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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:16:48 AM | I would have to say "NO".
But..the big...but..
I have witnessed a relationship where the girl was found cheating, her husband found out and gave her another chance..not right away mind you..she really had a hard time earning any kind of trust back from him I'll tell you.
I honestly believe that she did what she did out of stupidity..not thinking of the consequences.
I'm happy to say they are very happy today with 5 kids.
And if anything that experience made them stronger than ever.
This is not the norm obviously...majority will go on with that wonder if they did it once will they do it again, or I did it..now will he to get even.
Life is not a game..We all need to live it with honesty, compassion and unselfishness. | |
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| No chance
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:44:46 AM | | Anybody that takes back their partner after bein cheated is a fool. Once a cheat always a cheat. | |
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jedi4
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Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 929 | |
| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:21:24 PM |
can you trust some one once they cheat?
no, no and no
break all contact, block E mails and phone number
and move on
Time heals all wounds, how you feel now, in 6 months you’ll feel totally different about that person.. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:47:20 PM | Gotta go against Jedi here. (Limited Circumstances Yes)
Sure you can trust a cheater, if you are a man. That is after the divorce, before the alimony, after you kick them out, but while you can still call them up for the booty, Matey.
Otherwise, completely damaged goods. If you put your trust solely into someone you will NEVER truly know, well now, good luck, because I will see you in either the Obits, or under the "Divorces" section. Sweet, you just asked a person who will happily screw you over to please have access to your credit card. It is easy, if you don't want to lose money, you don't go gambling. If you don't want to lose your house, money for the next 20 years, and probably kids, then you don't go gambling. Don't set yourself up to fail, and you plan to fail if you fail to plan.
Gotta go WITH Jedi here. (Limited No)
I wouldn't keep him/her around, that's for damned sure. If I did, I could then look forward to having my car stolen, or my wallet "lost". Let's not mention the brilliant idea of "Joint Bank Accounts"..............
I have heard MANY a man say "I won't divorce her because _____" (Fill in the blank)
Then you ask them REALLY why, and it is because they like owning a house with or without wheels, and vehicles too.
My friends, you don't buy when you can rent, and you don't rent when you can lease.
As usual, Buyer Beware.
If cheaters were complicated people, they would be Neurophysicists on Mars, not scamming you like a 3rd string Punt Return Con Artist. Imagine, if they will lie to you over something insignificant, it won't take much for them to REALLY get you later now will it? | |
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jedi4
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Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 931 | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:48:04 PM | [The problem in the U.S. is that there are 1/2 of the marriages where the people in it, choose a poor partner. They also dont' talk about money, religion, how many kids, the future, they just get married. I don't know how many women that choose a terrible guy, act like he's the greatest thing on earth, while he cheats on her and then she says, oh well, i'm married its complicated. Before marriage people need to talk about flirting, online activity, whats appropriate, but no one does.
I also dont get this thing that flirting with tons of people from the opposite sex is ok. It isn't. It brings temptations and can lead to cheating at work, through the internet or other ways.
I tell someone once we get serious, if you cheat, we're done. They know it beforehand so their are no surprises. Some people dont do that; many think they can sweet talk their way back in but you have to set the boundaries. ] | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:35:26 PM |
(Msg 920) Though, I guess I need to point out again..for most women , not in the mood means they aren't there emotionally/mentally/physically…what you seem to not grasp..is that most ( not all) women neither approach sex the same way as men, have the same triggers, or can just have it no matter how they feel emotionally..etc....doesn't have anything to do with whether they love sex, or their partner...many women just don't function the same as men Dave, I don't know why you find that so hard to believe.
Believe me, I know some women can’t just have sex. 
As you mentioned some women don’t have the same triggers and that’s what I’ve been getting at. IMO, sex is not something that requires a trigger anymore that doing other things for your partner. That’s why I wrote in msg 919,
That’s the strange thing about this “I’m not in the mood” attitude. Not in the mood for what, exactly? Not in the mood to be close to their partner? Not I the mood to bond with their partner? Not in the mood to have their partner try and make then feel good? Or, to be blunt, does not being in the mood mean they’re just not horny?
That’s one of the reasons people cheat. Their partner is not in the mood for extended periods of time. Something is wrong. When a person is making advances to their partner and the reply is, “I’m not in the mood” and no explanation follows what is one to think?
That answer would never be acceptable for anything else. If one wanted to have a conversation with their partner and the partner replied, “I’m not in the mood” and continued to offer that reply, over time, what would happen?
