| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:11:58 PM | Patience is the key. It will get better and as you move on with your life the thoughts of her will be replaced by thoughts of other women who you see possibilities with. I know it feels like you will never get over her, but you will-it just takes time.
Good Luck. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:32:27 PM | | Thanks everyone for your responses, they are definetely helping me decide what to do. My job is dead boring, so I wouldn't mind leaving it anyway, and I know it will really help me get over her. I think I would nearly be over her by now if I just didn't see her everyday. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/8/2007 9:51:39 AM | The length of time it takes to get over a relationship depends on several aspects. The most obvious is that the one who loves the deepest takes the longest and sometimes never really "gets over" the hurt of a break-up.
I once heard it explained this way ( the analogy given made a lot of sense to me at the time) ...
When a couple first enters into a deep and loving relationship - the example given was a marriage - it's likened to two sheets of paper being securely glued together - one squarely on top of the other. If you try to separate the two sheets of paper after the glue has dried for a long period of time, no matter how carefully you try to separate them the result is that a part of each sheet remains on the other.
The same with people. When a couple who've been united for some time and then become separated - the reason doesn't matter - a part of each person stays embedded in the other - sometimes forever. Perhaps a subsequent relationship that has a stronger bond will cover up or wear away the remnants left by the previous one - it's hard to predict.
I heard a friend cite a quote although less profound the advice worked for her... "The best way to get over a guy is to get under another one"  Since the OP is a male perhaps it could be adapted for him by saying "The best way to get over a girl is to get on top of another one". A crude way of giving advice, but perhaps it made the OP smile as it did for me at the time. 
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/8/2007 10:08:16 AM | I have a friend who has a theory that it takes you half the length of the time of the relationship to get over it.
Personal experience suggests that this is about right.
I'd say that - WITH NO CONTACT - you'll be over her in a matter of months.
BUT! if this is your first relationship and all that then this is a different deal.
PLUS - you work with her!!! Mmmmm
It's not stacking up well in your favour.
Switch jobs and get on the pull. It may not be your type of thing but it's the best therapy.
And for those of you who are about to slag me off - the website you are on is called PLENTYOFFISH.
There are plentyoffish left in the sea. Go catch another :-) | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 31 | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:36:14 PM | Timo..
here is what vey wise old lady shared with me when I thought my heart would just stop from the end of a LT relationship .. it helped me alot maybe it will ease your heart alittle.
when you really love someone you never get over it.. real love is forever... so few people in this world are blessed enouh to ever feel this rare and beautiful emotion.. so dont focus on getting over it.. instead treasure the way you feel and put it in a special place in your heart.. keep living each day knowing that you are able to feel such beauty and allow your heart to just be open! dont close it an lose out on the next love that will come your way.. our hears have so much love to share but only if you allow it..
loving someone new does not mean you loved her any less you are just allowing life to happen the way it was meant to be..
enjoy the memory of that relatinship and be thankful you still will love again...
man blessing and stay positive.... | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:40:01 AM | That's some really good advice, and a fair bit of wisdom there especially from trueserenity. But I don't want to do the whole sleep with someone else thing to get over her. Not that sort of person, had offers from girls since then for that sort of thing but I've said no. I don't want just sex, I want the whole thing, sex without caring for the other person just isn't for me.
Anyway I'm fine right now, I started this post friday night when I was depressed cause I'd just worked all week with my ex, but a couple days away from her and I'm all good again. But it'll be the same story next friday, just slowly builds up during the week. I just gotta get outta that job and stop seeing her and I'll be fine... I hope so anyway. | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:58:15 AM | I sure can relate...it took me almost 2 years to get over my ex....I find there really isn't anything you can do to hurry the healing process...it just takes time.
Finding someone new is not the right thing to do, how can you offer yourself to someone if you're in love with another? | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:25:35 AM | | AS a rule, I understand one month alone, per year of involvement, to recover from the relational distress associated with a breakup, give or take, depending on the level of frustration or anxiety. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:47:20 AM | | Im really surprised this hasnt come up. There is a old saying "Dont dip your pen in company ink!" Dating somebody you work with almost always results in big problems. You didnt really say if you work directly with her or not but I would limit contact to work only issues! Outside of that have no contact of any kind with her! | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:08:39 AM | | A second thing to consider I should have added to my original post is to make sure your you concentrate on your job! I owned a business for 20 years and I actually fired one not because of a relationship with a co-worker, but for performance issues that no doubt the underlying cause of the issues was the on again off again relationship with the co-worker. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:53:57 AM | kwh56, well arn't you a big hero..A real company man. I guess working for you should be the biggest priortiy in life for any man.
