| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/7/2007 5:29:45 PM |
You're assuming that they plan to have children.
No, not assumption that is my personal opinion (as that is what forums are generally about, you can't speak for other's experiences), I would like to have children one day. Life is difficult enough without having daily health issues to challenge you. It would be ideal to give your children the highest platform to start their life from.
That being said, I believe that if a person has a significant deficit that could be passed onto their children, most young people who are looking to have children would not go out of their way to be with that person unless already paired with them. | |
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go97
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Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:33:30 PM | | Have to agree wiht poster Scarlett....You don't have a problem as such, you have a problem if you wnat to make a big deal out of it. I suggest you just get on with living and dating and rejoice that you don't end up in hospitals as with some other medical conditions (or for the matter a jail lol) if yu happen to forget to take yr pills.....Most gals will still date you, just be open and upfront in a discreet way and in the right moment...of course you still need that romantic chemistry ........ | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:10:59 PM | David, Ihave disabled people in my family. Truly, no one suffers more greatly from lonliness , sadness than those with challenges beyond what others deal with.
It's not easy to help non - disabled people rid themselves from fear .
However , people DO RESPOND TO FAMILIARITY! Take a different path,you are obviously a responsible,caring person. People need a starting point, in order to build a picture..[true picture] of the real you. Don't make an issue of your disability, you do NOT owe that to people wholesale. Join a group, maybe Church for example, so people can get a fresh start ,in order to get familiar with the real YOU.
YOU know you best, by your own estimate, you have conquered , at least resolved,your issues. Let NO ONE put you off track!
GOOD LUCK DAVID! | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:31:55 AM | | I know where you're coming from. I'm on SSI for OCD, depression, anxiety, plus I have trichotillamania and a couple of other things sprinkled here and there. I take my meds everyday, and I've had a problem with dating. Men don't like to hear about my problems, but I like to get it all out into the open. I've always tended to dive right into relationships and they burned out quickly. I've taken a year and a half off from even trying to date and I'm depressed about being alone, but I don't have to deal with anyone else's drama either. You are what you are, and as long as you're dealing with it and taking your meds faithfully, hopefully you'll meet someone who's understanding of your disorders and sees the real you. It's always seemed to me that people like us are really nicer than alot of people out there in society who should be on something but they'd never admit it or get help for it. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:50:06 AM | Total dealbreaker.
I did the bipolar, personality disorder...I'll save you thing....
Now I run, scream and hide under the bed. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:26:05 AM | | well i have depression, adhd and a general learning impairment...and i feel it gets in the way...i have noticed many have problems with people who have learning disabilities and depression on here...i have been told/seen uncalled things many times due to issues with learning disabilities or depression...its a sad world we live in now cause many don't want to bother with anyone who has these types of problems often...for whatever lame excuse they have...i call it ignorance and nothing will change my mind about that...i'm to the point now if i catch someone attacking someones problem i will report them now cause they shouldn't be coming on here putting others down with these problems...they should leave them be and move on till they find someone who meets there standards instead...i have joined a site for anyone with these type of problems and its much friendlier than on here...i use this site for forums only now because of all the ignorance on this site towards this issue... | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 1:56:19 PM | | People have problems with anyone who has any sort of impairment that's beyond wearing glasses or contacts. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:04:33 PM | bearwoman, I have a friend (she was my smoking coach) who had trichotillamania, and she used a lot of the same tactics for both. Totally lovely woman, and I couldn't see it impacted her life at all. Good luck.
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 4:01:28 PM | | A disability is not a red flag or a challenge. If you love someone with a disability, you accept it and learn to live with it. In the case of mental disabilities, which might not be as visible as physical disabilities, you probably want to let the person you are dating know fairly early on so that she can decide if she is prepared to live with it. In your case, I assume that the woman you are dating would need to be aware of signs that you are not taking your meds, or if you are slipping emotionally. If you are a potential danger to a woman if you slip emotionally, you should let her know that, too. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:34:54 PM | its not a red flag unless its putting me in direct danger.
this should never be a reason to not date someone. not unless you are the type to stop takin your meds for fun and smack a girl around in uncontrollable rage one a quarterly basis. then... yeah maybe.
