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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/28/2007 1:20:08 AM | Intimacy and Sex are two completely different things. Sex is something you 'do' Intimacy involves feelings.
I'm sorry if I don't find "do you like your hair pulled?" to be a question worth answering when someone randomly IMs me or randomly messages me.
I don't mind discussing sex, but I'm not going to humor you and answer your silly questions so you can get a hardon. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:24:56 AM | i am with sassyred on this one
some of what you guys lead off with because you are on a chat box, is incredible. sure we all can be a bit more at ease behind a keyboard, but thats taking things way to far. these guys" jump out of the gate swinging their peni$' " and afterward wonder what got her so offended. some of you say $hit to us in email etc that you would never have the nerve to do in public. but show em a little clevage and they think you are slut. at the very least, its a weeding out process. but to the op,, maybe its not her, and more likely its how you and when you and how much of the conversation is geared to sexual matters. ya gotta ask yourself what part in this did you play? | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:52:10 AM | Well I for one never discuss sex with someone Im plannin to meet.
I wouldnt say Im uptight dicussing it in the flesh in the right situation or its a joke with good timing is fine but not on the net.
I was once chatting to what seemed a lovely guy on here. We got on well, chatted on phone and agreed we'd meet up sooner rather than later co we could keep it real rathertan developing net feelings and it becoming silly.
So the date was set and I was nervous anyway. Next minute all sex chat started gettin bandied about. the night before we were set to meet he asked me if I shaved and if so could I not as it caused him 'problems' lol He later said it wa joke but I slammed the door anyway.
I realised he was almost manipulating my mind and when he said these things as considering them!
In the end I told him straight. I feel like your a paedo and Im being groomed and thats the only description I can give for you to see how I felt at the time.
A sex joke can be funny. A rude comment, if your both joky people is fine. Sex chat is fine if your hoping to get off on it. However put it across its all your looking for, you take the rough with the smooth and for one am glad to see there are other women on this site with morals other than me lol
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:04:07 AM | i totally aggree ^^^ , all the smutty chat i get from women is so very off putting.
the sexual things they want to do with my body..............!!!
when i get messages from women chatting dirty and wanting to meet me for lustfull sex , it really puts me off.
when women message me 10 times everyday wanting to do camming and dirty chat and wanting to meet me so i can ravish them it just gets a little boring after a while.
most women it seems are total perverts.
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:40:46 PM | I personally don't mind having conversations about sex, toys, or anything intimate with men and am happy to share my opinions and outlooks on those topics.
The only thing I don't like is when you start talking to a man and the first thing he asks is what sort of panties I'm wearing. THAT's when I turn off. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:50:09 PM | | i have no problem talking about intimate issues....but it seems any time i get onto that topic with a guy...he for some reason gets the idea that i then wanna have sex with him or something, its like...if i talk about sex at all...things i like or dont or whatever....it automatically gives him the green light to jump my bones.....that is a big reason i get so standoffish about the subject...cuz im tired of not being able to discuss sex without someone thinking i then want sex from them....and then when i turn them down...i become a tease..i mean wht the hell?? either im prude or uptight for not discussing it or a tease if i discuss it without giving into something later.....i dunno... | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:08:09 PM | I have not found exactly the subject of my concern, but it does involve sex. Yes, I have had sex with women I have met from this site. They are so completely different in their approach that I was taken completely by surprise. They are all good friends in any case and if we have sex again or not, I'm OK with it.
The thing that chaps my ass is the group of women (some naked or nearly naked and very sexual in their visual message) all put up the filters: Not looking for an intimate encounter or Not looking for those who have contacted someone for sex. What a bunch of bullcrap. I can safely say that men more often say what they mean and mean what they say. I think these women should change their pictures and/or profile and make them match their intent.  | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:04:11 PM | Ok....first off, I noticed something odd...maybe just me here....but the OP didn't say this was something brought up on first dates, or after marriage. Just that he's noticed that women seem uptight about having adult conversation about anything more sexually intimate than kissing....they sort of shut down. In reading the post, I took it he meant after one was in a relationship because :
<div class="quote">...but isn't 'Intimacy' a part of creating a strong, lasting relationship?...
