.Lisa
|
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 751 | |
| |
| |
Älska
|
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 753 | |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:59:53 PM | Re the Opost
I guess we men belong to either one of three categories:
1. Non cheaters
2. Caught cheaters
3. Cheaters but not caught
Since many women think that categories 2 and 3 constitute the grand majority of (adult) men, a caught treater is merely a cheater who has happened to have been caught, ie a man not caught cheating yet is more than likely merely a cheater not "uncovered" yet. So why wait for or trust a man to cheat to throw him to the curb, and not do it a priori anyway? | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:13:18 PM | The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me.
Go back if you choose and don't be surprised if it happens again. Understand that once you knew he / she was capable of cheating, you can't blame them for putting you in that situation... you chose to be there for whatever reason - love, fear, whatever. If you think highly enough of yourself, you will not sell yourself that short. Unless you too are capable of lying and cheating.
The other thing is cheating is a symptom, not the cause of the problem. When someone looks outside the relationship it is because there is something missing... not saying that it's your fault, but there is something that your partner needs and is not getting. Doesn't make it right, but makes it happen. | |
|
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:10:26 PM | | unless you're able to completely shut off your emotions, i think it's impossible to regain trust for someone after they've betrayed you. Jealousy is a natural human emotion and, once you've been cheated on that feeling only intensifies. You become constantly suspicious and worried that you partner is straying. Because after all, they did it once, who's to say it won't happen again? | |
|
wil817
|
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 758 | |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:03:33 PM | | I have just ended a relashionship with someone that I lived with for a year, before they told me that they cheated on their wife when they were married for 10 years. They also admitted to cheating on another women that they had a brief relationship with. But they said "I never cheated when I was with you". Wow that's suppose to make me feel special, NOT. Showed him the door. It is difficult to have the same feelings for someone after you realize that they cannot be trusted, ever. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:29:11 PM | I agree with Smitten.....depends on the situation. I've always believed that cheating, like many other unsavory behaviors, is a symptom of the real problem...whether it's being unhappy with the relationship or themselves. Either way, without some sort of counseling, it will most likely not be resolved...hence, once a cheater always a cheater. But I also believe that in a marriage, it is becoming way to easy to just walk away without working to resolve any issues.
What's happened to commitment..and in good times and in bad...etc, etc? | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:15:49 AM |
I have just ended a relationship with someone that I lived with for a year, before they told me that they cheated on their wife when they were married for 10 years...
Once a cheater, always a cheater. With me or in a previous relationship, they're out as far as any kind of intimate relationship with me. I can find a better man. These guys see 'cheating' as a viable solution to their situation, their unhappiness, whatever, pretty much absolving themselves of any responsibility towards mate and/or children? Give me a break. OUT!!! | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:40:15 AM | Well, seems there is a real player on this system, and I know who it is. Honestly, busting him would be the best thing to do. Seeing as he is also on another internet dating site!!
He is a multi-serial dater, and even though he is a cheater; I honeslty doubt once someone cheats, they can't ever stop. Trust is a huge issue, and he told the girl he met from here (who he was dating for 5 weeks) to "trust me". Alot of good those 2 words are! Why is it, if someone meets someone, apparently has a good connection, they feel the need to test waters with other people? I believe in karma, and I do hope this guy gets it. Or, at the very least...he will get busted AGAIN. Sadly, the next girl will be crushed also, when she finds out. Because, you can only do it for so long, until it comes to an end. | |
|
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:47:28 PM | | nope - not only b/c they always do it again...but also because the doubt that's in the back of my mind after such a lie WILL NEVER go away....and when u ain't got trust u ain't got sh*t... | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:56:51 AM | | Actually a great number of relationships where cheating has occurred have been very stable ones. And often it is not about getting sexual needs met. The number #1 underlying reason for someone to cheat is a lack of self esteem that branches out in all kind of symptoms. ( the observation of the future cheater so obsessed with the faithfulness of their partner is a clue) There is abundant valuable resources online and the assumptions of so many are way out of line. No relationship is perfect and there are many less than ideal relationships where cheating on their partner is never an option. There must be some fundamental changes within a person's view of themselves and time before trust can ever be established again and then you have to ask yourself about your own self esteem to want someone back that proved they weren't worthy of your trust and love. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:14:59 PM | No!!! Really, how could you ever feel secure with that person again?? I have a friend whose boyfriend actually knocked up a woman he worked with. They broke up; but eventually got back together. The girl he knocked up really didn't want anything to do with him...because it was just a brief fling. So then my friend and her bf went through a custody battle...because he wanted to be in his child's life. And, at the end of it all, my friend started cheating on her bf because even though she stood by him, and they still live together...she never really got over what he did until she started doing it herself. It just seems too messy to me. So, if it was me, I'd have walked!!!