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:30:50 PM | OPEN communication, delving into the larage variety that is where we are all fishing, honesty, curiosity, and understanding are all reasons for broadcasting --- anything. The man HAS these conditions whether or not he is medicated. I could open up the discussons about visable vs invisible disability. So he doesnt sit in a wheelchair like some people I know. Their issues are visible. I have had brain injury re-arrange my molecules in the past. There are occasional instances where lingering damage is triggered for me even 15 years later. Other wise, unless I tell you, you wouldnt know why I might react the way i can/might/ do to some situations. He need not be ashamed or be afraid to tell the world, online or otherwise, what is part of his life. David,
If you find someone to learn about you, with you, then bless you. Women are, unfortunately, traditionally better at compassion and learning and toleration than men. So, this bodes well for you. I continue to fish.... | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:33:19 PM | | having said all that, at the core of everything, your issues are just an adendum to you to make life interesting, and worth the journey. YOU are NOT your Disabilities. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:24:20 AM | I think disability matters a lot to most women. I say this b/c I've had a respiratory disability from a chemical exposure for seventeen years, and in that time, I've had several women who have expressed real interest and wanted to pursue things, but when they find out that my respiratory problem is more than mild asthma, they drop me like a hot potato. Most people's profile says they are looking to someone 'fit'. And from what people say about themselves, you'd think that a large segment of the population is participating in extreme sports on a daily basis. I could get dates if I were willing to be deceptive, but I refuse to do that.
Michael | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:31:56 AM | I'm disabled but it doesn't show so you'll never know about it unless I care to share.
When I hear "I have this wrong" and "I have that wrong" I run.
I'd rather hear ....
"I have a disability that I control and will maintain through out my life. My
condition is________. How do you feel about it? and are you free Saturday
Night?
My disabled perspective,
Skunxster | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 7:03:20 AM | | ever since i've seen two mentally ill people join together in matrimony, living and working together conductively as members of society ... i always remind myself there is ALWAYS someone out there for each one of us | |
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| i have muscle waisting disability called DMD
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:18:01 AM | | dmd makes ur muscle waist over time i used to walk till i were 10 now i use wheelchair 24 7 except sleeping. it does shorten lifes 3 friends died at 20 yrs im twenty five but well. finding it hard to meet a woman. been single for two years. iv had gf in past but she cheated on me. was disability the issue maybe. maybe not. would anyone date me? | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:19:20 AM |
You've seen two mentally ill people married and it brought you to the conclusion that there is ALWAYS someone for everyone?
wow
ever since i've seen two mentally ill people join together in matrimony, living and working together conductively as members of society ... i always remind myself there is ALWAYS someone out there for each one of us | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:12:03 AM | Hello OP.
Physical disabilities? No problem,.. i can, and have dated people with mild to severe physical diabilities.
mental health issues? A cautious yes, to that too.
It all depends on the condition, and the sverity.
Tourettes syndrome.. fine, no worries, i could easily adapt to that. ADHD and OCD,.. i've had experience of both,.. in one case, quite severe,.. and I know i can adapt to that too.
Rage disorder...now this is the one that makes me a little cautious,..but, you know what David? if I met you, and fell in love with you,.. and providing I knew how bad things could be in a worse case scenario,.. and how you are on a day to dat basis, for a while,.. then.. i would adapt to this too.
i'm not one for tossing people onto a scrap heap, just because they have some issues, or problems, or conditions.. no one is perfect,.. God, I know I'm not,.. so yes,.. a person in their entirety is more important than one thing about them. All in all, if I loved you,.. I'd be happy to accept all of you.
