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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:12:50 PM | | Call me selfish or a snob, but I would NEVER in a million years share the one I'm with and profess to love. For some that seems to be fine, and for them that enjoy the swinging life style great, cool. But I am not one to share my S.O. with anyone under ANY circumstances. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:43:23 PM | | I would prefer not to have sex outside the relationship. If I'm in an exclusive, loving, relationship then sex should be kept private. I understand that some people in the world enjoy being watched or swap sexual partners. But I wouldn't want to share my lady with anyone else, even if it was just to be viewed. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:43:42 PM | First Of all.To the Direct question..I would never share my man.. Period. nor would he ever share me..If and when, I have a man and this ever came up..He wouldn't be my man.
Now I am also going to pick this apart. Since as a professional in the mental health field.I am appalled by what, I have read in your post OP.. I want to make clear I am not attacking you..I am attacking the words here..
My daughter is 23 and her boyfriend is 44 im cool with that. What worries me is that he takes her to swingers parties. She said they dont touch anyone else but they liked to be watched having sex
As hard as this is to say None of your business doesn't matter if you are cool with this or not.. She is 23. Your job as being a parent is over now is the friendship and guidence kicks in.
He also gives her extacy sometimes and she s getting grumpy with my 4yr old grandson.Ive expressed my feelings to her but she stopped talking to me for months and i didnt get to see my grandson so i made up and reluctantly appoligeised
By apologizing You are enabling this behavior and there is an innocent child at stake..
IMO.This should be reported and the child taken Care of Period.She is a so called an adult.. She doesn't need protecting the child does.This child emotional well being is at stake at the very least.
I can only say what I would do if this was my daughter...
Really bluntly I don't care who and what you F*ck..Because I can't do anything about it.
But you have a child,that child didn't ask to be born. If you want to play with drugs and sex games. Then give up your child. period....
I couldn't not condone or enable this conduct in any way shape or form.. I would not be able to sleep at nite. Knowing by me doing nothing, Iam also responsible for the child be put in danger...
Well this is my rant | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:52:38 PM | Yeap I totally agree with you on this Sassysky1! The child of the mother doing all this stuff is the one in danger. Until she can come to grips with the fact that she may just be causing her son mental problems down the road, she should allow her child to stay with the grandparents.
Take it from someone who's gone through something like that. It's not easy to over come childhood problems caused by a parent's enablity to do the right thing for said child.
I don't have any answers for the OP, except to focus on the child and help it out of that situation until the mother can get a better grip on her own life. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:01:49 PM | Scorpiomover is right - this seems to be an example of the Worst Case Scenario as far as an older man with a younger woman.
I'm not opposed to exhibitionism, but the drug part worries me a lot.
It sounds like he doesn't love her at all, she's just a sex toy.
Be careful what you say, though, because as you noted you could conceivably drive him toward the guy instead of away from him. You could always try to figure out a way to get him in trouble, but then you risk getting your daughter in trouble too. Sassy's right as well, you need to get the kid out of there even if you have to get Protective Services involved.
Tricky and bad situation WoS, I feel for you. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 10:12:42 PM | In short. That's freaky. I would never in any way shape or form share a woman I loved. I do understand your dilema however. As a grandparent you are in a position of trying to maintain contact with the child while his s*** for brains mother acts like an idiot.
I hope it works out. I don't know what you can do but try to be there for the child. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:43:01 PM | what are any of us worth?
we decide by how we live
respect and consideration cannot grow if we devalue our own worth
If nothing exists but chasing pleasure then how much smarter than a dog chasing cars
are you?
what is the gift of your body worth? Maybe yours is cheap, worth nothing
we'll take your word for it..... | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:13:00 AM | Your profile says you're a 'dancer'........I'm assuming that you're not exactly a member of the Russian Ballet, touring the world performing 'Swan Lake'???
Look....far be it from me....but why the sudden stroke of 'morality' here?? So nobody jumps my chit, I certainly don't condemn your profession.....but I have to ask you something - Did you really think your daughter was NOT going to see this type of man AND activity as anything LESS than acceptable based on what she's probably been exposed to most of her life by her own mother, if her mother's been riding 'the pole' all her life???? Do you not get this?? You're CONCERNED now?? Why weren't you concerned before when actually RAISING her?? This is not a 'judgement'......this is more of 'what else could you have possibly expected?'.......................... | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:20:50 AM |
My daughter is 23 and her boyfriend is 44 im cool with that.
Then you are an idiot. This jerk has your daughter in a totally inequitable relationship. What could a 44-year-old man possibly have in common with a 23-year-old girl?
What worries me is that he takes her to swingers parties.