Now, if anyone here has read anything I've posted before, you'd know I'm prolly considered one of the most "old fashioned" and outdated people in POF. Still, when it comes to talking about such topics, in a forum, or with friends, or even with an SO, for some reason it has never bothered me as long as the discussion stayed general. I guess outmind sort of explained what I mean as far as the term "general" goes. If someone were to just come up and ask me if I was into ???????? , I'd most likely tell 'em it was none of their business, lol. But if a discussion started, and something came up in the conversation that turned it toward a sexual topic, or if someone just plain asked me, what do you think about this...and gave me their views and wanted a response as to my views....no problem.
Another thing I noticed in the posts, and maybe it's just the way I took the posts, but it seems that several gave their answers to how they react and whatnot, then mention was made of sexual expectation afterward...? Just because I talk about sex...in a discussion with whoever....doesn't mean I wanna "do" them, or am even thinking along those lines. To me it's just the topic at hand when discussing it...no more , no less. It never crossed my mind until reading these posts that people having a discussion about sex (likes, dislikes, and whatnot) might think it would mean I'd wanna sleep with them! And no, I don't have to want that in order to talk about a sexual topic, lol, just for the record. If I talked about cooking, would ya think I was doing so just cuz I was hungry? Geez!
Yeah, there are times when I'm "uptight" about certain things (most likely that is other people's opinions of me, but not in my own). I don't think and react like alot of the women of today do, but that's because I was raised in and by what most consider an "outdated" religious/moral set of ethics. Still, it doesn't mean I am that "staid" about everything. This just happens to be one of those "things" I don't mind talking about, if it's just for the sake of discussion.
Some of the women brought up how people will ask something of a personal sexual nature when using IM's., usually right after asking "how are ya?" , so to speak. To me, that is just some sleaze trying to get off, and I don't find that in the least appealing. In fact, that's probably the fastest way to get me to block a person. They aren't trying for a discussion and it's pretty obvious. There are sites for that sort of thing and they need to go there if that's what they are into. JMO | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:22:04 AM | | I'm very uptight with a lot of things now. But thats because of my past and I have no tolerance for stupidity anymore. Sex is totally off topic along with many other things that are of topic. I always block guys who talk about sex. There perverts and need to go on AFF. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:46:58 AM | Victorian attitude? (Guilt, shame, embarrassment for a multitude of reasons).
Put off due to lack of propriety? (Time, place and circumstance violation).
Bait and switch? (It's all about the game).
You figure it out.
My guess is that you want to know why more of the women approached online won't satisfy a curiosity by engaging in such intimately personal conversation with a stranger or accommodate a desire to participate in cyber sex.
Those who are physically intimate should talk about it, especially issues of concern(birth control and STD's) prior to becoming intimate otherwise, in my mind, have no business enagaing in sexual acts. An adult act which can yield adult prizes requires an adult attitude. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:18:42 AM | I don't understand why the hell anyone would even want to talk about sex with someone they have any hope of meeting? Why would you want to go and bring that whole issue into the light, rather than leaving it in the sweaty, groaning darkness where it belongs.
Do you really have so little to talk about that you have to get onto sex as a subject? I'm not saying that it should be taboo as a topic, especially in the abstract generalised kind of way. Human sexuality as a subject is really quite interesting. And frankly funny. But certainly shouldn't be something you jump to as a chat starter. And "So, do you do anal?" is not an abstract discussion.
Sexual intimacy isn't something you can force into a conversation. It's something you build through a rather pleasantly escalating series of physical stages.
Seeing -> talking -> touching (a hand, etc) -> hugging -> kissing -> REALLY kissing -> groping -> sex -> loving -> yelling -> fighting -> crying -> leaving
Ahhhh, l'amore | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:10:55 AM | | I'm not sure if this is the exactly the page I'm looking for, but I'm a nice guy who has ventured into the "Intimacy ZONE." Because I was curious about those looking for "intimate encounter," I am now banned from even mailing certain people who claim not to want that kind of contact. I really would not have a problem with this EXCEPT, there are numerous women with several sexual pictures on their profile that makes them prick teases! Hey, I love sex, but I was brought up right to respect women and make it their ultimate decision. I can have a good time with someone without sex, but it chaps my ass that some ladies imply one thing and mean another. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:41:47 AM | I'm far from uptight about talking about sexual issues, but since I'm looking for a serious relationship, it's not something I talk about right away.
Many people who appear open about their sexuality in writing are not always the same in person. Plus the mixture of two personalities does not always guarantee they will be comfortable with each other in person.
