| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:37:15 AM | OP: I'm almost right there with you. While, from what you said, it seems impossible for a relationship to work out for you, for me it's worse, it seems impossible for me to even get into a relationship. Personally, I've given up the search, that's not to say that if a good relationship found me that I would reject it but I'm not holding my breath, and for the most part I'm content with being single. About the only part of a relationship that I really miss is the physical closeness. I don't mean like sex, just the being near someone, the cuddling, that sort of thing.
For those who automatically jump to the "get help" line of thinking, not everyone can afford this help you think should be gotten. Unless you are willing to pay for it... but even then, there's always the chance that the money would be wasted. No, I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic. | |
|
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:55:00 AM | | At times in the past I have felt as though I was not meant to be in a serious relationship. Not because any relationships that I've had in the past were bad , or because of some kind of insecurity , or problems with my self confidence. My proffession seems to keep me sort of distant from people. Its hard for me to become close to someone because of what I do for a living. I'm not afraid to disscuss what I do , but I tend to back away from any specific details for privacy reasons , and to protect others who I might disscuss my proffession with. I've actually met some really nice women in the past , but they ran for the hills when they found out more about what I actually do. So yes....at times I have felt that I am not meant to be in a relationship. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 1:07:19 PM | Ha! Pretty good one ItsMargo. But the answer is neither. I'm a Clinical Psychologist.
Specialize in the Scientific Method , focus on Social and Abnormal Psychology. Just as bad as an assassin or mortician though right. Ha! | |
|
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:18:07 PM | """"I've had a few successes along with a few failures, it's more that I'm finding it more and more difficult to compromise when I do meet someone new. Things I would have overlooked as inconsequential 20 years ago, become sources of irritation now... and I'm more apt to say so today, than I was 20 years ago.""""
Excellent question OP and bluezz had an interesting perspective. however, I think we need to do the opposite of what Bluezz experiences. As we get older, we should be BETTER able to handle other peoples differences or quirks. I don't mean character flaws, but let say they don't want ice in their soda, or don't like coffeee, or have to sleep on the right side of the bed, or leave their shoes by the sofa....Or, more extreme, they are night owls and you are morning person, or they wan't to fix up old houses and you want a brand new one....THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? Maybe you each keep a separate household. NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO DATE AND MOVE IN TOGETHER in 3 months.....thats for sure, but it is expensive.
Thats for them, but if its us? If we are the one with the quirks and flaws and attitude or aspirations that most don't share (like keeping a rattlesnake collection, or letting all the unemployed relatives move in rent free). Yes, some people need to recognize that "we" may not have all the qualities for LTR or live in or marriage. that goes double if our problem is thinking the other person has the problems. In this case ladies, I recommend you have more casual sex more often especially in Olympia
 | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:40:57 PM |
Do you think that some people just aren't GOOD at relationships, and maybe just should forget about it
Maybe they just aren't good at the relationship dynamic that we are socially programmed to engage in. Maybe those people would work much better in different kinds of relationships. For example, it isn't uncommon in some places for a married couple to keep their own residences. Our "problem" is that we place so much stock in this prefab relationship model that if you don't conform to it or aren't good at it or don't attain that specific model then there is something "wrong" with you. That's a load of hooey. Maybe such people need a "looser" relationship model and find they can function quite well if they don't have someone in their life 24x7x365. | |
|
sar_86
|
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:05:51 PM | | I don't believe there are people who aren't meant to be in relationships. I think some people are just not ready for a relationship, or they are looking for the wrong qualityies in people. If you are having trouble with relationships, you need to take some time and figure what when wrong in the relationship. If you tend to be the cause of the relationship ending, maybe you're not ready for a commitment. If your significant other always seems to be causing the relationship you are probably looking for the wrong type of person, and need to re-evaluate the qualities in a person that you look for. | |
|
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:52:51 PM | | Consider someone with severe mental health problems. Attempting a relationship and failing can easily worsen the health problem, not to mention the likelihood of any kind of success is much lower. I think these people need to be in a minimum positive state of mind before they can consider an attempt, otherwise it may cause them a lot of harm. | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:28:17 AM |
stop looking for people to love you and look for people to love.
I used to think that... am still trying to get out from under the peeping tom and stalking charges.
No, really, I just wanted to point out that there's a whole class of people who will never be in a relationship: men who don't hit on women for dates.