 | |
|
| |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:08:07 PM | | I think it is extremely difficult, even if you forgive that person. In my experience, even one act of infidelity (even with no sex involved) was enough to mortally wound what seemed like a good relationship. So cheating in any form I think, gravely harms a relationship and will in the majority of cases, lead to its demise. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:16:55 PM | | hell NO! Onece a cheater always a cheater and if u are cheated on (i never have ben but no pple who have) u will always be wondering in the back or your mind what they are doin, why are they late, why is there ph off ect, so neva go back. | |
|
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:49:31 PM | I can't say every man would cheat again but my ex did.
He'd cheated in 1981 when he went to tech school before he pcs ed to Germany.
Could not behave for less than 6 weeks that he was in school?
Excuses.........
it was his birthday....
he was drunk....
a moment of weakness.
Oh, and it meant nothing to him.
A moment of weakness that lasted from May 1981 to Nov. 2003........
I think his reasons were:
not one ounce of self-control......
he was a selfish 2 legged pig.......
his mentality stopped at the age of 15......
And finally, he had zipper problems..........the dang zipper would not stay up.
So, in his case, once a cheater always a cheater.
If his lips were moving, he was lying.
Caution for Arizona women.........he's there.
S.V.--good ole hoochie coochie AZ.
 He's easy to recognise.
He would be the worm, dressed like a cowboy and imitating a man.
It's a shame that a rotten mans behavior causes other men to be overly questioned, watched more closely and scrutinized.
I know I catch myself with those "Ah ha" moments.
And it's the things from the ex that I should have looked at but didn't.
It's the results of collateral damage.
Deep breath........and remind myself to be cautious and at the same time I want to believe there is more good than bad.
And some are not given a chance because a woman has been burned.
From what I've read on here the water flows both ways.....some women cheat.
The ex cheated with a woman and she more than likely had a s.o./bf.........since it takes two too cheat....the cheat er and the cheat he.
I want a man that I do not have to watch or worry about.......and can totally trust.
No one can steal or take a mate away.........I think when I find that guy then he will be the right one for me.
If I have to stand guard on him then he needs to be else where.
ceeceekitty | |
|
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:28:23 AM | What do you mean by "trust?" First, if you shed the weary paradigm of possessing someone's movements to be synonymous with "committed relationship," it all becomes abundantly clear that "cheating" is "absconding from a form of slavery."
Sure, I can trust someone who "absconded from a form of slavery," in favor of expanding her capability to love. | |
|
Wimmer
|
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 774 | |
| |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:47:11 AM | cheated during 1st. marriage, got c2nd. & 3rd. chances. the other person really put a dent on the relationship. so wife got an o/p. against me for 1yr. I stayed away from her.
for the longest while, over 10yrs.
****She has a "sugar daddy" for a b/f., what do you thing she doing behind his BACK?
She is CHEATING and got **cked many times over the last 18 months. She may
continued to be **ck as we move forward.
we once trvl. together outside the us.
She had always thought that i was the other person.
She has regretted that i am with someone else.
**In the beginning, she had really love and until to this day she still loves me
because i was her first. and it remained like that.
 | |
|
Home
login 