It's been my experience that guys that write emails like "I love kissing, I love cuddling" tend not to mesh well with me. I'm more of a "brain" person and I need to see some interest in me as a person rather than hearing about kissing and how cute or beautiful I am. A compliment given once someone knows you is of much more importance and carries more weight - at least in my eyes.
I have another friend on here and we both agree that it's somewhat smarmy when guys spout off with the kissing and cuddling. It's somewhat off-putting.
That's just how I feel. The people that don't feel that way should be dating those that feel the same. Makes sense? No?
Do you really have so little to talk about that you have to get onto sex as a subject? I'm not saying that it should be taboo as a topic, especially in the abstract generalised kind of way. Human sexuality as a subject is really quite interesting. And frankly funny. But certainly shouldn't be something you jump to as a chat starter. And "So, do you do anal?" is not an abstract discussion.
Sexual intimacy isn't something you can force into a conversation. It's something you build through a rather pleasantly escalating series of physical stages.
Exactly!! Very well put. I guess if someone has that little to talk about, then they are not really for me in the first place. I've got enough stuff on my profile to spark a conversation. I'm sure that not one of my recent contacts knows what plyomax is, yet some feel it necessary to ask me if I want to MSN....blarg.
Men are visual sexual creatures, and most times appearance is what attracts first and there is nothing wrong with that, however that's not ALL a man is made up of. I find nothing wrong with a guy who wants an intimate encounter, go ahead but I'm not interested. It has also been proven that men on here will contact women who are looking for sex, but indicate talk/email so that others can contact them and these are men who are looking for long term. There will be those types everywhere you go!
Having racy photos gets both the good guys and the bad guys. Good guys get turned on by a racy photo too. Is that so hard to understand about humans? We are sexual creatures and our basic need for another includes sex!
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:31:09 AM | | I have no idea why women don't like to talk about intimate issues. But then again, I am not most women and find I would rather know if we are compatible before ending up making a mistake. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:41:25 AM | Most men seem to bring it up within the first 5 messages. I know they're trying to get a feel for how us women react to see if we're easy or not. But their desperation turns me off. So I leave them for the women who are just like them.
Even if I do joke around with the ones who don't seem so needy, if we meet even 2 or 3 weeks after talking to each other, I'm expected to drop to my knees because he sent a few messages on his favorite subject?!
Guys try so little to impress us, and expect so much for it!
Although there are some good men who wait say 20 messages, I like those guys!
Its not so much about talking about intimate issues, but a guy who messages "Do you enjoy anal?" or "want to be the 3rd in my threesome?" as the first message??? was anyone who got that supposed to be So flattered they dropped what they were doing to meet them?
Some women may seem a prude when they don't get involved with sex after a long while, but its sad to see there are some men that call women prudes if we don't want to have sex with them on the first date. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:20:02 AM | I think most women are somewhat guarded about messaging with men who immediately begin with asking such things as, "Are you sexually open and uninhibited?" Despite the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s, it all comes down to one fact: women are the ones who can and do become pregnant. Raising a child is a long-term commitment and a woman and man have to be ready for that child to come. They have to be willing and ready to put a large investment of quality time into raising the child. I am a mother of an adult son and raising my son took a lot of quality time, hard work, patience, sacrifices, money, love and devotion. Parenting took at least a twenty-year chunk of my life time, however, I was ready and well-prepared for this role. Even in their twenties and thirties, children still turn to their parents for advice, guidance and help in raising and caring for their own children. My parents had always been on hand to give that advice, guidance and care. My parents were strong role models and my mother said, I should do what I want in life and achieve any goals I had to add to my development before becoming a mother.
I went to university and I had a certain number of elective courses I could choose from to fill in my credit requirements along with my mandatory program courses. I took one psychology course and one sociology course and discovered that what you learn in the first six years of life is critically important because in those first six years, you learn involuntarily, things such as language and family life skills. No one can remember consciously learning those things. Children, at this formative age, learn by mimicking the adults in their life. What you want your children to become, you must first become. If you want them to handle pets gently, you have to set this example and explain, "Touch Belle nicely," and demonstrate with an example. It was formerly thought that young children do not understand cause and effect, but now it is known that they do understand it, from a very early age. When my child was a toddler, he would only pet our cat Belle very gently because I took time to explain it. When my son was six, if he met new people, he would extend his hand and say, "I'm very pleased to meet you." You have to teach your children how to be gentle and gracious. That takes time, quality time. It is challenge enough to give this kind of training with two parents in the home. It's an even greater challenge for single parents as they have less time available.