I feel sorry for any man who never takes a chance or a risk in life. If your love happens to be at a place you work at and you don't take the chance becasue you choose to follow company policy I call you a fool... Somethings are even more valuable than your job working for the man. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 12:10:16 PM | as long as you see her every day and text her and talk to her and pretty much have a relationship with her without callin it a relationship.. never.
good luck with all that.
momma used to say "mija, don't sh*t where you eat" which means dont date people at work because you're asking for job hell. you're risking the happiness and the comfort of your workspace to be with someone and if it doesnt turn out... well the moment that she starts dating someone else (and it will happen) you're gonna wanna start killin things.
so don't kill things. find another job and meet girls somewhere else.
sorry you had to experience it.
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:47:08 PM | | i have found that if you cease all communication with the other partner that this helps to move on...yes it hurts not having the phone calls the texts and etc...but it also heals the healing process quicker...as far as work goes...if you have great job and need keep it due to our dear old economy just avoid having contact with her. you will have stop all communication to get through this | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:32:53 PM | Take as long as you need, or want- but taking steps to refocus your attention will help.
Do things you love that make you feel good- hobbies, friends, exercise- keep busy.
Avoid thinking about it by putting away pictures, don't continue communication.
Don't overeat or drink, rehash it mentally, or become too solitary.
May be a slow, gradual process, or a short one.
Depends how hard you fell, and how well you bounce!
Good luck.  | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 2:53:48 PM | Trueserenity, Where did you get such wisdom? Sounds good to me. I could've used this about five years ago.
OP, there is no set time for getting over someone...it depends on how fiercely you loved this person. I don't want to tell you to deny your feelings, but every time you feel one of these feelings, get to doing something physical. Getting active takes your mind off of these thoughts & onto whatever you're physically doing at the time. Just make sure the activity is stressful enough to keep you focused on the activity instead of your thoughts on this person. Hope this helps | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2007 5:05:49 PM | I think it is cool that you are still friends. I think--I know--that being her friend still is good for both of you; that you really enjoy each other. But I also encourage you to develop new friends--put some effort into this.
It reminds me of a Brownies song: Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.
If you adopt that attitude, it will be very good. When I was younger (30) and a relationship hadn't (yet) ended, an old geezer who knew both of us said to me, "Don't compare." It was ominous, scary. He knew more about what "my guy" was thinking than I did. However, the advice is sound: make new friends, try new activities. By focusing on the new without withdrawing from this friendship, you will have learned a LOT about people, flexibility, boundaries....if you moved away from the workplace, do you think you'd idealize this woman? Just stay open to learning new. You're young, and you can do it.
I have outgrown old amours. And the "moving on" could be precipitated by a marriage (either of you) or a relationship, but that connection (even between ex-spouses) is not bad, if it can hold the differences as well as the commonalities. | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/10/2007 5:44:32 AM | | Yeah I'm keeping active. I have started bmx jumping, I'm already a professional bmx flatland rider, but there is something about jumping and flying one and a half stories in the air which takes your mind off of everything else haha. But to answer a few questions, I work directly with her, and guess what, now her mum too. Lucky me hey haha. I'm in Australia and I work for the railway unloading trucks I'm a forklift driver, my ex is too and so is her mum. I work for the government so there are heaps of employees, nobody works hard at the railway so productivity issues due to a relationship isn't really an issue. I always wanted to go study anyway, and I'll have the money to go do that, its a lot easier in Australia. So I'm just going to get out of there. I was fine on the weekend, but today working with her I felt like jumping in front of one of the trains. I just gotta get out of there that's all there is to it and I'll be alright. Just wish she would leave me alone at work. But if I don't talk to her she comes up and asks what wrong, on friday when I was depressed she sent me a msg telling me to cheer up and have a good weekend. She just doesn't understand that I need to be away from her, because its obviously not an issue for her. I don't know she was such the man in the relationship haha. I remember 5 months into it her telling me one night in bed, "you know yesterday I realized I'd really miss you if we broke up". Haha we'd been going out for 5 months and she had only just started caring about me. Was pretty harsh, but that's just who she is very emotionless...most of the time, was about 1 month there when she really opened up thats when i fell for her bad. But yeah she closed up again for about a month before she dumped me. And now she just wants to be friends. I just want to get far far away :) | |
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| How long does it take to get over a relationship?
Posted: 12/10/2007 5:50:48 AM | | I think that people who work together should not try to have relationships. It can be very awkward seeing someone you were nuts about dating someone else. I think it just makes for bad business. Just my opinion. | |
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