for both of them whether they realise it at the time or not
But people can and do change, otherwise everyone would still be making the exact same mistakes they have always made
But when someone loses faith in their own instincts they try to blame other people for their innability to trust either that person or their instincts so its often not related directly to whether it will happen again, but to whether they think they would know if it was
The next bloke or woman could be just as, or even more likely to cheat, and not knowing them as well means youre more likely to miss the signs, but logic has little place in most peoples dating habits | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:28:58 PM | Its great to hear some people out there are willing to give a person a second chance !!!..
I have personally made mistakes in my life time and grateful to those that trustd me enough to give that second chance... And yes I did learn my lessons.... and just hope others will do the same to people that will learn and profit by their mistakes...
Sincerely.....J.
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 548 | |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:06:40 PM | If someone is unfaithful to you, there are other opportunities for them to keep doing it. A person who does that is a false friend indeed.
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:12:03 PM | | Never had to deal with it, but doubt it. It’s not always easy to cut someone out, especially if you love them but think in the case of cheating that its just self-preservation. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:54:27 PM | Evening Folks,
Thanks for the thread and your opinions...For I have experience this betrayal and it is without question the bitterest pill I had ever experienced. I think that I am still trying to deal with the residual affects.
My ex of 22 years had the affair, and without excepting that it was her issues she needed to work on she continnually focused on me.
Then to beat all she divorced me and left me with the children thank God. For their love is what has brought me through.
I would like to share with you this statement an old friend taught me years ago.
TRUST NO FLESH, NOT EVEN YOUR OWN.
Rick TensawEagle | |
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