It’s either a lack of understanding of the importance of sex or one just doesn’t give a damn. To go on the belief a person does not deserve a decent answer from their partner just doesn’t make any sense. Besides being disrespectful and selfish and inconsiderate the consequences can be serious. Is it worth it or should the one refusing give a reason?
...you seem to want to change that basic male/female dynamic...women need love to have sex/men want sex to get love..
It’s not a matter of changing the “dynamic”. It’s a matter of realizing that sex is a drive and one is going to get it, sooner or later, with or without their partner. Our bodies are programmed for it, for lack of a better word. Physical and emotional stirrings happen whether or not ones partner is willing. Our body reminds us something is missing and that’s why denying sex is a dangerous game to play. That’s why I believe it’s to a person’s advantage to say why they’re not interested or what the problem is.
There are threads on here concerning men and women who have lived in sexless relationships, for years, and one day their sexuality awakens and an affair happens. Sex can’t be treated as an option because the odds are someone is going to get hurt in the end. We all have to acknowledge the importance of sex which I feel has been given short shrift in today’s society/relationships.
(msg 922) Ok, what about the person who is religious or moral and doesn't believe in having sex because they're in a relationship?
I hope they find someone who feels the same.
What if someone really does need time to build up trust or believes sex may get in the way of truly getting to know someone? Are those people not justified in waiting?
I’ve never had a problem with a woman postponing sex in order to get to know me but I have had a problem with those postponing getting to know me. If a woman wanted time to get to know me then I offered to be available as often and as long as necessary.
That was not once a week dating. That was asking them exactly what they wanted to know. That was offering them the opportunity to spend time at my place or me at their place. I never looked at it as a case of, “date me and see if you’re interested”. I saw it as, “you’re already interested and want more info”. In other words the chemistry was there and one was interested in “settling the matter”, for lack of a better term. When someone came across with a nonchalant attitude I knew the chemistry wasn’t there. There wasn’t any point in hanging around.
I want to add that I’m a very open person. There’s no mystery to me. If a person was interested in knowing me it would require little time or effort on their part.
I'm curious Dave... if you are presently in a very long relationship with someone, and it's everything you are claiming it is, what would possess you to join a dating site? You could have joined yahoo groups or any other message boards, but to be here with singles who are looking for someone... what does that say about your perfect relationship?
Oh, oh! Now the tough question, huh?
I came across this site accidentally, meaning I didn’t Google for single sites. I’m retired and on the computer a lot so I thought it would be nice to meet people. I used to be on a chat site until they started charging, back about 7 or 8 years. I chatted with people and would go to “meets” in Ontario, NY, Pennsylvania, etc. On many occasions I would go alone and when I returned my wife (then girlfriend) would see pictures of me on the net taken at those “meets”. You know, the regular type pics with women sitting on my lap, lying on my hotel bed, etc.
My wife came to one ”meet” and didn’t care for them. She didn’t mind if I went alone. I explained that the women in the pictures knew I was there alone and staged them. My wife understood. How’s that for trust!!! I even spent a night at the place of a lady I had known since childhood. Just her and I in a big, big house!
No, I did not sleep with her nor the other women I met. Why? Because I wasn’t lacking sex at home. Simple as that.
When I came to this site and read the forums I knew I was needed here. 
Just to wrap this up I am deeply in love with my wife and she tells me she feels the same about me. While my opinions/advice may not be politically correct I know what has worked for me over the last eleven years and if they help others or prevent heartbreak then I’m a happy camper.
I’m not a pervert or terribly kinky but I can’t stress enough the importance sex holds in a romantic relationship. And best of all, it’s free! | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:44:20 PM | | Once a cheater always a cheater..........my ex cheated on me 6 mo after we were married due to my extensive work hours....boy he loved the money coming in, but said I didnt love him anymore cause I was so dam tired after working 12-16 hour days for weeks at a time with no break.......so all the time we were married, every little fight we got into he would go cheat with these 2 broads...true i blame them just as much | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:48:31 PM | | why would you do that, because you love him, well apparently, he doesnt... there are plenty of nice guys out there, why dont you give one of us a try next time..... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:01:12 PM | | Sure you can but it will take a while to trust again. I knew a married woman who's hubby cheated on her. He had to kiss her butt for a long time. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:22:59 PM | I had a lady that was scared that I would stray - - - she had this happen to her many times - -
I said, it would take a lot to make me stray - - first, I would have to be drunk and I do not drink more than one drink so that is not possible and it would have to be combined with her taking the aggressive action of stripping down (naked or bra and panties) and sitting in my lap before she would even have a chance of getting me to stray - - - - and we all know that is not very likely - - - - as I would not be in a private place with her - - -
Jim P. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:42:47 PM | | I for one have no interest in cheating, or continuing a relationship with anyone who would. If you want to see someone else, break up with me first and I promise I will do the same.... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:27:48 PM | The question should not be can you trust someone once they cheat, but will you. No one can ever answer that question. Everyone forms an opinion of their own and everyone has intuition. You go with what you feel, because some people change and some dont, only you will know. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:24:43 PM | NO
Once you are in a loving relationship and have agreed upon not seeing anyone else if one person breaks the trust I think it is over.
