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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:59:13 AM | | It depends on if you are married or not and whether children are involved. If not, no, not really. If Kids are involved, ultimatum. Full stop, or show the person the door? | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:57:33 AM | yes, I've said it bedore and I'll say it again; yes I could learn to trust again. I could learn to forgive again . Plus, you know what's kinda wakd?.. People say all kids of stuff, I know I have about my old friends, my exboyfriends, especially my exhusband( mostly cause it hurts so much to talk or think about him) I am trying to move on. Blahh, blahh, blah.  | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:29:56 AM | Hmmmm...I think cheating is kind of like robbing a bank. The first time a person does it, it is difficult, terrifying and the person might feel guilt ridden. I believe it only gets easier for the person after that 1st time. Easier to do...easier to hide...and is done with less 'provocation'. (There is NEVER a valid reason to cheat! I don't care what the circumstance). Ah...no...at least not for me - I can't trust a person if they cheat. Done. Over. No going back.
Deb | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:27:34 AM | | NO. If someone cheats on you and you give them the opportunity to do it a second time, it now is your fault. I have learned that the hard way. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:10:53 AM | Cheating can come in many forms - from lying, to conning, to manipulating, to being secretive, to not placing you first above all others in your relationship, to meeting with others in inappropriate ways that might be considered cheating whether it is or not without letting you know, or being up front with you, when both you and they know they should have been, to outright covert cheating with someone else.
There are people who do these things as a matter of normal behaviour. They rarely can control or help themselves. In any event, what we are talking about here is "trust". Trust broken is trust lost and trust lost is trust gone. While love is blind and will tolerate many things, and continue to hope for the best, once trust is lost, all hope of all things that should come with a relationship is also lost. Things like security, feeling special, knowing you are loved, being able to believe in that other person and their feelings for you. It gets replaced by constant insecurity, feeling cheated and hurt and not special at all, wondering if you are loved or ever were, and always wondering whether you are being lied to or being made a fool of. It is one of the worst forms of abuse. Emotions like anger, hurt, jealousy, bitterness, doubt, paranoia begins to enter into all aspect of your relationship and being. These are ugly, awful, feelings that can lead to serious depression and terrible thoughts and deeds.
If you have been cheated on in any way, it is no reflection on you, but the person who did the cheating. Hard as it may be, get out, save yourself from the rot of your becoming what that this cheating person can corrode you into. They do not love you. They do not deserve a second chance. You deserve better. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:37:41 PM | As someone who has never cheated but been cheated on, I can say that the thing that has always troubled me the most was not the sexual thing that occured with my partner and her "other guy" ... but the betrayal of trust and the deception that occured.
I've always had a very open attitude about the possibility of something like that happening due to the nature of my past / present profession and the amount of time I was required to be away. Always had "the talk" with someone prior to getting deep into a relationship that essentially went like this ...
Me: "... due to the nature of my job and the amount of time it requires for me to be away, I know that your seeking something outside of the relationship could be a possibility and I just want to address this now. If you ever feel the need to go outside of the relationship to scratch that itch, just be honest and tell me beforehand ... honor me and what we are building before you do the deed and be open and honest about where things stand ... it's all about respect and, though I may not like what I'm hearing, at least everything will be on the table and things will have been handled in an honorable manner " ... at least with everything out in the open, we could have mutually decided to have an open relationship or allow the thing to morph into something else ... friends with benefits, perhaps?
She: "Oh, that would NEVER happen. I would NEVER cheat." or " Oh, I'm not like that ... I looovvvvveeeee you".
When the deed did occur, my partner always ended up realizing that it was NEVER about the sex outside of our relationship that was most upsetting and a deal breaker ... it was the total disregard for the truth, the intention that went into "the act" despite my addressing the possibility and giving her the chance to deal with it accordingly and for the lack of respect shown not only to me but too the commitment ... so I guess that I could forgive the person for the tryst, but the damage has been done and I see that person through new eyes ... I would certainly choose too not engage that person with any part of my being after all is said and done.
I've always been honest and upfront about things and expect the same ...
Perhaps I live in a fantasy land ...
jeffery | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:54:24 PM | If the person you're with is "cheating" trust me, they've done it before, and will do it again...once a cheater always a cheater....I just spent four long years with someone who told me "on the phone" that they had been cheating on me right along, and probably did so on his wife....the grass isn't greener somewhere else...but these people have to find out the hard way....stay clear.....you deserve better than that....
Coral Roses | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:40:33 PM |
Me: "... due to the nature of my job and the amount of time it requires for me to be away, I know that your seeking something outside of the relationship could be a possibility and I just want to address this now. If you ever feel the need to go outside of the relationship to scratch that itch, just be honest and tell me beforehand ... honor me and what we are building before you do the deed and be open and honest about where things stand ... it's all about respect and, though I may not like what I'm hearing, at least everything will be on the table and things will have been handled in an honorable manner " ... at least with everything out in the open, we could have mutually decided to have an open relationship or allow the thing to morph into something else ... friends with benefits, perhaps?
Jeffrey, so did anyone ever do it another way? That is, the way you asked for?
--Ms. Flis | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:06:41 PM | I've had a few relationships that ended on a better note and not everyone with whom I've been involved has cheated ... after clearly defining "the why", some of those women went their own way and found someone who was able to give them the time and attention they sought while, with others, the dynamic of those relationships did, indeed, change and we continued to see one another, but not exclusively ... those people did choose to honor me and my request, all the while understanding that if my / our situation were different, then things would be different, as well ... odd thing is ... many of those women are still involved in my life on another level as the thing that drew us together ... the real reason we bonded ... was not compromised ... we still remain friends and some of those women even call me to discuss their relationship issues with their current partners, which is kind of ironic ... but those who cheat do so without any real regard for others ... they tend to be selfish and self - serving more than anything, I believe ... and don't give any real thought to the damage that is done by such a thoughtless act. If the relationship isn't working ... for any number of reasons ... get out ... move on ... but do it with grace, respect and honor.
jeffery | |
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