Most women are the ones who spend the most time with raising their children because, by nature, children as newborns and babies are more closely oriented to the mother who begins with nursing the child in her arms. So, for at least the first year of life, the mother
must put in this time of regular feedings being very close to the child. It is a time of great patience for the mother. So, to make optimum use of this time the mother will usually multi-task and speak to the baby as it nurses. The mother will start by teaching the baby that it is loved and adored and that the child can trust her. These are enormously important things for babies to learn, how to bond with another human. It sets the stage for further learning.
If you are a single mother with no one to help you raise a child, you are less likely to have the time to invest in patiently training your child. I know that there are teen mothers out there who were not taught as infants that they are loved and adored and when the first teen-aged male came along to show them any sort of affection, they were so starved for love and bonding, they engaged in sex and became pregnant before they could gain enough self-development to give of that development to an infant. I know that there are children where the only input their father gives them is a small child support cheque each month from his very modest wages. He is otherwise absent. Children need the influence of two committed parents who love and adore them in order to develop.
You do see these profiles from males at this site who want sex right away, no strings attached, no long-term commitments, don't want children, and basically, they don't appreciate being informed that women are wired differently. Women will generally want
a relationship to progress more slowly. These men will be the first to tell you that they believe women want a fairy-tale romance and that this is just not in tune with reality in this day and age. They'll write things like they are looking an "independent woman" (who can shift for herself when they *move on* to the next subject.) There's your red flag. The reality is that men don't get pregnant and women do. They will say they just want to have "fun" first and then see where it goes. They want to feel the hormonal rush right at the first "hello," and they call this "chemistry." The hormonal rush is a brain stem function which you don't really have to even think about. You can smell their chemistry and hear their machinery and that's supposed to be the all-important indicator for them. So long as this remains their terms, there will continue to be a barrier
between men and women that can't be bridged. The women, being the more vulnerable to hardships if they become pregnant, and will continue to be guarded about easy familiarity, if they are smart women. You have to think of the needs of these so-called love-children too. The women who are guarded about engaging in sex, to my reasoning, are the ones who are being most realistic. They are the ones whose mother has been very honest with them and have told them that raising a child requires a large investment of time, patience, love and money. It is not the stuff of fairy tales. It is lot of quality work, so be prepared for it and find a man who will willingly be there in the mother and child's life for the long term. And by the way, the woman's age means nothing and is no guarantee of anything. Some women in their 50s can still become pregnant.
Thanks for reading out,
Laurissa | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:31:47 AM |
I went to university and I had a certain number of elective courses I could choose from to fill in my credit requirements along with my mandatory program courses. I took one psychology course and one sociology course and discovered that what you learn in the first six years of life is critically important because in those first six years, you learn involuntarily, things such as language and family life skills. No one can remember consciously learning those things. Children, at this formative age, learn by mimicking the adults in their life. What you want your children to become, you must first become.
The answer to most of our behaviours and what I say in most of these forums. Kinda hard to change something you learn in the first 8 years of your life. Once puberty begins, it gets harder. I'm not saying one can't change, but I don't see alot of that happening - and the forums are proof of that. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:17:19 AM | | I couldn,t disagree with you more on the subject of talking to woman on this site,i can honestly say most of the woman i have talked to,came back for more chat ,so possible there is somthing up with your topics | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 10/4/2009 1:18:55 AM | | Because some of them are to afraid of how they'll be labeled afterwards. It would be nice if they can just let their imaginations run wild,instead of worrying about what others think. | |
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| Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 10/4/2009 1:48:15 AM |
Why are women so uptight about having an adult conversation about Intimate topics ??
Granted . . It's not the Only thing a guy needs to discuss . . but, when anything beyond
Kissing is brought up . . most Ladies tend to *SLAM* the door . . !
_Most_ of us are 'Adults' here . . but isn't 'Intimacy' a part of creating a strong, lasting relationship . . ??
There is a time and a place for intimacy, and each individual has a different pace to which they reach that comfort zone. If you "go there" too soon, it can throw up a red flag. I wouldn't say most women are uptight about it, I would say it's more a matter of being cautious. | |
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