Miss Eyre. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:19:51 PM | | In total honesty, David, you have to find a woman who loves you for who you are: a patient human being who knows she can handle this and completely understands her limits and your limits as well: It is going to be a rare find. For your welfare I hope neither you nor her wants children: the genetic component could be a big worry to a woman wishing to have children for sure. Do no perpetrate the suffering of the innocents ( this is just my personal advice from my own experience and perspective, of course, not a judgment). You have the most courage in so openly discuss your disability and I admire this: you are a way ahead of those who are unaware of the implications. Everyone should be honest to himself first. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:23:54 PM | First of all, let me say that I'm a person with disabilities. *Not* a disabled person. There's a huge difference, IMO.
I've dated women who didn't blink an eye when they met me, while others ran for the hills when they found out my situation (before even meeting). I don't necessarily wear my heart (or disability) on my sleeve, nor do I go out of my way to hide it. It's there, it's part of who I am...but it's not in any way, shape or form, representative of the "whole" me.
Do I have a preference about whether I date women with disabilities or not? No, not really. Not at all, actually. I look past whatever's on the the surface, as I would hope others would when considering me as a potential date.
So, is it a dealbreaker for me? Not at all. Was it a dealbreaker for some women whom I was interested in? Apparently. That's fine for them.
For those ladies who knew of my disabilities and went out with me anyway: thank you. I got to know a little bit about you, which enriched my life.
For those ladies who counted me out after learning of my situation: thank you, too. Without realizing it, you've helped me appreciate those who did give me a chance that much more. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:32:17 PM | David, I think most people would be able to look past that, especially if they take a little bit of time to get to know you. :)
That would be so nice if it was true. But unfortunately people judge and judge immediately as soon as they see something that is not that ussual, no matter what the flaw, they look down upon the person as being inferior and not important and undignified because of some flaw, physical or otherwise.
I wish I can say people don't judge like that, but we even see this kind of judging on the forums here, people are quick to condemn something that they see as different or unappealing or not giving an instant "spark".
It's like being trapped in a prison inside your own mind when people don't take the time to get to know and don't even attempt to help you out somehow. Unfortunately many people can be selfish and they forget about others if there is nothing in it for them or if they don't "appeal" to them....which is very sad. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:33:18 AM | I have no problem with a disability depending on the disability itself. I recently met someone who was going through chemo for leukemia and had Asperger's and OCD. It fell apart, but not because of his health problems.
Tourette's I can handle (my brother has it), and the OCD.... but not the rage disorder. I was with someone who flew into a rage over just about anything and everything and I wouldn't be able to walk on eggshells again.... wondering if/when he was going to get out of control.
It's like being trapped in a prison inside your own mind when people don't take the time to get to know and don't even attempt to help you out somehow. Unfortunately many people can be selfish and they forget about others if there is nothing in it for them or if they don't "appeal" to them....which is very sad.
I have spent so much of my life putting my needs and wants on hold for other people that it's about time that I live for myself. It's unfair to consider people selfish or shallow because they choose to live the only life they have trying to be happy instead of trying to please everyone else. Not to say that I would run if something happened to the man in my life... but to get into a situation where I know it would be detrimental to me in too many ways? No thanks. | |
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| Is a Disability a Dealbreaker?
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:56:35 AM |
I have spent so much of my life putting my needs and wants on hold for other people that it's about time that I live for myself. It's unfair to consider people selfish or shallow because they choose to live the only life they have trying to be happy instead of trying to please everyone else. Not to say that I would run if something happened to the man in my life... but to get into a situation where I know it would be detrimental to me in too many ways? No thanks.
I didn't mean it in such a way as to neglect ones own freedom and responsibilities and happiness. I was saying that there are people out there that really just need to be listened to and be given a chance and not be immediately rejected over something that may be silly ir trivial. Ev eryone has the right to be happy, and to feel accepted. So it is good to consider others in that regard also. That is what I meant by my comments. | |
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