If person gives everything, and will be a loving a trusting partner then the other should too without exception.
Oh Yesss..
I have been there and done that.
Oh your working late? Hmm
Over at a friends? Hmm
Still Shopping? Hmm
Gas Station? Hmm
I could never trust her again... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:15:36 PM | | there must be a logical reason why they cheated....I cheated on my X husband he would not hear me out. I think if a woman is with another man who is not there husband it is ok but a man's infidelity is unforgivable. A woman looks for emotional lacking and if she strays for that it is forgivable and the husband should improve his skills but when a man cheats its for sex and that is a SIN...unforgivable | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:25:14 PM | | I was woundering how many of the divored people on this site is divorced for cheating and if they are will they tell thier SO before it gets to serious, now you are all going to say its none of thier bussiness but just think the SO knows you was married got a divorce what if they finnaly do meet your ex with out you being thier and it comes out why they divorced you. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:37:22 PM | It depends on the situation and your relationship with the person, how long it lasted, whether or not the person was honest and upfront about it and discussed it with you first.....
If their is alot of sneaking around and lying and the person has only admitted it because they were caught out then I think the answer is NEVER
If they admitted and owned up to the situation and discussed it openly and honestly then maybe its worth working on ............ Sometimes a relationship can become distant and both parties are unhappy not just the one who cheated and the cheating is jsuta fall out from the underlying problems, sometimes sorting out the problems can solve the issues.......... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:35:55 AM | Yes i agree you will always be wondering if they would cheat again, living life looking over your shoulder..I personally couldnt live that way...
I got cheated on 3 weeks into our engagement, i threw his sorry ass right out the door, to see him scuttling down the path pleading his innocence was pathetic...
Why do people that cheat still try and deny it, i mean i would have rather him looked at me i said, ok i hold my hands up, i done it, not tell me a million and one lies, co incidently the girl rung him on his phone ater he left.(he was in such a hurry to leave he left it here)..she had no idea he was engaged or even seeing anyone..he rung that night and said she had been gunning for him and was upset he got engaged, to right she was!!
She told me he had cheated on her loads of times..i said wise up and do as i did...
No i agree. kick a cheat to the kerb and get someone who respects you. cheaters have no respect for you or themselves!!...They also tend to be very insecure...
Thats just my two penneth worth and my views
Karla
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:19:51 PM | NOPE!
cheat once trust is broken.never able to have full trust again.
thats the way it works for me.thats why i dont want no stinking cheater
theres no excuse for cheating.if u are not happy with someone break up with them its that simple.
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:53:35 AM | No !!!!once a cheater always a cheater. It breaks the bond of trust. Been there more times than I can imagine. Heard everything you could even imagine. Go to work at 4:00 am and not come home till 11:00 pm. Delivering uniforms. Ummmmm.... Find telephone numbers on the pager bill. Call them and a female answers. UMMMMM..... Go to work and come home to find emails that have been sent to an ex girl friend and an ex wife of him confessing his undying love to them. Wanting them back. Trying to pick up a young girl and get her to have sex with him in a dressing room at a mall. Loses his coat and keys to a car I have bought him that is in my name. Because he lets a female put it around her arms standing outside the hotel he is working at. She goes off and leaves without giving him his coat back. Have to get the car rekeyed. He doesnt' want me to file a police report and the story keeps changing. UMMMMMM..... Once you catch them in one lie and they are cheating. It will keep going on and it will never stop. They don't respect you or themselves for that matter.
Yvonne | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:59:13 AM | | It depends on if you are married or not and whether children are involved. If not, no, not really. If Kids are involved, ultimatum. Full stop, or show the person the door? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:57:33 AM | yes, I've said it bedore and I'll say it again; yes I could learn to trust again. I could learn to forgive again . Plus, you know what's kinda wakd?.. People say all kids of stuff, I know I have about my old friends, my exboyfriends, especially my exhusband( mostly cause it hurts so much to talk or think about him) I am trying to move on. Blahh, blahh, blah.  | |
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