| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/3/2005 7:06:09 PM | | NOPE apparently I can't..he cheated.. we split up...stupidly I took him back and married him...he cheated again while engaged...paternity test was a wake up call..I never trusted him again and 7 years later decided I'm not living in a trustless marriage..I know..I am slow on the uptake..but at least I'm canning him now. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/6/2005 11:46:42 AM | | Hey Mermaid. I did the same thing and my relationship had the same result. I just couldn't totally get past what he had done... spent a year and a half together including living together for a few months.... and I wanted so much to trust him.... only to see that he lied to me even about little stuff right to the bitter end. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/6/2005 11:54:47 AM | Once a cheater always a cheater.... YOU CAN NOT HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!!!
I guess everyone has to go through it to believe it. I just wish I had known then what I knew at the time that I finally left. Well.... anyways. What's done is done. I will no longer tolerate cheating no matter what the excuse. There is NO reason for cheating. Break it off before you stick it in another woman. In the end someone always gets hurt. Too bad that someone used to always be me.... | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/6/2005 11:59:40 AM | | No. I tried to do it once with my last bf... but at random moments I'd remember things he had said or did and it was never the same after that. Plus there was that constant, "So, when you said you were....you were really...." thing to where when he'd tell me he was going to see his friend or whatever I always felt funny. All trust was gone. It got to where even though I loved him, we were more or less **** buddies because we were just going through the motions without any real depth left in things. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:02:11 PM | | no way. once a cheater, always a cheater. its in him. if he loved you, the thought would never have crossed his mind. why would you want that. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:02:27 PM | | no way. once a cheater, always a cheater. its in him. if he loved you, the thought would never have crossed his mind. why would you want that. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 6:41:37 AM | | It's hard to forgive that person at first but if you love them a lot you will forgive them and make them have to earn that trust back. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 7:04:07 AM | | I used to think that if I was cheated on, he'd be dumped like *that*....but this past winter, I was cheated on emotionally (he didnt touch her, but told her me and him had broken up when we hadnt and flirted with her). HE was the one who wanted to leave, cuz he'd hurt me so badly. But I looked at him, and loved him and knew he was sorry and so have given him another chance. Thus far, things have been better than ever before. He's more attentive to me, more affectionate, remembers important dates lol. It's actually made us stronger as a couple. Of course I have my moments of distrust and doubt, the moments where it all comes back to me and I have to be by myself....but I look at it this way: Humans are weak. By nature, we are selfish, weak and immoral. This is why everyone makes mistakes. But people can and do learn from their mistakes, and the only way to prove to yourself and others that you can change and learn is to be given those second chances. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, and only a second chance. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 7:56:34 AM | | l dont think u can trust some one wen they cheat if he are she means everything 2 u then give it 1 more try but make sure u have a 1 night staned its only fair play and tell him or her .if he r she has slept with 1 of ur mates dow then **** them of thats going to far and they dont get a second chance | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 8:24:24 AM | depends on them, you, circumstances, you, your relationship, and them.
Some say once a cheat always a cheat. Others say our marriage survived the "indiscretion."
Some run back into arms after the cruel, cold world? Disease must be chedked for if this is a physical relationship?
I'm not sure..tons of literature on it on web. I prefer a woman that doesn't cheat on me. And, of course, I'd have to really love her to take her back or have to see some sorrow or reasoning must be great..like I was a schmuck and she was drunk..and he had a great suit on (the temperature was just right, he said all the right things, we were having a fight that night, she had never been with anyone else, the moon was in phase, the stars were aligned, estrus.... ah....)
I don't like cheating. | |
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Nibua
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Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 89 | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 8:49:49 AM | | I wish you the most luck with your decision to try and trust this person. Just left a man that I love and I know loved me... He cheated on me early in our relationship, and in all honesty, I just really could not get over it. It would be good for a time and then some small thing would happen and I would get crazy with worry... Know this, I am a confident woman and fell good about who I am, but when you experience that betrayel.... It really wrecks you a bit... So, what I am trying to say, I think it takes someone really gifted to be able to get over the hurt that cheating brings.... Wasn't me.... Moven On:) | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 9:08:08 AM | tried it with my last girlfriend, big mistake.
I was at a renfest, and she got drunk and kissed another guy, it was our first date, it hurt to say the least, but liek an idiot I trusted her.
Somethign I will never do again.