Leaving aside the fact that hitting women is wrong, by default they're not MEANT to be in relationships because of women's rules regarding 'ask out'. As Gloria Steinem put it, "romance itself serves a larger political purpose by offering at least a temporary reward for gender roles and threatening rebels with loneliness and [de facto] rejection." | |
|
| |
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:54:05 PM | I can't believe there isn't someone that is not similar to me. I know I am not that unique, weird or special that I can't find another male on the planet that wants what I do.
So No is my answer. Finding them is a different story it seems. But I always remember that one of our greatest historic leaders, Jesus Christ, was not partnered and did not feel a need to have a partner. So if its good enough for Him, I can live with it.
I don't claim to be religious, but I never met Hitler or Napoleon either, just read about it. :) | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/20/2007 10:57:00 PM | There's someone for everyone. There's no need to give up. If all your relationships has been unsatisfactory, then you need to use a different criteria to pick the next partner.
Something that I found very helpful is the Myers-Briggs personality test. (Google it) It will help you clarify what your needs are. | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:01:50 PM | | My best friend just got divorced. His wife, who is still a close friend of mine, is amazing. She's beautiful, funny, smart, outgoing, independent, woudl let him do what he pleased and when, supportive, and successful. But he just isn't able to keep his eye on one woman. He'd tell me over and over that she was the one and only for him and that he was so lucky to have met her and how he woudlnt' be able to live without her even if she said she could never have sex again. But every pair of breasts with legs that walked by he'd turn and follow the scent. And he was trying to pick up every girl we'd encounter. It was bad when we'd go out bc it was like trying to walk a retarded dog on an icy boardwalk. And his judgement, as usual, was sooooo impaired. I told him after his wife left him that he is better off where he is now bc he can be who he wants to be and not have to worry about hurting a significant other until he figures out just what he wants in life. So yes, I do believe some aren't meant to be in relationships. | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:13:20 PM | RE: First post.
Well yes and no. I dont think I'm bad at relationships. I think I do them very well in fact. However I dont like dating in and of itself. It seems ridiculous to me. Take Person A and put them with Person B and make them act a certain way, enforce mostly tacit rules upon them and then close your eyes and hope that it doenst cause a complete meltdown. What a joke. I dont want to be with a woman and have "act like a bf" or a certain way. Nor do I want to her to. I dont want her "bringing me chicken noodle soup when Im sick." I dont want to do anything in a womans magazine. I mean... its all just so scripted. Why cant I be myself, and she be herself and just go with the flow. Boo dating forever. I could rant about this for like... 5 pages, but I'll stop here. | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:37:05 PM |
As we get older, we should be BETTER able to handle other peoples differences or quirks. I don't mean character flaws, but let say they don't want ice in their soda, or don't like coffeee, or have to sleep on the right side of the bed, or leave their shoes by the sofa....Or, more extreme, they are night owls and you are morning person, or they wan't to fix up old houses and you want a brand new one....THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? Maybe you each keep a separate household. NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO DATE AND MOVE IN TOGETHER in 3 months.....thats for sure, but it is expensive.
They aren't the people who shouldn't have relationships. They are the ones who need to find partners who like the things they do. People who have so many issues that they build a wall around their heart are the ones who shouldn't be in relationships. To me, one of the minimum requirements of being in a serious relationship is the ability to open up to love and be loved. If you can't do that, you can never have a good serious relationship. | |
|
Mulva
|
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 73 | |
| |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:22:41 PM | Hi, I'm new to the forums. Some really great thoughts.
I think the question is part of the problem. Are we all seeking a relationship? What is a relationship? What is the term/length of it...forever, 1 season?
We also live in constraints that a relationship must mean this and that, and of course you'll move in to my house or I yours and change things just a bit, etc...
Wow..where did this idea of taking over the persons space and life come from? I'd much rather have someone I enjoy time with, value to be with but then also part our ways. It seems that distance can be the best thing for a relationship and familiarity breeds contempt.
In this day of instant everything, leaving time and space can build an environment that is inviting and welcoming to that special someone. Are we all suffocating each other?
So perhaps not all relationships need to have a house and picket fence, maybe just sharing a lake home in the summer. We are all relational beings, we were made and conceived that way...the difference maybe what type of relationship we choose and if it fits us.
Enjoy the journey.... ~Tim | |
|
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:27:16 PM | I am not concerned if I am in a relationship. Friendship is quite enough, good friends..
People that you are compatible with. I don't want to copy off everybody else by desiring to be in a relationship. I feel that you lose part of yourself, your identity if you try to chase after what everyone else is doing.
 | |
|
Home
login 