The bloke obviously is treating her like a piece of meat and she has serious self-esteem issues if she goes along with it.
Guys be truthfull is there a chance he trully loves her.
Not a chance in the world.
And, as I said, you are an idiot for being 'okay' with this relationship in the first instance.
Your profile says you use drugs socially, so you can hardly have been the best role model in the world, and I'm guessing the circles you've moved in and exposed her to might have contributed to your daughter's questionable choice of boyfiend. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:48:27 AM | The words that resonated for me were "my grandson begs to stay with me and my daughter asks if he can stay as well". For the time your daughter is so caught up in this lifestyle she can't see straight.
I would talk to your daughter and in the nicest way tell her you are willing to take your only grandchild into your home and look after him until she feels she's better able to handle the responsibility.
All the rest of the post screams lack of self esteem and for that she needs professional help. Until she gets that help, there will always be another guy just waiting in wings ready to use and abuse her. If this is all she wants from her life, that is sad and all you can do is let her know that you love her and hope that she starts to see her self worth and soon because you and her son are waiting for the "real" her to come out of her destructive shell.
This man does not love her, and after exposing her to all of this I seriously doubt he's going to start loving her anytime soon. Theres always fresh meat with no self worth, or self esteem, laying in the wings waiting for some jerk to tell them they're pretty. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:06:46 AM | is this guy on some kind of ego trip?
the age thing isnt realy a worry, but who is into voyerism, him or her? has he talked her into it?
if i was with a woman i loved, i sure as hell wouldnt want to have it ope for others to see, and as for the drugs, hell what is he doing, its not like a joint or two, its some crap ya never know whats in it, he gives her this $hit and than says he says he loves her, the hell he does. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 5:30:55 AM | The age difference thing is one of those subjects where it can go either way. Like all things with relationships, this is one of those catagories that can be fine or bad. It all depends on the persons involved and why they are actualy in the relationship.
Going to a swingers club so people can view them having sex, but they dont actualy let others touch. This is one of those things where if done in a strong relationship where thats what both participants want should be fine.
But, wit her being so much younger than he, i keep getting mental images of someone showing of a toy at a park that everyone wants to play with and cant beleive this person has it, but he wont share because he wants to be the only one with it.
Extacy... Well, iligal, yeh, but shes 23 and should be able to make her own choices.
Question is, whos idea was it to use extacy? Who is supplying it to who?
2 consenting adults participating in adult activities - fine.
Living like a junkie sex fiend while you have a child that still needs you - Not fine.
Regardless of what your choice of action to take here is, be prepared for the consequinces. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:17:12 AM | Anything but respecting her choices would be interfering, an attempt to "rescue" and dissempower her, unless her life is at risk, which it doesn't sound like at all.
She's doing extacy and has a 4 year old...you don't think this drug, with it's high percentage of life threatening ingredients, poses a risk to her life and also, to her son? Wow!
Ain't a chance in hell I'd go along for the ride if this were happening to my child. True, the daughter has retaliated in the past, and to take action could lead to even more volatile reactions, but I'd have to decide which is most important: keeping the peace so I can see my grandchild, or taking a stand so there's no risk that I lose my daughter permanently. It'd be a really easy decision.
To the OP: you're gonna get answers of yay and nay because everyone has their own opinion on this, and none of us count. You'll have to do the right thing for you as well as your daughter and grandson, as she's clearly gone over the edge. She a mother, and her life stopped being solely about her 4 years ago. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:15:37 AM | This is NOT love! At best, it is a pathetic excuse for love.! Period!
You do not endanger the one you profess to love, by giving them drugs that can/will cause serious harm! Yes, they are both "adults?", but apparently not able to function like adults!
your reason for making up with her was selfish, at best. You allowed her to control you by using the child against you. This makes you "ineffective".
what they do with their sex lives, is their business, but I know I wouldn't be sharing! I am a one woman man. However, that's not what everyone else likes.
I would definitely report this to the proper people. That child's welfare is all that matters here. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:34:29 AM | In my humble opinion, he loves HAVING her....he's not in love with her. Hence the need to display it in public.
And as far as the extacy goes....she's 23, are you sure she wasn't doing it before meeting him?
Or maybe she takes it to remove her inhibitions about having sex in public, who knows.
But unless he's drugging her without her knowledge or consent, she's to blame for her decisions.
In any case, just get some info on the permanent damages extasy does, and it's side effects, and share this with her. | |
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| If you loved her would you share her sexually
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:05:04 PM | I would say great parenting job. 
Is this guy she's with involved in the porn world to?
Wow! I hate being judgmental, but a situation like this one can only point to her upbringing and where it might have gone all wrong.
No offense miss. | |
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