| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:36:27 PM | NO>...NO>>>..NO...
Someone who cheated in the past, will more than likly cheat in the future.
A cheater is a cheater. Sooner or later, there will be bad times...instead of turning to their mate, they will turn to someone else...and then the cheating begins. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:49:16 PM | I did, with my first husband - mainly because he'd somehow convinced me that it was my fault.
I finally gave up the day he came home with a bottle of medicine I had to take 'just in case'.
He still cheats on his multiple girlfriends, with multiple girlfriends. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:37:20 PM |
Someone who cheated in the past, will more than likly cheat in the future.
And yet 100% of cheaters had never ever in their entire life EVER cheated until the first time, so all of them according to you were far less likely to cheat because they hadnt done it YET
Go figure!
A cheater is a cheater. Sooner or later, there will be bad times...instead of turning to their mate, they will turn to someone else...and then the cheating begins. 
Most of those "bad times" are actually their partner being too busy or self absorbed to make quality time for them actually
So is that something youre often too busy to do with your partners so you'd prefer someone who will just sit at home and put up with it? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:23:01 PM |
Most of those "bad times" are actually their partner being too busy or self absorbed to make quality time for them actually
Can't argue with that statement at all. More often than not, IMO, when a partner cheats (not at all justifying the behavior choice) the relationship is already broken somewhere prior to the cheating. Cheating in that context is a symptom more than the root cause. Whatever is broken in the relationship is shared accountability at its root. Again, not at all justifying cheating as an acceptable behavior choice.
Granted, there are exceptions as some people cheat as a lifestyle but I doubt that is the pervasive norm. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:32:27 PM | I would never trust any woman that cheated on me.If a woman/man feels like cheating they should have the decency to come up to there partner and try and talk things out.If they don't work out then so be it but,going behind someones back and cheating on them is incredibly disrespectful.You are making a fool out of them and there is no reason they should ever be trusted again.
Once a cheater..always a cheater | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:22:13 PM | | I have found, if they cheat, and your forgive, give them another chance, you just give them the chance to do it again. I think it is a guys way of testing, how much will she take? How much does she love me? The test just keeps on getting harder, and the trust is destroyed. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:12:12 PM | No I think once you let a third party into your relationship...its a bridge you cannot cross back over. If it was easy for them to cheat once they will do it again. It was like a sport or an artform to my ex...  | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:06:03 AM | I was gonna say Yes...you can trust them to cheat again!
But realistically...forget about 'promises and excuses' the first and last answer is a simple ....NO! | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:36:30 AM | | I agree, I think once trust is broken to that extent it would very hard if not impossible to regain it back again...... Therefore, do not cheat, it is not worth it, if a person is even considering cheating they should leave the relationship....if the relationship is something they want to keep they need to talk to their partner about what is going on. Open communication within a relationship can solve any problem, but by cheating a person is basically saying the relationship is not important to them. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:36:46 AM | "cheat"...who the **** in their right mind would try to have a meaningful relationship with someone who has cheated or decieved them....
having said that if my lover came to me and said for what ever reason she had just ****ed someone else... i might go into a sulk for a couple of days ...but wouldn't have been cheated... just very badly let down...
in my opinion, adult relationship = honesty more than what you actually do...
Bottom line ..if there is not complete honesty there is nothing.. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:48:35 AM | So most of you who say you would not be with someone who has cheated, interesting thought process, very unrealistic and illogical. Do you realize that most will never tell you they have cheated in past relationships, so to say you will never date a cheater is a bit asinine. JMO | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:11:39 AM | The consensus appears to be a resounding NO, and for good reason: cheaters do tend to repeat their crimes. As someone recently told me, He who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy for the position.
I'll have to admit, though, sometimes it's hard to just switch off your feelings because the other person did. But just like trying to smash a square peg into a round hole, if the relationship fit isn't right, trying to force it to be can damage both parties. And sometimes (like in my case), it's a blessing when the other party decides to leave. It was only after he walked out that I found evidence that my ex had cheated on me for years.....and with many women. Had he not "fallen in love" with his (married) co-worker and wanted to marry her, he'd still be catting around on me.
I'm not bitter and I'm not angry.....I'm grateful. I hope he has found "the one." All that cheating means he wasn't feeling fulfilled....but no, I don't take that personally. Even though I had spent 3 decades trying to make him happy (he was a moody guy), we obviously weren't a good fit. I wish him well. I hope he finds happiness. After all, now I'm free to find it myself.
And, to be quite honest, since he's left......I've never been happier.
So....can you trust someone once they cheat? You could....but it would probably be misplaced trust. The reason for the cheating wouldn't be resolved, so it would probably happen again. Would you want to trust them again? Probably not. If you wouldn't dream of cheating on someone you love, why accept someone who can't or won't reciprocate? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:23:52 AM | as Dr. Phil would say: "you judge someone by their history."