After that I came to the belief that if someone is able to do something liek that when drunk they also are when sober, would just be a matter of more time. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 9:09:18 AM | Speaking as a former cheater I thought I'd give my perspective on this. NOTE: I have not cheated on anyone or slept with anyone that was in a relationship for 12 years now. Because I've done this and had it done to me, I've spent a lot of time figuring out what caused my behavior and how to stop hurting others.
I believe there are two main things that transpire when this takes place, one is opportunity and the other is thought patterns. I find that my thought patterns, generally, don't change very easily because they have been re-enforced in many ways in order for me to violate my moral values. Yes, cheaters normally do have morals and feel guilty for what they've done but find reasons to justify their behavior.
The solution for me was to avoid the opportunities that re-enforced this thought pattern, ie: avoid situations that I could get in trouble. I established some simple rules for myself that included 1) staying away from women in one-on-one situations, unless both of us we're single and unattached. 2) Avoiding sexual conversations with all women unless both of us we're single and unattached(this includes flirting) 3) being willing to disclose truthfully, any place I'd been or was going to, with a current partner. 4) recognize that others had a legitimate reason to not trust me and do everything reasonable to validate their feelings about me, including changing my plans if she's very uncomfortable with what I want to do. I know that telling a partner "it's your problem" never instills trust in any situation.
This type of thought and behavoir is my problem and I am responsible to do everything I can to avoid going back to where I came from and to prove that I am trustable to anyone that requires my trust. I never demand that someone trust me. Of course none of this would ever have happened unless I truely desired change in my behavior.
I don't generally trust cheaters but I do believe if they really want to change it can happen but it requires total willingness to do everything possible to prove to yourself and others that you won't go back to those situations. As was mentioned, you don't accidentally have sex with someone. By the way, I still pretty much live by these rules(boundries).
I think some people forget that reproduction is a natural instinct and if our thought patterns are focused on things that trigger that natural instinct it will heighten desire. Isn't that what foreplay is all about? Getting excited and in the mood? I just think the endorfins that get released into me when I'm "in the mood" overcome rational thinking hence I need to avoid inappropriate situations that could trigger the release of endorfins. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 9:15:14 AM | No, no way, no how.
And if I chose to stay with them, chances are I'd likely end up fooling around on them because I'd have one foot out the door anyway, and that I wouldn't CARE what my fooling around did to them. I know this from past experience, and I'll never repeat it - EVER. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 9:47:41 AM | | There's staying together and then there's trusting them. I like to think that after a long and otherwise sound relationship, I would be strong enough to forgive a single indiscretion if my partner seemed sincerely sorry and deeply committed. Even then I think I'd always be looking over my shoulder. It would take a very long time and a lot of suspicion to learn to trust them again. I do think it's possible though. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 10:03:33 AM | | If a partner cheats then the relationship is not a good 1 to begin with, usually very little communication and people get involved with certain people for the wrong reason's as alot of people are very insecure in themselves and usually need to cling to someone for a quality they do not possess, for example alot of people are together in a relationship to share expenses of living, they cant live with their parents so they stay in a crappy relationship to maintain some independance or they are attracted to the BF or GF ability to save money and security becomes the deciding factor, in the end if you dont love the person with all your heart it is doomed for eventual failure, and if children are involved it becomes a big mess!! there are so many single mothers out there having a hard time getting a man that will accept the baggage, its gotta be hard. The smart thing to do is rely on yourself and be patient and 100% sure that the person you are with is the right 1 for you. | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 10:56:31 AM | | To trust someone after they cheat is a growth process, your mind tells you you can, while your heart still aches, there may always be the shadow of that part of the relationship that has been destroyed, no matter how much we want to completely trust them again, a part has died, and can a death be reserected in humans? | |
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addict
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Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 98 | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 11:36:50 AM | | i used to think no way in hell...now i think it all depends on the situation. but i would make him suffer for it and buy me lots of jewlery. lol | |
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| can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 6/9/2005 12:03:13 PM | Remember this:
It takes time to build trust. . . .and only seconds to break it. . . .
Go figure!
Me, once you break my trust, guess what? You're going to have to save the world in order the get my trust back and more. Trust is not something to mucked with.
So when someone cheats on you, they're violating a social etiquette or understanding. I would still be that person's friend but trust will always be a issue in the back of my mind. | |
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