I suppose people can change with the changing of the circumstances. Stop laughing .. it could happen.. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:43:55 AM | Actually heres a thought, that saying that you judge a person by their history
There seems to be a hell of a lot of people who have been cheated on LOADS of times
Its also a pretty self evident fact that most people who cheat do so because their partner is (in their eyes) not making any time or saving any energy for them even if thats just to talk and actually HAVE the relationship they are supposed to be in
So, by the same "logic" should we EVER be stupid enough to date anyone who has been cheated on and more relevantly people who have been cheated on by several partners?
As for the changing thing, as the most common reason for someone becoming so disenamoured with a partner and/relationship they cheat its also quite likely that the reason people cant ever trust a person who has cheated on them is really because they know full well that THEY wont change, that THEY will never be prepared to put any more effort into their relationship or be less self focused and THATS why they "know" a repeat cheating will be likely
As an analogy, if someone punched me in the face because I called their mum a fat tart could I ever trust them not to do it again? Well, that really depends on whether I can trust MYSELF to not call their mum a far tart again really doesnt it?
I COULD take the stance that once they did it once they are BOUND to do it again, but there is always a cause before a reaction, thats why its called a REaction to begin with
So if I know the cause then whether I can trust there wont be a repeat in the future depends not on whether I trust them, but whether I trust myself to change first
And accepting ANY personal responsibility in situations like this is where most people fall flat on their proverbial most of the time
There does also seem to be a subtle but noticeable tendency for people of both genders to be more forgiving of women who cheat and claim they were "neglected" and more so if they claim it was because of "feelings", emotion or love......whereas men arent afforded the same luxury even when the circumstances are iidentical and the same people are responding and yet with the inbalance in child access and property laws we have in this country more men are effectively "trapped" in unworkable dysfunctional relationships than women as doing the right thing and leaving first can often leave them without their home, a large chunk of their income, any decent time with their kids or none at all and living in a bedsit while their ex has the house to hump her new "friends" in
And as many form their first long term relationships many years before they have the faintest idea what they want there are a hell of a lot of people in relationships they shouldnt really be in
As such, many if not most of the ones who cheat in those relationships dont cheat with any of their subsequent partners because they have more wisely chosen and more fulfilling relationships they arent so "stuck" in to begin with
So perhaps we should be looking at the lack of common sense dating someone who has been cheated ON as much as people seem to with those who have been the cheater?
And anyway, how many people do you think ARE even honest about cheating in their past? I bet loads lie through the skin of their teeth about it but are still seen as a "better bet" than someone they are/were seeing who has only cheated the once which I find extremely ironically comical really lol | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:46:16 PM | Hey Reddwine, thought you might want to know that Dr. Phil is not a doctor, he is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, big difference. Though most people don't seem to know that one.
I guess we all make mistakes, but that would be a tough one. I don't ride in someone else's saddle so to speak, because I don't want to be on the receiving end of it. I would like to think that maybe I could give someone a second chance.
Hell, I don't know.....
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:29:33 PM | Msg. 794
Its also a pretty self evident fact that most people who cheat do so because their partner is (in their eyes) not making any time or saving any energy for them even if thats just to talk and actually HAVE the relationship they are supposed to be in
So, by the same "logic" should we EVER be stupid enough to date anyone who has been cheated on and more relevantly people who have been cheated on by several partners?
Excellent point, IMO. There is shared accountability within the parameters of a relationship. No matter how inclined a person may be to ride the blame train, it does not diminish either of their portion of accountability. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:57:39 PM | I do not agree that we should 'totally' judge a person by their history.....people do and have been known to change....(Dr. Phil has some pretty harsh opinions sometimes)...
....I am not saying we should not take it into consideration.......but if a person has become spiritually aware and done the work to change and openly communicates that they have worked through 'issues' that they may have had, I think that is what is most important....the past is the past....of course, if they are in complete denial about things then for sure there is a need to be cautious.....
.....people can change....
My 2 cents | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:24:41 PM | After a year of counseling, I refuse to accept ANY accountability for my ex husbands cheating. If something is broken, you fix it. It's the cowards way out to cheat. Some times a person gives a 100% and it isnt enough, their spouse or significent other is simply put, always looking for better or wanting their cake and eating it too. I can look in the mirror every morning with a clear heart and know I gave my all. My ex cannot.
After I had him thrown out, all the dirty little affairs came out, including the fact that his first marriage failed for the same reason....he was a cheater. Nope, I am not taking one tiny bit of accountability.
If a person does cheat because they are simply put...unhappy, that makes them an even bigger loser...go get counseling, try to fix things and if all else fails, that's why divorces were invented. Cheating is the cowards answer to a bad marriage, it's wrong, there is no other way to look at it. You want sex with someone else, a relationship with someone else, think the grass is greener on the other side/ get a divorce, or leave your bf/gf because you can't put the blame on them, its just plain wrong. It hurts innocent people and no body has the right to do that.
Give them another chance? You better plan on doing that forever because once it starts it won't ever stop. Yeah, I know, I sound angry still. | |
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